Chapter Text
“No, Miss Andreas, your answer is completely wrong,” Ryan Ross sighed quietly as Brendon Urie, the cocky boy with the massive forehead sitting behind him, pointed out yet another of the maths teacher’s mistakes, “You’re supposed to multiply y by the constant, not x.”
“How about you just shut the fuck up,” murmured Spencer, Ryan’s best friend, sitting next to him. Ryan smirked half-heartedly, glad that he wasn’t the only person who was annoyed. It was a Friday afternoon, and all Ryan wanted was to have a calm final lesson then go home, but this forehead son of a bitch was ruining everything, thinking he was autocorrect or something.
From what Ryan had experienced of him, Brendon seemed to always be like this at school; he wasn’t even particularly clever, yet always ended up opening his mouth, saying something pretentious that nobody cared about, and making every other student want to throw him off a cliff. This had often lead to the boy being kicked out of class for his obnoxious pedantry.
“Oh. I’m sorry. Yes. I’ve done that wrong. Haha.” Miss Andreas’ hilariously unenthusiastic tone in her response perfectly mirrored Ryan’s feelings right then. He would rather have to drink a gallon of salt water than hear another word come out of Brendon’s oversized lips that afternoon. Miss Andreas didn’t continue writing on the board, instead, she just stared up at the clock and started tapping her foot. The bell should be going off any second, then…
A wake-up call to the several students who were literally in a deep sleep, the sharp brrring had Ryan thanking God profusely that it was all over for another week. Just as he and the rest of the class stood up to leave, the voice from behind him started again, “You forgot to collect the homework, Miss.”
“Fucking holy shit, I forgot to do it!” Ryan whispered under his breath.
“Oh my God, I did too!” Spencer exclaimed, and they both watched as Miss Andreas hovered around, collecting everybody’s worksheets. The two boys tried to avoid her and leave with the crowd, but she halted them just as they reached the door.
“Where’s your homework, Spencer and Ryan?” She sighed.
Just as Spencer was about to open his mouth, Brendon did it for him, “They both didn’t do theirs, I just heard them saying it.”
“Yeah, thanks, Brendon, this is none of your concern. Go home.” Miss Andreas snapped, clearly done with Brendon completely. She motioned for Ryan and Spencer to get back to their seats.
“Why are you always such a snitch, Brendon?” Ryan asked just as Brendon was about to leave the classroom.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I'm not responsible for you getting a detention. I just want what’s best for my education.”
"That doesn't even make any sense," Ryan mumbled.
“Go. Away. Brendon.” The teacher half shouted, and the boy left with an annoyed frown on his face.
There was a long pause as Miss Andreas returned to her desk. Ryan fumbled with his jumper sleeve, desperate to escape this hell but knowing he wouldn’t be able to leave for at least another half hour. Spencer began absent-mindedly chewing on his nails.
“Ok, I can’t really be bothered with you two right now, I’m exhausted, and I’d much rather go home than lecture you for an hour on something you’ve most likely heard a million times before. I’m sure you feel the same way?” The teacher stared at them expectantly. Both boys nodded immediately.
Thank fucking God, Ryan sighed in relief, forehead guy hasn’t got his way this time.
“So you can go, but I want both your homework sheets first thing on Monday morning. Also, tell that twat Brendon to stop giving everyone a headache.”
Ryan snorted loudly, while Spencer stood up to leave, politely thanking Miss Andreas.
•
“I fucking hate Brendon Urie so fucking much,” Ryan almost shouted as soon as the two exited the school, “He’s the epitome of everything I hate. If he were a slice of bread, he’d be the end of the loaf that nobody dared to touch. If he were a piece of shit, which he already is, he’d be the one that even the flies can’t handle the smell of. Fuck him, and fuck whatever he’s trying to prove by being all ‘look, I’m better than everyone and I like to pretend that literally nobody except me knows the answer to anything’.”
“Alright, calm down,” Spencer replied, raising his eyebrows to almost unachievable levels, “I get it, you absolutely fucking loathe him. So do I, but maybe not quite to the extent you do.”
The boys began walking home slowly, too tired to speed up, but also wary of the fact that the subject of their conversation was only walking several hundred meters in front of them, talking to his best friend, Jon.
Ryan couldn’t help absolutely detesting Brendon; it had always come very naturally to him. He was also very vocal and passionate about his hatred, even though he only had a few classes with the boy and didn’t really know him well enough to make a fair, personal judgement about him. What he did know, though, was that Brendon was extremely annoying in class, and most people with a brain in their school also didn’t enjoy being in the same room as him at all.
“What I don’t get though is how he still has a best friend, Jon of all people, hell, he even has a girlfriend! What the actual fuck is going on there? Does he pay her or something?”
Spencer chuckled, “It must mean something if the most hated person in our school can get a girl to like him, whereas we can’t even get any friends, apart from each other of course.”
Ryan sighed, “And he’s never put down by all the ‘shut up’s and the ‘for fucks sake, nobody cares’s. He seems to be in a sort of bubble in which literally nobody’s comments seem to affect him at all. Now that’s annoying.”
Spencer nodded unanimously and Ryan continued, “Y’know what? Maybe we should make sure Brendon knows what it feels like to have somebody hate him."
“What do you mean?” Spencer asked.
“Well, I’ve kind of just come up with the best plan ever that’ll be certain to ruin some aspect of his life,” Ryan smirks, staring ahead at Brendon and Jon, “I still need to fully formulate it though.”
Spencer squinted at him as if to say ‘you’re so fucking weird?’ then slowly replied, “You can literally just tell me the rough idea now? Then I can help you ‘formulate’ it, Ryan.”
“Nah, it’s ok. I’d much rather annoyingly text you the plan at 4am,” Ryan chuckled, making Spencer sigh and roll his eyes. Ryan had a habit of messaging Spencer about trivial things at god-knows what time, and Spencer, loving sleep so much, would always get pissed off about it, only seeing the funny side of it after he was fully awake and rested.
“For fucks sake, you need to stop doing that,” Spencer complained.
“Never!” Ryan teased in a very strange, nasal voice, causing the two to suddenly burst out laughing. Brendon glanced behind at them for a second, frowned disapprovingly, then turned back to his conversation with Jon.
“Looks like someone else doesn’t approve of your ways, either, Ryan,” Spencer laughed.
“Oh, fuck off. He’ll be hysterically crying by the time I’m finished with him.”
“Sure, Ryan. Whatever you say,” Ryan stopped walking as he reached the street he lived on.
“Anyway, see you,” Ryan waved.
“Bye, dickhead,” Spencer nodded and lifted a hand, proceeding to walk away with a massive grin on his face.
•
3:34 am
Ryan Ross: Ok I have a plan
Ryan Ross: Spencer
Ryan Ross: Spencer wake up c’mon
Spencer Smith: fucking hell what is ur problem
Ryan Ross: I know what we’re gonna do to Brendon
Spencer Smith: ugh what
Spencer Smith: hurry up before i fall asleep again
Ryan Ross: Ok so first we create a fake Facebook account and pretend we’re a girl
Spencer Smith: wtf
Ryan Ross: Bear with me it’s a good plan
Ryan Ross: Next we add Brendon as a friend. This should be easy because he just adds random people all the time. He has over 750 friends lol.
Ryan Ross: Then we have many many conversations with him which again shouldn’t be too hard because he’s a sucker for communication.
Spencer Smith: um ok
Ryan Ross: We have to make him fall in love with us. Then break his heart by suddenly ignoring him all the time. Yeah that’s the whole plan basically
Spencer Smith: this is really pointless but ok
Spencer Smith: how are we supposed to get him to fall in love with us
Ryan Ross: Jon knows Brendon better than anyone else does. He probably knows Brendon’s type. If we can just get him to help us…
Spencer Smith: um but why would he help us??? hes literally brendons bff and he wouldnt just betray him like that
Ryan Ross: I can see it in his eyes that he somewhat dislikes Brendon
Spencer Smith: ur crazy
Spencer Smith: im going back to sleep
Ryan Ross: Ugh okay but I’m coming around to yours at around 2.00pm this afternoon so we can commence the catfishing
Spencer Smith: ffs fine
Spencer Smith: good night
Ryan Ross: Morning*
Spencer Smith: honestly ur as bad as brendon yknow
Ryan Ross: Haha true. See you :)