Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"you really need to add some words for that melody." 

manon furrowed her eyebrows, considering sophia's request almost immediately, even as she thought she couldn't do it. "i am not... confident," she admitted. 

"okay, then let me help you," sophia suggested. manon glanced in her direction and shook her head, but it was too late. sophia had already dropped her pen and notebook on her lap, her focus shifting entirely to manon, who had been playing the same melody on the piano for hours. 

"mahal," manon started with a smile, "i thought you need to finish your music theory assignment that's due this wednesday?" she watched sophia bite her lower lip and playfully roll her eyes. 

"well, you're distracting me." 

manon stopped pressing the keys and brought her hands to her chest, feigning hurt. "absolutely not," she replied in an exaggerated british accent that never failed to make sophia giggle. manon joined in, their laughter filling manon's dorm. sophia stood up from the couch and moved behind the piano bench, wrapping her arms around manon from behind. she rested her chin on manon's shoulder.

"how do we do this?" sophia asked, manon remembered the slight hesitance in sophia's voice which made her chuckle, she leaned back against sophia's embrace, "just say anything you want to say," she murmured, "it doesn't have to make sense, just… whatever comes out."

sophia was quiet for a moment, then manon felt a soft kiss press against her shoulder blade. "okay," sophia breathed, "try not to laugh."

"play it again, mahal," sophia whispered, the endearment sending a familiar warmth through manon's cheeks. she let her fingers find the keys again, the simple melody unfolding under sophia's gentle prompting. sophia began humming softly, a counterpoint to the piano, then words started to form, hesitant at first, then clearer.

"there's glitter on the floor after the party 

girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby…" 

sophia paused, a self-conscious laugh came out of her lips, "that's so silly." 

manon shook her head instantly, keeping the melody flowing, "so what if it is? it can be our silly song."

she'd always thought sophia was a brilliant composer, maybe even better than her, though sophia would smack her arm whenever she said so. "i could never be as poetic as you," sophia would insist, and they'd dissolve into giggles. manon continued playing the same progression, a reminder that sophia should add more. after a minute of just swaying together, sophia continued with more lyrics. then manon joined in, which is a rare occurrence that made sophia pause in surprise. 

"i stay when you're lost, and i'm scared, and you're turning away 

i want your midnights

i'll be cleaning up bottles for you…" 

sophia chuckled softly at the line, "for me?" she whispered against manon's ear.

manon couldn't help the wide grin spreading across her face. she cleared her throat, correcting the line even as she played, "with you." 

she sang it again, testing the fit. 

"but i'll be cleaning up bottles with you…" 

she trailed off, "no."

manon repeated the line again, then straightened her back, still playing the same tune while searching for the right words to end their impromptu song. when nothing came, frustration consumed her. she smashed the keys intensely and muttered, "fuck." sophia's arms tightened around her for a second before loosening her grip.

manon sighed harshly, "i told you i'm not confident."

sophia's palms rested on her shoulders, squeezing gently. a silent request to calm down, an offering of patience. "we can finish it next time, mahal. we have all the time in our hands."

manon felt sophia slide from behind onto the bench beside her, their hips pressing together. her heart hammered against her ribs, "i know, i'm sorry i got–" she turned to look at sophia, who gave her that kind smile, the one she always offered after manon's unnecessary outbursts, the one that made her feel seen and guilty and grateful all at once. sophia took her hand and kissed the back of it, "i love you." 

manon remembered the sting of tears behind her eyes. sophia always said it. always showed it. always made her feel it, even when manon felt undeserving.

she leaned in, capturing sophia's lips in a brief kiss. "i love you, forever," she whispered against sophia's mouth. a tear slipped from manon's closed eyes as sophia leaned her forehead against hers. it was the safest she'd ever felt. like coming home. everything she'd wished for on shooting stars as a kid in switzerland, everything she'd hoped for when she first stepped into los angeles, everything she hadn't dared imagine until sophia kissed her in that practice room for the very first time.

this was forever. 

the feeling wrapped around her, then it began to waver, dissolving like mist. the comforting weight of sophia's forehead seemed to lift, the scent of soft jasmine replaced by something else… something savory, unfamiliar. the quiet of the dorm room bled into murmur of voices and clinking silverware.

"manon."

the voice was sophia's, but different somehow. distant. manon opened her eyes, blinking against a light that seemed too dim, too focused. sophia was across from her, a menu held loosely in her hands. she was smiling, but the edges seemed blurry. unfinished.

manon couldn't help but return the smile, "hey."

sophia looked up, her own smile widening slightly. "hey, you."

"why did you take me here?" manon looked around, trying to place the restaurant. the lighting was strange, it's like their table is in a pool of isolated brightness while everything else faded into indistinct shadows. it felt wrong. she rubbed her eyes, and then she heard sophia make a soft snorting sound, almost like a laugh.

"i thought you wanted to be here?" sophia tilted her head, her expression clouding with faint confusion, "you were the one thinking of coming here. with me."

manon slowly lowered her hand, her brows knitting together. panic began to creep under her skin, "sophia? we were just… we were just in my dorm. singing our song."

sophia looked wrong. manon squinted, trying to focus. it was like looking at a photograph slightly out of register, some essential feature subtly misplaced or missing altogether, but her mind couldn't grasp what it was. she stared longer, trying to reconcile this image with the vivid memory from moments ago.

"mahal? everything alright?" sophia's voice was laced with concern now, pulling manon's gaze back fully. "we live in my dorm now. did you forget? yoonchae took your place and is living with megan."

manon just nodded, the panic tightening its grip. my dorm? yoonchae and megan? none of it felt right. she reached across the table, needing the anchor of sophia's hand. she found it, lacing their fingers together, but even that felt odd, the shape not quite familiar. she caressed sophia's knuckles, her thumb brushing against metal. a ring. on her fourth finger. manon's breath hitched. she remembered this ring, remembered slipping it onto sophia's fourth finger during a dinner just like this, whispering promises about 'soon.' the ring was exactly where she put it, yet holding sophia's hand in this strangely distorted memory felt wrong. she looked up, ready to ask, to voice the swirling confusion, but sophia was crying, silent tears tracking down her strangely indistinct cheeks.

manon's eyes widened, "what happened? why are you crying?" she tried to look around again, searching for context, for something solid, but the restaurant seemed to dissolve further, the edges darkening into pitch blackness beyond their small circle of light.

"you don't remember?" sophia's voice was sad.

manon turned back to her, heart pounding against her ribs. an uneasy feeling churned in her stomach. she instinctively tried to pull her hand away, but sophia's grip tightened, holding her fast.

"are you repressing the memories again, manon?"

manon leaned back in her seat, swallowing hard against the lump forming in her throat. "what… what do you mean?"

sophia wiped at her eyes with her free hand, her movements weary, "you know you have to eventually tell everything to her."

her? manon stared, lost. "i don't understand what you're saying, mahal. tell who?"

sophia's gaze softened, filled with a sorrow manon couldn't comprehend, "it's okay, mahal. everything will be alright. trust me."

"hey, why are you saying that?" manon's voice was rising, "why are you crying? what don't i remember?"

sophia just looked at her, her grip still firm, her tears still falling onto the tablecloth, disappearing into the dim light. and then, the light itself began to fade.

"miss bannerman."

manon flinches violently, turning her head sharply to the left. the hairs on her arms stand on end. her hands shoot out and immediately grips the worn-out leather of the armchair. her breathing comes out short. 

a woman. 

late thirties, maybe early forties, with kind blue eyes framed by neatly pinned blonde hair, regards her with a patient, calm expression. recognition flickers, faint but there. something in manon's chest eases, just slightly. the doctor, her doctor, watches her with that same unnervingly steady look she wore during their first session. like watching someone disappear into their own head is just another day.

manon swallows, clearing the sudden tightness in her throat. she nods slowly, forcing her hands to relax their grip on the armchair, "sorry, i..." she pulls herself more upright in the plush chair, suddenly aware of how slumped she is. 

"i think i got distracted."

"that's okay, manon." the doctor's voice is gentle, unhurried. professional, but not cold. "it seems like you were in a good place just then." she pauses, giving manon space to breathe, to settle, "can you tell me where you are right now?"

manon's brows furrow, the lingering disorientation is still clinging to her. she scans the room, it has cream-colored walls, relentlessly neutral. a bookshelf filled with titles she can't focus on. a small table, strategically placed box of tissues within easy reach. there's also that abstract art on the wall that's probably intended to be calming, "your office," she says, the words sounding uncertain even to her own ears, "century city."

"good," the doctor makes a brief note on the pad resting on her lap, "and do you know what day it is?"

the question sends a fresh wave of anxiety through manon's stomach. she should know this. it feels important. "wednesday?" she guesses, then immediately doubts herself. "or... thursday?"

"it's wednesday, you're doing fine." the reassurance feels genuine, not patronizing, which somehow makes manon feel worse. 

"do you remember my name?"

the name is right there, on the tip of her tongue, a familiar shape her mind can't quite form into sound. she knows this woman. she is sure of it, but the connection frays. seeing the turmoil plainly on manon's face, the doctor offers an understanding smile, setting her notepad aside. "i'm dr. gilmore," she says gently. "we met about two months ago. this is our second session together."

two months. the words land like stones in manon's chest. two months since she stormed out of this very office. two months since… since everything shattered.

"right," manon whispers, the confirmation doesn't relax her, if anything, it only makes the disorientation worse. her gaze drops to her own hands, lying still in her lap. her left hand is bare. they feel strangely empty. she unconsciously rubs her right thumb across her own palm, the movement tracing the ghost of where sophia's hand should be, remembering the cool metal of the ring she'd placed on sophia's fourth finger. dr. gilmore watches the gesture but doesn't comment on it.

instead, she asks, "do you remember why you came to see me the first time?"

the answer surfaces unwillingly, painfully, "sophia," she breathes. the name tasting like hope and promises, like forever. she shakes her head quickly, a negating movement, trying to dislodge the ache, "she wanted me to... she thought i should..."

"she wanted you to get help," dr. gilmore supplies evenly.

manon nods, her jaw tight. she refuses to elaborate. she can't elaborate.

"and you didn't want to," dr. gilmore observes, voicing the resistance manon hasn't articulated.

"no." manon's voice is rough, "i didn't think..." she trails off, she grips the armrests again. didn't think i needed it. didn't think you could help. didn't think it would matter.

dr. gilmore leans forward slightly, "what do you remember about our first session?"

too much. manon remembers the feeling of desperation at her throat. sitting in this same chair, hands trembling not just with anxiety but with the force of trying to hold herself together. remembers the fight— god, the fight. and the confrontation that drove her to schedule the first disastrous appointment, hoping dr. gilmore held some magic answer to fix everything, fix them. but she can't talk about it, wouldn't. not yet. maybe not ever.

"we weren't..." manon starts, swallowing hard. "things weren't good. between us. we'd..." she shakes her head again, more forcefully this time, cutting off the thought.

"it doesn't matter."

"it does matter, manon."

"i just wanted to–" her voice cracks. she bites down hard on the rest of the sentence, forcing it back. wanted to fix it. wanted to fix us. wanted you to tell me how to make her stay. how to be someone she could stay for.

dr. gilmore's expression remains neutral but holds a current of compassion, "i remember you were very angry when our session ended."

angry. that feels like an understatement. manon remembers the panic, frustration, and heartbreak. standing abruptly, trembling, spitting words she can't take back, even though she's replayed them a thousand times since. storming out. ignoring the follow-up calls. convincing herself therapy is bullshit, that she is the problem, too broken, too complex, but that she can fix it on her own. that she and sophia will somehow–

manon's throat closes. that thought remains unfinished, too painful to complete.

"it's been two months," dr. gilmore's tone is careful, "i wasn't sure you'd come back. what changed?"

manon stares down at her empty left hand, the skin smooth where something feels like it should be. she opens her mouth. closes it. tries again. "things are..." she helplessly shakes her head, "it's different now."

"different how?"

"just different," the words snap out, sharper than she intended. she winces, softening her tone, "i can't... i don't want to talk about it right now."

dr. gilmore nods slowly, accepting the boundary without pushing, "that's okay. we can go at your pace."

but manon can feel the elephant in the room, the question dr. gilmore isn't asking but is clearly wondering

where is sophia now?

the tears manon has been ferociously blinking back finally threaten to spill over. she squeezes her eyes shut for a second, fighting for control. "it was a good memory," her voice is barely audible, "just now. we were happy. we were..."

she can't finish the sentence. because they were happy, once. and now… now they aren't anything at all.

dr. gilmore lets the silence stretch, giving manon space. "i know this is difficult," she says finally, her voice still gentle. "and i understand you're not ready to talk about everything yet. but i need to ask– are you safe, manon? are you taking care of yourself?"

manon wants to laugh. wants to ask what "taking care of yourself" even means when you can't remember what day it is half the time, when you disappear into memories that feel more real than the present. but she just nods instead, because it's easier than explaining.

"okay," dr. gilmore says, though her expression suggests she doesn't entirely believe it. "we're going to work through this, but i need you to understand that healing takes time. there are no quick fixes." she holds manon's gaze, "can you work with that?"

manon wants to scream no. wants to bolt from the room again, prove she doesn't need this, doesn't need anyone. but the impulse feels hollow this time around, because there is nowhere left to run. no sophia. no us to fix.

so instead, she gives the smallest nod.

"okay," dr. gilmore picks up her notepad again. "do you want us to circle back to the beginning?"

2022.

sophia sighs for what feels like the hundredth time, the screen of her phone feeling too small for the tension coming through it, "mom, i'm really sorry, but i can't just go home with only a few weeks' notice."

"is that the only reason?" her mom looks stressed, or maybe just worried. sophia isn't sure because of the poor lighting on the other end of the call. she sees her dad enter the frame, and her initial reaction is to end the call. she forces her hand to stay still.

"can't, not don't, mom. and yes, that's the only reason–" she clips the words, then can't stop herself from adding, "unless you want to include why i'm here and not somewhere else." she tries to sound casual, tries to sound like she's moved on from the fact she's majoring in business economics at UCLA, and not taking acting and singing lessons in NYU, just like what they'd promised her. well, that was years ago.

she stares at her parents as they exchange a loaded look. "sophia," her dad says as he takes the phone. he positions the camera so he's perfectly centered, like they're about to discuss something professional, like they're not blood-related. "how many times are we going to have this conversation?"

"as many as it takes. this is your dream, remember? this was never–"

"you left manila a year ago. at some point, you need to accept this," he leans closer to the screen, "didn't you tell me you're a grown woman now? that i don't have a say in what you do?"

"and still, you proceeded to give me orders," she shoots back, "you didn't even give me options, dad! i only left manila because you forced me to."

sophia sees her dad shake his head on the screen, that familiar gesture of exasperation, and she tries not to cry. crying means he wins again.

"your mom misses you, sophia. we all do." 

she glances at her mom in the corner of the frame, silently wiping tears from her cheeks, and her grip on her phone tightens.

"i told you, i can't come home right now," her voice softens slightly, "it's not my fault i'm not good at this major. i have to work twice as hard just to keep up. it's not easy, dad. even when you think it should be."

she looks up and sees daniela, her roommate, leaning against the doorframe, offering a sympathetic pout. like she's saying, aw my poor sophie. sophia gives her a weak smile. a shuffling noise on the other end of the call brings her attention back. her mom, carla, is now on the screen. her eyes are brimming with fresh tears.

"sophia, anak, come home when you can. i miss you so much. if you have any spare time at all, please spend it with us. your dad and i will cover everything."

sophia wants to say, i know, that's why i'm here studying in UCLA, but seeing her mom so vulnerable makes the anger stick in her throat. after all, she does miss home, despite the suffocating resentment she feels for her dad.

so she just nods, "i will. i miss you guys, too. i have to go." she pauses, "i love you, mom."

she sees her dad's face appear in the corner, expecting something, but sophia ends the call. she can't say it to him yet. not when she still blames him for this— for feeling like she's suffering so far from home, and even further from what she loves.

she places her phone on the coffee table in their dorm's living room and sags onto the couch, letting out the shaky breath she'd been holding.

"you don't have to lie to your mom, you know." daniela says softly, walking over from her desk, where an electric kettle is steaming. she pushes a warm mug of tea into sophia's hands. "mother knows best and all that."

sophia rolls her eyes but takes a grateful sip, the warmth calming her nerves, "she stayed silent when dad practically shoved this path down my throat. besides, he was listening. it's not the right time."

daniela gives her an apologetic look and sits on the arm of the couch. "i'm so sorry this is happening to you, my sophie. come here." she opens her arms wide as sophia places the mug on the end table and melts into daniela's embrace.

"what would i do without you, dani?"

daniela squeezes her tight, "you'd be miserable, that's what. and i'd probably still be buried under that mountain of suitcases in the hallway from move-in day."

sophia snorts, pulling back just enough to playfully slap her arm. "hey! i opened the door, didn't i? you were five seconds away from a total meltdown."

"i had it mostly under control! you just showed up before i could figure out how to get the mini-fridge and my dance bag through the door at the same time," daniela grins, "i would've been fine... eventually."

they laugh and stay in the hug for another moment before sophia breaks the silence.

"they actually sent me an email this morning."

daniela shrieks, pulling back to shake sophia's shoulders with force, "oh my god! did you get in?! i knew you would–"

"i didn't open it yet."

daniela's brows crease, "girl, it's almost past lunch. what are you waiting for?"

sophia thins her lips, moving from the couch to her beanbag chair and plopping down heavily. "i don't have the heart to do it. what if i don't get in? then i'd have to spend my whole college life mourning for what could've been."

she hears daniela scoff from across the room, "mourning? sophia, you literally forced yourself to sing 'joyful, joyful' in that massive gospel choir for an entire quarter, just to meet the stupid performance prerequisite. you did all that for nothing? no way."

sophia peeks over her hands. daniela has her arms planted on her hips, looking like a stern, supportive friend, "you're like, the best in what you do, even when you hate it. you still excel. you have good grades. they'd be insane to reject you when your record speaks for itself."

"you talk like you need something from me."

"read the room? i'm being serious here."

that earns a full laugh from sophia, "fine! okay. open my laptop and tell me if i get in or not."

daniela screams and claps her hands like a kid, immediately scrambling to the coffee table to grab the laptop. sophia's stomach instantly plummets. it feels like she's about to be sick. she tries to calm down, telling herself she doesn't care, that it doesn't matter if the music industry faculty aren't impressed. but that's absurd. she has almost straight As, like she actually worships her fucking major.

"okay, i changed my mind, let's not do this actually," she blurts out.

daniela just shoots her a glare, which makes sophia groan, "then make it quick," sophia breathes nervously, staring down at her own trembling hands.

"babe, i am trying!" daniela bangs the table in frustration. "your laptop is freezing so much. what kind of laptop is this? from the ice age?"

sophia shakes her head and covers her face with her palms. "daniela, i swear to god–"

she's cut off by a screech. sophia whips her head up. daniela is currently standing, holding the laptop high like it's the holy grail.

"well?" sophia's voice shakes, "it's fine if it says rejected, dani."

daniela stares at her, tears welling up in her eyes, "your first class starts on monday."

"stop joking," sophia stands up abruptly.

daniela just keeps staring, the tears now cascading down her cheeks as she shakes her head, "i wish i was."

sophia is the first one to scream. daniela joins her, jumping up and down while still clutching the laptop. sophia drops to her knees on the dorm room floor and screams again, a sound of disbelief and relief. then she starts to cry. she can't believe it. she got in.

daniela stops jumping, carefully places the laptop on the floor, and drops to her knees to hug her best friend. "i never doubted you, sophia. i always knew you could do this. i'm so proud of you."

"oh my god, dani," sophia sobs into her shoulder, clinging to her. "thank you. i wouldn't have... i wouldn't have even applied if you hadn't found the prerequisite for me. thank you for believing in me."

daniela sighs, rubbing her back. "anytime, my love. i told you," she pulls back slightly, grinning through her tears, "now you're gonna be stuck in the schoenberg music building with all the other weirdos. you owe me."

sophia doesn't sleep sunday night.

she tries. she tosses, she turns, she counts backward from a thousand, but her mind is buzzing with excitement. that's when she hears daniela finally yelling from the next room at three a.m.

"sophia, if you don't stop pacing, i'm going to suffocate you with your pillow! some of us have an eight a.m. technique class!"

"sorry!" sophia replies in a shout. she crawls back into bed, her heart still hammering.

it's useless. she's too nervous, too excited. she got in. she's actually doing it. after a year of soul-crushing econ spreadsheets and hiding her mom's old theater textbooks, she's finally walking into the music building as a student.

monday.

she's up before her alarm, pulling on the outfit she'd laid out three days ago. she grabs her bag and shoves a new notebook inside and the single-page resume she'd printed, just in case. she has no idea what to expect.

the walk from hitch suites, tucked away on the far side of the hill, to the schoenberg music building is longer than she thought. it's a solid twenty-minute trek, and she feels her anxiety building with every step. she clutches the strap of her bag, her hands are getting clammy. when she finally finds the building, she exhales loudly. it's older, more imposing than the modern business building. it smells like old wood, instrument polish, and the faint scent of rosin. it's intimidating.

her class is MSC IND 101 - seminar in music industry. her phone says room 1340.

she finds the 1300 hallway and navigates the numbers. 

1344, 1342... okay, 1340.

she takes a deep breath and pushes the door open.

it's a small studio, dominated by a grand piano and whiteboards covered in complex music notation. there's only one person in the room, a girl with dark hair and pink-streaked bangs lounging in a chair with her boots kicked up on a table, scrolling idly on her phone.

"excuse me?" sophia's voice is small, "is this... 'music industry 101'?"

the girl looks up, and a grin spreads across her face. sophia feels her eyes sweep over her, and she immediately overthinks, suddenly aware of her own boring outfit: a simple white long-sleeved shirt, flared jeans, and sneakers. the girl in the chair looks so much cooler, like she actually belongs here. sophia has the distinct feeling she does not.

"music industry? yeah, you're in the right place," the girl gestures casually at the empty chairs, "you're new to the minor, right?"

"yes!" relief floods through sophia, "god, this building is a maze. am i early? where is everyone?"

"nah, professor's just running late," the girl waves a dismissive hand, "you're just in time, though. you missed the sign-up, but i'm the pre-screener. i just need to hear your placement check."

sophia's blood runs cold, "the... the what? the acceptance email didn't say anything about a placement check."

"oh, yeah, the email just gets you in the minor," the girl leans forward with interest, "but for this class? the songwriting track? the prof always makes the new minors sing a few bars on day one. just to, you know, confirm your placement. make sure you can actually hold a tune."

this is a business minor, not a performance audition. she is sure she read the course description correctly, that MSC IND 101 was about legal frameworks, not vocal scales. but the panic she's feeling is already rising, because they made her sing 'joyful, joyful' in that massive gospel choir for an entire quarter, just for a pass or fail prerequisite. what if this is just another weird, artistic hoop she has to jump through? she is terrified of losing her spot, of being humiliated, of this one thing she wants being taken away. the fear of losing it is so much stronger than her suspicion. she wants to text daniela and scold her for not giving her a heads up, but then again, she's a dancer. so, how would she know?

"oh my god. seriously?" her hands are shaking as she fumbles in her bag, her fingers brushing the resume she'd brought, "i... i didn't prepare anything. i just have my biodata..."

sophia watches the girl raise an eyebrow, clearly amused. "your bio-what? look, it's fine. just sing whatever, like a happy birthday or something, he just needs to know you're not awful."

sophia is like, panicking. she hates when she hasn't planned anything, she should've known this was coming. if she has to sing, she won't just sing something. she'll sing something good. she feels the need to impress the girl with the pink bangs, because she's sensing the disinterest growing on her face.

"okay," sophia nods, clasping her hands in front of her, "okay."

she closes her eyes, takes a shaky breath, and starts to sing.

"look at this stuff, isn't it neat? 

wouldn't you think my collection's complete...?"

her voice is wobbly at first, but after a few lines, she becomes comfortable. her voice is clear and rings with an emotion that's been bottled up for way too long. 

"what would i give if i could live out of these waters?

what would i pay to spend a day warm on the sand?

bet'cha on land they understand

bet they don't reprimand their daughters

bright young women, sick of swimmin'

ready to stand"

she is so focused on hitting the notes that she doesn't hear the door click open after a minute.

"megan, what the fuck are you doing?"

sophia's eyes fly open. a new girl is standing in the doorway, holding two large cups. she is staring right at sophia, baffled. sophia watches her gaze dart from her own frozen face to megan, who is now visibly shaking with silent laughter, "oh, come on! she was ready to take off!"

"really?" the new girl sounds annoyed, "again? stop terrorizing the new minors."

she stalks past sophia, shoving one of the large cups onto the table in front of megan, and rolls her eyes, "you're an ass."

"what?" megan wipes a tear from her eye, "i was just checking her placement! and she's good!"

"oh god," sophia whispers in embarrassment. she tries to calm herself by massaging her temples, "i'm so sorry. i... i'm looking for music industry 101."

the girl turns back to her. 

up close, she's... wow. really pretty. her hair is a soft cloud of curls, but it's her eyes that make sophia's stomach do a weird thing. they hold a sort of weary sadness that is, in a way, beautiful. sophia feels pinned by her gaze. she is not smiling, but she is not glaring either. she is just... watching.

the girl finally breaks eye contact, glaring at her friend, "this is Music 106a, advanced composition. you're in the wrong building." she looks back at sophia, her expression softening just a fraction, "music industry 101 is two floors down, in the new wing. i'll show you."

"oh, no, that's okay!" sophia is already backing toward the door, desperate to escape, "you don't have to. just tell me where to–"

"i insist," the girl cuts her off. she steps out into the hallway, holding the door open with her hip and taking a sip on her cup while waiting.

sophia flees the room, her cheeks still hot. she stands awkwardly in the hallway while the girl pulls the door shut, muffling megan's laughter. an awkward silence stretches between them as they start walking. 

"i'm really sorry about megan," the girl says after a moment, "she does that to new students. i hope you're not offended, but it's okay if you are."

sophia glances at her. she lets out a dry chuckle, "it's okay. i mean, i should've known better."

"elizabeth."

sophia stops for a second, confused, "huh?"

the girl gestures with her cup toward the paper still clutched in sophia's hand. sophia looks down and sees her full name at the top of her resume.

"oh," she feels dumb.

the girl's lips quirk in a tiny, barely there smile, "i'm manon."

manon. sophia repeats the name in her head. manon. even her name sounds beautiful. oh, stop that.

"i'm actually sophia," she clarifies, her voice a little high-pitched.

manon just looks at her and keeps walking. the silence stretches again, and sophia, for some reason, feels the need to fill it.

"but elizabeth is fine, really," she starts yapping, words tumbling out way too fast, "it's just, no one calls me that. i have other nicknames though, like phia, or fifi, or sopheezy, or sophie. my best friend who's also studying here calls me sophie. anything is fine, but–"

she stops herself when she realizes manon is just glancing at her, completely silent, with that same steady gaze from earlier. sophia feels her cheeks heat up all over again. she is definitely oversharing with a very pretty stranger.

"okay, maybe elizabeth's fine," she finishes lamely, staring hard at her sneakers.

they turn a final corner into a brighter, more modern hallway. the new wing. manon stops in front of a classroom, "here it is, music industry 101."

"oh. great," sophia says, "thank you, manon. and, um, sorry again. for the... inconvenience. and the disney."

a small smile touches manon's lips. it does something weird to sophia's stomach, a little flip she wasn't expecting.

"nice to meet you, elizabeth."

manon turns and walks away down the hall, leaving sophia standing there. she doesn't even realize she's smiling like a total idiot until she hears the professor inside the classroom start to speak.

the debriefing with daniela is, as sophia expected, exhausting. 

she just came back from her last class, it's almost dusk. her feet are aching and her brain feels fried from econ, but her face still flushes every time she replays the scene from this morning. she collapses onto the beanbag, and daniela, already in her dance clothes, starts interrogating her without hesitations. it's a conversation that involves daniela shrieking, "you did not sing 'part of your world'!" followed by a fit of uncontrollable laughter that makes sophia throw a couch cushion at her. sophia recounts the whole mortifying ordeal— the wrong room, the girl with the pink hair, the fake "placement check," and the disney song.

"... and then she told me her name's manon." sophia finishes, trying to sound unaffected as she watches daniela tilting her head.  

"wait. like, manon manon? curly hair, always looks like she wants to murder someone, never talks?"

sophia sits up, "yeah? dark, curly hair. kinda sad eyes. how do you know her?"

"nobody knows her," daniela says, lowering her voice. "she's like a music school legend. my friends in WACD say she's some kind of composition prodigy. super intense, yet reserved. that's who heard you?"

"oh my god, don't remind me," sophia groans, falling back. "it gets worse. she... she saw my biodata."

"wait, hold on," daniela's face screwed up in confusion, "why the hell did you have a resume? for a class?"

"dani! do you want me to finish talking or not?"

"okay, okay!"

sophia rolls her eyes, she explains the "elizabeth" part, how it was on the paper, and how manon just... said it.

daniela raises a brow, "are you trying to be mysterious now? like, 'sophia' is for business and 'elizabeth' is your new music alter-ego?"

"no!" sophia protests, her face turning into a tomato, and she admits how she babbled about her other nicknames, too. "dani, i'm such a loser."

"yep, you are," daniela nods in agreement, "but you're my loser." she gets up from the couch and pulls sophia up from the beanbag, "and i'm starving. come on, let's get dinner. you can obsess more about your mysterious composer girl."

"i'm not obsessing," sophia mutters, letting herself be pulled up, "i probably won't even see her again. it's not like we're in the same classes."

"sure. whatever you say, elizabeth." daniela says, grabbing her jacket. 

it's like the universe hears sophia's unconscious thoughts. because as she heads down the main hallway, she recognizes megan with manon walking right beside her at the far end of the corridor.

her knees instantly start to feel weak. she doesn't understand why her first instinct is to run away, to duck into the nearest bathroom and hide until they walk past. it's just two people. two regular people. one of whom she met exactly once and has thought about approximately seventy five times since then, but who's counting?

sophia forces her feet to move. walk normally. be normal. you are a normal person doing normal walking.

but as they get closer, her heart starts to beat way too quickly. she's never been this nervous, not even for the graded presentations in her Comm 1 public speaking class. manon is like, just a person she happened to meet by accident. so why the hell is she turning around and pretending she forgot something? she wishes daniela was here, but knowing daniela, she'd probably just yell "hey, it's your crush!" and point directly at manon's face. she doesn't even know why she's giving daniela the last laugh, that okay, maybe this is indeed a stupid crush. 

it's too late, though, because sophia hears a shout.

"elizabeth, we meet again!"

no no no no no.

"wait up! why are you walking so fast?!"

sophia stops, closing her eyes for one second. she hears the footsteps stop right beside her, and she takes a deep breath before looking at megan who is beaming. manon is hovering just behind, sipping on her cup, looking at anything but them.

"hey," sophia manages to give megan what she hopes is a normal smile and not the grimace it feels like, "you can call me sophia, actually."

megan makes a face and turns to look over her shoulder at manon, "what? manz said your name's elizabeth."

"yes, but like, no one calls me elizabeth. so."

"oh!" megan nods enthusiastically, "okay, sophia. nice to meet you here again." she looks around and glares at manon, who has finally caught up, "you walk like a fucking snail."

sophia clears her throat and risks a look at manon, "hi."

manon just glances at her and gives a curt nod before looking back down at the floor.

okay. rude. should i have said more? is 'hi' too casual? too boring? am i boring? oh god, i'm boring.

megan senses the awkward silence and jumps in with a grin, "sorry about this idiot beside me. she doesn't really talk much. she's more like a presence we have to endure."

so daniela was right, sophia thinks. she wants to ask why, wants to know if manon's always like this or if it's just with her, if there's a reason she won't make eye contact for more than half a second, but she stops herself. they're not even friends. they're barely acquaintances. she has no right to pry.

sophia waves a hand, trying to look unbothered, "it's fine!"

she's still bothered, of course, but that comes to a halt when she sees manon elbow megan in the ribs. megan yelps and looks at manon, who is now raising her eyebrows at her, insistent. 

megan turns back to sophia, her smile suddenly looking a lot more forced, "uh, sophia… i'm really sorry about that prank i did to you four days ago."

sophia is taken aback, "oh, it's–"

"i'm not doing it again," megan rushes on, still stealing glances at manon like she's reading cue cards, "not to you! not to the other students!" she does an aggressive two thumbs-up and bares her teeth in what might technically qualify as a grin, "we're good, right?"

sophia can't help but to laugh. the tension breaking just a little, "it's okay, megan! you're good," she gives her a light tap on the shoulder, and megan visibly relaxes. as she laughs, sophia catches manon looking at her. their eyes meet for one heartstopping moment and then they both look away at the exact same time, like they've been caught doing something illegal.

"what class are you taking today? i swear we're– i mean, i will not prank you this time."

"i'm heading to Ethnomus M25. global pop."

"global pop! fun." megan's eyes light up, "i've heard about that class. isn't that the one where they analyze like K-Pop and–"

"skiendiel."

megan stops mid-sentence and glances at manon, who tips her head ever so slightly in sophia's direction.

"right," megan catches on immediately, "shit. sorry, i get carried away sometimes. don't let us keep you."

sophia checks the time on her phone. 

8:54 a.m. 

we can still talk. 

"yeah, i actually need to go."

"see you around, sophia!" megan gives her a little wave.

sophia's already turning to leave when she hears her speak.

"good luck, elizabeth."

her head whips back to manon, who is already turning away, but sophia swears she sees the corner of her mouth twitch. like she's trying not to smile.

megan just shrugs, grinning, and follows manon.

sophia stands there for a second, her heart doing that stupid fluttery thing again, before she shakes her head and bolts to class. 

she ends up acing the pop quiz her professor gives at the end of the lecture. the completely irrational, borderline delusional part of her wonders if she should thank manon's "good luck" for that. the other part of her wonders why she can't stop replaying the way manon said her name.

it happened again. and then again. sophia's weeks are defined by mondays and fridays. by that one hallway.

it becomes a thing. not that sophia would ever admit it out loud. they pass each other with quick nods or waves, the kind of acknowledgment that could mean nothing or everything depending on how much you overthink it (sophia overthinks it). if manon feels like it, she smiles.

if she feels like it.

sophia knows that she's given manon way too much power. the power to dictate whether her day will be good or bad, exciting or unbearably dull. a smile from manon at 8:47 a.m.? instant serotonin boost. she'll float through her morning classes. a nod? fine. acceptable. she can work with that. but if manon just walks past without looking?

sophia will spend the next three hours wondering what she did wrong.

she tries not to start conversations with daniela like, 'dani, she smiled again. oh my god, i need to keep using this lip balm.' because daniela always responds with something helpful like, 'my sophie, i promise you, it has nothing to do with your lip balm,' in a tone that suggests she's exhausted.

but who cares? sophia's buying aquaphor now in bulk anyway.

one friday, manon isn't in the hallway.

sophia notices it right away, which is somehow more embarrassing than the lip balm thing.

she walks into the hallway at 8:45 a.m., right on schedule, because she knows how their little routine works. manon opens the practice room door at exactly 8:45. sometimes 8:46 if she's running late. and then, at around 8:47, manon will glance in her direction and nod. or smile, if she's in a good mood.

but today, the hallway is empty.

sophia slows her pace, scanning the corridor like manon might materialize out of thin air. she checks her phone. 8:46 a.m.

okay. she's just late.

sophia stops in the middle,pretending to look at her phone, aka the universal signal for, 'i'm waiting for someone but trying to look casual about it.' her class starts at 9:00 a.m., so she has time. she'll wait.

8:46 turns to 8:49.

still no manon.

sophia refreshes her email for no reason. scrolls through instagram. stares at the practice room door like she can will it to open through sheer force of desperation.

8:49 turns to 8:52.

maybe she's sick. or she switched her schedule. or she finally realized i'm a weirdo who's been timing our hallway encounters like some kind of stalker.

8:52 turns to 8:55.

sophia feels something uncomfortable twist in her chest. confusion, maybe. or  annoyance. no. it's worse than that. it's disappointment. it sounds ridiculous because it's not like manon owes her anything. they're not even friends. they just… exist in the same space twice a week and acknowledge each other's presence.

but suddenly, sophia doesn't want to go to class. she wants to stand here until manon shows up, which is insane, because what if she doesn't show up at all?

she checks the time again. 8:58 a.m.

this is stupid. i'm being stupid.

she looks at the empty hallway one last time and gives it five more seconds, as if manon might come sprinting at the last possible moment. but nada. she forces herself to walk to class.

that day, sophia's mood is off.

she can't focus during the lecture. keeps checking her phone like manon might've texted her. again. ridiculous. because they don't even have each other's numbers.

she doesn't retain a single thing the professor says. she just keeps replaying the empty hallway in her mind, the way the silence felt wrong, like a song missing its opening note.

manon was supposed to be there.

they were supposed to give each other a wave or a nod or a smile.

sophia was supposed to feel that nervous thing in her stomach, the good kind of nervous, the kind that makes her feel awake.

but manon wasn't there.

and sophia realizes that she didn't just miss seeing manon.

she misses her.

"why the long face?"

sophia looks up from her barely touched burrito. daniela is leaning across the table at bruin plaza, eyebrow raised, looking annoyingly perceptive under the string lights overhead.

"it's nothing," sophia says automatically.

"nothing?" daniela takes an aggressive bite of her quesadilla, "you've been stabbing that burrito for like five minutes. either tell me what's wrong or put it out of its misery."

sophia sighs, setting down her fork. around them, the plaza buzzes with night time energy. students scattered on the steps, study groups huddled at tables, the distant sound of someone's speaker playing music she doesn't recognize. it's almost nine p.m., and she's been in a funk all day.

"she wasn't there this morning," sophia finally admits.

"oh my god," daniela drops her quesadilla, "manon? that's what this is about?"

"i said it's nothing–"

"babe. you've been moping for hours. over a hallway wave that didn't happen."

"it's not just–" sophia stops herself, because how does she explain that it felt like the entire foundation of her monday got yanked out from under her? that she kept looking for manon between classes like a lost puppy? "forget it. you're right. it's stupid."

"i didn't say it was stupid," daniela says gently, "i said you're down bad. there's a difference."

before sophia can respond, daniela's eyes suddenly widen, "oh shit."

"what?"

"don't turn around."

sophia turns around quickly.

and there, walking across the plaza with megan, backlit by the glow of the food stands, is manon. sophia's stomach does that stupid flip again. she watches as they get in line at one of the food trucks, megan talking animatedly while manon just nods, hands shoved in her hoodie pockets.

"you're staring," daniela sing-songs.

"i'm not–" sophia tears her eyes away and focuses very hard on her burrito, "i'm just... looking in that general direction."

"sure. very casual. super normal."

sophia steals another glance. manon is looking at her phone now, and sophia can see her face more clearly under the lights. she looks tired. not sick, just... worn out. like she had a long day.

maybe that's why she wasn't there this morning.

"you should go talk to her," daniela says suddenly.

"what? no."

"why not?"

"because," sophia gestures vaguely, "what am i supposed to say? 'hey, i waited for you in the hallway like a creep'?"

"or you could just say hi like a normal person."

"we don't talk talk. we just... acknowledge each other's existence."

"well, maybe it's time to upgrade the relationship," daniela stands up, grabbing her phone and wallet.

sophia's eyes widened in panic, "where are you going?"

"bathroom. i'll be back in like ten minutes. maybe fifteen." daniela grins wickedly, "try not to combust."

"dani, don't you dare–"

but daniela is already walking through the tables with the confidence of someone who knows exactly what chaos she's leaving behind. so sophia sits there. alone. she wills herself to be invisible. she goes back to her burrito. it's fine. manon probably won't even notice her. the plaza is crowded, and sophia is just one person at one table among dozens—

"is this seat taken?"

sophia's head snaps up so fast that she nearly drops her fork.

manon is standing right there, holding a plate of fries, looking down at her with an expression sophia can't quite read. megan is nowhere in sight.

"i– uh–" sophia's brain short circuits. "no. i mean, yes. i mean– it's not taken. you can sit."

smooth. very smooth.

manon sits down across from her, and sophia becomes acutely aware of every single thing about herself, with the way she's sitting, how her hair is falling, and whether she has food in her teeth.

they sit in silence for a moment. sophia pretends to be very interested in her burrito, but then the uncomfortable silence eventually prods her into speaking, "where were you this morning?"

the words come out before she can stop them. manon looks up, and sophia immediately wants to dissolve into the ground.

"i mean. not that i was– i just noticed you weren't… nevermind."

manon's expression changes. something almost like a surprise, or maybe amusement, "you noticed?"

"i–" sophia feels her face heat up, "we usually cross paths. so. yeah."

manon is quiet for a second, and then the corner of her mouth twitches up. "i had to meet with my advisor. ran late."

"oh." sophia exhales, relief flooding through her in a way that's probably too obvious, "that makes sense."

"were you worried?" there's something teasing in manon's voice, something that makes sophia's heart stutter.

"no," sophia lies. "i just– it threw off my morning. the routine, i mean."

"the routine," manon repeats, and she's definitely almost smiling.

"don't make fun of me."

"i'm not," manon eats another fry, looking directly at sophia now, "i noticed you weren't there that friday."

sophia blinks, "what?"

"two weeks ago," manon shrugs, like it's no big deal, "threw off my routine."

sophia's heart rate goes from maybe 90 to 130, "you– wait, you noticed?"

"hard not to," manon says quietly, "you're always there."

the weight of that sentence hangs between them. sophia's brain is screaming at her to say something cool, something casual, but instead what comes out is, "i had an online exam that day!"

manon just stares at her while she chews.

"my professor for history of pop music posted an announcement on wednesday that we didn't need to come to class on friday because we just had to complete the exam online. and so i thought, you know, why waste time walking for twenty minutes if i can just stay in my dorm and take it there? so i did. i stayed in my dorm. took the exam at like nine a.m. in my pajamas, actually, which was great, super comfortable, and i got a 99 on it, which– i mean, not to brag, but–"

sophia realizes she's rambling. again. she clears her throat.

"sorry, i just– i didn't think you'd notice. that i wasn't there. i mean."

and then manon does something sophia has never seen before.

she laughs.

not a small chuckle or a breath of amusement, but an actual laugh. a genuine one. her eyes crinkle at the corners and her shoulders shake and she covers her mouth with her hand like she's trying to stop it but can't.

sophia freezes, her explanation dying on her lips. she's never seen manon like this. didn't even know she could look like this— soft and open and so, so pretty.

"what?" sophia asks, but she's starting to smile too, infected by it.

"you–" manon tries to speak but another laugh bubbles up, "you got a 99. in your pajamas."

"it's relevant information!" sophia reasons out, but now she's laughing too, and suddenly they're both just sitting there giggling like idiots in the middle of bruin plaza over absolutely nothing.

when they finally catch their breaths, manon is still smiling. really smiling, not the half smile or the almost smile, but the full thing.

"i'm glad you aced it," manon says warmly.

sophia's heart is still racing, but she plays it cool, "thanks."

megan appears out of nowhere, slightly breathless.

"manon! you can't just leave like that! i thought something happened again–" megan stops when she sees sophia sitting across from manon. her worried expression vanishes as she slides into the seat next to her friend with a massive plate of nachos, her tone becomes bright, "you didn't tell me miss sophia is here."

sophia's caught off-guard, "hi."

"what are you doing here?" 

"...eating?" sophia furrows her brows.

"cool, cool." megan turns to manon and elbows her, the worry in her tone completely gone, "manz, you ditched me at the truck. rude."

manon just rolls her eyes, but sophia notices the way megan's hand briefly touches manon's arm, like she's checking her. she decides to shake the confusion forming in her head. daniela returns a moment later, looking delighted to find manon and megan at their table. she gives sophia a look that clearly says you're welcome before sliding back into her seat.

the four of them end up staying at bruin plaza for another hour, megan and daniela carrying most of the conversation while sophia and manon steal glances at each other when they think no one's looking.

when they finally say goodbye, manon looks at sophia one last time.

"see you friday, elizabeth." 

sophia nods, "see you friday."

as she walks away with daniela, she can't stop replaying what manon told her.

you're always there. 

and the fact that manon noticed when she wasn't.

the next day, sophia spends her entire afternoon in one of the practice rooms in the schoenberg music building. she has an assignment for MSC IND 55. it is to come in with a 'song seed,' which is a verse and a chorus of something original. the idea of singing her own words in front of a class makes her excited and nauseous in equal measure. she's been working on a simple progression for the past hour, but nothing's clicking. every lyric she writes sounds either too vague or too on-the-nose, and the melody keeps wandering off into something that sounds like a commercial jingle.

she becomes frustrated eventually and huffs, deciding she's done for the day. she packs up her notebook, her pencil case, and her half-empty water bottle. as she opens the door, she hears someone in another room down the hall, playing piano.

sophia pauses. the last time she heard someone in one of these rooms was last last friday, a full band rehearsing something loud and chaotic. this one is different, though. it is quieter. more intimate. sophia is drawn by the noise, so she follows it. she peeks through the square window of the door a few feet away and freezes.

she recognizes those curls.

it's manon.

sophia's brain glitches for a second. the door is cracked open, like an invitation, or like, manon forgot to close it all the way. the thing is, she never heard manon sing before. she forgets, stupidly, that manon is a music major. then she feels dumb, because of course manon sounds good. the melody is achingly emotional, and sophia finds herself stepping quietly into the room, unable to stop herself. she stays near the entrance and leans against the wall. manon's back is to the door, her shoulders slightly hunched over the keys. sophia doesn't recognize the song, which means it's probably original. which means it's probably manon's.

"the truth is i am a toy that people enjoy
'til all of the tricks don't work anymore
and then they are bored of me

i know that it's exciting running through the night, but
every perfect summer's eating me alive until you're gone
better on my own"

sophia hears the quiver in manon's voice on the last line, and something in her chest clenches. she's witnessing something she shouldn't, something private, sacred even. her own heart is beating too loud and too fast. this manon is different from the one in the hallway, the one megan teases, the one who barely makes eye contact. this manon is vulnerable and raw and… hurt.

sophia wants to say broken, but she doesn't know her well enough to make that call. so she just swallows and stays perfectly still.

"they say, 'you're a little much for me
you're a liability
you're a little much for me'

so they pull back, make other plans
i understand, i'm a liability
get you wild, make you leave
i'm a little much for e-a-na-na-na, everyone"

the piano slows as manon sings the last two lines, her voice becoming a whisper, like she's singing only to herself.

"they're gonna watch me disappear into the sun
you're all gonna watch me disappear into the sun"

sophia is stuck in her position, mesmerized and teary-eyed. manon doesn't know she's there. so, on pure instinct, she claps.

manon's whole body goes rigid. 

sophia claps for a few more seconds, too loud claps that echo in the small room, then she clears her throat, "that was... that was really beautiful."

manon doesn't move. doesn't turn around. sophia's stomach drops in embarrassment. oh god. she's mad.

"manon, i'm so sorry," sophia rushes out, "i didn't mean to be a creep. the door was open and i heard you and i just– i got curious and–" she sighs loudly, pinching the bridge of her nose, "i'm really sorry. i'll go."

it's over. that's it. whatever this almost-friendship thing is, i just ruined it because i'm a damn weirdo. 

"no, stay."

sophia  stands frozen, half-turned away. manon speaks again, a little louder this time, but still not turning. 

"come here."

sophia crosses the room on unsteady legs, stopping awkwardly behind the piano bench. when she doesn't sit, manon scoots to the edge and pats the empty space beside her.

"sit with me."

sophia obeys, hyperaware of every movement as she settles onto the bench. their shoulders touch immediately in the confined space, and she has to focus on breathing normally. this is the closest they've ever been. manon smells like sandalwood and leather. the scent fills sophia's head until she can barely think straight. 

"hey. you okay?"

sophia absentmindedly fidgets her hands while manon observes her, "yes. of course. i'm sorry if i offended you or something…"

and, as if sophia is not gay panicking enough, manon does something that makes sophia's brain completely malfunction.

she smiles a little and places her hand on top of sophia's.

the world narrows to that point of contact.

manon's palm is warm. and all of a sudden, everything is warm: sophia's cheeks, her chest, her hand trapped beneath manon's. the warmth seeps through her skin, into her bloodstream, and she has to blink hard just to stay tethered to reality.

manon seems to realize what she's done, that her hand lifts slightly from sophia's, and the warmthdies instantly.

sophia's chest ache, her every instinct screaming at her to chase manon's hand, to grab it, to interlace their fingers and hold it properly this time. but she remains frozen.

manon's gaze slides away, her eyes now fixated on the piano keys,  maybe embarrassed.

maybe. 

"i'm just not comfortable with people hearing me perform," manon starts, still not looking at her, "but it's okay. it's not your fault. megan was here earlier, she only left when yoonchae finished basketball practice."

sophia doesn't know who yoonchae is.

when she hears nothing from sophia, manon glances at her and explains, "yoonchae is megan's girlfriend. she's a rookie on the UCLA Bruins, so she doesn't have much free time to hang out with us."  

"ah," sophia nods, "i hope to meet her soon, then."

silence settles between them, and it should be awkward. sophia has never been good with silence, always rushing to fill it with words or jokes or literally anything just to stop it from feeling empty. 

but this doesn't feel empty. it feels… full.

manon's fingers drift back to the piano keys. she plays a wandering melody, no structure to it, just notes flowing into other notes like water finding its path. sophia watches her hands move and feels something in her chest. for the nth time. those hands. long fingers pressing into ivory keys, confident and sure in a way manon's voice wasn't when she asked sophia to stay. there's a small scar on her right thumb that sophia has never noticed before, and a silver ring on her middle finger that catches the light. she watches manon's wrist flex with each chord change.

sophia has spent so many nights lying awake in her dorm, staring at the ceiling while her best friend sleeps soundly across the room, trying to fill in the blanks of the quiet girl she keeps seeing in thehallway. because manon is such a blank canvas to her, and all sophia has are fragments, glimpses, and what daniela told her, she can't help but paint in the empty spaces.

she's imagined different versions of manon: the one who's always smiling fully, without that restraint she seems to carry in public. the one who chooses the left side of the bed, or maybe the right. the one who does mundane human things— does she make coffee in the morning? black, with sugar, with milk? does she hum while she does dishes, the way sophia does? does she leave books half-read on every surface, or does she finish them compulsively, unable to move on until she knows the ending? does manon sing disney songs in the shower the way sophia does? does she have a favorite princess, a favorite villain song? would she laugh if sophia admitted she knows every barbie movie by heart?

sophia wonders what does manon do when she's stressed. does she play piano until her fingers ache, the way she's doing now? does she go for long walks, or does she curl up closing herself off from the world? does she call her mom, or her friends, or does she handle everything alone, the way she seems to be handling that vulnerable song she was singing earlier about being too much? does she close her eyes and breathe evenly when she hears her comfort song? does she have a comfort song? something classical, or something pop, or something so obscure that sophia would need three tries to find it?

sophia has imagined her in a hundred different scenarios, soft domestic daydreams that she immediately feels guilty about because they barely know each other, because wanting someone this much after only a handful of conversations feels disproportionate, feels like too fast. it feels like the exact thing manon was singing about— being too much, wanting too much, feeling too much. and maybe that's why the song moved her, because sophia sees herself in those lyrics too, always wondering if she's overwhelming people with the intensity of her feelings.

she never quite pictured this. this version of manon is unguarded. unperforming. the reserved, almost-prickly girl from the hallway is gone, and in her place is this person, lost in her own art. the way her eyes go distant, seeing something beyond the soundproofed walls. the way her shoulders, which always seem so tense, finally relax. the way she bites her bottom lip when she hits a wrong note and circles back. she's existing in her own skin, and sophia gets to see it. gets to sit close enough to feel the microscopic shifts in the air when manon moves, close enough to wonder what would happen if she just closes the distance between them entirely…

she unconsciously licks her lips.

sophia wonders if manon plays piano every day, if this is part of her routine the way sophia's morning run is part of hers. she wonders if manon writes songs often, if her dorm is full of half-finished compositions, if she plays when she's happy or sad or just when she needs to feel something. she wonders what manon's hands would feel like doing something other than playing piano. does she also play other instruments? 

she wonders what manon's hands would feel like holding hers, if they'd be as warm as they were just minutes ago.

sophia swallows hard and drags her gaze away from manon's hands before she does something stupid like stare so obviously that manon notices. but then where does she look? not at manon's face, because that's worse somehow, more dangerous. the curve of her jaw, the concentrated furrow between her brows, the way her lips move silently as she plays like she's singing along in her head.

so sophia looks at the piano keys instead, watching them sink and rise under manon's touch. she tries to focus on the melody, to name the chords, anything technical, but all she can think is: i'm here. with her. and she asked me to stay.

she wonders if manon does this with other people. if she lets them into her practice space, sits this close on a piano bench that's really only meant for one. is this special, or is this normal? manon gives nothing away. sophia feels like she's reading a book in a language she doesn't understand. is she reading too much into everything? or not enough?

she wonders if manon can feel it too. the different atmosphere, this pull between them that sophia can't name but can't ignore. she wonders if manon's heart is racing like hers is, if manon's thoughts are spiraling the same way, if manon looks at her and thinks i want to know everything about you or if that's just sophia projecting her own desperate longing onto someone who's just… being nice.

"you're good."

the words sound inadequate the moment they leave her mouth. sophia pinches her right thigh. professor boswell literally just told her last week that she was articulate, and this is what she comes up with?

manon chuckles softly. "i try to be."

sophia tries again. "i–"

manon turns her head, still playing that soft melody, and sophia's mind just blanks.

"...really liked the song."

manon's smile widens, just a little, and she shakes her head, "you don't have to lie to me, elizabeth."

sophia's jaw drops. "hey! no. i'm not lying. i'm telling you the truth."

manon just glances at her, smirking, which kind of annoys sophia.

"it's not that it's bad," sophia backtracks, trying to find the right words, "it's just... i don't think the premise is right."

manon's hands still on the keys.

"i wrote it," manon says quietly.

"oh."

of course. of course manon wrote it. of course sophia just criticized her work without being asked. of course she just shoved her foot so far into her mouth she's tasting shoelaces.

"what do you mean," manon asks, "the premise isn't right?"

manon isn't looking at the keys anymore, she's looking right through sophia's eyes, like she's trying to analyze her thoughts, too.

sophia takes a breath. "it's just... the song is wrong. not musically! musically it's beautiful. but the concept. you're not a liability. how can a person be a liability? a liability is something that drags you down, something that costs more than it gives. people aren't balance sheets. they're complicated and messy and sometimes they take up space, but that's not the same thing as being a burden. maybe you're 'too much' for some people, but that's on them, not you. being intense or emotional or taking up space… that's just being human. and if someone makes you feel like you need to be less, like you need to shrink yourself down to be acceptable, then they're the problem. not you. you're not too much. you're exactly the right amount of yourself, and if people can't handle that, then they're not your people."

manon just stares at her. her expression is completely stunned and sophia feels like she's seeing something she wasn't supposed to, "you barely know me."

"i know," sophia admits, "but i know what i see. and what i see is someone who's talented and passionate and–" she cuts herself off before she says something truly embarrassing.

manon's lips curve into a genuine smile, "and?"

"and someone i'd like to know better," sophia finishes quietly.

manon opens her mouth to respond when sophia's phone buzzes aggressively in her pocket. she pulls it out and winces at the screen.

my dani: babe where r u i'm starving, i'm alr at the bruin plaza
my dani: don't tell me you're currently making out with the mystery music girl????
my dani: SOPHIA LAFORTEZA.

sophia's face burns. "i– i have to go," she mutters, standing up too quickly. "my best friend. she's waiting for me."

"oh. yeah. okay." manon nods, looking back at the piano, and just like that, sophia pops the bubble they've carefully created.

sophia is halfway to the door and her heart starts to sink. fuck, dani. we were having a damn moment.

"wait."

sophia turns around in a heartbeat.

manon is standing up from the bench, fidgeting with the sleeve of her sweater.

"um." manon looks at the floor, "could i– can i have your number?" she finally looks up, "just... you know. i mean, if you want. you don't have to. i just thought maybe we could, i don't know, hang out sometime?"

manon's hands are mindlessly rubbing the fabric of her jeans. she looks almost... shy? nervous? sophia thinks she's misreading the situation, that's for sure.

"yes," sophia says, probably too quickly, "yeah. yes. definitely."

manon's smile breaks across her face like sunrise, and sophia fumbles for her phone with shaking hands. they exchange numbers, fingers brushing for a mere second as manon hands back sophia's phone.

"thank you."

"okay," sophia breathes, "i'll... see you."

"see you, elizabeth."

sophia's halfway down the hall when her phone buzzes.

Unknown Number: this is manon by the way, in case you forgot in the last 30 seconds.

Unknown Number: (i'm kidding. i just wanted to make sure it worked)

she stares at her phone screen for a little while, then,

manon ❤️

manon 

manon  🎵

contact saved.

sophia and manon hang out a little, then a lot.

it starts innocently enough. tuesdays in the practice room become their thing. then wednesdays happen, meeting for coffee between classes at that place near ackerman where manon always orders a vanilla iced latte with two shots of espresso and a whole milk, sophia pretends she did not memorize that detail. thursdays, they study in the library, manon with her music theory textbooks and sophia with her economics readings, their ankles touching under the table in a way that feels both accidental and inevitable.

it's not just mondays and fridays in the hallway anymore. it's every day. monday through friday, a new routine that makes sophia's heart feel so full.

daniela catches sophia smiling at her phone one evening, "you're so in love, it's disgusting."

"shut up, i am not." sophia's face runs hot as she locks her phone.

"sure, sophie." daniela leans against her doorframe, arms crossed, "that's why you told me you were 'swamped with homework' last friday night, and then i literally saw you and manon laughing like complete hyenas over by wilson plaza. you were practically crying from laughing so hard."

sophia groans, burying her face in a throw pillow,  "she was helping me!"

"helping you do what?" daniela's voice drips with amusement.

"she's… she's helping me find the perfect pitch for this original song i have to pass for my minor." 

daniela snorts, "you're a terrible liar, sophia!"

it is a weak excuse. daniela knows sophia doesn't need help, because sophia is a good singer, technically proficient and naturally talented. she knows how to please a crowd, how to hit every note cleanly. and maybe manon knows that too, but she pretends to help anyway, giving sophia notes and suggestions that they both know are unnecessary, just so they can spend more time together.

maybe.

she feels like she's living two different lives now. she's acing her business economics major. she has straight A's, consistently at the top of her discussion sections, but half the time she forgets she's even in it. her mind is always somewhere else. or more accurately, with someone else.

manon had been genuinely surprised when she found out. "wait, you're a business econ major? how do you even juggle all that with your music minor? it must be so hard."

and manon was right. it should be hard. it should be exhausting. but for sophia, the answer is simple: she finishes her projects and studies for quizzes three weeks in advance now. she's more organized than she's ever been, color-coding her planner and setting calendar reminders and actually attending office hours.

her reason? manon might want to hang out tomorrow. or the next day. or any day, really, and sophia needs to be ready, needs to have her schedule clear and available because the thought of having to tell manon "no, i can't, i have too much work" makes her physically ill.

she works hard. studies hard. the change is so obvious that one evening when her parents call, she finds herself smiling genuinely at her dad's face on the screen and saying, "i love you, dad. i miss you. i miss you guys so much."

daniela, who's sprawled on the couch in the living room pretending not to eavesdrop, watches her in total shock. when sophia hangs up, daniela just stares.

sophia shrugs, "what?"

it's a thursday, and sophia forces herself to be responsible.

she stares at her phone for a full five minutes before typing out the text: can't hang out today, drowning in readings for tomorrow's quiz. rain check?

manon's reply comes almost immediately, and sophia's stomach drops with guilt.

manon 🎵: aw. is that so? okay, no worries. good luck, elizabeth.

sophia rereads the message approximately seven times, looking for hidden disappointment. the "is that so?" feels loaded, but maybe she's being delusional. maybe manon is just being normal and sophia is being weird about everything, as usual.

the clock hits 5:00 pm and her professor for Econ 101 finally dismisses them from the massive lecture hall in bunche hall. sophia sighs and packs her  laptop,notebook, and three different colored pens that she definitely didn't need. with mechanical efficiency. when she steps outside into the late afternoon sun, she immediately breaks into a sprint.

she's not late for anything. she just doesn't want to linger on campus. because if she lingers, she might run into manon. and if she runs into manon, she'll cave and abandon all her responsible plans and they'll end up getting boba tea or sitting on a bench somewhere talking until the sun sets.

she texts daniela: just order food, starving and the walk back to hitch will make me hangry

she's crossing bruinwalk and weaving through the river of students heading in every direction when she hears a voice.

"eliz!"

sophia almost trips herself. she knows that voice all too well. she would recognize it anywhere, honestly, she could probably pick it out in a crowded stadium.

eliz.

not elizabeth. eliz.

are they past the full-name phase? did manon decide it's time to level up their relationship— friendship? when did that happen? did sophia miss a memo?

she looks up. standing near the steps of the anderson school of management is manon, waving. she's wearing a blue hoodie that's slightly too big for her and wide-legged jeans, and she looks soft and comfortable and here.

manon is here. why is she here?

sophia feels her heart skip a beat, then two, then completely lose rhythm. manon is waiting for her. did she come all this way, across campus, just because sophia said they couldn't hang out?

sophia then slows her pace, trying to get her breathing under control and failing spectacularly. she gives manon a hesitant wave, still processing this moment. manon waves back with so much enthusiasm, both hands above her head like she's trying to flag down a plane. she looks so pure and the unfiltered joy she radiates makes sophia want to drop to her knees.

manon looks genuinely happy to see her. not reserved or shy or careful. her eyes are twinkling, crinkling at the corners with her smile.

oh no, sophia thinks, hugging her textbooks tighter to her chest like they can protect her heart. i'm falling in love.

"you look like you've seen a ghost," manon greets her, pulling her into a quick, one-armed side hug that sophia is completely unprepared for. manon has to angle herself up slightly to do it because she's just a bit shorter than sophia, and sophia finds this fact completely adorable, "did you not miss me? it's only been, like, a day."

"i think you missed me," sophia's voice thankfully comes out more nonchalant than she feels, "what are you doing all the way over here at anderson? slumming it with the business majors?"

manon just rolls her eyes and shrugs. that little half-smile appears, the one that makes sophia want to do stupid things, "you caught me."

she's wearing a different perfume today. sophia knows this because she's cataloged every detail about manon like she's studying for the most important exam of her life. this one smells warmer than her usual, it is almost spicy. whatever it is, it's different, and sophia stores this information right next to all the other manon facts she's been collecting.

like how manon can wiggle her ears (which sophia didn't believe until manon proved it, suppressing her laughter in the library while sophia stared at her in fascination); how manon can literally form lyrics in just five minutes; how she realizes manon has a variety of laughs; how manon patiently matches sophia's slower pace, even though sophia knows hers is usually much faster; and how manon lights up when sophia asks about her works. manon will share willingly, getting so excited that she talks faster and faster until she's tripping over her words and has to stop herself with a breathless, "sorry, i'm just really excited about this," accompanied by a smile that could light up the entire city (hell, sophia would gamble and say the whole world).

she loves how manon encourages her, too. how she always says things like, "you shine in whatever you do, elizabeth. don't let anyone take that away from you," with such conviction that sophia almost believes it.

and sophia, sometimes, just wants to risk everything. she wants to stop whatever conversation they're having mid-sentence and just kiss manon. on the lips. especially when they stare at each other a little too long after a joke, the silence stretching until it feels heavy with so many possibilities. but manon always just holds her gaze, smiling softly, like she has all the time in the world, until sophia is the one who has to blush and look away first.

"eliz?"

sophia hums, snapping back to reality. they're walking now. when did they start walking? 

"where's your dorm?"

sophia gets confused and stops. manon stops too, scratching the back of her neck (she does this when she's nervous about something), "i figured i could... walk you home. that way we can still have our hang out. our routine."

sophia cracks a smile, a big smile that she can't control, "our routine, huh?"

manon playfully rolls her eyes, but she's smiling too. "yes. our routine. is that okay?"

sophia is so tempted to kiss her right now. like, super fucking tempted. she stops herself only by biting the inside of her cheek, "hitch suites."

"okay," manon gestures forward, "lead the way." 

they walk slowly. they take their sweet time, sophia complaining about her backlogs and upcoming assignments while manon nods along, actively listening. she's fully present, asking follow-up questions, making sophia feel like everything she says actually matters.

"remember when i told you i stopped my morning runs because of my schedule?" sophia asks suddenly.

manon looks at her, curious. "yeah, why?"

"i tried running again this morning, and like..." sophia pauses, then laughs at herself, "i was literally in the middle of it, and i was like, 'why am i running?'"

manon loses it. like, the uncontrollable laugh, sophia's favorite one. she tries to stop it, putting a fist in front of her mouth, but she can't. she just cracks up more, bending over slightly with the force of it, and sophia stares at the sight. manon laughing like there's no tomorrow because of her stupid existential crisis about running. so sophia joins her. theyre just two idiots giggling uncontrollably on the path, bumping shoulders playfully while other students give them weird looks as they pass. neither of them cares.

it takes them a good twenty minutes to reach hitch suites.

"so..." manon says as they approach the entrance.

sophia takes a small step up onto the stairs leading to her building, turning to face manon. "we have arrived at our destination. thank you for escorting me safely through the treacherous UCLA campus."

manon giggles, "you're welcome. i'm glad i could protect you from all the monsters."

silly. she's so silly.

"okay. off you go, then." sophia jokingly shoos her away with her free hand.

manon shakes her head firmly, "not until you go first."

sophia raises a brow, "i'm literally standing in front of my dorm building."

manon waves her hand dismissively, "i know. but still. come on, eliz, just go inside. i'm fine."

her voice shifts on that last part, becoming more serious. almost protective.

"eliz…" sophia repeats.

manon nods, something soft in her expression, "it sounds cute. like you." her eyes widen immediately, like she can't believe those words just came out of her mouth, "i mean– it just– it's a cute nickname. yeah."

sophia's eyes go wide. manon's eyes go wider. they both stand there in silence, awkwardly looking anywhere but at each other. sophia is studying the concrete steps, manon is suddenly fascinated by a tree approximately fifty feet away.

manon breaks the tension first, clearing her throat aggressively. "go. daniela might think you walked too slow and got lost or something."

sophia gulps and nods. manon called her cute. manon said "like you" and "cute" in the same sentence. this is not a drill.

as she walks up the stairs on shaky legs, she hears manon call out behind her, "text you when i get home, eliz! drink water after you eat, okay?"

sophia turns, smiling so hard that her cheeks start ti freaking hurt, "alright! be safe! thank you for walking me home, manz!"

she sees manon's jaw partially drop at the sudden use of her nickname, and then her delight spreads across her face. it makes sophia's heart ache, so cute. they wave goodbye, both of them doing the awkward thing where they keep waving even as the distance grows, and sophia fumbles in her bag for her bruincard to swipe into the building.

her phone buzzes around 5:55 p.m.

manon 🎵: got home! jogged a little because megan forgot her keycard inside our dorm again.

manon 🎵: i hope your day got better at least, eliz :)

manon 🎵: not saying i made it better. but. you know? haha

sophia stares at her phone, at those messages, at the smiley face and the self-deprecating joke and the nickname.

sophia: it got better because of you

sophia: eat your dinner, k? thanks again, manz :D

she looks at the contact name for a long moment. 

manon 🎵

manon 

manz 

manz ❤️

contact updated.