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It was a few days — or maybe even a week (casey couldn't tell,) since the boxing match. Her knuckles were healing well; turns out punching people wasn't as easy as in the movies. Which — Casey's never been a real violence gal, but, god, when Faye was repeatedly punching JJ, it made her sick to her stomach. With rage, with care, casey couldn't tell. She could never tell. Because, with JJ, things were complicated. Casey and JJ were two complicated girls.
Either way, casey had bigger things to think about than her feelings towards JJ, her hate towards Faye and Zoey, and the ever-looming presence of her mother.
the crisp air… the cold breeze... the orange leaves…
It was fall! Casey's favorite time of the year. When she was younger, like, toddler young, it was winter. Because, Christmas was her favorite holiday. Her mom was always there, and she got to play with Zoey, it was awesome. Not to mention the presents. When her mom stopped showing up, in middle school, it was summer. It was when she first started getting popular, and hot, so she wanted to show as much skin as possible. Pool parties where she could pretend to like boys, getting ice cream with Zoey and Taylor, listening to the latest gossip about Emma by Zoey, it was the best. But, now, as a junior, it was fall, because Halloween was there.
Casey was always good at pretending. Pretending for boys in middle school, pretending she didn't love JJ, pretending not having her mom didn't hurt sometimes, it was always bad pretending though. But on Halloween, it was good pretending. Pretending to be Regina George, pretending to be a different character, that was the time when she could pretend nicely. In a way that her heart didn't break.
So here she was, falling asleep in her bed, wondering what she would need to pretend about tomorrow.
The door softly creaked, a soft light spreading onto the hard wooden floor, shining rays of soft gold and blue. Casey mumbles something, that oddly sounds like a curse, waking up from her slumber as she notices the hue of a light being on. She huffs, assuming maybe she left a light on. She should really start sleeping with her door closed, then she wouldn’t have had to wake up. She pads out to the living room, which opens into a spacious kitchen, that has an island in the middle. Outside of the island, there was a wall that made, well, basically a bar. It was a wall that came from the ceiling down, and in the middle, a window was there. There was a counter, and a few barstools. This is where Casey usually ate. When she looked around, there was no light, so she stepped deeper into the house, landing in the lit living room. That's when she knew.
"Mom." she murmurs, not a question, but a statement. The only other person who had a key to what felt like Casey's house, at this point. Casey's soft sleepy eyes couldn't make out the shape of her mother, but her features were delicate in the night light, her harsh blonde hair turned more into something like a golden sheet, and her sickening perfume into more of a gentle humm fading into the air it made her mom feel less plastic, and more human, if that was even possible.
"Casey? Didn't know you'd be up. I swear, is this what teenagers do these days? Stay up?" her mom said in that repulsive accent that, as a younger child, had always made her wince. (Yes, looking back at it, Casey realizes maybe that wasn't the healthiest thing that she was wincing at her mom's every word.)
"im 16. im barely even a teenager, so don't call me that." Casey said in a subdued voice. Her sleepy eyes focused on her mom, and the features she thought she saw were replaced with the harsh truth. Her hair was now a prickly white-ish blonde that was clearly fake, and her perfume was now nauseating, filling the room with something that smelled like nostalgia and the feeling of your childhood being crushed by a manicured nail.
"see? teenager. Teenagers are sassy." her mom says in a matter-of-fact tone, making it seem like she was STATING that she was a teenager — that she was sassy, not giving her a choice. That made sense. Her mom never gave her choices in things. Why change now? Why change in the harsh light of the moon pouring in from the kitchen window? she didn't change when Casey begged her not to leave, when casey asked her, one day, when she had no food as a 9-year-old, "please mama, you can stay away but please buy me food. please." so, Casey knew she wouldn't change now, wouldn't change ever. No thought of even hoping.
When Casey was younger, she had fantasies of her mom changing. Being more like other kids' moms, actually staying and making dinner, or teaching Casey girly things, like how to paint her nails or do makeup. Casey did, in fact, learn those things — those things are what shaped her today, what molded her into being the most popular girl in school, but she learned how to do her nails from ms assman, or well, Jessie. And how to do her makeup from Zoey. Not to mention how to do everyday tasks, too. Zoey was her best friend for a reason, after all. Despite being an airhead bitch, Zoey was the one who taught her at least how to put on heels, and how to brush her teeth. In fact, when Casey hadn't had anything to eat for days due to her mom not being home and no food in the fridge, Zoey had purposely asked her dad for cooking lessons, and after she learned? she taught Casey. Although, she wasn't the best cook at the time, she helped Casey learned the basics, and that's what kept her from being a corpse whenever her mom would have found her.
Casey doesn't say anything else, and neither does her mom. Casey walks to the marbled counter, her feet making a soft thumping noise on the cold hardwood floor. She sits on one of the bar chairs, and she gently sighs, pushing her hair against her shoulder back onto her back. Tracing one of the blotch patterns on the table, a soft humm of air settled around them. Never to be spoken of, or repaired, but enough where they could understand, that even by blood, they'll never be fully related, they'll never be mother and daughter, just Casey, and her mom. "Heidi." That'll never show up for her wedding, or her first kid, just a dull stroke of paint in the big painting that's gonna be Casey's life someday.
Her mom pulls out a cigarette from her shirt - and or her chest, something that, conveniently, she could afford to get done, but couldn't afford to pay for Casey's basic necessities. Huh. veryyy cool, mom. Heidi walks to a kitchen drawer filled with miscellaneous items and pulls out a lighter. She brings it to the cigarette, and lights it, slowly taking a drag. She pulls out another and offers it to Casey, but Casey looks repulsed and shakes her head. "I've got my own, im good. Thanks." Casey replys, even though there was no question that was even asked.
After a few minutes of silence, Casey speaks up, focusing back on Heidi's sharp features and face. "Don't smoke in the house." Casey huffs, sitting in such a way that resembled, well and truly, an adult. Because that's what Casey had to become. "My, house." Heidi chides in an unplayful way. "Plus, I know you smoke in here." Heidi rolls her eyes, looking away. "Yeah, I do, but I bring it onto the front porch. Can you do that?" Casey says dryly. When her mom looked away, she did too. She wasn't gonna put in the unnecessary effort of looking when her mom wouldn't even do it back.
"what's that," Heidi nods to caseys wrapped knuckles, finally watching as her cigarette turned to ash. "nothing, school drama, whatever, you know what uts like, you've met Taylor and Zoey mom." she mumbles, hiding her knuckles, burying them into her sides, "last time I checked, Zoey was to dum to know how to hit, and Taylor was the violent one. Come on, you can tell me what's up." Heidi smirks. Casey was genuinely wondering about snapping. Maybe, in a different universe, she could yell about how Heidi gave up every right as a mom when she abandoned her. But not this universe, no. "Besides, where's Zoey? I haven't seen her in a while." Heidi breaks the silence, Heidi walks towards Haley, sitting beside her. "You still have alcohol, or did you drink all of it?"
"Taylor took it, I think. Dunno." casey sighs, shifting uncomfortably away from her mom on the bar chair, if that was even possible. Casey was lying — she hadn't seen Taylor drink in a while, but she didn't wanna spend the little time with her mom, drunk. "anyways, besides, it's just, nothing, something happened with JJ, and Faye, and-" Heidi stops casey talking. "Who's Faye? I mean… I might have heard about her before but, it doesn't quite ring a bell." Heidi says, trying to start a conversation with her daughter. "Oh? Faye! She's this new student, she's like, so stupid. So, basically, JJ and Zoey had gotten together, and, Zoey cheated on her with Faye! So, they were always fighting and-" casey pauses mid-sentence. This was too good to be true. "Whatever. Just, anyway. Don't you have work or are you gonna stay here?" casey mumbles, Heidi scoffs. "Young lady, don't talk you your mother like that," Heidi growls. "I've given you everything. I've given you a HOUSE. And FOOD. Now look at where you are. You're perfect. You are the most popular girl, and you have two popular best friends. I MADE you. You should RESPECT me and LOVE me, casey smith." Heidi raises her voice. casey doesn't flinch, she almost did, but she didn't. she was to used to it to flinch. "you're not my mom," she says coolly. whatever. not an alternate universe, fuck it, she can do it in this one. "you lost that privilege when you fucked jjs dad. You lost that privilege when you let me smoke at 11. You lost it WHEN YOU STOPPED SHOWING UP!" she huffs, standing up. "You know what Mom? You're a fucking disgrace. I hate being your daughter. im glad you're a fake blonde cause that means I don't even look like you. You left me. as a CHILD. Oh, and by the way? It's only one popular friend. You’d know that if you were HERE. Zoey isn't my friend and she never will be!" she yells, lashing out and tears pool into her eyes. She quickly wipes them, so quick it could hurt, because crying wasn't casey. Heidi Smith, wasn't Casey. Zoey. Wasn't. Casey.
Heidi looks stunned for a minute — confused even.
She stands up, towering over casey. "Fine then, have it that way, smartass." Heidi growls, as she shoves casey while walking away. She didn't have anything else to say, after all. She picks up a purse she had dropped on the ground when she first came in, and walks out the door. She rakes over casey one last time. "By the way, you should try to be friends with Zoey again. She's hot, and rich. She's more valuable as your friend than an enemy." She then turns on her heel and walks into the breezy night air, slamming the door behind her.
She leaves casey.
Just like how she left long before.
So Casey didn't cry, she just stood there, in that spot, where she had before, a long while before, because in the end, she was just pretending again.
Because she always pretended.
But at least Halloween was around the corner.