Work Text:
It’s been 6 months since their breakup. 6 months of no communication - no texts, no talks, no conversations. Pure silence. It’s somewhat a fortunate/unfortunate situation since they are on hiatus. A supposedly nice and well-deserved break after months and months of tours, schedules, shows, etc. But no - it’s turned into a hellhole of a literal break for Soobin and Yeonjun.
Yeonjun’s POV:
1:25pm - Yeonjun is still wide awake, scrolling aimlessly through his phone. Feeling defeated. He met up with some of his childhood friends earlier. He felt so happy - wishing he could turn back the clock and come back to the good old time. Looking at one of the photos of himself - YJ feels like he wanted to post it on Insta. It’s been awhile - 6 months.
Ding. “SB: Hey, you up? Why are you smoking again?”
YJ holds his breath. 6 months of pure silence between the two of them. YJ feels anger rising thru his whole body. It’s shaking with rage. 6 months of no communication and all he gets is a “hey” and an accusation. How dare he?
Ding. “SB: Please respond to me. Yeonjun. Please.”
YJ doesn't want to reply. Why would SB text him this late?
Suddenly, YJ bursts into tears. The emotional grip SB has on YJ’s heart is too unbearable. SB and YJ have been inseparable ever since and so quickly, they are separated. Ever since that twisted day, YJ has slowly descended into oblivion. He’s functioning but not functioning. He gets out of bed, brushes his teeth, showers, eats, listens to music, meets up with friends - but has he truly done all that? Was his mind present through all that?
No, YJ has been unaware and absent. Every action seems like a reflex because he needs to do something to feel something. Otherwise, the moment he stops, he falls into nothingness. Blankness - which is the worst thing that could happen to YJ. He lives and is born for the love, the adoration, the spotlight, the hectic, constant schedules of moving and performing.
Something died inside YJ that day. He remembered the moment SB betrayed him. The texture of silence surrounded him. His chest grew heavy. His heart throbbed. Love shattered. YJ turned around and ran. He didn't remember how long he ran for. Cold air filled his lung. The pouring rain drenched his entire body as if trying to sweep away his pain. No luck. YJ doesn't know how he got home that night. All he knew was once he opened his eyes, he saw Beomgyu's worrying face. Beomgyu said they found him collapsing on the side of the road. Apparently, YJ ran out without shoes - his feet bled. Like his heart. Beomgyu started to cry, saying how worried all of them were about YJ. YJ mustered up all his strength to reassure Beomgyu and that he wanted to rest. Once Beomgyu left, YJ sprinted to the bathroom. His grief, his overwhelming agony violently tore through his chest like a thousand sharp blades - it poured out relentlessly in a devastating flood of uncontrollable, heart-wrenching sobs. He cried and cried, unable to stop the tears from streaming down his face..…
Ding. SB: Because I always care about you. Please don’t smoke again.
YJ stares at those words in complete speechlessness. YJ chokes up, grasping for air. The last time he cries this hard was two weeks ago when he saw a photo of SB through Taehyn’s instagram. He misses SB terribly. This wretched heart of him yearns for SB every single second for the last 6 months. This damn heart continues to crave for SB’s touch.
What does YJ need to do? YJ feels like his inside being burned down to ashes. SB doesn't care about him. What's the point of missing, caring, and worrying when they already broke up? The boy had a chance when they were together.
You did not deserve me.