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Chapter Text

PROLOGUE

Secrets Bleed Too

She stared at the wall of her room, eyes blank and hands cold. The sunglight shone golden as it streamed in, warm rays futile in their attempts to banish the chill that settled within her bones. Her mind spiralled with secrets and recent discoveries, all made worse with the war looming over her world. The guilt had long since dulled, far overshadowed by her grief of what she had lost.

And what she had gained.

The reports were still in her desk, buried deep beneath the useless papers in the last drawer, out of sight but ominous in their presence. She had debated burning them, or burying them, but hadn't the guts or the heart to do either. And now, she could hear the words calling out to her, whispering pleas in her ears, settling in her throat like a scream.

The war was close. If she wanted to do something, now was the time.

She stood--slowly and mechanically, as she did everything these days--and walked to the desk. She dug the papers out of their grave, watching the words form and reform in front of her eyes, meaning nothing and everything at once. The reports crinkled as her fingers clenched, skin too pale and heart too sore.

The papers rustled as she folded them in half--once, twice, thrice--until they were small enough to fit in her pocket. She didn't stop to glance at the mirror, where she knew she would be greeted by skin white as sheet, puffy bloodshoot eyes and dark circles. She walked straight out her room, out her home, and towards the Hokage's Tower.

The papers were heavy in her pocket, and her fingers tightened around them, assuring her once again that they were real, that this was real. That he had been real. The memories drummed behind her skull, precious and insistent. Memories she was going to voice out loud for the first time.

After all, there were only so many secrets she could keep.

Chapter Text

CHAPTER ONE

Fire In A Bell Jar

PRE-WAR - A SMALL CLEARING OUTSIDE KONOHA

Clutching her pounding head, Hinata coughed violently, watching through her blurring vision as drops of blood fell on the forest floor. She blinked once, twice to clear away her tears before they fell. The dirt ground was cool against her burning forehead and Hinata stifled a cry.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

She refused to show her despair, refused to give this monster the satisfaction of seeing how hopeless he made her feel. Her head pounded behind her eyes, sharp needles forcing their way past her skull. A simple retrieval mission. A c-rank at best. Only...c-rank missions didn't leave Kiba bleeding dry, as good as dead and herself struggling to stand. For once, she didn't even blame her own weakness for letting herself decline to such a pathetic state.

None of this was supposed to happen.

Red clouds on a black cloak. Shap teeth beneath blue skin. A sword almost taller than her. And she knew he was just toying with her. Half-hearted slashes which were still too fast for her to dodge, lazy lunges which burned despite only grazing her skin. And her chakra was getting low.

Is this the end?

Hinata closed her eyes, head still on the ground. Not wanting to see the monster, the blood.

I don't want to die.

Through her Byakugan, she could see Kiba's pulse weakening, his body slowing sinking into the pool of his own blood, Akamaru whimpering next to him. He needed help, even if she was the best he had.

For him.

Trembling, she forced herself to her elbows, then knees, then eventually her feet. She stumbled, before catching herself; the only thing more insulting than having her opponent wait for her to stand was falling before he attacked again.

The Akatsuki member's grin widened as he raised an eyebrow.

"Stubborn Hyuga. Stay down and I might make it quick."

His words gave her the energy to straighten, a burst of anger, fiery and savage, burning up her chest-

"I am not a Hyuga." -which she prompty wasted, her words sharp and teeth bared.

The monster barked out a sudden laugh, raising his sword to point at her.

"I won't ask again, girl."

Hinata responded by lunging, trying to close the distance to use her gentle fist. In a blink, that enormous sword was barelling towards her, and despite dodging, she felt the sting of yet another cut at her arm.

"Hyuga blood." The monster sneered. "A rare treat for Samehada. I'll make sure to savour every drop."

Shuddering, Hinata stumbled back, once again at square one. Abandoning her gentle-fist for now, she fumbled a kunai out of her pouch. It won't do much except somewhat block that large sword, but the alternative was wasting what little chakra she had left for attacks that wouldn't have an affect anyway. Holding the kunai in front of her, Hinata dashed forward again. The contact of steel with the sword reverberated through her body, the sheer strength behind the weapon making her knees buckle. Her arms were shaking beneath the strain, bloody and sore.

The Akastuki member pressed forward, sharp teeth grinning. His shifted just a few centimeters to the left, tilting his weapon along with him.

It was as good of an opening as she would get in this situation.

The rest was reflex; move right, dig her foot in the ground, pivot on her heel, raise her other foot for the attack. Time slowed as Hinata watched his eyes widen. The kick made contact, a sickening thunk of her heel smashing into the back of his skull. Hinata felt the impact of it down to her bones, pain shooting up her leg. She staggered back, knees finally giving in as she hit the ground, panting.

Her vision blurred once again, a thousand needles digging into her eyes. She bit the inside of her cheek and the world came back into focus.

The forest, still silent. The clearing, still red. The sword, now sticking out of the ground. The Akatsuki member now bent over, leaning against his weapon. He had one hand to the back of his neck, a loud stream of curses gritted past those sharp teeth. He looked up, eyes narrowed.

Hinata felt her heart drop.

The amusement was gone from his beady eyes, lips twisted into a furious scowl. Hinata tried to control her ragged breathing, praying to any god who was listening, that the monster would stay down.

"You little bi-" He staggered, words caught in his throat. She watched the confusion flicker over his expression, then realization then molten rage. He tried to straighten again, but his sword arm remained limp beside him. The chakra she had infused into that kick had worked.

Without proper aim, she hadn't known which tenketsu her chakra would block. Maybe she had finally lucked out. It didn't last for long.

The man straightened, mouth twisted into a snarl, then moved to grasp the sword in his unaffected hand. Hinata's vision blurred again, this time because of her tears. Her throat was heavy, heart pounding too loudly.

Help me. The thought made her feel more pathetic than any insult ever could. Someone please, help me.

There was a rustle of a cloak. A sigh almost lost in the breeze. Silence...then a voice.

"That's enough, Kisame."

Cool words, smooth as silk. And within them was steel that was more threat than authority. 'Kisame' immediately stiffened. Hinata watched the change in his posture, the subtle discomfort shadowing his expression. Her eyes slowly left him, dread and desperation bubbling her her chest, as she finally looked over to the newcomer.

Red clouds on a black cloak. Black hair fluttering in the breeze. Lips pressed in a tight line. His eyes opened.

The last of her hope dissipated as she came face to face with the Sharingan.

POST-WAR - HOKAGE'S OFFICE

Kakashi closed his eyes as the door flew open, the impact of it reverberating through the walls of the Hokage's office. Blonde hair flashed across his vision, twin braids whipping as the tap tap tap of quick footsteps approached. Golden eyes, sharp as blades, narrowed in fury. Kakashi only leaned back in his seat, unfazed and unrepentant, as the woman scowled.

About time.

"Tsunade-sama." A tilt of his head to acknowledge her, but nothing more to show his surprise.

"Hokage-sama." The words were a sneer, gritted through clenched teeth. "A word, if you please."

Kakashi held her molten gaze for another moment before shifting to look over her shoulder. First at Shizune--who was staring at the former Hokage with wide eyes and parted lips--then at Shikamaru, who glanced at Tsunade, at the book in her hands, then turned to Kakashi, frowning in realization.

Kakashi ignored the questions in the former and disapproval in the latter, only nodding to dismiss them. The door had scarcely shut behind them, when Tsunade slammed the book on the desk with another loud thud.

"What the hell is this?" Kakashi didn't need to look at the page she had opened, at the lavender eyes and midnight hair of the newest addition to the Bingo book. Instead, donning the most bored expression he could muster beneath his mask, he shrugged.

"Protocol."

The desk gave a dangerous creak as Tsunade leaned forward, looming over him like a storm cloud. "You put Hinata in as a missing-nin."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow, conveying just the right amount of confusion in his tone. "Should I not have?"

He watched as the former Hokage grinded her teeth, hands fisting on the desk. It would be stretch to say he hadn't expected her reaction, but the sheer rage rolling off her was a surprise.

"Two months have passed since her disappearance." He explained, pleasent tone at odds with the tense air. "Like I said...protocol."

Tsunade's lips twisted further in response before she took a deep breath. "Take her off."

"Excuse me?"

"I said take her off." There was steel in her tone, the kind of ice that came from years of leadership. Finally abandoning his carefree appearance, Kakashi straightened, jaw locking.

"Shinobi who disappear without notifying their kage are granted a week's time frame to report back or confirm their status." It was easy to catch twitch in Tsunade's jaw that Kakashi--in his time as her shinobi--had come to associate with secrets or lies.

"But the Bingo book?" She pushed the book towards him again. "You might as well have put a target on her!"

He couldn't quite stop himself from scoffing, eyebrow raised an disbelief.

"I'm more worried about the shinobi stupid enough to test her Byakygan. At the very least, putting her in the Bingo book will provide some information about her wherebouts, since our search parties have been grossly outplayed."

"She's in no condition to fight!" The outburst made Kakashi pause, along with the slam of Tsunade's hand on the desk.

The words settled between them in the silece, heavy with a meaning that was lost on Kakashi. The same words Tsunade had used when removing Hinata from the war roster.

He watched the slight tremble of her fists, ragged breaths leaving her.

"I understand you've become fond of her, Tsunade-sama." He began slowly, hands clasping together on the desk. "But I can't make exceptions just because she is a friend."

Tsunade's fists tightened, and Kakashi watched her knuckles turn white.

"So unless you know something I don't...my hands are tied."

Tsunade scoffed in realization, pulling away, retreating from the desk.

"So that's what this is about? Because I'm keeping secrets?"

Yes.

"If my shinobi disappear into thin air without an explanation, I deserve to know why." Kakashi slowly stood, hands planted on his desk.

Her lips pursed in response, still stubborn, still hiding.

"Does it matter anymore?"

"It matters enough for you to barge in my office and make demands."

Kakashi watched her stiffen, held her gaze in silent defiance until Tsunade's shoulders slumped. Eyes dropping, finally signaling her surrender in this year-long war between them. Kakashi felt the tension leave his shoulders, the constant headache that had been clawing at his skull for an year too long finally relaxing. He dropped back into his chair with a deep sigh that gave away his relief.

The silence stretched. Kakashi clasped his hands on the desk again.

"So where is she?"

Eyes clenched shut, as if bracing herself, Tsunade sighed. "I don't know. I really don't."

Kakashi bit back a frustrated sound. "Then what do you know?"

Tsunade crossed her arms. She looked truly tired, the way she had never looked in her time as Hokage. As if passing on the position had done little to relieve her of her burden.

"I only know the why." Arms crossed, fingers tapping restlessly against her skin.

Kakashi straightened, leaned forward. "Then let me rephrase: why did she leave?"

Their eyes met again. Dark circles mirrored across both of them and the whole world stopped in the breath it took for Tsunade to finally confess.

"Because she was a traitor." Kakashi blood ran cold. "And it was the only way for her to stay alive."

Chapter Text

CHAPTER TWO

Gentle Rain From Heaven

PRE-WAR - A SMALL CLEARING OUTSIDE KONOHA

The forest had gone silent the moment the eldest Uchiha arrived. Even the air seemed to still at his voice, and Hinata tried desperately to stifle her ragged breathing. It was a stretch to hope that he would overlook her, but Hinata had felt enough eyes gaze around her, gaze through her, for her to consider the possibility seriously. Her head was slumped in her arms, eyes clenched shut behind them, wishing she could blink and find herself back in her room. Instead, as she peeked through her hair, she found blood red eyes staring right back at her.

Her heart gave a painful, heavy thud, and Hinata barely hid her flinch.

"Leave. Tend to your injuries." Uchiha Itachi finally looked away from her, and any hope she held at his words being directed towards her dissipated when he turned to the other Akatsuki member. "I will join you after cleaning up this mess."

Mess. Because that's what it was to him. A mess.

'Kisame' grunted but didn't argue. Hinata watched with little reflief as he grabbed his sword with his unaffected hand and disappeared deep into the forest. A few more seconds passed before his presence disappeared, leaving her alone with yet another monster.

Hinata could feel the sweat trailing down her neck as the steady thump, thump, thump of footsteps came closer. Her eyes were shut again, breathing having somewhat evened out in a desperate attempt to feign unconsciousness. But she could feel his eyes, could feel them trailing over her sprawled form, could feel her skin burning beneath his gaze.

Was she already in his Genjutsu? Had the split second she'd met his eyes been enough?

The footsteps stopped right in front of her, replaced by the faint rustle of the cloak. For a moment, she felt it: the warmth of fingers brushing her chin, heated skin against her own.

Then, fingers clasped around her jaw, rough and unrelenting, yanking her up. Any sound she might have made was trapped in her throat, kept hostage by the fingers digging into her windpipe. Hinata choked for air, tears finally escaping, hands flying to claw at the hand squeezing her neck. Dark spots hovered at the edge of her vision, taunting her with promises of relief, but the pressure at her neck wasn't enough to make her pass out. Just enough to remind her that he could, if he wanted to. Just enough to make a point.

"Open your eyes." His grip loosened, just a little bit, letting her gasp--greedily and shamelessly--for more air. "Or I will finish him off."

Him?

Hinata's hands clenched in the dirt below when she remembered Kiba, still slumped against the tree, still dying, still having his life clasped in her worthless hands.

Hinata opened her eyes. The haze in her mind settled and her vision sharpened. The black and red separated, giving shape to the three tomoe Sharingan. Her whole form trembled but Hinata held his gaze.

Hinata didn't need to have heard about him to realize there was something very very wrong with this man. Locked jaw and lips pressed tight, shadowed with the weight of all he had done. His eyes were cool, yet Hinata had never seen something so intense in her life. His expression betrayed nothing and it was only when her lungs began to burn did she realize that she had stopped breathing.

The tomoe in his eyes started spinning. Instinctively, Hinata tried to pull away but his grip tightened again. Her consciousness began to slip, the shaking in her limbs slowly subsiding. She slumped, hands previously digging in his wrist falling away. Her periphery blurred, the colors twisting and turning, until everything was just a mess of crimson and black.

Her body was too heavy, and she barely noticed when the Uchiha let her go, letting her slump back to the ground. It felt so good to finally lay down, to finally rest. She was underwater and there were footsteps, very faint and growing fainter still, but she could only faintly remember whose. As the world faded, Hinata grabbed the last vestiges of her consciousness and bit the inside of her cheek. Hard. 

Her vision splintered, shards of glass cracking in front of her eyes and someone was screaming, for one second, two, before the silence returned. The forest was still quiet, her body still aching, her teammate still dying.

Only this time, the silence was loud not with the warning of danger, but with the whisper of mercy.

POST-WAR - HOKAGE'S OFFICE

There was a chill hovering the Hokage's office, tension thick under the weight of Tsunade's words. Kakashi could only stare, wondering if he had heard the former Hokage correctly. The punchline he was waiting for never came.

"A traitor?" He finally echoed, enunciating the word slowly to ensure it was not misheard. "As in, someone who has committed treason?"

Tsunade rubbed her temple in response, letting out a heavy sigh. "Yes."

A chill went down his spine. Kakashi took a deep breath, too many questions in his head, trying to give a voice to his incoherent thoughts.

"What are you saying, Lady Tsunade?"

There was another beat of silence before Tsunade leaned over the desk. One hand moved to her side, disappearing into a hidden pocket Kakashi hadn't noticed until now. The rustle of papers was loud in the silence as Tsunade pulled them out.

"She left a letter."

Silence.

"Kurenai found it almost two months after Hinata disappeared."

Silence.

"No one else knows."

Silence.

Then: "...What the fuck, Tsunade?"

His tone was too even, too calm. Kakashi took pride as a shinobi who masked his reactions--literally and figuratively--but he now could feel the anger and irritation clawing at the edge of his subconscience. All those battles and two wars, and what wrecked his composure was betrayal from his own shinobi.  His hand slowly slid across the desk, pulling the wrinkled papers towards him, flipping them open in slow, mechanical motions.

Familiar handwriting stared back at him, flowing words he had peeked countless times in mission reports.

The truth is...been lying...sorry...my fault...consequences...have to go...ashamed as a shinobi...involved with someone-

He slowly stood up. The words were shifting in front of his eyes, and it took a second for him to realize that his hand was shaking.

"I think its best to leave my headband behind. After everything I have done, I don't think I deserve it." Kakashi began reciting. Out the the corner of his eyes, he saw Tsunade grimace. "I know you all have questions. You have for a while. But I don't think I can answer them without breaking your heart. The things you will hear will only let you down. Konoha is no place for me anymore."

The words landed between them, jagged and sharp like glass shards. Kakashi lowered the papers. Tsunade must have seen some sembelance of a reaction because she faltered.

"Why wasn't I told about this?"

"There were...complications." Tsunade had her arms crossed. Then she sighed, a kind of defensiveness reflecting in her golden eyes. "Its not what you think, Kakashi."

He scoffed, waving the papers between them, before slamming them on the desk. "This is practically a confession. I have complete authority to put her in the bingo book."

Tsunade's jaw locked, eyes narrowing. "You know Hinata would never-"

"Then why run away?" Kakashi couldn't stop himself from snapping. This was a far bigger mess than he had been expecting. No wonder Tsunade had kept it from him; that way, at least he could've claimed ignorance when this got out.

He gestured towards the letter. "If whatever she did was so harmless, then why even confess to this? Why write this?"

Tsunade opened her mouth, words at the tip of her tongue, before immediately swallowing them down. Kakashi stared at the tightness of her lips, at odds with the conflict in her eyes.

"You know more, don't you?" He stepped away, shaking his head, slumping back into his chair. "More that you're not going to tell me, no matter how much I push."

Tsunade didn't agree but her silence said enough. Instead, Kakashi watched her expression soften, growing more weary than tense. "She will be back."

"You don't know that."

"I do. I need you to trust me on this, Kakashi."

"There are rules-"

"Stop pretending you want to do this to her." The words landed like they were meant to, and Kakashi was too worn out to hide his flinch. Over the months, Hinata had become something of a student of his own. With Kurenai being out of commission due to her pregnancy, it had been easy to take the role of her mentor. She had surprised him in many ways, and earned his respect in countless others.

If anything good had come out of this meeting, it was the realization that perhaps Kakashi cared more than he wanted to admit.

"Fine." The whole room seemed to exhale in relief. "I will take her out of the bingo book."

Tsunade slumped as if the weight of the world had been lifted off her shoulders. And if Kakashi could breathe easier, that was his secret.

He watched Tsunade leave, the pads of his fingers rubbing his eyes. The door opened, and Shikamaru entered again, eyebrow raised. Kakashi could faintly hear conversation outside, presumbly between Shizune and Tsunade, but Kakashi was too busy debating his options to pay attention to any of it: Just because he had promised Tsunade he would remove Hinata from the bingo book didn't mean he couldn't approve reconnaissance missions.

He could always send someone to discreetly look for her. Someone capable. Someone calm and unbiased. Someone at the same level as her, who would be able to match her in a fight if it came down to that.

He had just the person in mind.

"Send a message to Sasuke." He turned to Shikamaru, ignoring his raised eyebrow. "Tell him to see me before he leaves."