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Kim Minjeong has always been scared of death.
It had been a gradual, stepwise process. Fear builds brick by brick with each pet you have come to love and let go. JikJik had been your latest companion; the dog would follow you on errands, and for some time, your days seemed all the brighter. But years passed, and one day you realized that JikJik walked ahead of you, and you were lagging behind. He stayed upfront, till suddenly he dropped, and you trudged back home with JikJik in your arms. Your dad greeted you with a hug. It soothed the pain. He helped you bury Jikjik close to the river near your house. Jikjik liked playing in the water; it was only fitting.
Seasons passed, and the fear hammered itself onto the existence of your being. Your father did not make it through the winter. His rattling cough sent shivers down your spine, his shallow breathing, and pained gasps. You put your hands together so as to lessen the shakes. You entered their room. Your mom was sitting to the right of the bed. She greeted you with a somber look. It is familiar to her, you suppose. After all, you both are one and the same, an elf, cursed to roam the earth and serve as a tomb for the graveyard of memories that died forever with you.
Your dad, along with Jikjik, had become one of the flowers in your growing field.
Joining Jimin’s party was the easiest decision you have ever made in your life. Aeri, whom you cherished so deeply, had nervously invited you as the other mage for their little party.
“My friend Jimin and her sister Ningning are looking for people to form a party together to go to the dungeon. Don’t look at me like that! They’re nice people, Jeongie! We were neighbours back in my hometown,” Aeri had pleaded with you the summer after graduation. It had been the most eventful thing to happen all day. The graduation was not interesting; you think you could have made a better use of your time rather than listening to some old people droning on and on about the responsibility of mages in civil society. The oath you have to uphold and the pride you should wear on your chest, draping it over your shoulder like a cape.
“Unnie, are you insane?” You had replied.
“Jeong–” Aeri began, her shoulder tensed. She looks worried, you observed. The sight made your heart clench with something you couldn’t yet name.
“Fine—fine. Of course I’ll join you,” You replied hurriedly. The effect was immediate; it was almost comical. Aeri sighed in relief, and it was as if whatever it was that bothered her melted away. You smiled in return. Aeri was happy, and everything felt right in your world.
You’ve been travelling with Jimin’s party for a couple of years now. Jimin, like Aeri unnie and your father, is a human. Her form towers over your own by a couple of inches. Jimin is the tallest in your little band of misfits. She’s lanky and awkward. Sometimes you think she moves like a newly born baby giraffe. She’s nice, if not a little strange. You noticed during a trip to the dungeon that Jimin has an unhealthy obsession with monsters. You think it’s endearing, and you try not to tease her too much about it. Ningning is the youngest in the group. A talented little gremlin specialized in lock picking and tracking. You’ve never met any human with a more sensitive hearing than Ningning. You owe Ningning your life with the number of times she has saved you from almost stepping on traps.
To you, Aeri is simply wonderful. This is a truth you’ve known for a while now. You struggled to pinpoint the exact moment when she became more important than life itself. The closest memory you can think of dates back to your magic academy years. That random afternoon when she dragged you to a small dungeon, just starting to develop, near the school grounds. The sun had fallen in luminous strands from the tiny opening in the ceiling. Aeri was kneeling on the dirt, voice gently humming a lullaby she'd previously heard as a child. You stood a couple of feet away, rooted to the ground on which you stood.
Aeri has not changed much over the years, you suppose. She still walks in kind, presses the gentlest of kisses on your injury, and hugs you close when the dungeon gets too scary.
Aeri is your home.
Fear gnaws in the back of your mind.
This marks your tenth attempt to kill the mad mage that resides deep within the dungeon. It has been days or maybe weeks since you departed from the city and into the dungeon. Other than a series of small hiccups, this expedition has been uneventful. Ningning says we would be getting down to the fifth floor. Your food supplies are dwindling, but your goal has never felt so close. Jimin thinks the red dragon resides on the lower floor, and she theorizes that killing the red dragon will serve as good bait to lure the mad mage out of their hiding.
So you wait, and everyone makes camp for the night. This marks the last food supply you’ll have until you make your way back up to the surface. It should be fine, everyone agreed that if we don’t meet the dragon by tomorrow, Aeri will teleport them to the surface, and everyone would restock and gear up for the next expedition. They weren’t expecting to get this far in the first place. You extinguished the floating light that you conjured and lay on your cot beside Jimin.
“Hello,” Aeri says, without turning her head. It was a decision made long before the tragedy, loss, and death. Because within the dungeon, death is often a bewildering affair. Thanatos does not hold your hand, and Charon does not lead you through the Styx. And in the temporal silence, we agreed, in between quiet moments, to never tell each other goodbye or good night. It is a hello, and a hello again.
“Hello, unnie,” You say to the still night air. Besides you, Jimin sneezes in her sleep. Thankfully, her dad-sneeze did not wake Ningning up. Outside, the dungeon lies in wait. And you’re back in your cot, staring at what you thought to be the side of Aeri’s face, obscured by the darkness.
You dream of claws and fire, and if Aeri looks at you with concern the following morning, you hope the smile you have painted on your face will help to assuage that.
You wake up frantic. You vaguely register the feeling of grass underneath your fingers. Your mind feels sluggish, but no matter. Clumsy hands push your body to a sitting position; Iridescent green eyes look onward past the plains, trying to pick out abnormalities against the gentle blades of grass. You spot Ningning not too far from where you lie. The relief is instant; she’s safe at least. She’s waking up, and you don’t see any obvious bleeding, so you switch your focus to finding the other two members of your party. Jimin…Yeah, she’s okay.
Aeri?
The thought crosses your mind. Panic grips your chest, unflinchingly, it gets tighter the longer your eyes fail to spot Aeri.
Where the fuck is Aeri?
The thud of your knees hitting the ground was less than graceful, contrasting your usual gait. Your ribs twinge in protest; you must have injured it when the dragon tossed you 20 feet back. Carefully, you rise to your feet, ribs sending waves of pain in protest.
“Ning–,” you whispered, steps heavy as you start making your way to where she is currently lying. She’s still unconscious, and your brain is slowly supplying you with the memories of what has happened before. You dread telling the others of things that brought them to this point. Relatively safe with some injuries, but safe.
This wasn’t supposed to happen.
Jimin is slumped to the side while fire rages on everywhere in your periphery. Ningning is hiding somewhere; you hope she’s keeping her distance. And Aeri,
Oh.
Aeri is running at you, mouthing words you can’t quite decipher. She looks alarmed, if not a little scared, and time slows as she finally reaches you. Her hand, thrust forward, hits you square in the chest, and you fall backwards on rough ground.
“Live Minjeong,” Aeri says with a smile, moments before the dragon swallowed her whole, half her body crunched inside its monstrous mouth.
Her magic surrounds you. In that moment of terror, blackness seeps, and the familiar feeling of being whisked away overcomes you.
And then nothing.
You crawled next to Ningning on the ground. You lie down on your side, facing the tall blades of grass, her back to your back. Ningning startles into consciousness. You feel bad about the way she was so rudely awakened, but nothing matters, not really.
“Wha–”, Ningning starts. She’s shaking her head slowly, blinking, and trying to focus her vision. Moments pass, and she seems to regain enough bearing to notice the warmth of your body lying behind her back. She sits up, using her arms as support, and twists her body to face your back properly.
“Minjeong unnie?” Ningning asks. You keep your mum.
Aeri is running at you, mouthing words you can’t quite decipher. She looks alarmed, if not a little scared, and time slows as she finally reaches you. Her hand, thrust forward, hits you square in the chest, and you fall backwards on rough ground.
“Live Minjeong,” Aeri says with a smile, moments before the dragon swallowed her whole, half her body crunched inside its monstrous mouth.
Her magic surrounds you. In that moment of terror, blackness seeps, and the familiar feeling of being whisked away overcomes you.
And then nothing.
“Unnie? What? What’s wrong?” Ningning said, panic seeping into her voice at your silence.
Her hand grips your right shoulder and pulls. You’re lying on your back now, your face is facing the sky, and you can see a flock of birds flying across. There are a few clouds today,
It’s a sunny day, you muse.
Rough hands settle on your cheek. Ningning is looking at you. She’s saying something, but your ears refuse to listen. You think she looks a little frazzled. She pulled your face closer.
“What happened, unnie? What happened to you?” Ningning asks, softer this time. Her concern manages to break through the cotton in your ears. You shook your head and smiled stupidly.
She searched you for answers, patting your body with her hands and lifting your shirt, looking for cuts. Finding no heavy bleeding, she put her left hand on your neck. Fingers caressing it softly, you feel a slight tremble.
“Unnie? What is it? You’re scaring me…”
“Live Minjeong,” Aeri says with a smile, moments before the dragon swallowed her whole, half her body crunched inside its monstrous mouth.
Her magic surrounds you. In that moment of terror, blackness seeps, and the familiar feeling of being whisked away overcomes you.
And then nothing.
“Eam odi,” You whispered to her, knowing the words sealed her off from you.
“Eam odi. Eam odi,” You repeated, starting to cry.
“Unnie, please, I– I don’t understand what you’re saying. What’s going on?”
Sobs rake through your body, nothing left your lips but half-breaths.
“Mea culpa– m–mihi ignōsce,” You stuttered through gasps of air, tears streaming down your face. You still have a stupid smile on your face. Aeri doesn’t like seeing you sad. She has said multiple times before that seeing you smile makes her happy. You hope this makes up for it.
“Unnie, please…,” Ningning pleads, her face scrunched up in worry. It is jarring to see. Gone were her usual smirk and playful eyes.
“G–Gone,” You choked out.
“Gone?” Ningning parrots.
“A–Aeri unnie…is gone.” A rivulet of tears runs down your cheek, accompanying the admission. Ningning freezes. A beat passes, and you feel Ningning shake. Muted cries sound against the lovely chirping of birds in the distance.
“L–Let’s just look for Jimin unnie first. She’ll know what to do,” Ningning said decisively. She gathers you up in her arms and helps you to get on your feet. The two of you stumble through tall blades of grass trying to spot Jimin. She isn’t too far ahead of what you had initially thought. Fortunately, she seems to already be sitting up on her own, less strain for your poor ribs.
“Ning? Jeongie?” Jimin asks in confusion. Right hand coming up to rest against the side of her head. She must have bumped it against something during the fight.
“Where’s Aeri?” She continues, realizing the lack of their resident pink-haired mage. You stood a bit taller at the mention of her name, mouth opening up to speak. There is a certain guilt that sticks like barnacles on your rotten self.
Aeri died because of me. It’s me I killed, Aeri.
No sound comes out. You clear your throat and try again.
“A–Aeri is gone,” You whisper. Ningning tightens her grip on you. Once again, you are reminded of the growing pile of gratitude you have for Ningning. She is actively keeping you from breaking apart. Without her holding you, your body might have crumpled to the ground. In the corner of your eye, you see Jimin freeze. You tilt your head to face her better, and it does not take long before a look of quiet resolution settles on her face.
Don’t be angry, I’m sorry. I'm sorry.
“Let’s go back,” Jimin states.
“Unnie–,” Ningning interjects, bewildered.
“Wha–,” You begin.
“Actually, a red dragon behaves similarly to a python. They would eat a big meal and then go somewhere else to stay and digest their food, which would take several weeks,” Jimin continues, rattling off facts like she usually does. Usually, you would enjoy her random facts, but the wound is too fresh, and you wish Jimin would just shut up for once.
“Unnie, I don’t th–,” Ningning repeats, face scrunched in concern as she looks back and forth between you and Jimin. You clenched your jaw. You just want to curl up on your bed and rot, preferably for the rest of your days. Life without Aeri seems dull anyway.
“It’s actually surprising that they act so similarly to a land animal. I would imagine that with their ability to spit fire. Personally I–,” Jimin rambles on, her eyes starting to get that familiar glint whenever she starts talking about monsters.
Ahhh, what a mess.
“Unnie–,” Ningning tries again.
“ –would have thought they would behave in a culmination of whatever animals make up a dragon, you know? Like, I think it makes more sense that way,” Jimin goes on, both hands waving around in the air, trying to get her point across.
I can’t deal with this right now.
“Stop it.” You said curtly. Jimin snaps out of her rambling, her eyes studying you for a moment. Her lips settle into a thin line, and she opens her mouth to speak.
“Minjeo–,” Jimin starts. Your eyes narrow.
“Stop! Unnie, I don’t want to hear it, okay? Aeri is dead! D-E-A-D. Gone!” You spit at her with as much venom as your tiny, despicable self can muster. Ningning gives a tender squeeze to your waist, and you realize you’re trembling. You look down at the ground. At the greenness of it, Aeri likes looking at grassy meadows. She said it reminded her of your eyes. You close your eyes.
“Minjeong,” Jimin calls. You raise your face towards her again.
“I’m sorry if I come across as insensitive. I didn’t mean to undermine the gravity of the situation. What I meant to say is that means if we go now, I mean, we’ll have to, but all I’m saying is, if we go now, there’s a chance that she hasn’t been digested and her soul is still intact,” Jimin explains, eyes hardened with a quiet fire.
“You can resurrect her, Jeongie.” Jimin finishes. A glimmer of hope starts to bloom in your chest, but you quickly squash it down.
“Jimin–,” You start.
“Minjeong. I mean this with all my heart. But there is a chance we can save Aeri, and I frankly don’t understand why you’re being all negative instead of jumping on my plan without question asked,” Jimin points out. She rises to her knee and stands up slowly, her form towering over yours. You look away.
She’s right, a traitorous part of your brain agrees. But nothing screams louder in your mind other than your traumatized younger self, tear tracks on her cheek, whispering, “Isn’t it better that we lose her now when it hurts less, than later when it becomes unbearable?”
You find that you do not have a good answer to Jimin’s question. Jimin crosses her arms, lips set to a hard line. You nod at her. You hope that this can serve as enough explanation for your contradictory behaviour.
“Let’s head back.”
Jimin has truly lost her mind.
There’s no other way around; no other explanation you can come up with will explain your current predicament.
In hindsight, you feel like you should have seen this coming. It was true that you were a bit suspicious of Jimin’s eagerness to go back to the dungeon without going back to the city first for a supply run. You suppose your worry for Aeri’s well-being has taken the forefront of your mind. But Jimin has truly, you mean it, truly lost her damn mind.
“Minjeong! Try this walking mushroom! It’s really good when you grill it like this.”
Or,
“Jeong! Try this Mandrake. I combined it with some eggs I found in the forest, and it has a subtle sweet taste to it,” Jimin offers with a bite of food of her own.
“Unnie! It’s a screaming carrot, and their face is staring right at me,” You shriek.
Or,
“Minjeong! This scorpion stew mixed with the living armor really is amazing. The texture of the scorpion is super similar to a shrimp and the living armor. It opens up like a clam! I thought this would taste like metal, but I was wrong! I can’t wait to try other monsters!”
Don’t get you started on Ningning. That little gremlin has unsurprisingly taken up a similar curiosity as her older sister. The two are geeking out with each new monster they get to cook and eat every day. You understand that you can’t be picky about this. We’re racing against time has been something that sticks in everyone’s mind. But god, disgust wells up when you see Jimin putting that huge scorpion into the pot, combined with the metallic clank of the living armor joining the scorpion inside the pot.
“Unnie, here’s your portion,” Ningning gives you a bowl of the stew. You can see a scorpion's leg poking out. Your stomach turns. You’re repulsed by what’s waiting in front of you. Steeling yourself, you lift your spoon with a shaky hand. You shut your lids and stuff the spoon into your mouth.
It’s warm.
Date:????
A bit more than usual now, I think myself disappearing. Just quietly, no grand announcement or a pigeon to Jimin. I think of the ways I can disappear in quiet pockets of time when I am left alone with my thoughts. It would be so easy, and life feels more fleeting that way. It's a cruel existence. To be left here when another is gone.
We made it.
You think you must have accumulated some really good karma in your life, because somehow your small party of three has magically found the red dragon’s dwelling with minimal injuries. With bellies full of seaweed from the merman’s hair and kelpie meat, the three of you settle near the cave. Not close enough that the red dragon would be alerted by your presence, but not far enough that Ningning won’t be able to detect their activities.
You don’t know how long it took you to get to this point. Days and nights move differently inside the dungeon. Every dungeon has its own intricate magical ecosystem that enables all the monsters inside to live in a delicate equilibrium. You hope Jimin is right and there’s still something left of Aeri to salvage.
“Jeong, tomorrow, don’t forget to draw the runes on all the spots we discussed before. I’ll lure the red dragon there. Ning, stay safe and find a vantage point. The inside of their mouth is not as tough as their scales. You’d be able to do some damage if you shot there,” Jimin goes over the plan that you’ve been discussing all day.
Without Aeri, your party lost a huge support. Aeri is especially good at defensive spells and healing. She has tried teaching you to fix your healing magic, but to no avail; your magic only knows efficiency. You know how it works, but you just don’t understand how to make it pleasant.
Testimonies from Jimin and Ningning claim that her healing hurts worse than the injuries themselves. It makes sense to you. Your magic rips through damaged nerves and cells, creating webs of newly regenerated cells and fixing the injury within seconds. Aeri…
Aeri’s magic is gentle and nurturing. Her magic guides the injured cells and weaves threads to where they disconnect. Where your magic rushes, Aeri’s magic sings.
It feels like comfort.
You think it must have sucked a lot for the other two since you have been their main healer without Aeri.
The fight goes relatively well.
Jimin lost a leg, but she did manage to kill the red dragon. You found her missing leg in the rubble, you took it with you, and you approached her sitting form with a smile. Now, she’s staring at you in trepidation, knowing what is coming. You put the leg right on the stump and mutter a quick spell under your breath.
“AAAHHH!!” Jimin screams. You pat yourself on the shoulder mentally, another job well done. Moving on to Ningning, the youngest of them all, you see her backing away in fear.
“Unnie, it’s fine! It’s just some scratches, it’ll heal by itse—AAAA,” Ningning curls up into a ball. You leave her to deal with the after effects and make your way to Jimin, who has started to cut away at the red dragon corpse. She’s trying to find the stomach; it’s probably where Aeri would be if she weren’t fully digested yet.
“Found it!” Jimin yells before slashing at the mass in front of her. You watch from behind as a gush of stomach acid and bones rushes out.
No signs of Aeri.
Your eyes fall onto the bones scattered on the floor. A human’s skull. Aeri.
“Help me gather all the bones here, please!” You shout your command. Pushing your sleeves up to your elbow, your hands start busying themselves with gathering the bone pieces to one spot. Ningning scrambles to her feet and begins collecting. Once all the bones are gathered, you kneel in front of the pile. Swiftly, your hand sorts out the pieces into two piles.
“I’m separating the human bones from animal bones. Based on the look of it, the other remains seem to be those of a harpy. They have smaller skulls than a regular human. The goal for now is to get the main bone structure from this pile first. I’ll assemble the hands and feet later.” Jimin sits beside you and watches in fascination. Ningning narrows her eyes at you in suspicion.
“Now that we've got everything sorted, I’m going to reassemble the hands and feet bones. The phalanxes can get a bit confusing, especially if it’s your first time seeing them, but with practice, they are actually pretty different from each other. Moving on, there are a total of 8 bones that make up the carpals. We have the scaphoid, lunate, triquetrum, pisiform, hamate, capitate, trapezoid, and trapezium. Put them together like this, and we are done,” You finish. You realize Ningning has been staring at you for a while now. Jimin just looks positively impressed.
“Is something the matter?” You call out. Ningning startles at the question.
“Not really… I’m just curious if you’ve done this before. You seem very familiar with it,” Ningning says. Your body goes rigid. You were so focused on putting the bones in the correct location, you forgot to act clueless.
“I-uh had some practice in magic school. It was part of my research,” You wring your hands together and lift the corners of your mouth to what you hope is a reassuring smile. Ningning snorts, and you know you look stupid.
“Jeong, can you still resurrect her?” Jimin asks loudly. You are glad for the diversion. For once, you are grateful for her social unassertiveness.
“Yes…” You drag out.
“But?” Jimin continues, her face completely facing your direction. Ningning steps closer and waits for your explanation.
“I didn’t say any but–”
“I sensed one coming, don’t try to deny it,” Jimin interjects, arms crossed in front of her chest. You gulp; there is no beating around the bush. You decide to tell them the truth. It's the least you could do.
“I’ve never told you about my research before, and it’s all for good reasons. I-uh, I told you before that my research focus was on dungeons. But I never quite explain exactly what. It was ancient magic…I know it’s highly illegal, but Aeri knows, and you have to believe me when I say that I really am just fascinated by their intricacies. I want to understand how they construct a dungeon or how they affect the formation of dungeons.” You try to justify yourself, your voice getting smaller and smaller as you go. The group goes silent.
“Aeri…C–Can you revive Aeri?” Jimin is the first to break the silence. The atmosphere is tense, but you square up your shoulders.
“Yes,” You reply, short.
“And there’ll be no repercussions?” Ningning asks tentatively, making her way to your right. You regard her for a second, brain constructing answers that will not invite further questioning.
“Not really, no. We have the red dragon meat to use for the missing flesh, and I can still sense Aeri’s soul clinging on,” You answer with a shrug, faking nonchalance.
Weakly. She’s hanging on by a thread, and she’s fading away.
Don’t worry, I’ll repent.
Ningning shares a look with Jimin. They are communicating silently, in a language you can never understand, built from years of living together and shared pain, sealing you off. For a moment, you wonder if this serves as payback. Ningning nods at Jimin.
“Do it,” Jimin states decisively. You nod in affirmation. You unsheath the dagger dangling from your scabbard. The sharp knife glints as you position it above your left palm. You press it deep and drag it across, cutting blood vessels in its wake. You clench it hard into a fist, start drawing the runes on the ground around Aeri’s skeletal remains. Jimin has moved behind you, settling near the wall of the cave with Ningning. You continue the process, making extra slashes when the blood clots. You connect the lines and trace the runes around the corpse of the red dragon and yourself.
Resurrection spells are simple. Depending on the degree of damage, ingredients can be added according to what you lack. The red dragon corpse will serve as sufficient fuel to reconstruct Aeri’s flesh. But to fix her damaged soul, it will have to be supplied by a living volunteer.
I’ll repent.
You stand in your circle, the third ingredient for the spell. You take out your staff and slather some of your blood on it. It thrums with power, blood soaking the fibers. It pulses and warps, rooting itself to the ground in front of you. Your iridescent eyes glow, and your mouth opens.
“Parum carnis tibi offero. Ex ancilla humilis ad Deum suum, fac de me secundum voluntatem tuam,” The voice that comes out of your mouth is not your own. It sounds older, primordial. Magic bursts from the center of your sternum and travels down the runes. Light flares, and the cave is bathed in bright white light. Every occupant within a 10-meter radius is momentarily blinded.
Amidst it all, invisible claws wrap around your soul. You decide that the process is not gentle at all. You’ve never quite done a resurrection spell to this degree. Most of the time, the dungeon bears the brunt of the sacrifice. Offering part of yourself as one of the ingredients has never been done in the past couple of centuries. Maybe you’ll write about this experience later for the young mages interested in this field.
The claws grab onto a part of your soul. Ripping and clawing at the very essence that makes up your being. Agony wracks through your body. Pain burning like molten lava in your veins. Your knees threaten to buckle, and sweat beads on your forehead. You grit your teeth and suffer through, mouth repeating the spell with otherworldly cadence, eerie.
In the gleaming light, you see Aeri standing in the distance. She’s waving at you, and everything hits you all at once. Your lips curl into a smile, before a full-bellied laugh escapes you. Tears are streaming down your cheeks as you start to make your way to where she’s waiting for you. Hesitant steps turn bold, and before you know it, you are running full speed to get to her. Your feet plant themselves securely onto the ground, and you open your arms wide. She greets you with a hug. The warmest hug. And everything feels right in the world. You must look a mess, but Aeri cups your face gently with both her hands and pushes your forehead together, breathing deeply. You sob, and she wipes her thumb across your cheeks, tender. She grins, bunny teeth showing, and you reply to the gesture in kind. Aeri brings the best out of you.
“Hello,” She whispers to the space between.
“Hello, unnie,” You reply, grinning.
Putting her hands down to your waist, you walk side by side, and you think to yourself, This is what happiness feels like.
Gradually, the light begins to fade, and your voice sounds more and more mortal. Your vision darkens, body drained of mana. Your knees buckle and your vision darkens. You turn your head to the direction where Jimin and Ningning were standing. They’re running at you, and vaguely, you realize that they are mouthing something at you. The words do not register in your brain, and you’re so, so tired. You smile at them and then,
nothing.