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Thanos woke up to an intense sinking feeling. It was only slightly quelled when he noticed the comforting arms wrapped around him and holding him close to a warm chest, but he couldn't fully shake the anxious feeling that pooled in the pit of his stomach. He clung on tighter to the fabric of the shirt underneath his fingers and buried his face farther into the chest in front of him, hoping it was still early enough in the morning to stay in bed. The alarm he set for today hadn't gone off yet so he knew he had some time, but he didn't know just how much, and he was hoping he wouldn't need to get up for at least another hour or two.
He felt a stir underneath him, accompanied by a gentle, almost delicate groan, reminiscent of the little squeak a cat makes when it stretches.
"You awake too, Nam-gyu?" Thanos softly asked, speaking low in case he happened to be moving in his sleep.
"Yeah, kinda. I just woke up," he replied, voice still rough with sleep.
"What time is it? I'm too comfy, I don't wanna move to go check," Thanos mumbled, nuzzling his face into Nam-gyu.
Nam-gyu let out another soft groan as he took an arm away from Thanos and rolled away from where he was curled up on his side to face him. He only managed to roll partially on his back before Thanos was clinging back onto him, trying to pull him closer again at the loss of warmth and comfort.
"I need to grab my phone to check the time, babe," Nam-gyu reminded him.
Thanos let out a whine of protest but relented nonetheless, letting go of Nam-gyu temporarily so he could roll over to the other side of the bed. He caught a brief peek of the flash from Nam-gyu's screen over his shoulder before the room dimmed again, and Nam-gyu set his phone down with a thunk before curling right back up against Thanos. The second he got settled in front of him, Thanos pressed his face back into his chest and had his arms around him, holding him tightly as if he would dare to pull away from him again.
"It's not even six yet," Nam-gyu said. He pulled Thanos in closer before slowly trailing his fingers up and down his spine in the soothing way he knew Thanos loved. "What time was your appointment again?"
That damn doctor's appointment. That's what had Thanos so anxious he could barely sleep all night. He didn't even know the last time he saw a doctor, maybe it was in his early university days, maybe it was when he was still in high school, he couldn't remember. All he knew was that it had for sure been way over a decade because he hated the idea of seeing a doctor and telling them about all his problems and issues. The thought of being that open and vulnerable with a stranger made him want to vomit.
But, if he were to be completely honest, he definitely did need to see one: it was no surprise to anyone that his mental health was in the fucking trenches. He had struggled on his own for longer than he could remember and reached what he thought was his absolute lowest point, ready to take his own life, and yet right after he decided against throwing himself off of a bridge he got thrusted into some fucked up death games that the aftermath of sure as shit didn't do anything to help his psyche.
He thought he could manage it on his own with help from Nam-gyu considering he too knew what Thanos was going through, but considering there was definitely an underlying issue that he had brushed off for years before even joining those games, there was only so much Nam-gyu could do for him. He had wanted so bad for Nam-gyu to be enough, for all the reassurance from him that everything would be okay to be enough, just his very presence in Thanos' life to be enough for him to feel better. But again, as bad as it made Thanos feel to admit, there was only so much Nam-gyu could do for him. Nam-gyu understood that, though, and he knew it was something deeper than what his kisses and cuddles and sweet words could fix. And, after nearly a month of Thanos being stubborn and trying to talk his way out of it, Nam-gyu was the one to convince him to make a doctor's appointment in the first place so he could get some actual help like they both knew he needed.
"Thanos?"
"Hm?"
"Your appointment? What time is it at?"
Oh, right. Nam-gyu had asked him a question. He got too caught up worrying himself about the stupid fucking appointment again that he forgot to answer him.
"It's not until ten thirty," Thanos mumbled, grabbing onto Nam-gyu tighter and hooking a leg around one of Nam-gyu's. "Is it too late to cancel it?"
"Yes," Nam-gyu replied firmly. "You know this is to help you, right?"
"I know."
"And that you'll start feeling lots better after you get help?"
Thanos groaned. He still didn't want to go, but Nam-gyu was right. "I know."
"Are you still nervous about it?"
Thanos nodded lightly against Nam-gyu's chest. "Could barely sleep all night 'cause I couldn't stop thinking about the damn thing."
"It'll be okay, Thanos, I'll be right there with you the whole time." He rubbed slow, calming circles into Thanos' back in the space between his shoulder blades, and Thanos couldn't help but let out a soft hum at the soothing action.
"But what if they… I don't know, what if they're not helpful? What if I do all this for nothing?"
"They're doctors, babe, it's their job to be helpful. That's what they're there for."
"Yeah, I know, but still," Thanos grumbled. He shimmied up slightly to nestle his face right into where Nam-gyu's neck met his collarbone. "Or what if they think my problems are stupid? Or, like, they think I'm weak or some shit for it?"
"They won't," Nam-gyu said, leaning his head gently against Thanos'. "I'm sure they see so many people who go to them for the same thing, they're not gonna look down on you for it. It doesn't make you weak, there's nothing wrong with admitting you need help and seeking it out."
That was always something Thanos had a hard time believing, and it was why he had kept his problems to himself for so long. When he had first brought up to his parents way back when that he thought he might be depressed, it did not go well. His mom brushed it aside, claiming that it was all in his head and it wasn't a big enough issue to care about. His dad on the other hand had the audacity to fucking laugh at him, calling him pathetic and weak-minded for it. After that, he made sure he kept anything personal bottled up inside out of fear of being ridiculed again.
That was, until he got close with Nam-gyu. He was always good at being able to tell when something was off with Thanos in any way, and this was no different. When Thanos finally gave in and opened up to him, he received something he never expected not only from Nam-gyu but from anybody: concern. Real concern, and a deep understanding. It was like a breath of fresh air having someone genuinely care for his wellbeing, no faked sense of empathy because the person he was talking to wanted something out of him, and no complete disregard either. He had someone who actually loved him enough to care and take him seriously, someone who didn't undermine his issues and think he was weak for them. Someone who was like sunshine for him even on his darkest days.
"I guess you're right."
"I am right." Nam-gyu gave Thanos a light squeeze, hugging him tighter. "I actually think it's pretty fucking brave of you to do this. Not many people wanna admit when there's something wrong, it takes a lot to do that."
"You're so sweet to me," Thanos said, giving Nam-gyu's neck a soft, lazy kiss. "Thanks for calming my ass down a bit."
He felt soft lips press gently to his temple and let out a content sigh.
"Of course. You have nothing to worry about, I promise. It's gonna go fine," Nam-gyu reassured, giving Thanos another light kiss on the forehead after he spoke.
Thanos lifted his head enough to be able to look at Nam-gyu, feeling his heart flutter at the soft smile Nam-gyu gave him. "I sure fucking hope so."
"It will," Nam-gyu insisted.
He quickly pecked Thanos on the lips, as if to punctuate his point that everything will be fine. Thanos returned the favour, giving Nam-gyu a small peck right back as if to appreciate the sentiment. Or maybe as if to say thank you for being optimistic on Thanos' behalf, a thank you for never giving up on him and always wanting the best for him. Or maybe he just did it because he liked kissing Nam-gyu, that was probably why because damn did he ever love kissing his boyfriend, he didn't need a reason for it.
The two of them laid there peacefully in each other's arms exchanging slow, sweet kisses. That was, until all of a sudden, Thanos felt Nam-gyu giggle into his mouth. Thanos opened his eyes to shoot Nam-gyu a confused look.
"Are you falling asleep on me?" Nam-gyu whispered against his lips.
Oh shit, was he?
"Nuh uh. Kiss me again, baby."
Nam-gyu gave him one long, final kiss before pulling him back down into his chest. "It's okay, it's still early. You have time to go back to sleep."
Thanos snuggled up into Nam-gyu and closed his eyes, and as soon as he did it hit him how sleepy he actually was. Maybe he really was falling asleep in the middle of kissing Nam-gyu. Oops.
"Will you make me ramyeon when I wake up?"
"For breakfast?" Nam-gyu asked with a soft laugh. He brought a hand up to cradle the back of Thanos' head, gently brushing his fingers through the short strands of his hair. "Anything for you."
"With a fried egg too?"
"How about I put two fried eggs in it for you? I know how much you like the way I make them."
Thanos hummed contently and held onto Nam-gyu tighter. "Oh, you love me," he crooned into Nam-gyu's chest.
"I sure do love you. So very much."
"I love you too, babyboy."
"I'll even throw some green onions in it too if we still have some left," Nam-gyu added, trailing the hand that wasn't in Thanos' hair softly down his spine before settling it against his lower back.
"Damn, you really do love me."
"I really, really do." He pulled Thanos in closer and intertwined their legs together even more, the two of them becoming a mess of lovingly tangled limbs. "Now go back to sleep. The sooner you do, the sooner you get to eat."
Thanos couldn't argue with that, especially when he already felt like he was half asleep. He was fully asleep in no time at all, and his anxiety-ridden dreams of his appointment going to shit in every way possible were replaced with dreams of Nam-gyu cooking him food and kissing him sweetly.
Maybe Nam-gyu was right after all. Maybe he really didn't have anything to worry about and everything would finally be alright.