Work Text:
You wanted to walk into the kitchen when you heard your name fall from Bucky’s lips. You stopped in your tracks and decided to turn around until they were finished mentioning you in there. Until you heard what it was about.
“She acts like she has pity for all of us. It makes me uncomfortable. She’s trying too hard.” you turned around and ran to your room after these words.
Your only fear with the team was to be disliked by them. You joined the group only days before Bucky and always did your best to be there for everybody, to not be annoying and to learn enough about them.
“It concerns me, she’s overworking herself where she shouldn’t. She’s way too worried. I feel like she needs the same level of attention she gives to us and we’re not giving that to her.” he finished his little monologue and Steve pressed his lips together with a nod.
Bucky has been your training partner since you both came to the compound and you always tried your best to help him with the problems he had with his PTSD. He was still very distanced towards you, but not in a negative way. At least that’s what you thought until you accidentally eavesdropped on him talking about you.
You decided to not eat breakfast, your appetite was gone anyways and you still had a few episodes of Brooklyn 99 left to watch.
Bucky noticed when you didn’t come to eat breakfast. It worried him, you always made sure everyone ate enough and you talked about the shows you currently watched every evening.
“Friday? Can you deny the rest of the team access to my room? Except for Tony, of course.” you looked at the ceiling.
“Of course.” the gentle female computer voice answered.
-
“Friday? Can you tell me where Y/N is?” the brunette asked after everyone had finished breakfast and went about their day.
“She is in her room. It seems like she doesn’t want to be disturbed.” the voice answered him.
“Is she medically okay?” he asked.
“Yes, her vitals are normal. She seems to be upset but wants to be left alone.” she informed him.
He slowly exhaled with a frown. This wasn’t like you at all and he knew something must’ve happened in the last 24 hours.
“Y/N?” he knocked against your door before turning the door knob, expecting the door to open.
“Can you let me in?” he asked with a calm voice and you put on headphones to not hear his voice anymore.
“If you need me, I’m-” music interrupted his voice and a tear ran down your face.
He turned away from the door and walked towards the training area.
“Do you think someone upset Y/N?” Bucky looked at Steve with a frown.
“Might be the case.” he shrugged before continuing his set of pull-up’s.
“She didn’t eat, I can’t open her door. I hope everything is okay.” he started his own workout.
“She’s a big girl. Probably just needs a day off.” came back.
After blasting Linkin Park and Beyonce through your headphones for almost two hours you thought yourself capable to continue a fairly normal day. You’d have to figure out ways to get past the soldier but you couldn’t let this interfere with your life too much.
With headphones on a low volume and in cozy clothes you made your way to the kitchen to at least eat a sandwich.
“Oh my god, Y/N. You’re okay. What happe-” he tried to hug you but you walked right past him.
Under his confused glare you made yourself a big sandwich with Aerosmith blasting guitar solos through your ears. Cleaned up, started the dishwasher and made your way to the training room.
“Hey, no food in the training room.” Sam joked and your eyes were venom.
“Get off my nonexistent dick, pigeon.” he never saw you this aggravated and any comeback in his head vanished with his shock.
You sat down on the box in front of the big window, eating your sandwich, trying to calm down.
One side of your headphones was slowly taken out, “Who do I need to beat up, babygirl?”
Sam meant it, he never saw you this irritated before and whoever was responsible for this should get the concussion of a lifetime.
“Bucky.” you mumbled and just saying his name ruined your mood again and made you lose a tear.
Arms were gently placed around you and pulled you in, “What did tin-man do to you?”
“He said…that I act like I pity all of you and…” a sob left you and he started frowning, “…that I make him uncomfortable and that I’m trying too hard. I heard it when I wanted to get breakfast this morning.”
He would lie if he said he wasn’t angry at his friend for making you feel like this.
“Hey, babygirl. Listen to me.” he took your face in his hands, “You are the best teammate out of all of them. You make us sandwiches, make sure we eat and drink enough, stitch us up after missions. You don’t make me uncomfortable ever. You’re not annoying. Sure, mothering me isn’t always what I prefer but I would never take you for granted like that.” he tried to soothe you.
“Thank you, Sam.” you got the tears off your face.
“No problem. You deserve to hear that every once in a while.” he hugged you again.
“Can I work out with you?” you looked up at him and a soft smile formed on his face.
“Of course, but I think you should eat that sandwich first.” he nudged his head over and you nodded.
-
“I think I did something wrong…but I don’t know what?” Bucky said to his best friend.
“Try to talk to her later or whenever she wants to talk to you again.” his hand was on Bucky’s shoulder when they heard you laugh and walk in.
-
You walked into the kitchen laughing at one of Sam’s joke and ignored the rest of the room.
“You lost the bet, not my fault.” he smiled at you.
“Fine. I’ll make you a sandwich. But only cause you’ve been such good company today.” you gave him a stern look.
“Don’t want to see you sad, babygirl.” he said sitting at the counter.
“Don’t flatter yourself too much. Half of the work was done by Beyoncé on my headphones.” you snorted before preparing him a sandwich and presenting it to him.
“THIS is what victory tastes like.” he grinned and you both fell into a laughing fit.
You both had the tradition of journaling together in silence twice a week and when you didn’t show up for that, he knew he did something wrong. It must’ve been him.
The last thing he said to you the day before was a normal “Sleep tight, Sugar Plum.”
He called you that, not because of actual sugar plums, but because plums were his favorite and you were his favorite. You were more than just his favorite but you didn’t know that. He actually planned on getting everyone on board with giving you the love back that you gave everyone. That was what he had talked about earlier that day with Steve. He wanted to tell you sometime in the coming weeks. Wanted to make you emotionally better by telling everyone to treat you a little better. And here he sat alone on the couch, you hated him and he didn’t know why.
“Tasha?” he looked towards the redhead that had just walked in and got her attention.
“James?” she smiled.
“Do you know what I did for Y/N to be so cold towards me? I don’t remember saying anything hurtful or triggering. Maybe I’m just incredibly dumb but…would you please do me a favor and find out?” he looked so heartbroken.
“Talk to her, Buck.” she suggested.
“She won’t let me.” he bit his lip nervously.
Sam walked in with a scolding look, “Never saw someone make such a mess while being so obviously in love, holy.”
“What?” Bucky was confused.
“Wait, you don’t know what you did?” Sam’s eyebrows raised up.
“Nobody is telling me, no.” he answered and let himself fall against the couch cushion.
“I played with the idea of breaking your nose and giving you a concussion when she told me.” his hand went over his face.
Nat left the room but was clearly still listening in.
“You talked about her this morning.” Sam started and a nod came back.
“You said she acts like she’s pitying all of us, that she makes you uncomfortable and that she’s trying too hard. Tell me WHERE you wouldn’t be mad in her skin?” he smacked his friend over the head.
“Fuck, that wasn’t even meant that way. I was talking to Steve about her getting too deep into this whole caring and mothering thing when she feels mentally unstable. I just asked him if he was on board with the idea of asking the team to treat her a little better…so that she feels better again. She must’ve heard only the first part, shit.” he rubbed his temples.
“Then go and fix it, you absolute dumbass of a man.” he was really not having it.
“I will.” he stood up to go straight to your room.
Four knocks, Bucky.
“Y/N, can we please talk?” he asked with his softest voice.
You ignored him deliberately, for good reasons.
“I know why you’re mad but that’s not what I actually said.” his forehead was against your door.
“Friday? Can you play the kitchen surveillance footage of Steve and me this morning. On her screen?” he asked and you took your headphones out.
Your TV switched to a video of the kitchen. He made you relive this? Really?
*
“What’s wrong, buddy?”
“I don’t know. I’m just concerned for Y/N.”
“Why? Something wrong?” Steve asked concerned.
“I know she probably doesn’t show it as obvious to the rest of you but she seems very mentally drained. But instead of putting herself first she keeps giving. She acts like she has pity for all of us. It makes me uncomfortable. She’s trying too hard. It concerns me, she’s overworking herself where she shouldn’t. She’s way too worried. I feel like she needs the same level of attention she gives to us and we’re not giving that to her.”
“We should talk to the others about that.” Steve answered.
“God, I love her. I just don’t want her to end up completely shattered.”
“When did you plan on telling her?”
“I don’t know. Probably when she starts getting better. I don’t want to be manipulative by accident.”
“Hey, it’s gonna work out fine. Trust me.” he calmed down his friend.
*
With a shocked face your TV went back to a screen saver.
Slowly and shaky you made your way to the door and opened it to see a Bucky that was internally beating himself up.
“I’m so sorry.” he seriously looked like a hurt puppy.
You closed the door behind him.
“I didn’t know you were there. I said it in all the wrong ways. I should’ve stopped after the first two sentences. I was so worried for you. I’m so sorry.” he was a waterfall of words.
“It’s okay, Bucky.” you both had sat down on your bed and you took his hands.
“It’s okay. It’s okay.” you drew circles on the back of his hands to soothe him and get him out of his intrusive thoughts.
“I’m so sorry.” he looked at you again.
“Hey, it’s okay. We would’ve worked it out sooner or later. It’s okay.” you hugged him.
“Why are you so nice to me after I made you feel so awful?” he asked in a shaky voice.
“Cause there is an explanation for it and I love you. Why would I hold grudges against you.” you took his head into your hands.
“Really. I mean it when I say it’s okay, Bucky.” now he grabbed you into a tight hug.
“I’ll choose my words better next time. I promise.” he mumbled.
“I hope Sam didn’t hurt you.” you giggled while the hug broke apart.
“Smacked me over the head.” he huffed with a small smile.
“Poor Bucky Bear.” you jokingly pitied him.
“I hope you don’t change because of what I said. I love you the way you are, okay? Just…maybe try to overwork yourself less.” his hands went over your waist and hips.
“Sorry I missed out on our journaling bit.” your hand went through his hair soothingly.
“You know, I planned on confessing to you in a completely different way. Had it planned out.” he looked at you with a shy smirk.
“You still have time,” you smiled, “What was the plan?”
“Telling you why I call you Sugar Plum.” he chuckled.
“And why do you call me that?” your grin got wider.
“Sugar, cause that’s how I called girls in the 40’s. Plum because they are my favorite fruit and you’re my favorite person. You’re way more than my favorite person and I thought you deserve to know that.”
A boyish but shy smile was on his face and he was blushing.
“Gosh, hopeless romantic.” you rolled your eyes before closing the distance between the two of you.
He pulled you onto his lap, one hand on your lower back, one hand messing with your hair. His lips were soft, tasted like cinnamon, the cinnamon buns you’d left on the coffee table.
After he kissed you dizzy he looked at you with your messed up hair and kiss-swollen lips.
“Still wanna journal together?” he asked with the happiest smile ever.
“Of course. Don’t get too touchy feely tho.” you winked before climbing off of his legs and walked towards the door with a, “Friday, grant the team access to my room again when I’m in it. And Bucky also when I’m not in it.” he eyed you from behind with heart-eyes that were visible to Alaska.
“Gosh, you can do that now without getting possibly caught. I’m not responsible for broken noses and dents in walls.” you smirked over your shoulder.
This journaling date was definitely different from the others.