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“This is the One Time We Shouldn’t be Playing the Odds.”
Connor slipped into the presentation room and smiled at the sight of Sarah feeding Reese his bottle while she explained to the group of thirty or so teenagers the importance of this assignment. Meanwhile, Lucas was napping peacefully in the pack-in-play he had set up before his shift. Their sons were almost identical twins but Lucas had a birthmark on his leg that looked sort of like a heart. The knot he felt in his chest when he had been upstairs, talking about the Cronin twins, was already loosening. Just from taking in the scene in front of him.
All the teens wore varying degrees of apprehension as they eyed the baby dolls in front of them. Connor almost chuckled. Babies, although tiring, weren’t as difficult as these teenagers were probably thinking. You just had to get used to their cues and schedules. Though he probably shouldn’t mention that to the group, considering this class and assignment were all about the challenges and responsibilities that came with being a parent.
A girl raised her hand, “What kind of software are these dolls using?”
His wife raised an eyebrow at her, “I’m not sure, but also I don’t see how that’s something you need to know.”
“I have P.E. today. What am I supposed to do with it then?”
“Childcare. That’s something you’ll have to figure out just like every parent.” Sarah explained just as Lucas cried, letting everyone know he was awake. His wife started to stand to get him. Already shifting Reese to one arm automatically, but Connor caught her eye and shook his head. She already had her hands full with Reese. And since he was there, he could get their other son. Sarah settled in her seat once more as he weaved his way around to the front of the room. “When I officially come back to work next month, that’s something he and I-”
His paternity leave ended last month. But Sarah had some vacation and personal days that were going to go to waste if she didn’t use them by the end of the month. So she was able to extend her maternity leave. The only reason she was here today and would be for the rest of the week was an assignment she had to do for her psych residency. To oversee a few groups of high school students completing the simulation baby assignment, and thought that having two actual babies might be a good experience for the teenagers.
Connor felt the bristles of Sarah’s hair brush up against his arm as she nodded her head to the side, “-have to deal with. And there’s no on or off switch with these two. By the way, he’s my husband for all of you looking confused and concerned that I just let a random guy pick up one of my babies.”
A snort left his mouth now as he cradled the elder of his two sons in his arms. Then he felt everything within him soften as he gazed down at the tiny baby that was one half of his world. It was scary how it could just fit in his arms like so.
“Hi, buddy.” He said softly. The baby continued to fuss, which was a little odd. Usually, Reese was the fussier of the two. Most of the time, Lucas was just content to be picked up and held. But not today. He thought, bouncing the baby a little. Sarah handed him a bottle as she started to burp Reese and continued to explain to the teens that she would be monitoring their progress throughout the day. How certain activities they did with the plastic babies would help their grade in this assignment. How the toys would shut down if they neglected it, and that would be an automatic fail.
“The shuttle buses will...” Connor could hear his wife’s voice, but didn’t hear the rest of her sentence as he gazed at his oldest.
“Oh, so you’re hungry. Is that why you’re acting so grumpy?” Connor crooned, setting the tip of the bottle’s nipple in Lucas’ mouth. The baby latched on immediately and drank greedily. “It’s okay. Everyone gets a little hangry from time to time.”
“Reese woke up first. So I decided to go ahead and feed him, and I was hoping to finish feeding him before Luke could wake up. But obviously, your oldest son had other plans.” Sarah explained to him. Connor glanced up to see the room now empty, except for them and their babies.
How had that happened without him noticing?
“They’re on their way back to the school for the day.” She told him, studying him. Something was telling her that something wasn’t right with her husband, but he wasn’t acting like something was wrong. Connor hummed slightly, drawing the bottle back a little. He waited until he heard Lucas suck in a breath, before putting the tip back in his mouth.
“Why do you think that girl wanted to know what software the dolls were using?” He asked. His wife chuckled, standing up with Reese, and placed him on his stomach on a mat with a mobile overhead. He and Sarah had been doing tummy time right after lunch.
“She was probably hoping to hack into the system software because she doesn’t want to do the assignment.”
“They can do that?” Sarah laughed at his question as she made her way back over to where Connor was just finishing up Lucas’s bottle. She pressed her lips to his forehead.
“You’re cute. Yes, they can do that. I did it when I had to do the assignment in high school.” That’s why she was going to fail anyone who got a perfect score with the dolls. Because no one, despite their efforts, was the perfect parent. Having a set of twins had proved that to her.
“Why?” He asked while he adjusted so he could burp their eldest.
“Why what? Here, I can take him. That way, if he spits up, you won’t have to change your scrubs.”
“Why did you hack your assignment? And it’s fine. Dirty scrubs are the least of my worries right now.” Connor waved her off. There was that nagging sensation again. That only seemed to be magnified by his words as well as the far-off look in his eyes. He was here, but he also wasn’t.
“Because I didn’t think I had a maternal bone in my body and for the longest time, I had no intention of having kids.”
“What changed your mind?” Her husband asked as he patted their son’s back softly. Because after their marriage was no longer platonic, Connor and Sarah had the kids and family talk. Sarah wasn’t against having kids then. His wife had just wanted to wait until she was almost finished with her residency. (And before you say anything, they were both well aware that didn’t happen)
“Want to tell me what’s going on with you first?”
“What makes you think something is going on?”
She shot him a dry look, “My wifey sense is tingling.”
He opened his mouth to respond, but Reese had started to tune up. And both parents knew what that whine meant. Reese was going to start wailing pretty soon. So Connor handed Lucas over to Sarah and went to get their youngest twin before she could even so much as blink.
“Hey, bud. Were you getting lonely without your brother?” He asked the baby, bouncing him slightly. The other half of his world. The tears slowed, and Sarah’s eyes blinked back up at him, in that mystified way babies seemed to stare at everything. Their sons had his dark hair that never wanted to lie flat, but much to Sarah’s dismay, that’s where their similarities stopped. They had his wife’s eyes, which felt like a foreboding sign for him when they were a little older and could get into trouble. Her nose and mouth with a skin tone that was somewhere between a mix of both of them.
Reese reached up and grabbed at his chin. (His boys always seemed so enthralled with his scruff) So Connor ducked his head down and mouthed softly at the tiny hand with his lips. The baby in his arms giggled.
“You,” He heard his wife say as he came back over to where she was sitting, still trying to get Lucas to burp. She wore a soft look as she gazed at him. “It was you who changed my mind. I never thought I’d have a partner in this. So when kids came up, I thought I’d be like my mom, and I didn’t want that. So I thought kids weren’t in my future.”
She paused when Lucas burped quietly, “But you came in, and it felt like you were always meant to be a father. Despite your own fears that you would end up like your father. Because I watched you with these kids that came into the ED and with Owen. You were amazing with them. Even when our marriage was platonic, it felt like you were meant to be a father. I just figured that at that point, you might meet someone else and have kids with them.”
Her shoulders shrugged, “So when it was no longer platonic, that feeling that you were meant to be a father still didn’t go away. But my fear about being a mom did? I guess I knew I’d be an okay mom, but only because I knew I wouldn’t be alone and you’d be an amazing father.”
“You make it sound like you’ve been slacking when I’ve watched you be a pretty amazing mom too.” Just like he was watching now. Sarah had Lucas in her lap, with the back of his head propped up against her chest for support as she mimicked the movements of patty-cake with him.
“No, don’t try and distract me. I told you mine. Now you tell me yours.” His wife shot him a stern look, even as she continued the nursery rhyme for Lucas. But she was right. She had told him her story. Releasing a sigh, Connor started to explain about the Cronin twins and everything that came with them.
“Dr. Frisch won’t even let me offer the valvuloplasty or even consider it as an option. She’d rather save Dot and…” He broke off when he thought about what was going to happen to Lily. He shook his head before his blue orbs met her brown ones once more. But his eyes now had a glassy sheen to them, the only evidence that he was getting emotional.
“...and they are only a week younger than Lucas and Reese, and I just…I’m so thankful that our boys came without any complications and that they are as healthy as they can be. But I keep thinking. We could have easily been in the parents’ position, and if we were in Todd and Marcy’s position, if that was us, I would want to know the other option.”
“Because we would take it. If it were our boys in that situation, we would take the option that had a chance to save both of them. Even if the doctor wasn’t offering the other option, we would still look for it.” Sarah said, fiercely. Without any hesitation. This was why Connor even questioned Sarah not wanting kids at first. Because she was a momma bear when push came to shove. He had seen it firsthand.
Reese started to babble in Connor’s arms, breaking the tension. Lucas responded with a resounding squeal to his brother’s chatter. Connor gave a small smile. Bringing him up higher, he pressed a kiss to his youngest son’s forehead.
His world was in this room.
“So what are you going to do?” Sarah asked her husband. Shrugging slightly, he sighed in response, “Not much I can do. Dr. Latham wants this wall of unity when addressing Todd and Marcy. Which is smart.”
“But your head is telling you it’s the wrong choice,”
He sighed again, more heavily than before. “My doctor head and my father heart.”
“Dr. Latham,” Dr. Frisch paced in front of him slightly, after a very successful valvuloplasty where Dot and Lily both came out alive and healthy, might he add. “I want this diva benched from the separation surgery immediately. Dr. Bekker can be your second for the procedure.”
Connor bit his tongue hard. He had seen this coming. She had been fighting him all day, but he also knew that by going behind Dr. Latham’s back, he was more than likely on thin ice with his mentor already. Lashing out at the cardiologist wouldn’t help anything.
“With all due respect, Dr. Frisch. CT is my department. I’ll decide who’ll be my second.” His mentor explained in his calm, unbothered tone. When the more senior doctor walked away without so much as another word, Connor looked at Latham. “Thank you for that.”
There was a beat of silence. Then Dr. Latham glanced between his two fellows. “To perform an operation with as many moving parts as this, you need confidence that the people that you are working with…are pulling in the same direction as you. I fear, Dr. Rhodes, that you are not a team player. That you are, in fact, a diva. I’m replacing you with Dr. Bekker.”
“That is your decision to make.” In all honesty, Connor thought this might be the outcome. In his peripheral vision, he saw a little arm wave around. Whether it was Lily or Dot, he didn’t know. But what he did with offering the procedure wasn’t about him. It was about those two babies in there. Those babies had a fighting chance now. If he had to sacrifice his place as second on the team, well then, it was worth it.
“It’s my turn to offer congratulations,” Connor said tiredly before he glanced down at his watch. He almost sighed in relief, glad that the shift was nearly over. Turning to walk away, he was surprised to hear Ava call his name.
“I understand your reasoning for what you did. No one wanted to do the separation surgery right now and lose one twin, but I guess I’m wondering why you’re not more upset about being replaced.” She said when he glanced over his shoulder to where she was standing.
“Because I could see myself in that kind of position with my kids, and that didn’t sit right with me. And it’s not about me. It’s about Dot and Lily.”
“You have kids?” The blonde questioned. He surveyed her for a moment before he nodded in the direction he was going. “Come with me and find out.”
“They’re here?” She asked as they made their way to the elevator,
“They are and they will be for the rest of the week. You haven’t met her yet because she’s on maternity leave, but my wife’s a double resident here. Emergency Medicine and Psychiatry.” It wasn’t hard to miss the pride in Connor’s tone as he talked about Sarah. His chest even puffed up a little, “For her psych residency, she needs to observe and guide high school students through the baby simulator for health class. So she thought that having two actual babies in the room might be a good experience for the kids.”
“A double residency in Psych and Emergency Medicine? Plus twins? Does your wife sleep, Rhodes?”
Connor snorted and said in an amused tone. “I try to make sure she gets at least a few hours. But you try telling my wife something and you’ll see how well that goes for you.”
“Hey, babe. Brought a new friend.” Connor said by way of greeting as he opened the door to the presentation room and held it open for Ava.
“I’m not, babe. Babe had to go to the bathroom.” Robin Charles called back to him with laughter in her voice as he walked in. She was holding Lucas. It seemed he and Reese had switched places from this afternoon because his twin brother now slept peacefully in the pack-in-play. Then she continued in a cooing voice, “But that just means I get to play with my buddy, Lucas, till she gets back, doesn’t it, Lucas?”
The baby cooed softly, but it turned into a squeal when he saw his father. Reese never stirred. It seemed he was taking after his father in terms of being a heavy sleeper.
“Ava, this is Robin Charles. Epidemiology department. Robin, this is Ava Bekker. We work in CT surgery together.”
The baby continued to babble, reaching an arm out to his father. Lips twitching upward, Connor reached down to take his son from his friend when she handed him over. To Ava, he said, “This chatterbox is Lucas. And the one sleeping is Reese. They’re only a week older than Lily and Dot. And they are the reason I had to offer the valvuloplasty to the parents.”
“Because you could see yourself in that position because of your kids,” Ava said slowly, parroting his words from earlier back to him, and Connor nodded his head, ducking his head to press a kiss to Lucas’s head.
Robin soon had to leave because of a page down in the ED. It seemed a new strain of the flu had emerged in the last three hours, with five different patients.
“See you later, little man.” Before she left, she looked at Connor, “Tell Sarah, I’ll text her later, and I’ll bring those blankets I bought for the boys tomorrow. They finally came in.”
“Sorry, I took so long, Robin,” Sarah said when she came back ten minutes later. He could hear the exhausted tilt to her voice, “I went to OB to talk to Dr. Quell, and that took longer than I thought.”
Dr. Quell?
“Everything okay?” Connor asked, his worry flaring up. Was today, working while having the boys by herself, too much for her? Seeing it was him and not her best friend, his wife pressed a kiss to his cheek.
“Yeah, I just have a headache trying to form, so I wanted to ask her about my migraine medication if it transforms into one, and if it was okay to take it since I’m technically breastfeeding.” She told him. Sarah was breastfeeding, but she was straight pumping her milk and putting it into bottles because neither baby would latch properly to her nipple. Connor knew it was extra work for her, but he secretly loved it because it gave him just as much of a chance to bond with the boys as she did.
Then she noticed Ava, and she grinned awkwardly. “And that was way too much information that my husband just let me blab in front of a new person. Hi, I’m Sarah. First-year Emergency Medicine and Psychiatry resident and his wife.”
“A headache? Sarah, we could’ve gone home early. Why didn’t you page me? Or tell me when I was here earlier?” Connor asked. It might seem he was overreacting to a normal person. After all, a headache was a small thing to most people. But with his wife, who was prone to severe debilitating migraines that could take her down anywhere from a few hours to a week, a headache was a little more worrisome. Ava took the hand offered to her and smiled back, “Ava Bekker. CT fellow.”
She gave her husband a soft look of reassurance. Then a look of comprehension took over the brunette’s face before she could stop it. The blonde chuckled, glancing at the other CT fellow in the room before she returned her gaze to Sarah’s. “I take it that means Rhodes has probably come home ranting about me, then?”
“I wouldn’t call it ranting.” Connor started, but his wife chuckled slightly, “Don’t take it too personally, he doesn’t play nice with others as a rule-”
“Hey,” He tried to interrupt in an indignant voice, but the brunette continued as if she hadn’t heard him, “-I think I’m the only exception.”
“Keep your chin up, Rhodes, just because I’m second now doesn’t mean that it’ll stay that way. It isn’t over till we actually start cutting, you know.” Ava grinned as she playfully taunted him. Connor raised an eyebrow at the blonde as she moved closer to the door.
“You’re actually rooting for me to take your place?”
The blonde woman shrugged and smirked a little, “I just don’t like winning by default, and it’s no fun if you just accept defeat.”
Then she shot Sarah a sincere smile before she left the conference room while bidding them a good night.
“Wait,” Sarah looked at her husband, her eyes were adorably riddled with confusion as they met Connor’s, “The surgery is still going to happen? I thought you said-”
“I offered the valvuloplasty to Todd and Marcy, and they took it. It was successful.” Connor told Sarah in a quiet voice, not looking at her while he placed Lucas in his car seat and strapped the baby in, “I just couldn’t let them lose one daughter in the end. It wasn’t right. They didn’t know all their options yet.”
“So you don’t get to be second in the separation surgery now?” She asked, picking up Reese in her arms and placing him in his own car seat. Connor moved behind her to collapse the playpen, and when Sarah turned around, she watched him shove the contraption into the portable bag with probably more force than necessary.
“It’s like you said, I don’t play well with others, and apparently, I’m a diva according to Dr. Frisch,” he muttered more to himself than her, but his wife still heard it.
“You’re not a diva. You’re just not afraid to step on toes when it comes to your patients,” Sarah corrected gently, coming up behind him, and he felt her arms close around his waist. Then her lips through his scrub shirt, “Sometimes it helps save them. Like it did today, and because you weren’t afraid to step on some toes, two little girls instead of one are alive right now.”
She leaned up on her toes, then pressed her lips to his cheek before she whispered teasingly. “Besides, I like that you don’t play well with others. Makes me feel special.”
“Then why does it hurt so much?” Connor asked, leaning into her embrace slightly. At least until one of their twin boys started to cry. From this angle, he couldn’t tell who it was. (And neither of their sons seemed to like to sit idle for too long. That’s why they hated tummy time right now.)
“Because you did the right thing and sometimes the right thing hurts.” His wife’s voice was soft as he pushed the playpen under the table. Ms. Goodwin had said they could keep it here since Sarah was going to be here with Lucas and Reese the rest of the week, but Connor still wanted it out of the way when they weren’t here.
Connor loved his wife dearly for what she was doing. She was playing the role he usually played in their relationship. The comforter and the hype man. But just like the day Wheeler died, after the day he had, Connor just didn’t have energy in him to engage like he was supposed to. Instead, he turned back to Sarah and pressed a kiss to her forehead, lingering as he tried to put everything he didn’t say into the act of physical affection. And just like before, by the way his wife leaned into him, she understood what he didn’t say.
“I’m tired,” he told her. Code: today was rough.
“Then let's grab our boys and go home,” Sarah said, it like it was so easy. Especially when she grabbed both of the that held their boys. Then handing one over to him, she grabbed his hand and pulled him to elevator. Then after the elevator dinged open on the ED floor, she pressed a kiss to his cheek, she guided him out of the hospital.
There was a murky storm going on his head, making it too dark for him to see beyond the doom and gloom and she was always was; she was the beam of light guiding him home.