Archive of Our Own ^beta

Grace Chasity has a running list. A list of longing. A list of her truth. A list of want. She writes them in her carefully curated handwriting, with dark pink gel pen, tiny hearts for bullet points, on the careful lines in her diary.

It’s a list about Stephanie Lauter. It’s a list about her feelings. It’s a list that should not exist, but it does.

1. She cares about people
2. She’s strong-willed
3. She never gives up
4. She protects me
5. The way she smiles
6. She grounds me
7. She opens up around me
8. I trust her
9. She trusts me
10. She’s brave
11. She’s smarter than she thinks she is
12. Her passion
13. She’s always there for me
14. She forgives my mistakes
15. She makes me feel safe
16. Her heroism
17. She doesn’t care what people think of her
18. She isn't scared to be around me
19. She’s the strongest person I know
20. She’s patient with me
21. She calms my fears
22. Her ability to accept me as me
23. She challenges my truths
24. She’s forgiving
25. She’s open-minded to my differences
26. We dance together
27. She goes along with my plans
28. I’m the most comfortable around her
29. Her patience
30. She respects my boundaries
31. She supports me in my struggles
32. She’s an honest communicator
33. She believes in me
34. She gives me second chances
35. She’s always trying to be better
36. She treats me like I’m special
37. She always tries her best
38. She lets me be me
39. She waits for me
40. Her endless willingness to do anything for me
41. She wants to spend time with me
42. She can give me space
43. She looks out for me
44. She takes care of me
45. She doesn’t mind my past
46. She thinks about me when I’m not around
47. Her voice stays in my mind
48. She knows how to comfort me
49. She sees me for more than my sin
50. She understands my fears
51. She gives me her sweaters
52. She holds my books
53. She doesn’t expect anything from me
54. She doesn’t forget about me
55. Her sarcasm
56. She listens to me talk
57. She doesn’t care that I’m weird
58. She lets me, only me, hug her
59. She remembers my important events
60. She knows my drink order
61. She’s always willing to help me
62. How she flips her hair
63. She’s cordial with my parents
64. She finally relaxes around me
65. She makes us playlists
66. She will change for me
67. The way she looks at me
68. She can be gentle for me
69. She’s willing to do whatever it takes for me
70. She’s the strongest person that I know
71. She makes me feel worthy of love
72. She protects people who can’t protect themselves
73. She’s sweeter than she knows
74. She notices when I get quiet
75. Her smile
76. She gave up popularity for me
77. She makes me a better person
78. She defends me
79. She supports me when I doubt myself
80. She keeps her promises
81. She makes decisions when I can’t
82. Her sincerity
83. She stands up for her beliefs, even the silly ones
84. She tells me that I’m worth more than my faith
85. She wants me to be happy
86. Her vulnerability around me
87. She won’t ever be afraid of me
88. She makes me feel like I belong
89. She’s thoughtful
90. She makes me forget my fears
91. She supports me unconditionally
92. She’s chivalrous
93. She can call me out on my mistakes and still love me
94. She’s patient beyond belief
95. She texts me goodnight every day
96. She never gives up on me
97. She holds me when I cry
98. She values me more than anyone else does
99. She doesn’t compare me to other people
100. She’s seen me at my best and my worst and never considered leaving

But on the other side, lies a single excuse.
Leviticus 18:22 "Do not practice homosexuality... It is a detestable sin."
Stephanie Lauter is a girl

And of course, Grace cannot love a girl.

Can she?