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“Mrs Hall! Audrey!”
It was funny really, because if she didn’t know it to be impossible, Audrey Hall might think she’d just heard her erstwhile employer shouting her name. However, considering the atmosphere in which they had parted ways not so many hours ago, as well as the fact that Siegfried Farnon had never once uttered her Christian name in her presence in all their years of living and working together, he was the last person she’d expect to be calling out to her, now, at the train station.
But then she looked up, and there he was.
“Mr Farnon! There’s really no need,” She began, exasperated and perhaps a little irritated that after summarily breaking her heart in the kitchen that morning with his harsh dismissal of her care for him, and knowing as he must (surely he must) how hard it was for her to leave this place — her home for so long — again, that he could not even allow her to leave in the relative piece of her solitary sadness.
However, Siegfried did not stop to catch his breath, or allow Audrey to form another sentence, before he launched into a speech that, were it not for the rambling and half-coherent chain of thoughts and the fact that his eyes alternated constantly between gazing with an unnerving intensity into her own, or at a point just above and beyond her left shoulder, she might have thought he’d rehearsed it.
“You’re off the hook. I've never really put much faith in all that "if you love someone, set them free" nonsense, as evidenced by everything I've done in my life since I met you, but I am determined to be happy, Audrey. Happy in this life. And I love you. I mean, I always-- I have always, always loved you. But our timing just hasn’t been right. And the way I see it, time is no man's friend. So I have to get right with that and be happy, now. Because this is it. This is all that we get. If there's one thing I've learned from this sorry, blasted war, that’s it.”
Confused was an understatement, why had he come all this way — and in such a hurry it seemed, by his heavy breathing and dishevelled hair — to tell her that he was happy to let her go, despite, (to her absolute astonishment, and further annoyance at his characteristic nonsensical behaviour) the fact that he apparently loved her!
It was really no wonder that none of the housekeepers he had briefly employed in the time before she first came to Skeldale, and in these intervening three years when she had been in Sunderland, had not worked out. For who could possibly want to put up with such ridiculous nonsense from a man, well into adulthood, who had successfully started his own business saving the lives of animals (and the livelihoods of their owners) with his own two hands, but who was so hapless when it came to looking after himself, his home, and the day to day running of said business? Not to mention the general disinterest in people which made maintaining customer satisfaction a challenge, or the fact that such an irascible nature as his often made being in close quarters with the man an endurance test in patience and empathy. How had she endured so many years of it? It was a valid question, no doubt silently asked by many who had met them over time.
Just as she was forming a response, Audrey caught sight of the crowd behind Siegfried who were jubilantly shaking hands and embracing, which only added to her confusion, and thus meant that she didn’t notice that Siegfried had begun talking again.
“Actually, um, hold on. I'm not done yet. You see, I say “You’re off the hook,” because I also want for you to be happy, Audrey. It's really important for me that you be happy. And I am well aware that, considering how I have conducted myself in the last few days, it is very unlikely that you would decide that the place where you would be happiest is with us — me — at Skeldale. I’m very sorry for that, and I will have to learn to live with it, but I want you to be with someone who can be a part of the life that you want for yourself. Whatever that looks like, whether it be Edward and his family, or even some man that you haven't even met yet! I want you to be with someone who makes you feel like I feel when I'm with you. What I’m trying, not very successfully, to say is that the simple act of being in love with you will have to be enough for me. So, you're off the hook…”
He sighed, as he finished this arresting speech, as if a wave of pain had just receded from him but the relief of having got through all of what he wanted to say was short lived when he took note of Audrey’s consternated expression, and the fact that she wasn’t looking at him but was instead quite focused on whatever was going on behind him. How long had she not been paying attention to him?
Her distraction was confirmed to him when she suddenly turned her gaze back to him to exasperatedly say, “I’m sorry but… what’s got into everybody?”
Siegfried was about to berate her for not giving his tragic, romantic monologue the attentiveness that it was due but then he registered the cheering and delighted laughter that was apparently still going on behind him, and he realised then that she didn’t know the war was over and so thought it only fair that he inform her, before he would gently (but firmly) steer her back to the more pressing matter at hand.
“What?” Audrey was struck dumb by his simple, matter of fact declaration. It was clearly the last thing that she’d expected him to say and although he didn’t want to insult her intelligence, his first and not insubstantial attempt at emotional vulnerability had rather taken it out of him, so he was not really sure what else to say to clarify things for her other than to name who they were fighting against. It seemed to do the trick though, and he smiled fondly at her as he watched her eyes go ablaze with hope, and nearly six years of tension melt off of her shoulders. Siegfried had no more than a millisecond to appreciate this sight before Audrey launched herself at him and threw her arms around him in joy, repeating those awe-inspiring words “It’s over!” again and again.
In the different versions of this which he had played out in his mind on his alarmingly short journey here, the end of the war wasn’t the reason for which she ended up in his arms but he would take it, because in at least three of the alternate universes which he had cooked up for himself she either slapped him, told him she never wanted to see or hear from him again, or just did nothing and got on the train. So no matter how short lived this beautiful little moment turned out to be, he would be grateful for it, and cherish it. Siegfried had meant what he said, if Audrey wanted to go for good, he would get on with his life and do his best by his patients, customers, and remaining family so that they didn’t all leave him too, and he would try every day to honour her and his irrevocable love for her. He would be brave, and endeavour to always do the right thing, and do his absolute best to become more reliable, just like his stalwart. He wouldn’t allow all of her diligent care and hard work of the last ten years (or close enough) to go to waste.
Luckily, he didn’t get time to become overwhelmed by the pressure of this promise to himself because in his ear Audrey whispered, “What if I don’t want to be let off the hook?”
Siegfried’s body went rigid. He didn’t know what to do. A large part of him wanted to pick up this wonderful woman in his arms and twirl her around, so jubilant with hope was he upon hearing that whispered confession; but another, more convincing, part told him not to for fear that he had actually misheard her, or even imagined it, and so he opted (cowardly, perhaps) to wait and see what she did next. For her own part, Audrey was was rather pleased with herself for taking him by surprise, two could play at that game, and she was not disappointed by the stunned expression which she saw plastered across his face as she leaned back slightly to look up at him.
He blinked slowly and, to her delight, tightened the hold of his already vice-like grip, upon the sides of her coat, as if he was afraid she might still run off onto the train. The daft beggar.
“Do you mean it?”
She laughed at that and nodded enthusiastically.
“Just take me home, you ridiculous creature. Rushing all the way over here to tell me you love me and you’ll let me go if I want to in one breath. That doesn’t even make sense! But the war’s over and our boys made it through. They made it home to us. We’ve got a lot to celebrate and be grateful for, and we shouldn’t forget it. I may have wandered off but I never forgot what I left behind, even if it seemed I did. And I’m sorry. But if you want me, and you’ll have me, then I’d like to come back to where I belong. I love you too, Siegfried Donald Farnon, and I’m grateful for you. Even if I don’t always know why.” A teasing glint appeared in Audrey’s eyes but it wasn’t enough to cover up the earnest hope and love, and remaining relief that the last five, stressful years of their lives had come to an end, and a wayward tear spilled down her cheek before she could check it.
Almost as a reflex, Siegfried reached his right hand up to softly brush it away and let his palm linger against her cheek, his left still bunched in the fabric at her side. Though not quite so tightly now. Unbeknownst to him, a few tears had also escaped his own eyes and Audrey brought her own hand up, mirroring what he just done, and they both let a breathy laugh at their unusual, emotional states.
When she also didn’t move her hand away from his cheek, he turned his head to kiss her palm, before levelling her with a look of promise and determination and saying, “I don’t know why you entertain me either, my dear, but I know you to have an impeachable sense of reason, so if you say you love me then it must be worthy cause.” He drummed up all the self-importance he contained in himself in a mock show of pride that had her laughing in that wonderful, hearty way that she did, and which he had missed so incredibly much in the last three years. And then, overcome once again by the pure elation that she was choosing him over her flesh and blood, he pulled her as close to him as possible, and pressed a reverent kiss to her forehead before finally resting his own against it, hoping to prolong this blissful moment for as long as possible.
The other people on the platform could go rot for all he cared, but then Siegfried supposed that they were probably too wrapped up in their own happy celebrations to really be paying any attention to the two of them anyway. However, their moment of delicious silence was only a moment, as the two lovers were startled out of their embrace by the shrill sounding of the station master’s whistle, and the thundering to life of the train’s engine. Clearly, in the intensity of their exchange, they had missed the last call to board the train.
“Well, too late to change your mind now, I’m afraid,” Siegfried cheerfully declared as he reached down to pick up Audrey’s suitcase. He was surprised to find that it felt quite heavy considering she had said when she arrived that she was only coming for a few days but he wouldn’t say anything. She would only reprimand him if he gloated and he wanted her to continue smiling at him in that beautifully soft way, which she now was, for as long as possible.
If any onlookers did take notice of the pair of them as they strolled off of the platform, arm in arm, grinning at each other, as one jauntily swung a suitcase and the other absentmindedly led along a jolly-looking spaniel, they most likely would have assumed that this was simply a couple who were happy to hear that years of unrest, disturbing news, and ubiquitous worry had finally come to end. And they wouldn’t be wrong, but just for the next little while (the time it took to drive back to Darrowby per se), that turn of events would be secondary to the private one which had just taken place between one Siegfried Farnon and Audrey Hall of Skeldale House.