Work Text:
Tweek is pretty disgruntled.
Nobody told him that this would happen when he started dating Craig.
They have been together for five months now, which makes them practically married by elementary school standards. In most things, dating was exactly what he expected it to be; nice, but a lot of pressure.
Now, it’s no secret that Tweek has a hard time dealing with a lot of stuff. His parents drove him crazy on the regular, he has about a thousand hobbies and activities, he cannot sleep, and his hyper active personality is the cherry on top of the nice shitty cake that’s his life. He never thought he would ever be able to handle dating. And as a ten year old, it was hardly on his mind in the first place. The only reason he thought about it was because the other guys talked about it sometimes. Dating just seemed like too much work for little reward: He would have to talk to them every day, invest his free time and money on them. Keep them happy. Force himself to be nice and sweet every day. Sacrifice some of his hobbies. Help them with their problems on top of his own(oh god). Be affectionate, vulnerable, and generally being a decent human being to them. Which can be hard to do, when Tweek often get the urge to punch and yell at everything that sets him off. Seriously man, all of those things are way too much pressure! He will definitely fail at the very first step! What if they get mad and tries to take revenge on him??? He can’t handle all that!
That was until Craig of course.
In Tweek’s humble opinion, Craig is the closest thing to the perfect human being you can get. He’s relaxing, calm, easygoing (most times) and independent. He makes a relationship so much easier to handle. Satisfying him is pretty easy (most times). All Tweek needs to do is to indulge in what Craig likes for a bit, hold his hand and show off his skills in order to impress him.
In exchange, he gets some attention that his parents have been stingy on giving him, affection, and an attentive ear to his problems (plus a free laptop, isn’t that a steal!). The fact that Craig is the cutest guy in the school is a very, very nice bonus.
Craig isn’t what Tweek expected him to be though. After their fights and from what he accidentally heard from the grapevine (because Tweek doesn’t give a fuck about gossip, anything he knows is always by accident. Unless it’s about politics, then he goes out of his way to know stuff), Craig seemed like a trouble maker. A wannabe tough guy with trigger happy middle fingers and an asshole.
After spending time with him, it turns out he really is just a nerd. The reason why people think he’s bad, from Tweek’s understanding, is simply a combination of misunderstandings and general incomprehension of neurodivergent people.
Craig is actually super sweet, he has this adorable guinea pig he is obsessed with. He owns a bunch of merch of his little nerdy shows, he reads books, and he likes to put up glow in the dark stars on his walls. He’s a bit clumsy too, god knows how many times Tweek caught him almost tripping or crashing into things like a loser.
Craig only flips people off because that’s just the way he was raised by his family, otherwise, he never does anything that screams trouble maker. He always gives his homeworks on time, he swears pretty rarely compared to most kids around here. The most scandalous thing he actually does is the disgusting nose picking nonsense. One may think he was rude, but really that just him having a hard time comprehending social cues and being too honest when he shouldn’t be.
All of this made Tweek fiercely attached to his boyfriend. He loved him so much that he was willing to participate in the more anxiety inducing parts of a relationship. Tweek was there to support Craig when Stripe the third died, Tweek then proceeded to use his hard earned money to buy a new pet for his boyfriend (his parents didn’t have enough to buy him a new one yet again), purely to make him happy. Craig was so grateful he decided to share custody with Tweek, so now Stripe four is his guinea pig too. He took Craig to see a therapist when the noirette seemed to be overwhelmed by anxiety and put that weird box over his head. Tweek lets him take priority over his hobbies most times. Craig makes him willing to do stupid shit like go out in the middle of the night to see him. And more importantly, Tweek lets Craig play on his most prized possession, his playstation four. Safe to say that Tweek really, really likes his boyfriend, against all odds.
This was all obviously too good to be true, and you would be right! Remember when Tweek said that Craig was affectionate?
Well it’s a bit of a problem actually.
Tweek is just fine with holding Craig’s hand. They’re soft, warm, and they make a bunch of moths appear in his tummy. This is technically a negative, but they feel nice sometimes so they get to stay. However, lately it’s not just holding hands that they’ve been doing. Craig seemed to get more comfortable with their relationship upgrade. And it seems like he’s becoming less shy about the implications of it. Tweek could easily remember the memorable interactions between them recently.
“Dude I am so fucking hungry, I didn’t eat at lunch because the hot dogs kind of looked like human fingers but I kind of-ngh- regret it now…I should have eaten them even if they were fingers huh?”
That happened about a month ago, Tweek was walking Craig home after school and his stomach kept growling on the way there. It pissed him off because Craig kept giggling at every little noises. He made pig oinking sounds on top of adding comments about him being a fatty. He’s not!!! It’s just baby fat! It will go away during puberty! Probably… anyway. They were halfway to Craig’s house when he did that.
“Babe, just because you’re hungry that doesn’t mean you get to let yourself become a cannibal. I didn’t eat them either.”
Craig said in his usual nasally voice.
“W-wait you didn’t? Well how come you aren’t hungry then!”
“Because I am not a fatass.” he replied with a subtle teasing tone. He scolded his face straight in the hope that Tweek wouldn’t notice that he just threw an actual dig at him, and that it wasn’t just another case of him being brutally honest.
“UUGH SHUT UP I AM NOT FAT!!! ITS NOT MY FAULT THAT YOU’RE A STICK!!!” Tweek yelled at his stupid boyfriend, dropping his hand and walking faster towards said boyfriend’s home.
He could hear more of Craig’s giggles behind him. The boy clearly broke character. They sounded so dumb, it was so nasally and ridiculous. It was a little “hehehe” sound like those cat memes on the internet. Unfortunately, they were kind of cute so they made him calm down a little bit, he still pretended to be mad though. The last thing he needed was for Craig to know about his soft spot for him, he would become insufferable. Not that he wasn’t already. But he would reach an unbearable level of obnoxious if he did know, and then Tweek would have no other choice but to break up with him. And that would suck ass.
“Aww babe come on don’t pout, you know I don’t think it’s a bad thing! You don’t need to be jealous.” he drawled while catching up to the blond.
Stupid Craig, always trying to stay calm in the most dire situations. “First of all, I am definitely not jealous of-ngh- your body. You look like a -ack- a breeze could knock you down. And second, yes you do think it’s a bad thing, you keep making fun of Clyde and Cartman for it”, Tweek complained while raising a finger for each of his points. “And third, I am NOT pouting. So screw you!” He finished by adding a bonus middle finger there. Craig never felt this proud.
“Yes you are pouting, look! Your cheeks are getting all big! Like Stripe’s when I forget to feed him baby carrots.”
Tweek felt pretty offended at the comparison, he ended up running upfront once again, this time not gracing Craig with a response.
“Baaaaabee, what’s the point of us walking home if we don’t hold hands? Come ooon.”
“I don’t wanna talk to you dick head, you suck.”
“No I don’t, you love me.” Craig said while softly decking Tweek’s head with his left hand.
“You’re delusional Craig.”
“I am logical and rational, I don’t appreciate you lying to me Tweek. Pc principal said that lying is the start of the downfall to any relationship.!” The (cute) dumbass quipped with a shit eating grin.
“Shut up. You’re talking like-grr- like a nerd, no one cares.”
“Tweeeeeek!”
This went on and on until they reached Craig’s doorsteps.
“Fine. I guess you’re not all bad.”
“And?”
“…”
“…”
“And what? I’m leaving. Bye.”
Craig finally dropped the teasing look to replace it with the kicked puppy one.
Normally, Tweek tries to ignore this one. If he makes it too obvious that he finds it endearing, he knows that Craig will abuse it for everything. But since he didn’t expect it, he got his eyes filled with it. And holy cow, he looked so fucking cute! With the big eyes and the tiny pout and the disappointed stare. This is exactly why he kept doing stupid shit for Craig. Thank god the noirette was too embarrassed to make that face in front of other people, or else Tweek would’ve been fried. He would probably give the other boy his life savings if he asked him with that face. Very dangerous.
“Pfff okay Craig. Bye Craig. I love you Craig.”
“Bye Tweek!”, Craig said happily. But then added all the while giving him a playful hit on the arm “Your cheeks do get big when you frown you know.” he then proceeded to squish them in his hands.
Tweek was caught pretty off guard. It was the first time Craig did that, so he didn’t expect it. He didn’t know what to make of it. Craig was squishing Tweek’s cheeks like they were made of the same material you found in stress balls, holding them and pressing on them. Then, slowly, his thumbs started tracing some of the freckles located on his nose. He had such an adoring look on his face. His soft smile made his dimples appear and raised the moles on his own round cheeks. He was so cute, Tweek couldn’t stand it. It made him want to throw up. He could feel his face getting hot. Craig has never been this close to him before, he didn’t know how to react. He finally realized that Craig could probably feel the heat of his cheeks beneath his hands, and that the noirette’s cheeks were getting red too. His heart was beating way too fast, like it was trying to escape his ribcage and yeah. This was his cue to leave. Something weird was going on here and Tweek wanted no part in it. He quickly removed Craig’s hands from his face and fled the scene. Desperately trying to erase it from his memory.
The second time something happened was a few days after the first. It was pretty late at night. Tweek was having a sleepover at Craig’s and they were in his bed, watching a kid show with a blue cat that had for brother an orange fish. It was pretty funny, so Tweek wasn’t paying any attention to his boyfriend. Not that it mattered since he seemed enraptured in the show too.
Apparently that impression was wrong, if the way Craig started to throw little glances at him said anything. But they weren’t direct so Tweek didn’t notice them. Then Craig started pinching him. That got Tweek’s attention so he turned to his boyfriend.
“What do you want man? I’m busy.”
The other boy gave him a look. He had no idea what that face meant, but it was there. “I am bored, don’t you wanna just talk? We haven’t spent much time together today.”
“What do you mean we haven’t-ngh- spent much time together today?? I was with you all day!”
Craig huffed out an annoyed breath and put on a subtle frustrated expression. “Yeah but it doesn’t count. We were at school all day and then you went to work. And then my family hogged you after that. We didn’t have alone time.” Tweek rolled his eyes at his boyfriend. While he could admit that he was kind of (extremely) clingy, Craig also was. It admittedly made him fell less bad about it, but it got annoying sometimes. Like, for example, when he was doing something already and didn’t feel like giving it up for Craig.
Craig cannot be serious right now. He so gay, nah cause what do you mean “I wanna talk to you”? Even I am not that bad… most times.
Craig clearly got the message and left him alone for some time after that. Tweek thought they would leave it at that. He will finish his show, go on the mattress that was on the ground for him when he stayed over, and scroll on twitter indefinitely while Craig slept. But his boyfriend had other ideas.
About 20 minutes in, he suddenly felt blunt teeth closing in on his arm. It took everything in him to not react. He wanted to scream so badly. Nah, because what the actual hell just took a bite of his arm??? Oh Jesus did the underpants gnomes finally evolved ??? Was he done for?? He slowly turned his head to see what was trying to bring him to his early demise, and gauge whether or not he could fight back. But to his surprise, he didn’t get bitten by a monster.
It was just Craig.
Why the hell was Craig bitting him??? Hello??? What did he do? Is that supposed to be some kind of sick revenge because he refused to give him attention earlier !? Does he want him to get sick! Was it a mistake to put his trust in Craig? Oh god. They will write on his tombstone that he got murdered like a loser by his boyfriend because he was too whipped to fight back. It will be mortifying.
Before he could do anything about it though, Craig gently unlocked his jaw and pulled away. His teeth left a soft mark on his squishy arm and frankly, it didn’t even hurt.
“Why’d you do that?” The blond asked his boyfriend high-key confused.
“I don’t know”, the other boy said softly. Craig then went back to watching the show like nothing happened. The only things proving that the event wasn’t some sort of fucked thing from Tweek’s imagination were the slight teeth marks (a bit crooked. Cute) left behind and the soft blush on Craig’s face.
Whatever. If Craig wanted to be a weirdo out of nowhere good for him. So long it was a one time thing, it was fine.
Expect he didn’t stop.
It happened again. And again. And again.
Anytime Tweek had some part of his body in front of Craig. If there was nobody around, there was a good 75% chance that he would bite it. Be it his arms, his hands, his stomach or his cheek! He never offered an explanation for it too. He seemed content to keep pretending that it didn’t happen. Nobody noticed, the marks left were practically invisible. But Tweek sure as hell could feel them. They made him pretty confused, so he went to the internet for answers.
He found out that it was pretty common for one half of a couple to bit their partner for seemingly no reason. Apparently, it was mostly girls that did that, to instinctively see how their partners would react to such acts in a controlled and safe environment. It was some kind of vibe check? But it didn’t fit their situation. Because neither of them were a girl. The other explanation for this was that this was supposed to be a reaction for feeling ‘cuteness agression’. It implied that Tweek filled Craig with so much adoration, that the only way he found to externalize it was to bite him playfully.
After seeing the explanation, Tweek could only feel more love for his boyfriend. He immediately put this act in the ‘Craig’s weird behaviors except it’s super cute’ folder in his mind ( it was very full). He was a dumbass for expecting it to be a bad thing. It was just Craig being Craig. And apparently a new affectionate thing he did. He supposed he will get used to it.
The third thing he did happened a week after Craig developed his bitting habit.
They were outside in the snow. Standing in the Tweak’s backyard. They had played all day long just the two of them.
Playing with the other guys was fun, but Craig insisted they spent more time together alone instead, so why not? It was pretty nice, therefore Tweek won’t complain.
They spent hours building snowmans, making snow angels on the ground and trying to catch snow flakes with their tongues. It was pretty sweet. But Tweek was getting bored, and he desperately needed some of his dark, bitter life juice (read:black coffee). But as he was about to ask Craig to go back, he took a snowball straight in his face.
As he quickly removed it to see what the hell just happened, he noticed Craig covering his giggles with his hands before escaping behind a snow fort he built earlier. This sneaky bastard, he planned this!
Tweek charged at his boyfriend —Uncaring for the snow melting on his face as he was never able to feel the biting cold of South Park anyway— and started destroying the snow fort with his hands. Craig used his task as a distraction and took the opportunity to throw multiple snow balls at him. Half of them missed their target. But the ones that didn’t gave him enough time to run and hide behind the big tree in the backyard. Thanks to the remains of the fort, Tweek’s hands were filled with ammunitions, he was more than ready for revenge.
He slowly crept toward the tree, making sure his arms were ready to fire, not making a sound with his feet. Craig would get what was coming to him, maybe a good beating will teach that cheeky asshole to quit messing with Tweek. As he finally reached the tree, he drastically changed his pace to jump behind it and began to raise his hands to fire but then-
There’s nobody? Where the hell is Cr-Bang!
He took a hit to the face. Again. How the hell did Craig leave the tree unnoticed by Tweek? Was this guy some kind of ninja in a previous life? An assassin maybe? Or both? Whatever it didn’t matter. He was tired of seeing his boyfriend having the time of his life laughing his head off about his misery and not doing anything about it.
He threw himself at Craig as fast as possible, made them both hit the ground, and poured snow down Craig’s jacket.
“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” He shrieked , it was so rare for Craig’s voice to get that high. What a blessing to Tweek’s ears. “hehehehe! Nooooooooooo, honey stawp it’s cooold hehehaha! No no no okay I am sorry hihihi I won’t do t-that again!!! Hehehaaaa I-I p-promise s-stooop!!!” Craig kept rambling while desperately trying to shove the blond boy off of him. But Tweek was not having it. He pinned Craig with his legs and took advantage of his superior weight to keep him there (because he did boxing you know. Totally not because he needed to cut back on his cheesy poofs intake… shut up Craig), and kept shoving more and more snow up Craig’s clothes.
Not wanting to kill his boyfriend with hypothermia, he stopped once Craig started shivering as if it was the return of the Ice Age.
They went back in the house after that. Tweek’s mom fussed over Craig for a bit and made him take a warm shower. It was probably for the best, since the boy kept trembling like a leaf and was dripping water on their carpet. When he came back, he was wrapped in a fluffy towel and Tweek’s pajamas. They were kind of short on his legs, but baggy everywhere, it was a funny sight, and it made Tweek stupidly happy for some reason. He needed to relax. Those thoughts were much too faggy for it to be acceptable. Even if they were safely kept in his head.
“Here. This should warm you up more.” Tweek huffed while giving Craig the mug of hot chocolate his mom prepared for him, since he didn’t take a shower. But he didn’t want it, he hated sweet things. He knew Craig loved them though, so he made it a point to give all of his diabetic drinks to Craig.
“Thanks babe.” the taller boy replied.
He went to sit next to the blond on his bed, leaving his hat in the dryer so his messy black hair was left all out for the world to see. Or just Tweek to see. It weirdly enough made him happy, knowing that he was the only one that got to see Craig regularly without his hat. It made him feel like he was safekeeping a secret. Nice.
He noticed that the boy sat a bit closer to him than normal. He clearly had a devious plan in his mind, Tweek knew that look. He had it when holding his cheeks and when he bitten him. Something evil was brewing behind those green eyes.
“Wanna - ngh- watch something?” Trusting Craig not to hurt him, he instead focused on something else. They both ignored the way Tweek’s parrot kept repeating Craig’s name in the background.
“Yeah, let’s watch gravity falls.”
“N-no red racer? Craig! Did you finally grow up!?” Tweek mocked with a fake proud tone
“Ok spazz”, Craig said as he pinched his cheeks, “you’re the very last person that should talk to me about—“ he looked at Tweek up and down before adding “—growing up... Get it?”
Tweek’s right eye twitched, “You must think you’re hilarious. Aren’t you?”
“Come on this is clever! Cause not only you’re a little baby about everything, but you’re also shor-“
“Shut up man I get it. You’re -ack-a loser.”
“Hehehe you’re mad.”
They were about two episodes in when it happened. He could feel Craig slowly moving closer and closer to him as time went on. He didn’t think anything of it however, chalking it up to Craig being his usual level of weirdo. Clearly it was a mistake. Tweek thought as he felt arms wrapping around him.
He stiffed up considerably, and he could feel Craig do the same. He refused to look at his boyfriend in case he saw something he wouldn’t know how to interpret. It would be unnecessary pressure on top of the weird ass situation he was in thanks to his wonderful boyfriend.
The angle was a bit awkward as it was obvious Craig never tried to wrap himself around anyone other than his own family before. But slowly, as Tweek relaxed himself, he felt Craig following suit. The noirette experimented with where to place his arms and whatnot to find what position felt the best. Tweek just let Craig do his things, as usual.
He ended with both arms around Tweek’s torso, and his head on his chest. One leg thrown over Tweek’s lap with the damp towel covering the both of them.
Now, Tweek had to admit that it was easily one of Craig’s best ideas. And his boyfriend had good ideas very often, so the standard was high. It was so warm and comfortable, he never wanted to move. It kind of felt like that one time his neighbor’s cat came over to sleep on his lap, but better somehow.
They stayed like that the whole time, snuggling. They’ve hugged before, but it was always quick and fleeting. A simple arm around the other’s shoulder when they laughed. Or a goodbye hug when they knew they wouldn’t see each other the next day. Never like this. So now he kind of started to pay more attention to his boyfriend, completely disregarding the cartoon playing in the background.
Craig was super warm and his hair was really soft, it was tickling Tweek’s chin and to his surprise, it didn’t bother him. He also smelled nice, from the shower he just took. Tweek felt a bit like a weirdo for noticing that but it was true. It felt much better than any cuddles anyone else ever gave him. For the first time, he didn’t want to pull away. Instead of giving him discomfort it was reassuring. He could feel his heart beating fast again, his face was most definitely red, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He felt satisfied and nothing could stop it. Not even Craig when he left yet another bite on his shoulder out of nowhere. He was super happy.
He hopped Craig was happy too.
Now that he thought about it, it wasn’t actually that bad! All the affection stuff. Craig also did other little things. But they were so random and small that he couldn’t even remember when they started. He liked to pinch and playfully hit him. Tweek chalked this as Craig expressing his affection in a weird ass way, as always (not that he had any room to talk honestly. But Tweek never cared about hypocrisy for himself). He was pretty sure he was right too. Since every time he did that he had that same stupid look on his face. It was pretty cute (so adorable actually, but that sounded too homo) honestly. So Tweek let it be.
They cuddled pretty often too now. On the school bus, during lunch in a empty classroom when nothing was happening. And at each other’s house. The people that saw them kept awing and whistling, but they ignored them. Who cared about these losers? Not Tweek. And definitely not Craig.
All of this made Tweek increasingly aware of multiple things though. For one, Craig was always the one initiating anything. Which lead to the second point, why him anyway ?
Anytime they did anything couple-y, Craig was always the one doing it. Holding hands? Craig’s the one who took his. Eating outside? Craig’s the one who suggested it. Just hanging out? Craig’s the one who asked.
It admittedly made Tweek feel like a shitty boyfriend. Does Craig think he didn’t like him? It wasn’t always this way too. Back at the start of their relationship Tweek was the one who proposed to start dating. Maybe he just became complacent, this was bad. His parents are complacent with each other’s affection and honesty he doesn’t want the same thing for his relationship. It would definitely sucks ass.
He should do something about it. Even if just being near Craig made him want to die sometimes (and not in the nice way. Standing next to Craig feels like being the greasy fat guy that unfairly get with the pretty girl in teen movies. He’s proud of having Craig as his boyfriend, but he’s not proud of being Craig’s boyfriend. Get it ??? No ? Whatever nobody asked you), he’s going to suck it up and show affection. Because Craig believing that Tweek doesn’t want him is way worse. Not by much, but it still is. Unfortunately.
So now they are in Craig’s backyard. It was pretty late at night, they are stargazing using Craig’s telescope. The nerd’s telling him all about Orion’s history or whatever. It’s super cold outside so Craig took the opportunity to snuggle up to him again.
It was here that Tweek decided to take his chance. Of you know, not being a literal brick wall of a boyfriend. He could totally be romantic…
His boyfriend’s head is right next to his. His eyes driven up to watch the twinkling stars. His green eyes reflected them. Maybe if someone threw a gallon of glitter in a bottle of green paint you could achieve a similar result to whatever the hell was going on in his eyes. Tweek kept staring at Craig instead of the stars above. He’s having a stroke for sure. Probably. Seriously you guys Craig’s lashes are so thick and long, and the color of his eyes made him stop breathing every time he paid attention to it. It was like the deep blue of the sky meet the bright yellow of the stars and mixed together. They are breathtaking. Craig also has a bunch of beauty marks on his face, he wanted to poke them all. They looked so cute. His nose was cute. It was like a ski slope and it was pointed, unlike Tweek’s developing greek nose (Fuck his dad. He always screws him over). His face shape looked so pretty. He looked pretty.
His lips were moving to continue his rants about Orion’s place in greek mythology or whatever. Tweek clearly wasn’t listening. He seemed very passionate about it though. Nerd. It’s so adorable. Tweek is dying. His heart’s beating way too fast for it to be healthy. Will it explod- Oh god Craig’s smiling at him now! His eyes were locked on him and his dimples are showing. Tweek’s chest was so full of that weird emotion he had whenever he starred at Craig too long. It made him want to hit him lowkey. Or squeeze him really hard with his arms until he popped, maybe it was weird to want to do that to your boyfriend.
Of course, he didn’t actually want to kill Craig. That would suck. So he did the next best thing. He leaned forward, and planted a kiss on Craig’s lips.
He could live with that.