Work Text:
He really is a genius.
Suga's thoughts were filled with a slight disappointment at the skill of his junior. He knew he should be happy for the team and in a way he was, but the lingering knowledge that he would no longer be the team's setter weighed heavy on his heart.
---
"Hey you okay Suga? You've been pretty quiet and look like you're concentrating really hard."
Daichi's voice brought Suga back to reality, self doubt continuing to linger. They were walking home from practice like normal save for Suga's silence. He couldn't help help but dwell on the day's practice. It had consisted of many failed attempts at spiking by Hinata, Tsukishima's drawling sarcastic comments followed by minimal effort, but most importantly Kageyama finding his place as the team's setter. Understanding how one fits as the setter for one's specific team is vital for success. Finding that place is a difficult process, yet the moment in which it is found is unbelievably satisfying and remarkable. Suga longed to feel like he belonged, like he fit in the team, and he had always found that as a setter. Now he only felt panic and fear.
"Oh sorry! I was just thinking about our English lesson today that's all." Suga gave a shallow laugh to hopefully make Daichi believe him.
"It's Kageyama isn't it?"
Damn. Daichi always managed to see through him. Guess he should have suspected as much considering the time they spent together. But would it hurt him to be less insightful just once?
"No no it really is just English."
"Koushi."
Suga paused. The sound of his first name made his heart stop for just a moment. Daichi had used it before but it still made his breath catch in his throat. Daichi cared so much for him, that's why he would know something was wrong, of course he would, he just wasn't ready to talk about it yet.
Suga quickly turned towards Daichi and smiled, "C'mon we're almost to my house. Let's hurry so we can get our homework finished before 10 tonight."
Daichi gave a small smile in agreement though still dissatisfied with Suga dancing around what was really bothering him.
"We're home Mom!" Suga called as they entered the house and changed into house slippers.
"Hi Koushi, hi Daichi," she crooned, kissing the top of Suga's head.
"I'll have dinner ready in about thirty minutes, I'll call you when it's ready."
"Thanks you!" the two boys called as they headed up the stairs to Suga's room.
"Hey I'm gonna go ahead and take a shower, I positively reek," Suga said to Dachi with as little of his inner disappointment showing in his voice as he could. He knew that Daichi would pry as to what was wrong again, and would even be likely in getting the answer out of him. Suga wasn't ready for that yet, he needed time to himself before he talked to Daichi.
"Well I'll get started on the math homework then," Daichi replied as they set their bags down on the floor. Suga grabbed clean clothes and a towel as he headed to the bathroom.
Throwing his clothes and towel onto the counter with a little more force than he would have liked, he turned on the facet to let the water warm up before taking off his clothes and stepping in.
As the water flowed down his back all Suga could think about was how unfair it was. He had worked hard for so many years to get as decent as he was (sure we wasn't Oikawa but he was a still a good setter). He had been trying his hardest to keep the team together despite the problem with Asahi. He' s the senior. He should be the one who gets to play in all the matches shouldn't he? Kageyama is a first year, he has two more years to be a regular right?
Suga just slumped down against the cold tile of the shower and buried his face in his hands. He was right. He is the senior. That means he has to be the mature one, the one who can make the sacrifices for the good of the team. Being a senior sucks. Suga just laughed to himself at the thought. He stood up, finished washing his hair, and turned off the water.
As Suga came out of the bathroom his mother called him and Daichi down to dinner. The two ran down the stairs and thanked Suga's mother as they sat at the table. While his mother brought the food Koushi desperately hoped Daichi would have more tact than to ask what was wrong in front of his mother. There was no need to worry her.
"So boys how was practice?" Suga's mother asked.
"Well-"
"You remember four new first years I told you about," Suga interrupted, "well they're really starting to become part of team! Even the two that have absolutely hated each other from the moment they met at the junior high spring tournament last year seem to be making one of the most, well, beneficial duos I've ever seen."
Daichi gave Suga a sad smile before adding, "yah I wouldn't say they're effective yet, but I think given time they'll be quite the dangerous pair. I think they've got the chemistry that a setter and spiker need to become great."
Despite the seriousness of what Daichi had said, Suga couldn't help but laugh quietly to himself at the thought of romantic chemistry between the two most belligerent people.
Suga's small laugh made Daichi smile, but that didn't hide the fact that something was wrong, he couldn't hide that from him. Kageyama's skill was definitely upsetting him and Suga would likely try to keep it all bundled up inside. If it was anything like the last time Suga acted like this he would plunge into a depression that would last for weeks, Daichi was determined to not let that happen.
They finished dinner with menial conversation about school work and such before washing their dishes and heading up to Suga's room. Daichi plopped down on Suga's bed and leaned forward.
"It's Kageyama isn't it Koushi?"
Suga whipped around to face him, equal parts of hurt and anger blazing in his eyes.
"Of course it's about Kageyama Daichi! I've worked two more years than he has, I should have two more years of skill, I'm the senior, I should be the better player, I should be the one on the court, I should be the one to set to Asahi and show him that he's worth it and that we need him. But in he waltzes with his scowling face and setters disposition. He looks at the ball and at Hinata like he knows just how to make every move perfect. I don't doubt the amount of practice he's put into his skill but he's still my junior, I should have things to teach him not the other way around."
Suga plopped down onto the floor, not wanting to look into Daichi's eyes, their strong gaze would probably break him and he wasn't willing to cry just yet.
With a sigh he continued, "Trust me, I bear no ill will towards Kageyama; in fact I'm proud of him. I can already tell that if he can learn to work with his teammates he'll bring this team to a whole new level without even realizing it. So I guess... I'm not angry at Kageyama I'm angry at myself. Not angry even just disappointed. I've worked so hard for five years and in the end I'm still not good enough."
Suga hung his head, staring intently at the ground hoping maybe he could disappear for just a moment because he really didn't want to hear any of Daichi's encouragement.
When Suga had finished Daichi slid off the bed and sat on the floor in front of Suga. He scooted close enough that their knees brushed and took Suga's lean hands in his.
For a while they sat in silence with only the sounds or their breathing making any noise at all. Daichi didn't want to break the silence, not now at least, for the moment he just needed Suga to know that he was there for him.
When several minutes had passed Daichi spoke in a soft voice.
"Koushi," Suga looked up very slightly to meet his eyes, "you won't become a genius setter overnight or even over the next year, but that doesn't discount all the hard work you've done. Our first year I remember you stayed after practice for hours with the third year setter, and your mom sent me to come find you because you hadn't answered your phone. I remember that the day our captain gave you a regular spot your second year you were so excited that you convinced me to stay and help you practice setting. No one on this whole team, from any year you've been a part of it, even if the rookies don't know you well, will say that you aren't passionate, aren't dedicated, aren't hard working, aren't reliable. Because you are every single one of those things and so much more, and there is no one else on this entire planet that I would rather have as my vice-captain."
Suga sat up following Daichi's eyes as tears brimmed his own. Daichi looked down at Suga's hands fitted inside his own and began to trace circles over the pale skin with his thumbs as he began to speak, soft as before.
"And know that no matter how we end up you will always be the best friend anyone could ever ask for."
As he spoke Daichi held Suga's gaze to make sure he felt every bit of emotion he did.
Single tears rolled down Suga's cheeks. He wrapped his arms around Daichi's neck and buried his face in his shoulder. Daichi held Suga close, running his hands up down the leaner back pressed against him. After a small while Suga leaned back and looked at Daichi, the hint of a smile playing at the edge of his mouth.
"Will you be alright?" Daichi asked, trying to detect any bitterness behind the slight smile.
"Mm," Suga replied, "I'll be okay."