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It was a windy, cold February afternoon.
A tall, muscular and defiently intimidating figure was strolling through the old pavement of the Demon Slayer's cementary. His steps were calm, almost eerily. He didn't stop in his tracks even once.
The said man was Sanemi Shinazugawa, Wind Hashira of the Demon Slayer Corps. His face looked solemn, almost pensive. It was quite an unusual sight, as the man was known for being forever angry. the two, jagged, long scars stood out against his pale, freckled skin obtained from albinism, constant blood loss and malnourishment as a child. One of the scars ran from his bitten ear, through his crooked nose and then under his eye. The other one covered the left side of his forhead, half-covered by too long, dry white bangs. Sanemi's lips were chapped and covered in blisters, yet the man kept biting on them as if it didn't bring him any pain. That man defiently went throuh a lot in his life.
The only thing that stayed alive were his eyes - sharp, focused purple iris kept swiping through the graves. Even his bloodshot eye whites couldn't quite dull them. For once, the Wind hashira didn't look as scary.
His kasugai crow, Sorai kept making circles on the sky around his owner. The athmosphere was almost...mellanholic. But also calm, wich Sanemi appreciated.
"Damn wind..."
He muttured, swiping his bangs to the right for the milionth time today, but he didn't seem angry with it - not today. Not here.
Afterall, he was paying a visit to the person who never lost her temper. Kochou Kanae - the long gone Flower Hashira, the head of the Butterfly Mansion, Insect Hashira's older sister, the kindest person in the Corps and his first love - the first and last one he lost. It was 4 years ago. He still remembered standing frozen before the estate's door, a boquet of orchids in his hands. He was about to confess properly. But Kanae never got to hear that.
"Nee-san is dead"
Or something like that. At time, Sanemi was in a especially bad condition after Masachika's death, and her far too early demise completly crushed him. He started drinking. He snapped at everything. No one wanted to be around him. But slowly...he got over it. It felt like hell losing his only emotional support, the only person who had patience to deal with his bullshit, but he needed to move on. He had to.
His job didn't allow grieving. But he never stopped loving her - Kanae, despite being his complete opposite, was the one who understood him. She was sweet, kind, caring and understanding towards him. She never raised her hand or voice at him nor lost her patience. She was like his safe haven where he could just...be. Without feeling like a cornered animal. Sadly, it all was taken away from him.
It still took him a whole year to finnaly visit her grave. After that, the visits became regular. He would clean up the stone, put in some flowers and incese sticks, maybe even food at times. Sometimes, he thought the Butterfly sisters rarely visited the grave. Everytime he came over, the grave looked almost abandoned. Maybe some flowers or candles at times. He found it weird - shouldn't atleast the 3 little nurses take care of it?
He never confronted Shinobu about it - they relationship was...well, complicated. When her sister was still alive, they had a good bond. He even considered her a friend. But after Kanae's demise...they just kind of stopped talking. He always asked her how she was doing, if she wasn't pushing herself too hard or had a good day, but nothing more. It felt awkward at times, but he put up with it - he had more important things to do.
Far more important.
He took the usual route to the Kochou family's grave. he looked up at the cloudy, grey, grim sky. "It's gonna rain" - he thought. The night patrol will be a pain in the ass. The flowers he held in his left hand swayed slightly. As he was finnaly took the familiar turn that led to the gravestone, he stopped in his tracks as he noticed something - or someone. His eyes turned into slant narrows as always when he tried to see better - his eyesight was horrible, but he never admitted it. His vision finnaly focused and he spotted a familar haori.
Shinobu Kochou. Insect Hashira, head of the Butterfly Mansion, his fellow commrade.
The woman's petite frame was thrown over the gravestone, her legs laying on the cold pavement while her upper half hugged the grave. The long, flowly beautiful haori with a pink-turqoise gradient on the end, the pattern inspired by Monarch butterfly's wings covered most of her small body. Her wavy, raven-black hair that went into dark purple at the tips covered most of her slim face, and the flat yakai-maki bun was getting messy by now. The ornament in her hair barely held it together. The sight was almost tragic - something you'll see in a damn painting.
Sanemi stood frozen in his spot for a longer moment, then started taking long strides towards the grave. He clenched his jaw, his brain short-circuiting for a moment as he tried to think what was she doing here. Well, it was a stupid question, Kanae was her sister afterall...but he never saw her here. Not even once. The grave only had flowers left from him, sometimes from the Stone pillar or the 3 little nurses from the mansion - but never Shinobu. She didn't even mention going there.
"Oi! Kochou!"
He yelled in his gruff, rough voice. Shinobu's head snapped up immediately. After a moment, he walked closer to take a better look at her.
The Insect Hashira had a pretty, seed-shaped face. Her eyes were huge, with violet iris and dark eyelashes. Her nose had a slight slope, and her pale lips didn't stand out much against her white complexion. Despite having the same features as always, she looked...diffrent. Wet tears streaked over her skin, falling down from her chin like rain from the gutter. Her eyes were bloodshot, still hazy from unshed tears. Her eyebrows were furrowed and her lips were parted, taking shaky, shallow breaths. Sanemi noticed the slight tremble in her chin, and he recognized it immediately - Kanae's face did the same thing. His fellow commrade's features were full of despair and grief but...she also looked more...human. Like she didn't have some twisted mask on. Shinobu looked natural like this.
"S-shinazugawa?"
Her voice sounded small and meek. She rubbed her eyes, trying to get rid of the tears as she sat up properly. Sanemi stood above her like a hangman for a moment before crouching to her level. His dark eyes were set straight on her face.
"What'cha doing here, huh?"
He asked gruffly. No "what happend", no "good morning", not even a polite nod. But she got used to the Wind Hashira's antics at this point. She tucked her hair behind her ears, her head dropped low as she sniffled.
"I-i could a-ask yo-ou the sa-same question..."
Her voice was barely audible in his ears, and the fact she kept stuttering didn't make things any better. He looked up at the sky, bringing out all the gentleness out of himself before sitting down cross-legged on the pavement. He folded his hands together. Shinobu glanced at them for a moment. They were pretty damn big compared to her own. Many scars and furrows covered them. She was sure a high-five with him could tear off the skin on her hands. She was kind of right - Sanemi's hands were like sandpaper.
"Well, i asked ya first. What are ya doing here?"
Sanemi tapped himself in the forhead, as if to show her she was stupid. Shinobu bristled at the gesture, but didn't look up. After a longer moment of silence, she murmured something.
"I-i...i...i don't k-know."
the woman closed her eyes, clenching her fists. The Insect Hashira didn't visit her sister's grave in a long, long time. She couldn't bring herself too. So, she set up a small shrine in one of the rooms of her estate. That was it. Yet...she couldn't abandon her sister like that, so she came here for the first time in 4 years. She thought it wouldn't be as hard. Years passed. She almost accepted Kanae's death. But when she arrived at the graveyard, saw the stone with "Kochou" engraved on it, the wilted flowers left...every negative emotion her body held overflowed in seconds. She remembered Kanae's gentle smile, her laugh when she said something silly, her care for the most insignificant thing. She loved her sister dearly. She never stopped.
Sanemi didn't look satisfied with her answer. He scratched his cheek, his nail digging into his skin until it left a small dip.
"Y'know, "I don't know" isn't really a answer..."
He gave her a deadpan look. Sanemi defiently wasn't the best at comforting people. Shinobu shook her head, wiping her tears. She glanced at the flowers in his hand, and her eyes widened. After a while of silence, she spoke up.
"Why...why d-do you have flowers?"
Her voice cracked. Shinobu looked back at the grave. It was clean. No weed in the ground around it, some burnout incese sticks left and wilted orchids. Someone took care of it. That someone was Sanemi. Not her - Sanemi. The thought she wasn't there to even take care of her sister in the afterlife filled her heart with even more despair. Tears started flowing down again, and Shinobu covered her face in her thin hands.
At first, the Wind Hashira opened his mouth to speak, but then he was cut off by her mournful cry. He looked back at the ground. Oh, this was awkward. What was he supposed to say now?
"Kanae...oh...K-kanae..."
Shinobu sobbed, not even hiding it. Everything she did was for her sister. Hell, she even became her sister, in a way. But in the end...she abandoned her. For whole 4 years.
Almost everytime the Insect Hashira smiled, laughed, stayed calm, it all was for Kanae. She didn't want the other girls at the Butterfly Mansion to forget about her, so she did everything in her power to fill her sister's empty space. Everything. She made a damn revenge plan for that bastard. She started consuming poison so she can avenge Kanae.
But in the end...
She forgot about her sister.
Until someone else took care of her.
Images of her sisters flashed through Shinobu's mind. Kanao's sad face. Aoi trying to hold up everything. Kiyo, Sumi and Naho already mourning so many people, despite being so young. Did they even remember how things used to be? They all were problably worried for her, they all problably wanted to talk to her. But were scared. How do you even talk to someone like Shinobu about such a delicate matter? No, this wasn't even about Kanae anymore.
This was about her.
Her sobs echoed between them for a longer moment. Suddenly, Shinobu felt a rough hand land on her shoulder. It felt like he tried to be gentle, but failed in the end.
"Stop cryin'."
Sanemi's voice was stern. But his face...he didn't look angry. He looked sad. Beneath the red eye-whites and his dark-purple iris, she saw boundless sadness of a man that suffered too much.
"I...i c-can't do this...i a-abandoned her for 4 whole years...whole years...i c-can't e-even pay her a pro-oper visit...i-i can't a-avenge he-er, i-i can't r-revive her, i-i can't visit h-her and i c-can't even b-be like h-her! I-i hate this! I-i d-don't want other to f-forget about her, and i-in the e-end...im the one to f-forget! W-what kind of sister am i?!"
Shinobu completly broke down, curling on the ground as she sobbed, screaming on top of her lungs in pure rage and agony. Sanemi moved back on instinct, but his hand stayed on her shoulder, firmly gripping it. As the woman cried her emotions out, he gave her shoulder a strong squeeze. He lowered his head to be on her level.
"Kochou."
He said her name firmly. When she looked up, their eyes met again. She gulped. Sanemi hestitated for a moment.
"Listen, cause im not repeating myself."
He closed his eyes, thinking on what to say for a moment. He kept his hand firmly on her shoulder.
"You're not a horrible sister. You never were, and you never will. You had no impact on Kanae's fate. None. You know why?"
Shinobu's red-rimmed, wet eyes narrowed for a moment, but she said nothing. Sanemi continued.
"Because life sucks ass. It's cruel, because the world is cruel. If it wasn't cruel, nor i, or you would be here. And even after all this...fucking cruelty, it won't stop. It never does. You need to move on and accept it, or you will meet the same fate. Ya don't want that, huh?"
The man titled his head to the side, a frown on his face. But he didn't raise his voice. The Insect Hashira looked suprise - her fellow commrade didn't seem like the type of person to say something like that.
"I...i-i don't. B-but it's not about...that, i-it's about the...it's about t-the f-fact that i left h-her! All alone..."
Shinobu wailed, sniffling as she pulled on her hair from frustration. Sanemi sighed and shook her by the shoulders.
"Does this grave look abandoned to you? Is it covered by some damn weed, is it dirty?"
He asked her firmly. The woman turned her head to look at the gravestone. She shook her head.
"That's what i thought. You know why it's so clean? Because i come here every damn week. I clean it, i put flowers, i put incese sticks. It's not only me. Im sure these 3 little girls from your mansion do too. And im sure others also come here sometimes. So stop saying this bullshit, because Kanae isn't alone. I don't know why you didn't come here, and i don't care. It doesn't make you a bad sister. Everyone can see what you've been doing after what happend to her."
"Get it through your thick skull that you crying and wailing right now won't do anything now. Kanae isn't alone, you're not a bad sister to her. Just...stop saying that. She wouldn't want that, and so do i. If you came here to say all these things, then don't come here ever again. Get yourself together, Kochou."
Sanemi's words were harsh, but true. Crying and yelling won't do anything now. Kanae is dead, and nothing will return her to life. All they can do now is take care of her memory. Shinobu's chin trembled for a moment. She sat straighter, her eyes set on the gravestone. Right. She came here to overcome this fear. This fear of being a bad sister. That's why she's here. Slowly, but surely, her breathing started to even. She blinked a few times, trying to suck her tears back in.
It took a while, but Shinobu finnaly calmed down. Now, they were sitting next to eachother, looking as the fresh orchids rustled on the wind and smoke spread around from the incense sticks Sanemi set. The athmosphere was solem, mellanholic, but also oddly...comforting. Kanae was a dear person to both of them. The loss of her hurt them both. Sharing that pain, along with Sanemi's words from earlier, finnaly allowed Shinobu to breathe. Her throat still burned, but it felt like some of that weight was put off from her chest. Maybe coming here more often...maybe it would relieve even more of that weight.
"Kochou"
Sanemi's voice cut through the silence.
"Yes, Shinazugawa?"
"Ya like beef broth?"
The question caught her off guard. She looked up at the sky, her eyes following Sanemi's kasugai crow above them.
"Maybe...i don't eat it often."
Sanemi nodded. biting his lip.
"Then yer gonna eat it today."
Shinobu glanced at him, then sighed. She slowly nodded, and for the first time in a long time, a small, geniue smile appeared on her lips.
"Alright...but it better be good, Shinazugawa."
"Pfft! It's REAL good at the place i eat it in!"
He let out a small "tsk", crossing his arms over his chest. Shinobu let out a weak chuckle.
"Okay, okay...i believe you."
Soon after, they were walking out from the graveyard, their steps slow. Sanemi had his hands stuffed in his pockets, a scowl on his face. Shinobu had her hands folded behind her back. Wind gently blowed onto them, making the leaves on the trees rustle.
"Hey, Shinazugawa...why beef?"
His lips turned into a tight line for a moment before responding.
"I don't know."
And just like that, their shared visit at Kanae's grave ended.