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Some muffled sniffles pulled Isagi out of his deep slumber.
His eyelids fluttered open, revealing the sight of Kaiser lying unusually far from him, as if he was about to fall from the edge of their king-sized bed.
He sighed in relief. At least this time he did not have to beg Kaiser to open the bathroom door.
With his right arm stretched towards his boyfriend, Isagi slowly pushed himself closer to him, bringing his warmth over to that cold side. They shared only one blanket, and clearly Kaiser did not make even the smallest attempt to pull it over himself.
“I’m okay. Just … just go back to sleep,” Kaiser said after noticing Isagi’s concerned look. Some of his words were muted by those heartbroken cries and hiccups. His hands were squeezing a pillow tightly, as if desperately trying to make the sound totally absorbed by the thick layers.
“No, you aren’t,” Isagi muttered with a smile so full of love. Finally, his warm body was pressed against Kaiser’s. After carefully tugging Kaiser under the thick blanket, his hand began its familiar, soothing rhythm of stroking and patting Kaiser’s trembling back, in the same way he had done many times before. Then his gentle fingers moved to the soft blond strands and started affectionately brushing through them.
Because Kaiser was trying to avoid his eyes, Isagi had to bend down a little bit. When their eyes met, he cupped Kaiser’s face with both hands, while his thumbs tenderly glided over Kaiser’s cheeks, wiping away those painful tears.
“I can always hear you, Micha.” Right after those words were uttered with such serene affection, the quiet sniffles immediately turned into a flood of uncontrollable sobbing. Nothing was hidden anymore.
For a moment, their cozy room was full of his sadness and pain.
But soon after, the tip of Kaiser’s nose was softly brushed by his boyfriend’s. Then came the small kisses — on his red nose, his puffy eyelids, his flushed cheeks, his sweaty forehead, and his shaking, blood-drained lips.
“Do you want to hug me, Micha?” Gently tucking the damp blond strands behind Kaiser’s ears, he whispered.
After a few seconds of hesitation, Kaiser slowly, like a little turtle moving towards its loving ocean, raised his arms and curled them around Isagi’s torso. His fingers desperately clutched the silky fabric of Isagi’s pajamas.
The even, steady pats on his back continued.
For how long, Kaiser did not know. But his sobbing finally stopped.
“I’m sorry,” Kaiser mumbled, his voice warm against Isagi’s neck. Then he felt his boyfriend shaking his head.
“Until you really lock that bathroom door again, you have nothing to be sorry about, Micha.” There seemed to be some affectionate joy in his voice.
“You wanted to be heard, right?” Isagi pulled back slightly from Kaiser, while still keeping his arms on Kaiser’s back, just to look into those pure blue eyes.
Kaiser glanced away. Then his gaze stuck to the patterns on their blanket. He swallowed hard before parting his lips.
“I’m not sure how to deal with it, Yoichi.” And his eyes nervously flickered toward Isagi’s dark blue eyes, while his bottom lip was aggressively bitten. His look was easily drowned in the mist of a cutting sorrow.
When his gaze left again, a few words escaped his tongue, but only barely: “No one has ever heard it.”
Immediately, he was pulled into Isagi’s arms. The warmth returned. It enveloped him completely.
His boyfriend’s gentle voice was clear right beside his ears: “Promise me that you will never cry alone again?”
Kaiser let out a low chuckle. His misty eyes wandered from the ceiling to the window and mindlessly stared at the swirling snowflakes before whispering: “There’s only you. What if you are away? What if you are busy with your work?”
Isagi shook his head, then smiled, while planting a light peck on Kaiser’s neck. “Micha, I’m sure that I’m not going to places where the internet is not available. So about your first excuse, unfortunately, it is not valid.” A kiss on Kaiser’s ear tip followed shortly. “Regarding the second one, I need you to listen very carefully.”
Kaiser held his breath.
“Your feelings are my number-one priority,” he said, his eyes radiating a determination so strong that even a collapsing sky could not make it falter.
It only took Kaiser a few seconds before he burst into tears again and snuggled into Isagi's firm embrace.