Chapter Text
Christen takes a deep breath and sidles her way over to where Ali is laughing with Hope in the corner of the breakfast room. She needs to talk to someone about this, needs to tell someone how she's feeling. What she's feeling. She's pretty much terrified and she knows Ali will understand; she must have been through at least a similar sort of thing with Ash, Christen thinks to herself, although she's convinced Ali hadn't been harbouring a crush for years, and instead had the nerve to act on it.
Christen smiles at Hope, who's finished her conversation with Ali.
"Hey Chris!" Ali smiles. "What's up?"
"Not much," Christen shrugs. "Well, err I was hoping I could talk to you about something kinda personal if you've got time and you don't mind. I mean you don't have to," Christen rushes out as her shoulders slump, but Ali touches her lightly on the shoulder.
"Sure Christen. You can talk to me about anything. Do you want to sit down here? The rest of the girls have left and we've got a while before training."
Christen just nods her head. "Ok, good. Sit down, I'll grab us some coffees," Ali states as she walks off to grab a few cups.
Ali comes back to the table Christen is sitting at, hands knotted and feet tapping on the floor. She's jittery. This is the first time she'll be telling someone about this. About Tobin. About her crush. Although crush seems too school girl, it's way more than that, much much more. Christen's breath hitches every single time she sees Tobin, her palms get sweaty and all she can think is that she wants to be closer to her. Too close to her. She wants to kiss her, and do much much more than that. She wants to hear Tobin scream her name as she writhes underneath her.
She's cut out of her inappropriate thoughts when Ali sits back down at the table, placing the coffee down in front of Christen. Ali just smiles at her, waiting for Christen to tell her whatever's playing on her mind.
"So, err. Oh God this is embarrassing, I feel so dumb, maybe I'll just leave it-" and Christen buries her face in her hands.
"Hey. Hey Chris, look at me. It's ok, I promise I'm not going to think you're dumb ok? Just talk to me. I'm your friend, I mean we're all practically family on this team. I want to help." Ali encourages the younger girl and Christen smiles weakly.
"How did you tell Ash you liked her?" Christen almost whispers out and the ghost of a smile passes Ali's lips, as if she knew this was coming.
"Tobin?" Ali questions, and Christen just nods her head; she knows some of her teammates must have figured it out by now, but they're all too kind to ask, or make her admit something she's not ready to.
"Well, it was hard. I was convinced she was gonna laugh at me. Ashlyn Harris, the stud that she is, going for a goofy girl like me who mumbles her words and can't leave the house without mascara? I thought I was being ridiculous."
Christen nods along. "I feel the same, like Tobin is so effortlessly cool and chill, and then there's me who can't even relax properly unless my diary is up to date."
"It's true what they say though," and Ali takes a sip of her coffee. "Opposites attract. The world would be a boring place if everybody was the same, and sometimes two different people make the best couple. Like Ash is the ocean, the waves and the storm and she keeps me wild, she keeps me free and she makes me feel alive, and I used to think I was so inadequate somehow. Ashlyn has been through so much and she is still one of the kindest people I know and she's so unafraid and I'm not, I never will be. But somehow it's ok because she's brave enough for both of us and that means more to me than I could ever tell her." Ali takes another sip of her coffee, setting the empty cup down on the table. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that don't think of all the reasons why it wouldn't work, and try to think of all the reasons why it would."
Christen nods and smiles. "We get along so well, and I feel so relaxed and so comfortable around her. I feel safe, you know?"
Ali nods. "I know."
Christen gulps and takes a deep breath. "I'm scared Ali. I'm scared of what this means. I've never liked, well anyone this much before, but Tobin she's. Well she's-"
"A hot girl?" Ali questions and Christen laughs.
"Yeah. A hot girl," and Christen smiles despite herself.
"It took me a while to come to terms with that you know," Ali continues. "But I promise you, it's ok. You have nothing to be ashamed about, and you shouldn't have to hide your love. It's confusing, I know it is. Especially in relation to people like Tobin and Ash who are so calm and cool and accepting of who they are. It's sometimes harder for the rest of us. But the best thing I ever did was tell Ash how scared I was. How falling for a girl, a woman, scared the shit out of me. There's so much more to think about, to take into consideration. But, it is all worth it, it is one hundred percent worth it. Love is love at the end of the day Chris," Ali states, tears welling up. "And when you find love, when you find that person, hold onto them as tight as you can because not everything is guaranteed in this life, and sometimes bad things happen. But the bad things are that little bit less horrible if you have someone there to share life with."
Christen can feel the tears starting to well up in her own eyes now. "But how do I tell everyone? How do I come out?" Christen sobs out.
Ali places her hand over Christen's. "You don't have to come out to anyone. You don't have to even label yourself if you don't want to. So you've fallen for a girl? Big deal. Gender doesn't matter, you fall in love with whoever you fall in love with, and those around you who love you will understand that, and they will accept it."
"Thank you." Christen states simply, squeezing Ali's hand. "All I have to do now is tell Tobin, easy right?" and Christen manages a laugh.
"Trust me Christen, I've seen the way her eyes follow you around the room, I'm pretty sure she feels the same."
Christen just smiles as she gets up, grabbing their empty coffee cups. She pulls Ali into a hug and when they break apart Ali smiles at her.
"I'm happy for you Chris, and talk to me whenever ok? If you're scared or unsure, come to me. I'm glad you did today. I've been there and got through it. It's not always easy, but just remember to share your feelings with Tobin, it'll make things easier."
Christen nods and smiles as they walk out of the room together, heading up to their rooms to change.
Tobin dramatically walks into the room she's sharing with Ash and flops down on her bed.
"Girls," Tobin sighs out and Ash laughs.
"Girls indeed." Ash replies. "What's up Tobs? This is about Christen isn't it? I see you two looking at each other and it looks like you want to rip each other's clothes off half the time. It's really not subtle."
Tobin sits up suddenly. "Shit! Is it that obvious dude?"
Ash laughs again. "Only to people who know what they're looking at. Don't worry," Ash shrugs. "Not that many people have clocked on, and those that have won't say anything."
Tobin nods. "I don't know what to do about it though. What did you do with Ali? Did you ask her out? Because I don't think I've got the nerve to ask Christen out. She's so perfect Ash, and so soft and kind and pure , and what if she says no? Oh shit what if she's straight?"
Ash laughs louder this time. "Oh my God Tobin you have got it bad. I'm not one to comment on Christen's sexuality. Sexuality is fluid anyway, but she looks at you like you're alone in the room sometimes and I would bank on it that gay or straight or whatever, she's definitely into you. But in regards to asking her out, it took me forever to pluck up the courage to ask Ali out. She's just so fucking gorgeous, I was convinced she was going to reject me."
It's Tobin's turn to laugh now. "Ali never would have rejected you Ash."
"Well I know that now." Ash smirks. "Seriously though. You've gotta just go for it. You'll regret it if you don't."
"Yeah, I know. I'm gonna do it tonight I think. I've been thinking about it a while and I want to take her to the beach to watch the sunrise. I know she gets up early to meditate so she likes mornings, and I was gonna take some food and stuff." Tobin gestures around, shrugging. "That's lame isn't it?"
Ash walks over to the bed Tobin is still sitting on and places both her hands on Tobin's shoulders. "It's sweet Tobin, she'll love it."
"Ok, cool. Thanks."
"No worries. Go ask her tonight before you chicken out."
"I will," Tobin states as she stands up.
"Good, let me know how it goes. And Tobin?"
"Yeah Ash?"
"You can talk to me whenever about this you know. It stays between us. I won't even tell Ali."
Tobin laughs. "Thanks Ash. I appreciate it."
Ash just nods as Tobin gets up to head down to training.
Their room is a couple of doors down from Christen and Mal's room and Tobin sees Christen about to swipe her key card. Tobin jogs down to her and Christen waits outside her door, her face breaking out into a smile as she sees Tobin softly look at her.
"Hey you. Can I talk to you after training?" Tobin asks, pulling Christen into a hug.
Christen pulls back, looking worried. "Everything ok?"
"Yeah," and Christen nods, knowing Tobin isn't usually one to elaborate until she's ready. "It's nothing bad, it's err-good I hope."
Christen smiles. "Sure thing."
Tobin grins then and sheepishly looks at her feet, unable to hide her growing smile. "Cool, I'll see you downstairs in a few minutes for practice."
"See you there!" Christen can't take her eyes off how Tobin walks away from her, all gangly, muscly limbs, her flip flops too loud on the floor. She smiles and heads into her room, more confident, more at peace since her chat with Ali.
Tobin walks down the corridor to the elevator, feeling like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders since her chat with Ash. Her heart is still beating hard and she can still smell Christen's shampoo from the short hug they'd shared, but she feels calmer somehow, noticing how Christen held on that little bit tighter, that little bit longer. She just hopes Christen feels the same way about her, knowing that if she does then her life would be that little bit brighter with Christen in it.