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Kaiwen has the biggest, fattest, most embarrassing crush on Donggyu.
In Kaiwen's defense, it is hard not to have a crush on Donggyu. Everyone has a crush on Donggyu, because why wouldn't they? Donggyu is kind and smart and witty, not to mention attractive. God, Donggyu is so insanely attractive that it's a little unfair.
It's so bad for him. Jiahao giggles like a madman anytime Donggyu is brought up in conversation, and Anxin won't stop wiggling those thick ass eyes brows of his suggestively whenever Donggyu is even in the same room. They seem to think it's funny, but it's really not.
Kaiwen's made good progress in courting Donggyu, he'd say. He's friends with Donggyu's friend Junmin, and has even exchanged, like, fifty words with him. He knows Donggyu's coffee order and his phone number, which is major considering that they are in separate majors and never have classes together. The cherry on top is that Donggyu has even laughed at some of his jokes. There is just one problem.
"Hao ge," he whines, "Why does he hate me?" He sags his shoulders sadly and even throws in a pout for good measure. He, Jiahao, and Anxin had just talked with Donggyu and Junmin, and a bunch of other people in their circle. One would think that Kaiwen would take advantage of this opportunity and sweep Donggyu off his feet with his charm and dashing good looks. It was just that Donggyu was glaring at him the entire time.
"Shut your bitch ass up, bro," Anxin interjects with an eye roll. "He does not hate you."
"No one asked you, I was talking to Hao!" He swats at Anxin, irritated.
"I don't think he hates you, Kaiwen," says Jiahao, gently. "I think he might like you."
Kaiwen narrows his eyes. "No, he doesn't. Did you see the way he was glaring at me?"
Jiahao nods slowly. "Well, he was kinda glaring at you. His eyes were all small and stuff." But then, when Kaiwen starts freaking out, he immediately amends, "That doesn't mean he hates you!"
Kaiwen sighs. "I don't have a chance, do I?" In the background, he can hear Anxin mock-throwing up. But that pales in comparison to the turmoil in his head.
***
"Kaiwen, come to my party," Anxin says the next day, worming his way in between Jiahao and Kaiwen. The three of them are in the library, studying. Well, Jiahao's the only one doing any studying. Anxin just got here, and Kaiwen is spiraling.
His knees are pushed against his eyes so that he sees all those little tiny dots swimming around like TV static. His mind's eye, though, replays the glares that Donggyu kept shooting him throughout their conversation.
"Geez, what's with him?" Anxin asks. He's disdainful, but Kaiwen can hear the worry in his voice.
Jiahao replies, "Oh, we just talked with Donggyu and friends again."
Anxin snorts. "Course. Should've known." He cups Kaiwen's face and yanks him up. "Come to my party. I invited Sangwon, who's going to invite Junmin, who's going to invite Donggyu. Then you can woo him at my party and we never have to see your mopey ass again."
Kaiwen perks up. "I'll think about it."
At this moment, a knock on the table disturbs their conversation. "Mind if I save two seats?" It's Junmin, smiling in all his kind glory.
Anxin looks at him conspiratorially. "For who?"
Junmin tilts his head like a confused dog. "Um…for Donggyu and me? Does it matter?"
Anxin nods, satisfied. "That's the right answer. Go on, hyung." Kaiwen wants to die, or crawl into a hole and never emerge again, which might be the same thing.
Through clenched teeth, he whispers to Anxin, "Why, on God's green earth, would you do that?"
"Muahahahahaha," says Anxin. "Guess you're going to have to get your shit together before hashtag he arrives."
"What the fuck? Did you just say hashtag he in real life?" Kaiwen stares at Anxin like any good friend would: with intense judgment.
Junmin nods thoughtfully. "Yeah Anxin. I've never heard anyone use the phrase hashtag he ever."
"Thank you!" Kaiwen says to Junmin, reaching out to give him a high five.
Anxin gasps, affronted. "Excuse you, that's a perfectly normal phrase to use!"
Kaiwen's stunned at Anxin's ludicrudity. "Are you serious? No, it's not!" He's getting dirty looks from other people in the library, but he honestly can't bring himself to care. "Anxin, what the fuck?"
And that is the scene that Park Donggyu walks into when he finally joins the study session: Kaiwen and Anxin at each other's throats, Junmin laughing, and Jiahao still studying because Jiahao's an unbothered king like that. He surveys the situation with a raised brow.
It's comical how fast Kaiwen sits down. He's slouched, hands in his lap, head down like a kid who knows they got in trouble and is in for the whooping of their life. Donggyu's glaring at him, but there's a smile on his face. Ugh, it's all so confusing.
"You're supposed to keep the volume down in the library, you know," Donggyu says, glancing at Kaiwen quickly as he sets his bag down. Kaiwen is mortified. He wants to melt into his spot and stay forever. How did he embarrass himself so badly infront of Donggyu?
Donggyu reaches over and squeezes his arm. "Kaiwen, it's a joke. You can laugh."
Kaiwen immediately releases a sound that can only be described as a hybrid between laughter and goat bleating, so strange that even Jiahao looks up from his work. Donggyu just stares, and Kaiwen stares back. "Um…"
Anxin claps, interrupting the awkward atmosphere. "Donggyu! You're coming to my party, right?"
Donggyu looks at Kaiwen before answering. "Sure. Where and when?"
***
Anxin's parties were always an interesting experience. As soon as Kaiwen walks in, he sees all sorts of bizarre occurrences. Jack and Boheng are absolutely tearing up karaoke, and a drunk-as-hell Li Zihao and a just-as-drunk Xue Suren are hyping them up in the manner of two drunks. Sangwon and Junmin are white-girl-dancing, and it seems as if He Xinlong is DJing. A bunch of people are playing beer pong in the corner, but no Donggyu.
Anxin finds Kaiwen standing sullenly in the corner, nursing his drink of choice (Kool-aid). "What, sad cause you can't find your lover?" He latches onto Kaiwen, draping his head over Kaiwen's shoulder.
"No…" Kaiwen mutters.
"Liar." Anxin flicks his head affectionately. "Here, I'll think of something, don't worry," Anxin soothes. Kaiwen is extraordinarily grateful to him in that moment. Even though Anxin always teased and annoyed him, he was a very good friend. He smiles softly at the younger boy.
But the feeling goes away immediately when he sees what Anxin does next. "Guys! Let's play seven minutes in heaven!" Anxin hollers at the top of his lungs. "Everyone, get in here!"
Kaiwen squeezes his eyes shut and groans internally. He can't be serious. A feeling of dread crawls up within, twisting and tying his lungs together, which only amplifies when Anxin takes him by the wrist and drags him into the middle of the living room.
Anxin grins. "Ah, Hao ge, there you are! Come sit with us!" Kaiwen stares at Jiahao with his best pleading puppy eyes, but Jiahao just shrugs in a I-can't-help-you-sorry kind of way. Then, Junmin drags in a nonchalantly looking Donggyu, who is laughing and smiling easily. He wears glasses and a black button up, not really a party outfit, but he looks so ravishable that Kaiwen doesn't really care. Kaiwen drinks in the sight: he was truly so beautiful, carefree and relaxed like this, black eyes glinting in the low light. Kaiwen could look at him forever. But then Donggyu's eyes land on him, and he immediately stops laughing. Kaiwen can feel his heart drop down to his stomach.
Donggyu sits down tentatively, like the carpet was made up of broken shards of glass. His gaze stays on Kaiwen, heavy and purposeful, and it's driving him a little insane. He's not glaring. He is not glaring. "Hao ge, why is he looking at me like that?"
Jiahao side eyes him. "'Cause he's gay, you dumb bitch. Anyway, don't think about that. The game is starting."
Kaiwen follows Jiahao's advice as best as he can. He tries to ignore the way Donggyu's looking at him today, eyes wide and shining. He thinks that he's doing a great job. While Zihao and Suren, the first pair, are locked in Anxin's closet, everyone else plays truth or dare. Anxin spins the bottle, and it lands on Donggyu.
Kaiwen blanches. Anxin is about to cook up the most embarrassing situation possible.
"Donggyu. Truth or Dare?"
Donggyu's tongue darts out to wet his lips. Kaiwen blushes just from that. Donggyu hesitates slightly as he answers. "…Truth."
Anxin doesn't cackle, but his face does light up in glee. "Who do you have a crush on?"
Donggyu swallows, and Kaiwen follows the bob of his Adam's apple like a starved man. "I change my answer to dare." Oh. So that means that Donggyu likes someone. Someone that isn't him. He can feel his heart shattering in his chest. No wonder Donggyu was always glaring at him. He'd glare at the annoying puppy always following him around if he didn't want it as well.
Anxin shrugs, like this doesn't impede his plans at all. "I dare you to tell us who you have a crush on."
Donggyu shakes his head as the room (mostly Anxin) boos him. "Come on, don't be lame."
But Donggyu is firm in his answer. "Not telling." Donggyu's insistence on not telling means that his crush is in this room right now. Otherwise, why would he be so defensive? Kaiwen racks his brain with the possibilities. Did he like Liyu? Haneum? No. It is Jiahao. It has to be. Otherwise, why would he be looking at Kaiwen so much? It's because Jiahao was next to him.
Anxin sighs. "Okay, be like that then. So boring. None of us like boring people, you know, especially Kaiwen." What the fuck? Donggyu seems to shrink back, and Kaiwen wants to tell him that he would like Donggyu even if he were boring. And Donggyu isn't boring, so even better.
"Moving on!" Junmin interjects pointedly. Donggyu glances at him thankfully, and he reaches out to spin the bottle. Time seems to stop as the bottle swivels. Kaiwen can hear the echoes of his heartbeat ringing in his ears, as well as the notes of some lovey dovey K-drama OST. He holds his breath as the bottle slows and slows. It's pointing at him. It has to. When the bottle finally stops, the tip directs to…
"Jiahao! Truth or dare?" Donggyu asks, too quickly, too high pitched. He's still looking at Kaiwen.
You're kidding. You're fucking kidding.
But before Jiahao can respond, the 7 minute timer for Zihao and Suren goes off. Everyone groans at them as they stumble out of the closet with hair sticking every which way and swollen lips.
Anxin pulls them down by the wrists. "Okay, choose the next pair!"
Suren grabs the bottle and spins it. The bottle lands on Kaiwen. Anxin shoots him a thumbs up that spells trouble. When Zihao spins the bottle, Kaiwen thinks, Please don't land on Donggyu, please don't land on Donggyu, actually kinda maybe land on Donggyu but please don't land on Donggyu. He can hear the K-Drama music again, when the bottle stops and points right at Donggyu.
Anxin throws his head back in laughter. Jiahao glances at Kaiwen, mischief lighting his eyes. Kaiwen squeezes his eyes shut and wishes to disappear into the ground.
"Into the closet you go!" Anxin says, dragging the both of them. Someone whistles in the back. With a little too much force, Donggyu and Kaiwen are shoved into the closet. They hear a resounding click as the door locks.
Even though the closet is fairly large and Kaiwen and Donggyu are as far apart from each other as they physically can be, they are very close too each other. The closet is dim, but Anxin's nightlight illuminates the small space enough that Kaiwen can see the freckles dotting Donggyu's face underneath the rim of his glasses and his ever present whisker dimple. He's so fucking cute. Kaiwen's a goner.
It's quiet, save for Kaiwen's heartbeat rabbit-racing and his breaths coming out in short pants. He wonders if Donggyu can hear.
Donggyu clears his throat and pushes up his glasses. Kaiwen wipes his palms on his pants, smiling to cover up how nervous he is.
"This is awkward," they say at the same time.
At this, the two of them burst into little chuckles. Donggyu's whisker deepens and his cheeks flush, and Kaiwen no longer wants to disappear. He made Donggyu laugh. He wants to make Donggyu laugh again and again. That sound was just so beautiful.
Donggyu tilts his head, eyes trained on Kaiwen's. "Why's it awkward for you?"
Kaiwen shrugs, breaking eye contact. "I mean, I'm sure that you're a good person, it's just, I was under the impression that you didn't like me very much. Whenever I see you, you're always glaring at me like you hate me."
Donggyu listens to him, nodding, eyes wide and empathetic. Then he reaches out to clasp Kaiwen's hands in his. Just the simple action has Kaiwen's face reddening even more. Every bit of skin that touches Donggyu's felt like it was on fire. "No, Kaiwen, you got it all wrong. I don't hate you. I could never hate you. You're so sweet and kind and helpful and lovely. And your smile is beautiful. And you're funny. Who could hate you? Not me! I don't hate you. I like you," Donggyu rambles. Then, he gasps, retracting his hand. "Did I say that? Oh my God."
Did he just- "You like me?" Kaiwen's head snaps around to look at Donggyu.
"Yes! I've liked you for, well, forever!" Donggyu crouches into a ball. Kaiwen's hands fly to his head. If he had room, he would've hit his little jump emote.
No way. No fucking way. "Say On God," says Kaiwen."
"On God," says Donggyu, voice muffled by his knees.
"On Mom?"
"On Mom."
Kaiwen drops to the floor as well. "Oh my God. You like me." He reaches over to ruffle Donggyu's hair. His other hand slips under Donggyu's face to tilt it towards him. "Hey. Look at me."
Donggyu nods. Gosh, he is so fucking cute.
A grins spreads across Kaiwen's face, the type that shows all twenty of his teeth and more. "You like me. You like like me. You like me back." It feels like a dream to Kaiwen, and he has to keep repeating himself to be sure.
Donggyu touches the hand that cups his face gingerly. "I do. Wait, did you say back?"
"Yes, dummy, I like you too! For ages!" Kaiwen laughs. "For so long!"
"Me too," Donggyu sighs.
"Wait, if you liked me, why were you always glaring at me?" Kaiwen asks, head tilted.
Donggyu groans, head in hands. "Oh my god, this is so embarrassing—"
"Tell me!" Kaiwen shakes the other boy.
"I was." Donggyu presses his mouth into a thin line. Kaiwen raises his eyebrows, encouraging him to continue. "I was always squinting so that I could see your face better."
Impossibly, Kaiwen's smile grows even wider. "You're near sighted?"
Donggyu nods. "Got glasses yesterday."
"That's so fucking cute, I can imagine you being picky while picking them out and everything," Kaiwen coos as he pushes Donggyu's hair behind his ears. "It's okay. I have enough vision for the both of us anyway.