Work Text:
The days were filled with jobs - with social activities, with laughs, fun, meetings and time together with the others.
The nights, however…
The nights were lonely.
For the last while, Ryosuke had made a habit of gaming online late into the night. It was his passion and it gave him something to focus on, to fill his mind with a goal and another world to focus on while his personal one was feeling less fulfilled than usual. There was a one hundred eighty-one centimeter hole in his day that left him feeling low.
There was nothing stopping him from reaching out - they were all just trying to move on with their professional lives but personally, he wanted to be close still.
But it was hard to take that first step.
Ryosuke sat at his desk, headphones covering his ears as he stared at the picture of the two of them that he displayed in its little frame. It felt strange, going through so much with someone and then suddenly not having them close by anymore.
He found himself drawn to this picture a lot lately.
It was a complicated, yet happy time. Their relationship at the beginning had been quite rocky at times but Ryosuke had always admired him as a colleague and at times, a rival. A friend.
A person he felt affection for that ran deeper than anything he’d felt before.
Yuto has surely been incredibly busy lately, anyway. There was a fragile dynamic between them ever since the abrupt departure. They had texted, contacted a couple of times but it was just surface level. It was a bit scary to delve in deeper through these feelings. He was proud of Yuto for standing up to do what he wanted, to pursue what he believed in most but on the other hand, it was heart breaking to know that they wouldn’t be able to stand up beside each other on stage, he wouldn’t be seeing that camera pointing at him and the gentle voice calling him cute in their behind the scenes footage anymore. It was a lot to take in and he still wasn’t sure if he had properly processed everything until now.
Ryosuke’s sigh was heavy as he clicked to open his usual browser and debated what he wanted to play. He wasn’t really in the mood but he knew it would help his mental state so he opened Apex with no plans of streaming or joining his usual crew. He turned his mic on as he chose his usual legend and scrolled through the modes and selected at random to start playing. He listened to the conversation between other players in the room absently without participating. Ryosuke had just picked up a new weapon for his character when he swore he heard a familiar laugh that stopped him in his tracks.
“Stop imagining things,” he whispered under his breath as the players in the room continued chatting, just playing and searching casually without being too concerned with getting kills. It was late and he wasn’t streaming so he had just decided to play casually.
He then heard that laugh again and it was followed by a joke that made him certain now that he wasn’t imagining things. With a trembling hand, he clicked to open the list of people in the server and surely enough, the familiar username that he had played with a lot before - the person who he wasn’t expecting to see at all. Ryosuke’s hands left the keyboard for a moment, flexing his fingers as he stared at the screen. Had Yuto noticed his presence in the room? Should he reach out? This seemed like such a coincidence to not take advantage of it.
Ryosuke exhaled a sharp breath as he opened a chat with that familiar username.
I didn’t expect you to be up so late.
He somehow didn’t hesitate before hitting send, and it almost felt like a rush of adrenaline coursed through him. He felt more wide awake than before.
The reply came within a long two minutes.
I can’t say the same to you.
Ryosuke let out a small laugh despite himself and the nerves he felt rolling in his stomach.
This is just a usual night for me.
He noticed the conversation had stopped for a bit in his headset, and there wasn’t a reply from Yuto for some time as they both surely proceeded to play, falling into what felt like a familiar rhythm of playing together, something they did occasionally with Yuri as well but right now was just the two of them. In their own world if you will. They had combined their skills and started working together to get more kills and it was companionable.
For a short while, it was like nothing had changed.
Ryosuke was the first one to open the message again, pausing for a moment before typing out the message that had been on his mind.
I miss you.
It was late and he was feeling vulnerable - but now it was out there for Yuto to see and perceive, and he wasn’t sure how the other was going to react.
I miss you too.
The messages came through quicker than he thought, and he had to blink through the blurriness in his eyes.
I’m trying to follow your guys’ lead since it wasn’t the most ideal situation… It’s so hard not to see you guys every day.
Ryosuke’s heart hurt - for Yuto as well as for them. He wiped at his eyes with his oversized sleeve but they still continued to blur.
It’s hard for us too.
He wanted to say “for me” but he refrained for now. They were working hard but that space was still there.
I’ll be online again soon, hopefully I’ll see you.
Ryosuke supposed that might be as good as it would get for now - and he would have to be fine with that.
Yeah, I’ll see you. Have a good night, Yuto.
There was a smiley face emoji sent his way before Yuto logged off, leaving him alone in his thoughts again. Yuto had been honest in his comment, though it was hard to read his emotion from it.
He knew Yuto. He knew that he would be having a rough time with this as well, it was a huge change for all of them. A couple of months had almost passed since Yuto’s graduation and he was still sad. Ryosuke sighed as he logged off from the game, removed his headset and powered off his computer.
He was honest with his feelings and he was proud of himself for that.
Tomorrow would be a new day, and hopefully he would see Yuto online again, even if that’s all it could be right now.