Chapter Text
The girl rests under Vera’s watchful gaze, tears in her eyes. Safe in his arms, but sleep will not come. He is dreaming. Visions drip from his ears, white picket fences and little boys covered in mud. Things he cannot have. Things the girl cannot give him.
He tries not to think on it while awake, tries to spare the girl. But sometimes he sees a young family and visions flash – Blue hands and lab coats and blood, lots of blood. And she knows, just because he has accepted what they did, doesn’t mean they won’t pay if he gets the chance. The girl smiles at this as the tears flow.
***
Simon held her in his arms while his tears fell. “It weren’t his fault,” she had said and made him repeat it until she thought he believed. He didn’t believe it, couldn’t believe it. He had hurt her. He’d hurt them both and he didn’t even know it at the time. He may not have fired the shot but he was responsible.
He hadn’t fired the shot, but Dobson was there for him. It was he who delayed treatment; he held her life hostage until the Captain agreed to run. When he finally got her on the table she hadn’t held his full attention with River waking and the Alliance breathing down their necks. He did not know if it was his delay or his distraction but the damage was done. Kaylee would never bear his child or any child, and it was his fault.
***
Mal slept sated and content. His occasional snort or mumble could not disturb Inara’s slumber. For her, sleep would not come. She had to tell him. She knew she had to tell him, but every time the thought entered her mind it was supplanted by a vision; Mal standing in her shuttle talking about his parcel of young’ins with that smile on his face. The smile she had only seen a handful of times before or since. How could she take that away from him?
She wanted to tell him but what could she say. As part of becoming a Companion I gave up my ability to have children. There’s an operation to reverse the procedure but it is more than you could ever possibly afford. It would hurt him so much to know she could never complete his wish. He would be broken, or worse, would risk everything they held dear to try and make the money. Worst of all, she feared, he would simply reject her and seek his dreams elsewhere. As he slept tears gathered in her eyes, threatening to fall with the coming days.
***
Zoe lay in bed, her view of the ceiling obscured by water in her eyes and the occasional wracking sob. She had to go on. She’d promised the captain she would fly true but on nights like this it was all she could do to keep going. She had lost the one thing since the war that brought her all-encompassing joy. She understood his reasons but on nights like this she was so alone. She dreamed, when sleep would come, of him relenting of them bringing forth a new life. It was those dreams, dreams that would never come true, that hurt her most of all. On nights like this the sobs came as she lay in bed and though of what would never be.
***
Serenity was hurting plenty as she flew through the black. She had suffered so much in the last year. She had been rent and torn asunder. She had lost two of her own and could feel the pain of those who remained. And yet, inside one of her crew Serenity felt a new life form. Seven began its journey to eight. All was not right, she still felt the loss of her own, but Serenity was still flying.