Chapter Text
There were blaring lights and muffled sounds as Kim Roksu came to, his vision blurry as he tried to chase away the fogginess in his mind and make sense of the heaviness in his entire being.
First there was red, and for a moment he thought it was the red of a certain beloved he woke up to every morning, but as his vision cleared he noticed that the red was on the tips of his fingers and that it was dark and wet and wrong, like it was not supposed to be there.
Then he notices the black, of the night and of the steering wheel he was slumped into, of the car he was driving, of the sleeve of the coat he was wearing as he tried to move and feel around and wonder what was going on.
And then it was white. It was the white of the cracked glass of the car windshield, of the white light from the shoulder of the rescuer who was carefuly extricating him from the ruined vehicle, of the ceiling of the ambulance and then of the hospital as his life drained out of him.
Somewhere in between all the colors Roksu found himself answering questions from the paramedics and then later the nurses. They were quite loud, and they were frantic but not panicked, and Roksu recognizes it as that measured and deliberate response of a man experienced with dealing with an emergency.
He should know, being in a line of work that often dealt with emergenicies himself, and as such it was this reason that he was rather... calm.
Kim Roksu knew then that he was dying.
And as a man that don't dwell on things he cannot do, Roksu did what he does best and focused instead on doing things that he can do.
So when Cale arrived, holding his hand and trying to keep him awake, talking to him about a future they were supposed to share, willing him to stay and fight and /live/...
Roksu tried to hold on, just a little longer.
Just until he could tell Cale he loved him.
Cale often forgets he is loved, you see, but he also loved immeasurably. He had loved Roksu's children. He had loved Roksu's past. He had loved Roksu's collection of dragons. He had loved Roksu's scars. He had loved their friends. He had loved their home. He had loved the little moments they spent together, just living life.
He had loved his family, their family, despite them being so dysfunctional and odd and weird.
Cale had loved, despite the heartaches he had been through.
It was one of the things Roksu adored about Cale, and he made it a mission to remind Cale that he too, is loved.
"Cale..."
So, if Roksu is to die, he should ensure that Cale will live without regrets.
“...live... well...”
Roksu tells him, as sincerely as he can manage with the so little words he was allowed to utter with his failing body, and this is his wish.
Roksu has a lot more hopes and dreams he wanted fulfilled, but for a last wish this should encapsulate it nicely. It is his wish for Cale, and it is his wish for his family, for his children, and Roksu knows that Cale will know what he means and share it with all their loved ones.
If Roksu has to leave a will behind, this sincere wish should be good enough.
“No... No! Together! We have to live together! Don’t say that... you can’t leave me! You haven’t even bought me a ring yet! You said you would! Roksu please...”
Cale is crying now, pleading, and Roksu's heart broke at seeing Cale in despair. His beloved knew him so well, knew him enough to know that these will be his finals words, and yet he doesn't give up on willing him to stay.
Roksu can't help but smile.
A ring, huh?
If only Cale knew of a certain box he had stashed in his bookcase.
He should have proposed sooner.
Roksu is not one who likes dwelling in regrets but...
Just a little longer.
Roksu wanted to stay, just a little longer. Just... just a little bit longer.
For a moment Roksu's vision dims and there he sees the entirety of his life flash before his eyes, and Roksu knew, for certain, that he is about to die.
So this is how it feels.
It consoled him though, to realize, that although his past is full of hardship and pain, that his life wasn't entirely all that bleak.
It turns out that he had now more good memories than bad.
That was good to know.
It would be nice to spend more time with his family though.
Haaaa... Roksu really did not want to die.
Warm teardrops fell on Roksu's hands, washing away the blood from his fingertips, dripping between the seams of where Cale's hand held his, and Roksu could feel it, the place where he had intended to place a ring.
In between his dying breath Roksu sees a future. A what could have been. A life with Cale that spans a lifetime, surrounded by loved ones and surrounded by love, and it was beautiful.
He sees a wedding.
Ah, he really should have proposed sooner.
It's time.
“...love... you...”
I love you.
If anything else, Roksu wanted to leave Cale with these words.
Cale should know that to love him was happiness, and Roksu had lived a happy life.
It was Roksu's hope.
Cale often forgets that he is loved, and with this, he hopes that he won't forget, even if Roksu is no longer there to remind him.
So, Cale, live well, and know that you are loved.
It was a joy to love you.
With this, Kim Roksu dies.
Inside a box is a funny looking little clay dragon.
It was a mishapen thing, lumpy and crooked in many places but also distinctly a dragon, with too many spikes but a short stubby tail, glazed in red lacquer that gave it a nice sheen. It spoke of an amateur artist not quite getting the hang of molding clay yet but otherwise enjoying the making process.
It was imperfect and yet so cute, and Roksu loved it for it.
It was one of Roksu's most treasured dragon in his collection.
This dragon was how he met Cale.
They were in an Arts and Crafts Fair and Raon had pointed it out, his drool-laden hand pointing at the funny looking clay dragon on one of the stalls before shoving his fingers back into his mouth.
"Fwanny dwagon!" Is what the then 1 year old in his arms said, and that in turn, is what made Roksu look.
In a small unassuming stall tucked between two bigger ones, displaying his odd collection of clay figurines, sat Cale Henituse.
He was the most beautiful man Roksu has ever seen.
And, well.
Anyone who truly knew Kim Roksu could tell you two things about him:
One, that he loves dragons, and two, that he has a weakness for beautiful things.
So, well, it was only natural.
Roksu hands over Raon to Sherrit and heads over to the small stall with the funny dragon and the beautiful man, with little Dodam trailing behind him.
Cale had raised an eyebrow at him, not expecting anyone to approach his small stall, a series of emotions passing over his face as Roksu perused his wares and settled on holding the funny dragon in his hand.
"They're not for sale." Were Cale's words when Roksu looked like he was about to ask for the price, "I'm not actually selling anything. Everything here is for display only."
Cale then glanced at Dodam, assumed it was the child who wanted to buy, and quickly added,
"If you're buying for the kid though, I can just give it to you... if you want."
"Oh." Was what Roksu said, placing the figurine back on the table, "Too bad then. I was buying for me."
Cale blinked at Roksu.
"Dad loves dragons" Dodam explained, helpfully.
"Is that so?" Cale says, eyeing Roksu who still hasn't let go of the dragon despite placing it back on the table, just awkwardly standing there looking stoic but very clearly distressed at not being able to get the dragon.
"Pfft—"
Roksu looks up at the sound of Cale's barely suppressed laughter. The redhead had looked away with fingers over his lips, very clearly amused but also trying to be polite.
"Don't laugh at dad!" Dodam, in all his childish innocence, pouts at Cale at the percieved slight, ready to fight for his dad at a moment's notice.
Seeing this, Roksu finally lets go of the clay dragon in favor of placing a hand on his son's head.
"The beautiful mister is not laughing at me," Roksu explains, "The situation is just funny."
As he said those words Roksu kept looking at Cale who shot an eyebrow up at the compliment before narrowing his eyes on him, as if asking, "Are you seriously flirting with me? In front of your kid?"
Oblivious and misinterpreting the look as Cale being annoyed, Roksu had decided to thank Cale for his time and leave the stall, only mildly disappointed that he couldn't get the funny dragon figurine.
It was only later when Dodam surprised him with the funny dragon figurine that he learned that his son had returned to that stall, told Cale that his mom and dad are divorced and that when his dad said he was beautiful he meant it, before proceeding to haggle for the dragon even though it was not for sale, that Roksu learned that the beautiful man's name was Cale.
And that is how Kim Roksu came into possession of this dragon, treasured even among his collection.
Standing in this room that held his books and his dragons, Roksu wondered why most of his things were in boxes.