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Moiraine Sedai was a nuisance, to say the least; she kept Rand Al’Thor looking over his shoulder with all her Aes Sedai plotting. He trusted her about as far as he could throw her, though he is sure he could throw her far enough, and he trusted the Wise Ones even less than that. Every single one of them had it out for him; he was sure of it. The shared whispers and looks that he could never understand, and which they would not have begun to explain had he asked. Aviendha, forced by the Wise Ones, to share his tent so that she can explain their customs and culture.
I am a Two Rivers man. Son of Tam Al’Thor
He repeated over and over, even if his red hair and gray eyes were enough to convince most Aielmen he was kin, though it kept most of them away. But it was better that way. If he were alone, he could know no one was watching him with a certainty he could not have if Aviendha were around. It also gave him more time with Asmodean to train and learn the One Power. The taint felt less all-consuming lately. When he reached for the power, he went straight to the heart of it, a control only he could have. Every time he successfully destroyed a mountain leagues away with a single thought, he felt a sick sense of pride. He was the chief of chiefs, the fated Car’a’carn discussed in legends. Back in what the Aiel called the wetlands, even Tairen nobles who hated channeling had kneeled to him and treated him as a king. Callandor left behind as a reminder he was coming back, a reminder that if the peace he put together broke, he would be swift to reprimand. Now he sits in Cairhien trying to take back that land from the Shaido Aiel who ran through it days before they had made it.
The battle was supposed to be simple: keep the Shaido Aiel out. Moiraine had wanted to help–as she always had to get close to him–and he had refused. The ones who knew and understood war were the Aiel. He could trust them, and Moiraine would stay back and heal the injured when the battle was won. Thanks to her oaths, that is all she could do. Ultimately, she was useless.
Aviendha and Egwene would have to be enough to deal with everything alongside the Wise Ones in the battle against the Shaido. It all went smoothly–arrows flew from the gates of Cairhien to keep them out, and Rand had used Saidin to call upon lightning–he had no idea how many of his own he hit. That is the price of war. What had been surprising was the return of lightning that he could feel coming–boots carried him quickly towards where he knew Avi and Egwene would be, but he was not fast enough, and was hit by a piece of rubble. He woke up to Avi and Egwene healing him, slightly annoyed, he pushed their hands away and stood up. They immediately grabbed his arms and held him back.
“You are lucky we made it back to safety, woolheaded fool. Sit down.” Egwene says as she pulls him back. Though safety was a kind term for it, even in his disoriented state where he was unsure if there truly were two Egwenes and two Aviendhas in front of him, he could still hear the familiar clash of spears and the yelling of men not too far East.
“You are the Car’a’carn, and I will not have you dying,” Aviendha says. Despite her hatred for him, she had to protect him. “Moiraine is already on her way–” she adds as she forces him to sit back down.
Rand simply listened and looked around. They were at the log tower, it was unrecognizable now–the lightning had destroyed it, beneath its fallen rubble limbs, and a face he recognized, now devoid of life, Jolien, a Maiden who was first sent across the Dragonwall to find He who comes with Dawn. Now dead.
What a good job you’ve done he thought bitterly towards himself. Keeping everyone from harm. You are a joke Rand Al’Thor Now all he could think about was who would be of more use for the next fight coming up–he would need to go after Sammael, though he is sure these two women would not allow it, he also suspects that once Moiraine sees him and tries to heal…his unhealed, reopened wound, he will never hear the end of it.
Soon, Moiraine arrives at the spot where they are keeping him. He has already sent for a group to assist him and to prepare his horse so they can travel deeper into the city. Moiraine is holding her skirts up as she runs up the hill to him, and he can tell she has already embraced Saidar. He can feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. It infuriates him.
Moiraine's eyes fall to the bodies beneath the rubble, but she shows no reaction as she makes it to Rand. “Life is a dream…” she says solemnly, it's the most anyone will get out of her for this event.
That makes Rand even angrier.
“Life is a dream, Moiraine? Is that all you have to say on the subject? You must be joking.”
“Rand, they followed you into battle. Do you think they were left unaware of the risk of that?” Moiraine retorts as she grabs his face, and Siadar flows through him, starting to heal the injuries on his body.
“Risk is that all you talk about? As if they did not have loved ones who will miss them.” his voice is more edged now, angrier than he has been in some time before he pulls away and stares at her. The void consumes him as he reaches for Saidin. The only place he feels no pain or guilt.
“That is not how they work, and I might add I was the one who told you that this whole thing…” gaze flicks to her uncle's sword in its sheath, one she remembers well, one she hated “was a bad idea, did I not? I told you there was another way.”
“Was there Moiraine, or do you just want to see Cairhien fall? Maybe I should just hand it over to the Aiel, maybe you would be happy then, Moiraine.”
At that, her face falters. Rand had a particular brand of stubbornness found in only one other person in Moiraine's life. Herself. She supposes she saw too much of herself in this child–his ability to draw out anger, his stubbornness, and the arrogance of a boy with an army behind him. She rubs at her temple, and she sighs. “You were reckless. Sentimental at best. That is not what I was teaching you.”
Rand lets out a bone-chilling laugh, one that would strike the fear of even a trolloc if it were heard. “Therein lies the problem, Moiraine. You never taught me, do you not remember your bloody saying? You can not teach me any more than a bird can teach a fish to fly?”
Moiraine only scoffs. Things like this showed her how little he truly understood about anything going on around him, just a boy with lots of power that he could not even begin to fathom. It was almost sad. “You are too soft, Rand Al'Thor, and do not take my word for it, even your dead Aielman can attest.” She had wanted to hit him hard, the saying was one Siuan had taught her, and the reminder hit harder than Rand would realize.
At that, Rand's eyes narrow dangerously, and he steps closer to her. Whether to scare her or not, Moiraine is unsure, but she is far too confident in her own power as she stands tall, or as tall as her stature allows. She would use the One Power to grow a bit taller, but it would defeat the purpose. “You are the Dragon Reborn, meant to lead us all to the final battle, and you treat it as if it will not be a battle. As if no one will be lost in the process of this and everyone will walk away with coin and love,” she says through gritted teeth. The Maidens form a half circle, most definitely meant to intimidate Moiraine.
“And you treat it as if people are disposable.” He would not admit he had begun thinking similarly because of Moiraine. He had analyzed that having Egwene and Avi around would be quite useful, which is why he kept her close. The very thought disgusted him now, though.
“They are!” Now her anger had shown, only Rand could get this out of her. “Everyone is dispensible, blood and ashes, even me, Rand.” Especially her “I have warned you time and time again that I will not be around forever, that you must be prepared for the day I am not around.”
She had seen her future, she had asked, she had planned, all of it. And all of it was going down the drain with each move Rand Al’Thor made without her knowledge. She was constantly playing catch-up to him, and she could not handle it. It is why she swore those oaths in the first place.
She was simply not important to anything in the pattern; it was going to take her out for a time, and it would be the end of that. But she worried about the state of things when she was gone; she had tried to give Rand lessons in the politics of things, in how to deal with nobles and navigate the world of Cairhien, but he never listened. She tried and tried, used all her power to help him fly. Now that he had learned, he flew higher and further than she could from her little cage. A cage of her own making, she learned too late. She could no longer reach him; all she could do was hope someone could save her from her fate.
“You are right, you are dispensable, Moiraine. You have been no help since you followed me to Rhuidean. All you have done is pull strings, then give up and swear an oath to do what I say. Making you even more useless because I do not want your help!”
It was true, all he had done since she swore that insane oath was being told to go away, but every day the Final Battle drew closer and she was more and more worried with each passing moment. What was she to do but swear the oath? It seemed logical at the time, and now she was not so sure.
“You want me gone so badly, Rand Al’Thor? Need I remind you that the last time you were separated from me, you ended up in Lanfear's clutches? What makes you think you can survive without me? What makes you think you are capable of surviving without my help?” she says without a second thought. The last time they were separated, he had nearly been caught by Lanfear, and in Cairhein, left to deal with wolves. Now they are back in Cairhien, and he is saying she isn’t needed.
“Since you are so smart, Moiraine, why are you alone? Why does everyone leave you or want to get away from you? Even Lan is indifferent now, with a new look on life that does not involve you.”
The next thing that follows is the sound of skin on skin, then a silence. The Maidens had raised their spears and placed them to Moiraine's throat in seconds. Tears threaten to fall. Rand had said something Moiraine did not like; he was pleased with it. But Moiraine was upset. “All I have ever done is help you. I have given up my life to help you. I have no one because being too close to me means being involved with you, which puts people in danger.” She pushes the spear away and straightens her skirts. “But I suppose you're right, I have created a world where there is nothing left for me to enjoy. Because I gave it all to you. My life has been yours since the moment you were born, and you treat it as if it is nothing.”
At that, Rand almost feels bad; the sight is a sad one with Moiraine looking as if she had been the one struck and not him. But he held his ground despite it all. “I did not ask you to,” was all he said, and that had earned a solemn smile from Moiraine.
“You are right, Rand Al’Thor, you did not ask me,” she starts, “But I did anyway, for it was my duty. But since I am no longer needed, I will take my leave. May the light guide you in your adventures, Rand, for today you have severed your own head and cut every useful tie you had. Goodbye, child.”
That was the last thing Moiraine had said to Rand before going through the Red Door to defeat Lanfear. She stayed to pack her things, though it was only after her death that anyone realized she had never done so. She never intended to leave Cairhien. If only Rhuidean had shown him that.