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The bell rung to mark the end of the day. The loud ringing snapped me awake. I opened my eyes and picked up my head. I got up and walked out of class, my eyes still half closed. The lights gave me a blaring headache. It felt like there was a construction crew activity working in my head.
I made my way to the exit for walkers, but went to the nearby staircase instead. Everyday me and Johnny meet up and discuss our plans for later, help each with work, go on a walk and smoke, or just talk.
I took a small detour, grabbing a sip of water from the grimy water fountain. Blue goo covered the fountain, probably from a flavored drink being spilled or dumped down the drain.
When I got to the staircase Johnny was all ready there, standing tall in his old jeans and ragged sweatshirt. I needed a smoke, but it was far too cold to go on a walk.
Instead I sat by his feet, staring at the walls across from us. Scattered across a wall were posters about various topics. One was about a fundraiser for the girls field hockey team, another for a club sign up. Some posters were about rules, and there was one big green sign talking about mental health.
In big font it said, “Mental heath matters, talk to someone.” Underneath in smaller letters, It read, “If you or someone you know is struggling, tell a guidance counselor or trusted adult.”
I didn’t like how targeted that sign felt. It made me think about whether or not I should speak up to Johnny about how I’ve been feeling lately.
It wasn’t a big deal, at least not to me. But whenever I feel the need to relapse, he wants me to tell him. He always rambles on and on and gives me a huge lecture. Then he makes me stay the night at his house, and practically treats me like a fragile pet. (I ain’t complaining though.)
Sometimes I think that Johnny cares more about me than I care about myself.
I didn’t realize that I had zoned out until Johnny said, “So are you gonna talk to me, pretty boy, or just sit there readin’ them posters?”
I heard him, but I was too zoned out to answer, and only responded with a little “mmm”.
When I glanced over he looked much more stressed then before. I could even see him biting his lips. Concern washed over his face as he sat there in thought.
“You wanna come to my house tonight? We can watch a movie with J.J.” Johnny asked, his tone changing from cocky to soft and concerned. I wouldn’t mind going to his place, but I didn’t want to be a bother. Plus I had plans for later.
“Oh, I don’t know… prolly not.” I responded. An anxious look spread over him. By the looks of it, he didn’t trust me.
“Come on man, please. You’ve spent the past three days at your house.” He begged. Sometimes (most of the times) I’ll stay at his house for the night. His little sister really likes to hangout with us, but I can’t tell if it’s because she looks up to us or thinks we’re dating… Which we’re not. My dad would kill me if I was gay.
———
I could tell that Cam was having a rough day. You could tell with just one glance that he was a train reck. His lips were hella chapped, eye bags were far worse than normal, and the concealer he uses to cover up the bruises from his dad was starting to rub off. I didn’t want to leave him alone for the night, who knows what he’d do to himself.
“Please? J.J misses you… and your dad won’t care if you’re gone.” I didn’t realize how rude that sounded until after I said it. Shit. I could tell that my words had hit him a little harder than they were intended to. Cam couldn’t be trusted not to hurt himself, atleast not right now…
“Alright alright, I’ll go.” Cam finally agreed. We went back to silence. Cam wasn’t big on talking, so if he didn’t want to, neither did I.
The air between us was tense and awkward. It felt like I would explode if one of us didn’t do something soon.
After not speaking for a few minutes m, he eventually woke up, “We should prolly get going.”
“Finally, I was gettin’ all antsy waiting for you.” I replied, my voice husky and heavy.
The mood switched to a more amorous tone, and a warm and tender feeling filled the air.
“You could just gotten up, I would’ve followed, y’know.” Cam spoke with a flirtatious tone. I could tell that I might be able to get a kiss or two later if I played my cards right.
“Yeah I know, you’re like a little duckling. Wanted to give you your time though.”
We got up and made our way to the door. My house was a little less than a ten minute walk away. The weather outside was cold, and the sky was gray and somber. Snow crunched under our feet as we walked.
Our walk consisted of stupid faces and giggles, and a few shoves here and there. Cameron was so damn admirable sometimes. And whenever I see him it feels like seeing a little scared puppy, who desperately needs a hug.
When we made it to my house I immediately got us something to eat. I couldn’t let my precious boy go hungry.
We had some leftover pasta, and I forced Cam to eat an apple too.
“Mm, thanks” Cam spoke, his voice was quiet and timid. My house was a little messy due to J.J having her friends over the other day. I started putting a few things away. Maybe to help my mom out, or maybe just so he didn’t think we were dirty (not that he would, his house is much worse)
Once J.J got home we started the movie. It was some cheesy movie meant for little kids about Christmas. (Take a guess who picked it) Me and Cameron sat right next to each other while J.J sat on the armchair.
I felt his hand slither under my blanket. A whither of air escaped from my nose as his frigid hand grabbed hold of mine. He glanced over with a soft grin on his face.
Cammy leaned onto me, and I wrapped my arm around his waist in return. A sense of tranquility washed over my body.
But of course, J.J had to tease, “Are you two sure you’re not dating? Because last time I checked, all couples like to cuddle... and kiss” Her giggles filled the room, and she spoke with so much sass I almost thought she was Abby Lee miller. A heavy sigh left my body, and Cam let out a small laugh.
“J.J bro, go back to watching the movie.” The disappointment in my tone was extremely evident. Nevertheless, I couldn’t help but find it mildly amusing.
“Do you kiss too? Or is that only for adults?” She spoke again, this time genuinely curious.
“Mind your bee’s wax J.J.” (mind your business)
She pouted and went back to the movie. Thank goodness. Cam brought his lips to my ear in order to whisper to me.
“To answer her question.. depends on the day.”
I could hear the cheeky grin in his voice. Suddenly he gave me a small, but long lasting kiss on my ear. My face flushed red and my heart fluttered. I fake nodded a no of disapproval, despite vividly enjoying his little kiss and the quiet giggles that followed after.
“Once this finishes, we should go to my room, aye?” My voice was quiet and husky. A flirtatious smile appeared over my face.
Cam followed up on my question with, “Great idea”
I could feel J.J’s curious eyes staring at us, but I chose to ignore them.
~~~~~
I flopped on my bed before pulling Cammy down with me.
My room was slightly messy, with both mine and Cameron’s clothes on the floor. Clothes draped over my desk chair as well. The lights were dimmed, only emitting a small amount of light. The fan that I kept in my window still hadn’t been brought to the basement. Instead it lay on my floor, covered in a thin layer of dust.
“That movie was soo great, wasn’t it?” Sarcasm laced through my words as I spoke, but Cam didn’t pick up on it.
“Oh I don’t know… was it?” He seemed genuinely curious.
“No, it was straight ass.” I managed to say before I started laughing. Cam followed suit in my giggles.
Gosh, he was such a cutie. A loser who was astonishingly beautiful… And he would look hella hot with eyeliner, maybe I should tell him.
“Y’know what, you would look so awesome with guy-liner. Just tuh.. Put it out there.” I started grinning at the thought of Cam with eyeliner.
“Mm, you think?” His voice was low and slightly too flirty.
“Myeah, I do think… might need to work on getting some chapstick first though.” I teased.
“…Wanna help with that?” Cam responded. If I was picking up what he was putting down… I grabbed a plain strawberry lip balm of the side table. The chapstick glided across my lips, and I made sure to put on enough for the both of us.
“Yer saying you want some kisses, right?” I questioned.
“Yessir.”
And just like that my hands were behind his neck, my lips gently kissing his. I wasn’t big on rough kissing. It just feels to lustful. If I’m using kisses to show my fervor for someone, then I want to be gentle, to show that I really care.
I deepened the kiss slightly before pulling away.
“Did I get you good?” Most of the chapstick from my lips had transferred to his.
“I think you missed a spot.” Did I miss a spot? No, not at all. Was I going to turn down the offer to kiss Cam again? Also no.
“Here, let me get that for you.”
My hand tangled the hair near his forehead. I pulled his head back slightly and kissed him again. This time a little less gentle.
“Better, pretty boy?” My voice was flirtatious and husky. I could tell that he was trying not to smile, but it was to no avail.
“Much.”
The room was filled with gaiety, seeing cam smile this often was a rare occurrence that only really happened when he was with me or his friends. Cam was so cute, I could bite him—Like that feeling when you see a hella cute dog— or just mark him up like he’s a painting.
“Your so fuckin’ cute, Cam. I just wanna bite you.” Maybe not the best delivery of my feelings, but it works.
“And what’s stopping you, Johnny?” He teased.
“Good point. Take your shirt off, ima get your back.”
We had gotten to the point in our friendship where he was comfortable enough to take off his shirt in front of me, despite his scars.
His sweatshirt fell down to the floor in an instant. I tried to ignore the bandages on his upper arms, and the abundance of ‘cat scratches’ activity healing on his chest.
Fuck, I forget about how bad his addiction is until I see it firsthand. I really didn’t want to nag about it, instead my worries were pushed down, but I’d for sure bring it up later.
I always feel so bad for him. He’s so fucking precious, and he doesn’t deserve any of the shit he gets.
I picked him up and gently flipped his frail body so that he was on his stomach. My fingers traced his back while staring at the scars that were there. The feelings in my stomach wouldn’t go away, no matter what.
I got to work, starting off by gently pressing my lips into his back, my hands holding him steady by the waist.
“Yer okay with this, yeah?” My words were quieter and softer, due to being reminded about how fragile he was.
“Yeah, go ahead.” His calm voice echoed back.
Bites and marks slowly started to pop up all over his back. My teeth sunk into his skin lightly, not enough to hurt bad, but enough so he could feel it.
My tongue swirled around over his skin. The sound of his slow breathing was the only thing filling the room. Cam seemed quite relaxed, a little too relaxed…
“You sleepin’ Cammy?” I teased
“No, just… resting my eyes.” He muttered, his words slurred and weak.
“Yeah right.” I moved my mouth from the side of his ribcage to the soft flesh of his shoulder. I bit down suddenly, and he flinched, letting out a gasp in reaction.
“Fuckin’ scared me. Damn.”
I couldn’t help but giggle into his shoulder. My hands moved along his waist as I sucked and licked his skin.
He was warm, the top of his ears slightly red. Cam was most definitely more awake now, and he was blushing and breathing heavier too.
~~~~~
Once I was done marking him up, I added a few soft kisses near his neck and ran my hands down his back. I was pretty certain that he had fallen asleep—or was about to.
I lied down next to him, one of my hands crossing over my body to continue rubbing his back. My hands traced over the past scars that littered his flesh.
Cam was like a drug, and I was like a raging addict that couldn’t get enough. Every time I lay eyes on him, I feel so much more relaxed. And whenever something negative happens to him, I can feel it in my chest.
I tapped him a few times to see if he was still awake. Cam tended to always be exhausted, so it wouldn’t be shocking if he was asleep.
“Myeah?” I heard him mumble.
“Just seeing if you were sleepin’ yet.” I answered lightly.
“Mm.”
I picked him up-he was pretty light so it wasn’t very difficult-and placed him on my chest.
“Damn, you’re strong.” Cam complimented as he nuzzled his head into me. His words were slurred and he sounded like a kid.
“Why thank you, your majesty.” I replied through laughter. I felt him exhale a chuckle. Gosh, he was adorable.