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Chapter Text

Nexus City – a thriving port capital resting on the coast of Focalors Bay. The city was a fascinating melting pot that began five hundred years ago, and soon thrived into the bustling metropolis filled with a wide variety of people and cultures – both human and non-human.

The day started out like any other: Men, women, robots, thirens, and Honkai were milling through the streets. The sun was barely starting to rise over the horizon while the Cocoon of Finality remained perpetually overhead like an eternal moon. Working adults and tired students slogged their way to their respective schools and jobs, yawning and lethargic. They were in desperate need of something to perk them up for the morning ahead. Fortunately, in the midst of the bustling city, there was a small, yet comfortable hole-in-the-wall shop that had become a household name.

The Infinity Café.

The diminutive owner, Klein the ELF, stood on the counter as she carefully poured the freshly brewed coffee pot (which was almost as big as herself) into the Infinity Café-branded coffee mug. It was always nerve-wracking for customers to watch because Klein had one eye, oversized sleeves, and she was as tiny as a stuffed doll. But Klein was a professional. She poured the right amount, then set the scalding pot back without hurting herself. She added the milk (provided by the Varesa Farms – don’t ask), then took a toothpick and started “drawing” in the milk, tongue sticking out in concentration. Six seconds later, Klein looked proudly at the heart-shaped flower she had made and set the mug on the tray with the others.

“Order for table 1 ready!” Klein announced.

“Yes, ma’am,” Diona the cat-eared waitress responded, rising from her chair, and collected the tray with one hand.

Diona weaved through the cluster of tables with practiced skill. It was always surprising that the café was always packed despite not being a commercial chain shop like Greenbucks or the Coff Café. (Not that she was complaining; she could use the paycheck).

Part of what made the Infinity Café so popular was the comfy atmosphere. Commercial coffee shops were minimalistic – just basic chairs and tables, and a detached staff. The Infinity Café had personality! The walls had been painted by an artist friend of Klein, painting an array of colorful backdrops like a cow-filled pasture under a rainbow sky on one side, and a mural of colorful stars and planets on the other. And guests were allowed to relax in the comfiest couches and armchairs in human history. Seriously, the number of times Diona got scolded for taking a nap on the red couch –

Speaking of which, the couch in question just happened to be occupied by the customers Diona was bringing drinks for. A bunch of regulars, actually.

Filia reclined comfortably on the couch, flipping through the pages of Meridian Monthly fashion magazine. Elysia was once again livestreaming on her phone, blowing a playful kiss to her watchers, which instantly got several dozen comments and donations worth thousands of Denny. Lumine was on the opposite side, leaning forward, and her chin rested on her fist like the Thinker as she examined the chessboard on the coffee table. Stelle was sitting on the ottoman opposite Lumine, fingers steepled together like a villain about to spring a fiendish trap. And Belle was reclining sideways on the armchair on the right, legs hanging over the armrest while watching a video on her phone.

Lumine hummed, then picked up the rook and moved it three spaces.

“Your move,” she declared to Stelle.

Stelle rubbed her chin thoughtfully for a moment…then picked up her pawn, jumped it over several of Lumine’s pieces, and landed on Lumine’s side of the board.

“King me!” Stelle announced, crossing her arms and smiling from ear-to-ear with pride.

Lumine glowered at her opponent, knocking over Stelle’s pawn with a flick…then replaced it with a figurine of Caesar King.

“Order up, slackers,” Diona announced to the main cast as she arrived, checking the names of the orders on the receipts under the mugs before distributing them. “Who ordered the Burning Burnice Special?”

“Gimme,” Belle reached out eagerly while refusing to sit up.

“One skinny vanilla-rose frappuccino?”

“Thank you, Dio,” Elysia accepted with a smile and a wink.

“A Fontaine au Lait with skim milk.”

“Oh, that’s mine,” Lumine chimed, looking away from the board and raising her hand.

“One Himiko blend.”

“Uh…,” Stelle stammered fearfully.

“It’s Murata style,” Diona reassured her. Stelle wiped her brow with a relieved breath and accepted the mug. “And One Egret Expresso with two pumps caramel and almond milk, and the ultra-mega deluxe Meat Lover’s sandwich.”

“OH YEAH!” Filia yelped and dropped her magazine as her Parasite, Samson, woke up. A large mouth with a row of sharp, pointed teeth opened in the back of her head, curled into a wide smile underneath a pair of glowing yellow eyes. “Right here, little lady!”

Diona didn’t even have a chance to remove the oversized sandwich from her tray before a strand of Filia’s hand rose into a hairy claw, snatching the food up and nearly knocking the catgirl off balance. Samson brought the sandwich to his mouth and chomped half of it in one bite. The Parasite made a happy noise as he chewed very loudly with his mouth open, spraying crumbs at the table behind them. The customers sitting there naturally complained, stood up, and walked out while blocking the flying debris with their suitcases.

“And that’s two more customers who aren’t coming back,” Klein complained tiredly, grabbing a clipboard and crossing off two names from her list of regulars.

“Samson, did you order that sandwich when I wasn’t looking?” Filia scolded the Parasite.

“How can that happen?” Belle questioned. “He’s literally attached to the back of your head.”

“Hey, I get hungry, too, you know?” Samson complained, taking another messy bite out of the sandwich. “I’ve been practically starving since you started that dumb diet of yours.”

“I’m on a diet because of you!” Filia scolded, trying, and failing, to stretch her arms back, reaching for the sandwich. “Everything you eat goes straight to me! I’ve gained five pounds in the last month because of your constant eating!”

“Look on the bright side,” said Samson humorously. “All that weight is going to your butt.”

“SAMSON!” Filia shrieked, face burning red with embarrassment.

“Well, you know what Sir Mix-A-Lot says about big butts,” Belle said jokingly. She tilted her head back and cackled hysterically when Filia threw the magazine at her.

Elysia, meanwhile, was ignoring the chaos in favor of taking a snapshot of the art Klein added to her frappuccino. Klein had made a little teddy bear with a heart out of rainbow sprinkles on the small hill of whipped cream. Her livestream screen was instantly flooded with hearts and loving comments.

“Aw, look at this adorable teddy that Klein made for me!” Elysia said enthusiastically. “This is why I love hanging out at the Infinity Café. Cozy atmosphere, cute coffee art, and the even cuter waitress.”

Diona was in the middle of putting Filia’s drink on the table when Elysia suddenly wrapped her arm around the catgirl and pulled her into a sideways hug. Diona grimaced while the livestream was once again flooded in a shower of hearts.

“Hi, Dio!” Elysia sang cheerfully. “Good work today, as always. Got anything you want to say to my forty million followers? Now’s your chance.”

“Sorry, Ely, I’m on the clock – FORTY MILLION?!” Diona yelled, eyes bulging and jaw hanging. “It was twenty million last week!”

“I know!” said Elysia giddily. “My followers practically doubled after I hosted the Kitty Olympics with Pardo and Kirara! Who knew sweet, wholesome content would be so popular?”

“No one in the western hemisphere,” Belle remarked candidly, taking a sip of her deliciously spicy brew.

Diona managed to separate herself from Elysia and went back to work, cleaning up the unfinished coffee and buttered croissants left behind by Samson’s latest victims. At that time, the bell over the front door alerted the café to a new customer. Klein and Diona looked up at Kiana Kaslana with her signature braids as she was removing her jacket.

“Hey, guys!” Kiana called to her friends lounging around their favorite couch.

“KIANA!” Every patron in the café suddenly shouted in unison.

“Kaslana!” One random customer in the back added.

“…That was weird,” Kiana commented strangely. She threw her jacket on the coatrack by the door and stepped over to the waitress. “Hey, Diona, can I get the Taixuan Mountain Blend to go? I’m kinda in a hurry.”

“With the fresh spring mint?” asked Diona, jotting down the order on her notepad.

“Well, it’s five o’clock somewhere,” said Kiana jokingly. Diona gave her a two-fingered salute and headed back to start on her order. Meanwhile, Kiana approached Klein, who was in the middle of another latte masterpiece, resting her elbows on the counter. “Hey, Klein, did you change the sign outside?”

“No, why do you ask?” Klein wondered curiously, setting the coffee pot down.

“Well….”

The white-haired woman turned around and gestured to the Infinity Café’s logo printed on the long window behind the small stage used for talent night. While the words “Infinity Café” were still written in their bold and stylishly cursive green font, a crude addition had been made underneath. The word “SUCKS” was sloppily splattered in white paint. Given the way the letters were all misaligned and different sizes, not to mention dripping paint trails down the window, it looked like someone had just grabbed a paintbrush and hastily written the word in a few seconds.

“What the - ?” Klein gasped, scandalized, her sleeved hands flying to her head. “Who did – “

The perpetrator revealed themselves in short order. The recognizable face of the Coff Café owner, Tin Master, slid into view from the side. The clunky-looking robot with his comedic oversized nose-handle sneered at Klein through the glass and flipped the ELF off with a double birdie.

“TIN MASTER!” Klein screamed.

The tiny ELF reached behind the counter and whipped out a full-sized broom. She hopped off the counter, skittered across the café, and burst out the door, chasing down the robot man as he bolted down the street. There was something oddly adorable about a two-foot ELF chasing a coffee robot down the street, swinging a broom like a granny telling troublemakers to get off her lawn, Kiana thought.

Seconds later, Diona set a to-go cup beside Kiana’s elbow.

“One Taixuan Mountain Blend with fresh spring mint to go,” Diona announced.

“Thank, Di,” Kiana said gratefully, taking a sip while tossing a few silver Denny coins on the counter.

“Well, look who decided to grace us with her presence,” Lumine said playfully as Kiana joined her friends, leaning against the back of the couch while sipping her coffee. “Glad to see you still remember us mere mortals. After you missed Parcheesi night, I wasn’t so sure.”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” Kiana apologized, holding her hand up in surrender. “Aunt Teriri’s been keeping me busy lately.”

“Well, she is the president,” Stelle regarded as she jumped Lumine’s bishop, only for Lumine to reveal that Stelle’s knight was a double-agent. “Can’t be easy running an entire country and the biggest military on the planet.”

“She always has these huge bags under her eyes,” Kiana sighed. “I keep telling her she needs a break, but she won’t listen.”

“I don’t think world leaders get days off,” Filia commented.

“Tell that to America,” Belle cut in snarkily.

“Why don’t we change to something a little less political, shall we?” Elysia suggested optimistically. “Did you all hear about the new girls moving in?”

“New girls?” Filia repeated curiously, finally managing to tie down Samson’s tentacles and snatch the sandwich away.

“What new girls?” Asked Belle, leaning up slightly.

“The ones moving into the Golden Courtyard,” Elysia explained, turning her head to Lumine and Stelle as Stelle activated her trap card, sucking Lumine’s bishop into a black hole. “I think they’re in the empty apartment across the hall from you guys, right?”

“Yeah, we saw a bunch of boxes stacked up in the hallway as we were leaving,” said Lumine as her queen transformed Stelle’s pawn into a jelly roll. “We didn’t get a chance to meet them because they were busy dusting out the place.”

“Well, what do they look like?” asked Filia curiously.

“I only caught a glimpse of the back of their heads through the door,” answered Stelle, hanging her head in defeat as Lumine’s rook defeated her king in a game of rock-paper-scissors, winning a thousand points to end the game. “But it looked like they were a couple of Umamusume.”

“Umamusame?” Belle parroted interestedly, finally sitting up. “Like…racing Umamusame?”

“Race track gambling is illegal, Belle,” Kiana reminded her.

“I know that!” Belle shouted defensively. “But if a couple of Umamusame are moving into the city, then they’re probably either professional racers, or they’re attending that one school, uh….”

“Tracen Academy,” Kiana supplied.

“Yeah, that,” Belle nodded, taking a sip of her spiced coffee.

“Well, they looked pretty young when I saw them,” said Stelle as she and Lumine returned the board and pieces to the box of random junk underneath the table. “I think they might be students.”

“Ooh, isn’t it exciting?” Elysia clapped her hands energetically. “It’s been ages since we had new tenants!”

“I hope we get to meet them soon,” said Kiana.

At that precise moment, with sitcom-like timing, the bell above the door jingled and everyone turned their heads around. An Umamusame girl with twitching horse ears and a glossy tail entered the café, scrunching her brow in confusion as her bright purple eyes alternated between the wrinkled paper in her hands and the surrounding area. She scanned the café, didn’t seem to find what she was looking for, then crossed the coffee shop with her eyes on the paper as she walked past the main cast.

“…I hope it rains Denny!” Belle shouted with her arms outstretched, looking to the ceiling.

Understandably, money did not fall from the heavens.

The door jingled again. Klein was back, carrying her broom over her shoulder, the head snapped and was dangling by a literal splinter.

“I think it’s safe to say we’ll be getting a repair bill from Coff Café,” Klein commented as she dumped the broken broom in the trash.

“Um, excuse me,” the horse girl spoke up, walking up to Klein. “Are you Klein?”

“That’s me,” Klein answered.

“Do you know where I can find Kaslana Mei?” the horse girl asked hopefully, looking at the wrinkled paper again. “The owner of the apartment I’m staying at said she comes by here a lot….”

“I can help you with that,” Kiana offered, immediately moving to assist.

“Are you Kaslana Mei?” the horse girl questioned.

“No, I’m her wife, Kiana,” said Kiana, offering her hand.

“Hello, Kiana,” said the horse girl, relief washing over her as she shook the taller woman’s hand. “I’m Special Week. My roommate and I are moving into the Golden Courtyard Apartments.”

“Yeah, we were just talking about you,” Kiana nodded, gesturing to her friends. Everyone waved politely.

“You were?” Special Week asked, surprised.

“C’mon, lemme introduce you to everyone,” Kiana offered, gesturing for the horse girl to follow. She walked back to the couch with Special Week a step behind her. “Hey, everyone, this is Special Week.”

“Hey, Special Week.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“How’s it going?”

“Hello, Spe!”

“Hi, everyone,” Special Week waved, smiling sheepishly.

“That’s Lumine and Stelle,” Kiana introduced, gesturing to the pair who started playing some strange card game that was like a mixture of poker, Yu-Gi-Oh, and Uno. “They live in the apartment across from you.”

“Oh yeah, I saw you this morning!” said Special Week.

“Good to meet you, Spe,” said Lumine with a casual wave.

“If you hear explosions at night, don’t worry about it,” said Stelle calmly when putting her nine card in defense mode. “That’s just Klee making her homemade explosives. Her walls have been reinforced with titanium, so you don’t need to worry about the building coming down again.”

“O…k…,” Special Week muttered uncertainly.

“This is Elysia,” Kiana moved on, clapping the pink-haired woman’s shoulders. “She lives in the penthouse.”

“Oh my Eclipse!” Special Week gasped excitedly. “You’re Miss Elf! I watch your livestreams all the time! I have a Miss Pink Elf plush on my shelf!”

“Always nice to meet a fan,” said Elysia genially while her livestream blew up with comments wondering if the ‘cute Umamusume’ was joining the cast.

“Mei and I live on the floor above you,” Kiana told Special Week. “Mei is the building manager, so if you ever have a problem, go ask her. And if she’s not in…ask someone else, because you don’t want my help.”

“You really don’t,” Lumine remarked as she attacked Stelle’s four with her Jack card, making Stelle lose five hundred life points.

“What about them?” asked Special Week, gesturing to Belle and Filia curiously. “Are they staying at the apartments?”

“No, Belle and her brother live in a video rental store in the Penacony District,” said Kiana.

“Those places still exist?” Special Week wondered.

“Yes, they do!” Belle shouted defensively, striking a defiant pose. “And one day, you philistines will understand the beauty of VHS media!”

“Not likely,” Diona commented as she walked by without sparing a glance.

“And Filia is – “ Kiana began.

“Ah Bap-bap-bap-bap!” Filia interjected swiftly, making a gesture for the white-haired woman to stop talking.

“Uh… never mind – it’s not important,” Kiana concluded lamely.

Now Special week was more curious.

“So, is this your first time visiting Nexus City?” Filia asked Special Week, looking to change the subject.

“Actually, I visited here once before when I was little,” said Special Week. “I came to watch the races with my mom – my adopted mom, that is. I’ve mostly been living in Hokkaido, but I’ve been training very hard my whole life so I could get into Tracen Academy, to be the best Umamusame of all time!”

“My, how wonderful!” Elysia cheered and clapped.

“Wait…,” said Lumine curiously. “Doesn’t the academy have dorms that students can stay in? Why’re you moving into an apartment?”

“Well…,” Special Week blushed, playing with her fingers sheepishly. “Um…Vodka and Daiwa Scarlet broke the pipes during one of their arguments, so now the whole dorm is flooded….”

“That’s impressive in its own way,” Kiana remarked.

“Master.”

The digital-sounding voice suddenly spoke up, making Special Week spin around looking for the origin while everyone tilted their heads toward Belle. The blue-haired girl looked down at her smartphone, finding the screen completely taken over by a blue electronic eye.

“What’s up, Fairy?” Belle asked casually, taking another sip of her spicy coffee.

“Master, second assistant wanted me to remind you that you’re needed back at the video store for important business,” said the digital assistant known as Fairy. “Looking through your schedule, I believe he is referring to your plan to release the Da Wei files – “

“Ah! Ah! Thank you, Fairy! Thank you!” Belle yelped quickly, practically breaking her finger on the screen trying to find the nonexistent mute button on the AI.

“You're welcome, Master,” said Fairy, who then blinked away.

Belle exhaled a relieved breath. She gulped down the last of her coffee, stood up, and reached behind her chair, pulling on a trench coat, a fedora, and a pair of sunglasses. Once she was in “incognito mode”, she looked at her friends and said, very seriously, “You never saw me.”

Everyone watched as Belle made her dramatic exit.

“Should we be worried – “ Special Week started.

“No,” the main cast spoke in unison, as if it were practiced.

But long after Belle left, a literal white-haired fairy zoomed in through the gap in the doorway. She flew through the café and crash-landed on…whatever game Lumine and Stelle were playing, sending cards flying everywhere.

“Paimon, what the heck?” Lumine complained, throwing her cards in the air in frustration.

The little fairy named Paimon was in a daze, her eyes swirling from the crash. But she recovered quickly, shaking her head clear. Paimon lifted herself up and floated in front of Lumine, flailing her arms spastically.

“Boss, it’s bad! Really, really bad!” Paimon cried. “The Mavuika Mavericks have attacked our territory on Rosa Street! Amber and the rest of the Traveler Troupe have formed a perimeter around the Themis Law firm, but Mavuika’s gang has taken over the Breezy Dining restaurant and has fortified their defenses! And they’re eating all the fried rice!”

“WHAT?!” Lumine gasped horrifically. “Those animals!”

Lumine’s expression turned serious as she stood up. She leaned over and reached behind the couch, pulling up a large duffel bag and slamming it on the table. (“Where did that come from?” Special Week wondered, looking at the empty space behind the couch.) Lumine unzipped the bag and whipped out a blue-painted AK-12 automatic paintball rifle. She also attached a container of paintball rounds and some paint grenades to her dress. (How they stayed on was a mystery.) And finally, she put on a pair of blue safety glasses. (Safety first, kids!)

“Sorry, guys,” Lumine apologized. “Duty calls.”

Lumine raised her paint gun with a war cry and ran out of the café. Paimon let out a matching battle cry, pumping her fists, and chased after her leader. Elysia was streaming the whole thing; the comment section cheered them on.

“What a weirdo,” said Stelle.

“Um…could I get some context, please?” Special Week requested earnestly.

“Lumine is the leader of the Traveler Troupe,” Kiana answered. “They’re part of the Nexus City paintball league. The goal is to snatch up as much ‘territory’ as possible and recruit new players to their teams. It’s basically a less murder-y version of gang wars. Lumine’s team is sixth in the league, and they make a ton of Denny during official tournaments, which is why Lumine went pro.”

“Must be nice to have a career where you can get paid to shoot people with paint,” Filia commented, taking a sip of her coffee.

“So Miss Elf is a streamer, Belle is a hacker, and Lumine is a paintball gang leader,” Special Week recounted. “What do the rest of you do?”

Stelle opened her mouth to answer when Diona suddenly rang the bell on the counter and yelled, “Hey, Stelle, we got an order to go!”

“Coming!” Stelle responded.

The gray-haired girl swiped their makeshift card game in the box of random junk and stood up. She reached into her jacket, pulled out a cap with the words “Star Dash” with a four-pointed star logo, and adjusted it on her head. Stelle skillfully hopped over the couch, passing between Kiana and Special Week, and jogged over to the counter, where Diona handed her a brown paper bag and a drink carrier with two to-go cups.

“These are going to Alhaitham at the Sumeru library,” Diona explained. “Make sure he actually pays you this time. I don’t care if he hasn’t slept in two weeks – you keep pestering him until he coughs up the Denny. And Xiangling called – she has a huge order at the Wanmin Restaurant she needs you to drop off.”

“On it,” said Stelle with an unnecessary salute.

Stelle grabbed the delivery and made her way outside. The remaining cast members exchanged looks, finished the rest of their coffee, and then followed her outside, for no other reason than that the script required it.

Kiana, Special Week, Elysia, and Filia stood on the sidewalk and watched Stelle as she hopped on her scooter. It was painted black and gold, with a few anime stickers on the front, including Arahato and Starlight Knight. Stelle put on a black helmet with the Star Dash logo, snapped on a pair of slightly cracked goggles, and revved the motor.

“Astral Express – away!” she cried dramatically.

Stelle puttered off down the road, flittering through traffic and disappearing around the corner until the sound of the motor gradually faded.

“Well, I oughta get going myself,” Filia chimed in, checking the time on her wristwatch. “I need to get to school in twenty minutes. It was nice meeting you, Special. If you’re ever in Little Innsmouth, feel free to stop by the Yu-Wan Restaurant. I can get you a…two percent discount…if my boss is feeling generous.”

“Thank you for the offer,” Special Week said kindly. “I’ll be sure to look it up.”

“Well, gotta fly,” said Filia, lugging her school bag over her shoulder and turning around. “Let’s go, Samson.”

The hairy Parasite came alive and snapped one of its tentacles to the rooftops thirty feet above, wrapping around a random gargoyle statue that just happened to be there. Samson pulled and flung them into the air, then grabbed a nearby flagpole and made his way down the street. Filia was dangling as her partner swung through between the buildings like Spider-Man.

“That always looks fun,” said Elysia cheerfully as Filia soared over the rooftops. “I wish I could fly around with my hair.”

“Imagine the amount of shampoo and conditioner they go through after climbing all those dirty buildings,” Kiana complained, subconsciously touching her snowy-white locks.

A few moments passed following Filia’s exit when they heard the beat of a helicopter propeller followed by a sudden gale of wind beating down from above. Kiana, Elysia, and Special Week looked up, shielding their eyes as they gazed up at the chopper hovering over the street. A chopper made entirely of solid gold with a logo on the doors (a chalice surrounded by the words “Eden Enterprises.”)

“Ely!” a woman’s voice blared cheerfully from the helicopter’s bullhorn. “I found you!”

“Hi, Edie!” Elysia waved energetically.

“Hurry up and climb aboard!” said ‘Edie.’ The helicopter’s side door slid open, and a rope ladder dropped in front of the pink-haired streamer. “We’re going to be late for brunch with the president!”

“Coming♪,” Elysia sang. She climbed up the first few rungs on the ladder, then waved theatrically to Kiana and Special Week. “Bye, Kiana! Bye, Spe! Remember to like and comment!”

And on that note, the helicopter flew off over the skyline with Elysia still hanging from the rope ladder, getting a great overhead shot of Nexus City for her livestream.

“Wow, you’re friends are so amazing!” Special Week squeaked with stars in her eyes, her tail wiggling adorably. “I never knew how exciting city life could be!”

“Yeah, they’re all pretty eccentric in their own ways,” Kiana chuckled. “But really, we’re just a bunch of normal people, living normal, boring lives.”

At that precise moment, “Da Capo” by  Ziyu Che started playing in Kiana’s coat pocket. The white-haired woman reached inside and retrieved her phone. The caller ID read “Dr. Einstein” along with a picture of a blue-haired woman who looked as though she had been caught off guard in the middle of slurping cup noodles.

“Hold on one second,” Kiana requested to Special Week before answering. “What’s up, doc?”

“Kiana, we’ve got a swarm of giant alien bugs heading towards Earth,” Dr. Einstein spoke over the phone, her tone neutral like she was giving a report on the weather. “Could you take care of it. I tried to call the president, but she’s at brunch.”

“I’ll get on it,” Kiana confirmed, then hung up. “Sorry, Special, but we’re gonna have to cut the introductions short. I’m needed at work.”

“Oh, that’s no problem,” Special Week waved off.

Kiana nodded appreciatively. She stepped out into the middle of the road (causing dozens of cars to stop, drivers honking their horns and complaining in loud, angry voices) and struck a heroic stance. She performed several more equally heroic poses like a character from a Super Sentai show, while shouting “Honkai – Impact!” Her little hero dance ended with Kiana crossing her arms and then exploded in a bright burst of purple light, blinding dozens of pedestrians. Special Week blinked the spots out of her eyes and looked back at Kiana, who stood with her fists on her hips in all her Herrscher of Finality glory.

“Bye, Special!” Kiana waved cheerfully. “See you back at the apartment! To the moon!”

Kiana crouched low and then springboarded into the sky like a speeding bullet, posing with one hand in front of her like she was Superman as she blasted off toward the Cocoon of Finality.

“…I am so happy I moved to the city,” said Special Week merrily.

Just then, “Make Debut!” rang from her skirt pocket, catching Special Week off guard. She rifled around in her left pocket before realizing she had put her phone in the other one. She checked the caller ID. It was her roommate, Silence Suzuka.

“Hi, Suzuka-chan!” Special Week greeted brightly when answering.

“Spe, where are you?” asked Silence Suzuka. “You’ve been gone for almost an hour.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Special Week apologized sheepishly. “But the most amazing thing happened! I met these really interesting people – “

“That’s nice, Spe,” Silence Suzuka interrupted. “But did you remember to drop off our deposit to Miss Kaslana?” A beat of silence passed. “Spe? Are you still there?”

Special Week was frozen on the sidewalk, smiling at nothing while her eyes glossed over….

Chapter Text

The Golden Courtyard was the home of the majority of the main cast. Located in the desirable part of town – the New Atra District – the price for renting one of these apartments was astronomical, even with multiple people sharing a room. It was only by good fortune that the cast happened to be friends with Elysia, who was dating the owner, Eden, who was boundlessly generous as she was absurdly rich. The “Friendship Discount” was the only way someone like Lumine or Stelle could hope to afford to live in a nice apartment in the city.

Speaking of –

Stelle entered the building lobby through the fancy glass double doors, removing her “Star Dash” hat and wiping the assortment of bugs off her face. The delivery girl made a beeline for the wall of mailboxes as she retrieved her keys from her pocket. There was already an elderly man with a cane and wire-rimmed glasses, sorting through his own mail with a sneer. Stelle stood next to him, opened the mailbox for Apartment 306, and pulled out several envelopes.

“Bill, bill, bill, bill….” Stelle mumbled as she flipped through the envelopes. Then, she offered them to the old man. “Here you go, Bill.”

“For the last time!” the cranky old man named Bill snapped at her. “I’m not paying for your damn water and electric bill, you lousy hippy!”

He slapped his mailbox shut and hobbled away to the entrance with a barely contained grumble.

“Cheapskate,” Stelle pouted…then dumped the pile of bills in the nearby waste basket.

Her roommate, Lumine, walked in and nearly gave Bill a heart attack. That wasn’t too surprising considering she was covered from head to toe in red splattered, armed with her stylized blue AK-12 paintball assault rifle. Paimon the fairy was lying flat on Lumine’s head like a hat, equally splashed in red paint. Lumine casually removed her safety goggles and stowed them in her nonexistent pockets, unaware of the scare she gave Old Man Bill, who skittered around her holding his cane like a weapon before scurrying out the door.

“So, how’d it go?” asked Stelle while locking their mailbox.

“Well, we officially lost Breezy Dining to the Mavuika Mavericks and took a hit in points,” Lumine sulked. “But on the plus side, we were able to take the Godfinger Arcade on Sixth Street while Obol Squad was at the movies.”

“Magus must’ve been pissed,” said Stelle.

“She was cursing up a storm when we reported our capture to the paintball league,” said Lumine, smirking.

“Moh…can Paimon eat already?” Paimon complained, refusing to disconnect from her boss’s head, almost as if she was trying to become one with the blonde Traveler. “Paimon hasn’t eaten a thing since those dumb Mavericks attacked.”

“Sorry, Paimon,” Lumine apologized, then addressed her roommate. “When the Mavericks took Breezy Dining, there weren’t a whole lot of options on where to eat. Do you think you could….”

“Sure, I’ll whip something up,” Stelle reassured them. She and Lumine started walking to the staircase. “I got a whole stack of sirloin steaks after one of my deliveries tried to pay with board game money. The butcher I was delivering for was nice enough to let me keep them.”

“Yay! Steak!” Lumine and Paimon cheered, throwing their hands up in celebration. Stelle was the only one among their friendship group who was actually a decent cook, which you wouldn’t guess from her obsession with trash cans. It’s probably one of the reasons why all their friends want to come over to their apartment.

Stelle and Lumine started to climb the winding staircase when they heard voices coming from above and stopped.

“Pivot! Pivot! Pivot!”

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!”

“Hmm…sounds like something mildly humorous is going on up there,” Lumine hummed like a scholar in deep thought.

“Then it is our contractual obligation to investigate,” Stelle nodded like she was playing a posh gentleman, then swept her hands in an exaggerated gesture. “Shall we?”

“I think we shall,” Lumine agreed.

The chaotic roommates skipped (and I mean literally skipped) up the stairs with Paimon still clinging to her boss’s blonde locks.

They climbed up to the fourth floor together, which just happened to be the same level as their apartment. In fact, the source of the commotion was coming from the previously empty apartment of 401, which was directly across the hall from Lumine and Stelle’s home in apartment 402.

Standing in the middle of the hall, Lumine, Stelle, and Paimon saw a redheaded Umamusume with long twin tails wearing a tiara lifting one half of a couch through 401’s door. Lumine used the term “lifting” loosely. From her perspective, it looked more like the couch was wedged inside the door, several feet off the ground, and the fancy Umamusume was trying to shoulder tackle the furniture like a football player. The horse girl was gritting her teeth, a vein visibly throbbing on her temple, heels scrapping the floor, but the couch wouldn’t budge. He would almost feel bad for the girl if it weren’t so hilarious.

“Pivot!” the princess Umamusume. “Pivot!”

“Shut up, you idiot!” an Umamusume with a white streak of hair covering her right eye poked her head out the door, looking pissed at the other horse girl. “It doesn’t matter how many times you say it! This thing ain’t budging!”

“That’s because you did it wrong, dumbass!” the fancy Umamusume snapped. “If you had just listened to my clear instructions – “

“Your stupid instructions are the reason why we’re stuck, you dumbass!” the white-streaked Umamusume yelled furiously, an angry vein throbbing on their cheek.

“Who do you think you’re calling a dumbass, you dumbass?”

“Only a dumbass would call someone else a dumbass!”

“You already said it twice, dumbass!”

“That’s enough, both of you!” An orange-haired Umamusume poked her head out from behind the couch, scolding both girls like a frustrated mother dealing with two children. “Daiwa Scarlet, Vodka, you promised you wouldn’t fight while you helped Special Week, and I move into our new apartment. I don’t need to remind you that both of you are the reason we were forced to move out of the dorms, do I?”

“Sorry, Silence Suzuka…,” Daiwa Scarlet and Vodka hung their heads, their ears drooping in shame.

“Hey, Suzu-chan,” a fourth Umamusume – a silver-haired girl wearing a bridle hat – poked her head out, resting on top of Silence Suzuka’s head. “You’re out of hot mustard.”

“Why are you even here, Gold Ship?” Silence Suzuka asked with an exasperated look.

“I got bored,” Gold Ship admitted shamelessly. “Anyway, you got any mayonnaise or chili sauce. My sandwich is a little dry.”

“Stop eating and help us!” Daiwa Scarlet screeched.

“Yeah, you freeloading dumbass!” Vodka yelled.

Gold Ship shrugged her shoulders with an impish grin and disappeared inside the apartment, purposely ignoring Daiwa Scarlet and Vodka’s indignant screaming. Silence Suzuka sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose…until she looked up and noticed Lumine, Stelle, and Paimon standing (or sitting, in Paimon’s case) in the middle of the hall, watching them. The trio waved at her after being spotted…noticeably not doing anything to help their troubled neighbors.

“Oh…oh, oh my Eclipse,” Silence Suzuka sputtered, flustered. She ducked back inside, then crawled out under the couch as Daiwa Scarlet and Vodka were just noticing their audience. Silence Suzuka brushed herself off and bowed politely. “I apologize for the disturbance. We’re having some…technical difficulties moving in.”

“Yeah, and their name is Vodka,” Daiwa Scarlet snarked.

“You got something you wanna say, dumbass?” Vodka snapped.

“I already said it, dumbass!” Daiwa Scarlet retorted.

“Nah, it’s fine,” Lumine waved off nonchalantly. “That’s nothing compared to when Stelle moved in.”

“I was a mess,” Stelle admitted shamelessly.

“Well, I’m Silence Suzuka,” Silence Suzuka introduced herself, then gestured to her moving team. “Over there is Daiwa Scarlet and Vodka.”

“Hello,” Daiwa Scarlet waved.

“Sup,” Vodka gave them a two-fingered salute.

“And Gold Ship is somewhere inside, eating a sandwich,” Silence Suzuka sighed.

“Actually, she finished her sandwich,” Vodka reported. “Now she’s playing with a Rubik’s cube.”

“Of course she is,” Silence Suzuka mumbled, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Oh, just so you know, we’re not all moving into this apartment. My roommate, Special Week, went to drop off our deposit to Miss Mei. Actually, I haven’t seen her in a few hours….”

“We just saw her at the Infinity Café,” said Stelle, then offered her hand. “I’m Stelle, by the way. We’re in the apartment across from yours.”

“I’m Lumine,” Lumine introduced herself. She offered her hand at first, but then remembered she was covered in red paint splattered and wiped her palm on her white dress. She was going to wash it anyway, she thought. “And just so you know, this isn’t blood. Not this time, at least.”

“O…kay…,” said Silence Suzuka, shaking her hand awkwardly.

“And Paimon is Paimon!” Paimon announced, waving from her perch atop Lumine’s head.

“She’s our emergency food,” Lumine joked with a playful smirk. Paimon gasped dramatically.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you both,” said Silence Suzuka, bowing politely once more. She was a good girl, Lumine and Stelle thought. “Please take good care of me and Special Week. Wherever she is.”

“Yeah, same to you,” said Stelle, who then gestured her thumb to the couch, which Daiwa Scarlet and Vodka have made no progress on. “Hey, you need help getting that couch inside?”

“Oh, don’t worry about it,” Silence Suzuka shook her head. “I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you.”

“Hey, what’re neighbors for?” said Stelle casually. She walked past Silence Suzuka, approaching the doors opposite to the Umamusume’s apartment. She withdrew a set of keys from her pocket, unlocked the door, and stepped inside. “Just lemme get my tools first.”

“Want to come inside for a bit?” Lumine offered. “I got some Sweet Cider my brother sent from his trip to Mondstadt.”

“Yay! Paimon loves Sweet Cider!” Paimon cheered.

“That’s why you guzzled a whole liter yourself last night,” said Lumine, giving the freeloading fairy a pointed stare. Paimon suddenly found the ceiling very interesting and had taken up whistling.

“Well, if you’re offering,” said Silence Suzuka sweetly.

“Thank goodness, I’m parched,” Daiwa Scarlet sighed in relief.

“From what? You didn’t do squat, dumbass,” Vodka insulted after crawling out under the couch, still stuck in the doorway.

“I did more work than you, dumbass!” Daiwa Scarlet bit back.

They ignored the bickering duo as Lumine, Paimon, and Silence Suzuka entered the apartment. They caught a glimpse of Stelle’s long gray hair before she disappeared into one of the two rooms on the opposite side. The living room looked like an organized whirlwind of various Tayvetian cultures all mixed into one. Silence Suzuka was well-traveled, so she recognized many of the furnishings:

The bookshelf and coffee table were definitely of Mondstadtian make. The tea chairs on the left and right of the coffee table, as well as the folding screen pushed against the wall, were likely from Liyue. The Inazuma Kotatsu in the corner and the mini shrine on the wall were more obvious. The fine wooden drawer used to prop up the TV was certainly from Sumaru, as well as the various potted plants in the alcove. The kitchen was almost entirely made of Fontaine appliances, as well as the mechanical grandfather clock next to the bathroom door. And the tribal-print rug and comfortable couch were likely made in Natlan. Oddly enough, there was a distinct lack of Snezhnaya décor.

If Silence Suzuka were to venture a guess, she would have to say that Lumine did most of the decorating. Though Stelle’s contributions were noticeable. Namely, the half-dozen trash cans tucked away in the corner. All of which, she noticed, were empty.

Daiwa Scarlet and Vodka finally came in (unnecessarily shoving their way through the door together) and took a look around the apartment.

“Whoa, sweet digs,” Vodka complimented, treading into the living room and spinning around.

“Thanks,” said Paimon, floating to the counter separating the kitchen from the living room while Lumine dug through the refrigerator.

“Do you travel a lot?” Silence Suzuka asked, stroking the Liyue silk blanket draped over the Natlan couch.

“Nah, but my brother, Aether, does,” Lumine replied, retrieving the pitcher of Sweet Cider and shutting the door with her heel. Paimon retrieved several plastic cups from the cupboard, and Lumine started pouring. “He’s a travel photographer. His job is to travel around the world and take photos of places, including their cultures and history. You might’ve seen some of his pictures in Traveler Magazine.”

“I read that magazine!” Daiwa Scarlet gasped in delight, clapping her hands. “Your brother takes those photos? They’re amazing! It’s like I’m actually there when I read them!

“Thanks,” Lumine grinned as she handed Paimon a glass of Sweet Cider, who gulped down the whole thing immediately. “My brother likes to send souvenirs from his travels.”

“He sends furniture as souvenirs?” Vodka questioned strangely, looking at the giant mechanical grandfather clock.

“And he never sends the instructions,” Lumine said exasperatedly.

Lumine poured glasses for everyone (and two more for Paimon) and put the pitcher away. While everyone was sipping the delectable fruit juice, Stelle finally came out of her room clutching a stylized black baseball bat.

“Got my tools!” Stelle announced, holding up the bat proudly as she trotted across the room and out into the hallway.

“…Was she holding a bat?” Daiwa Scarlet asked after a moment of bewildered pause.

“Yup,” Lumine replied unconcernedly, knocking back her drink.

Silence Suzuka, Daiwa Scarlet, and Vodka exchanged uncertain looks…then immediately stampeded into the hallway. Lumine followed calmly in their wake, picking up Paimon, who sat on the blonde’s head like a throne.

Lumine leaned against the threshold of their apartment while the Umamusume girls cluttered behind Stelle apprehensively, who had taken her position beside the wedged couch. Stelle spat into her gloved hand and rubbed them together (unnecessary and completely unsanitary, Lumine thought), picked up her “tool”, and transitioned into a batter’s stance. Stelle slowly mimed how she was going to swing, tapping the couch once…twice….. On the third time, she reeled back and swung the bat with all her strength, narrowly hitting Silence Suzuka and the horse girls, who ducked at the last second.

The couch was dislodged from the door and flew inside the apartment, miraculously undamaged. However, the furniture flew into the sparse living room and ran over Gold Ship, who had been sitting on a box trying to solve her Rubik’s cube. The unhelpful horse girl yelped as the couch steamrolled her into the floor. The couch banged against the far side wall, creating a sizable crack in the drywall, while Gold Slip looked like a cartoon roadkill – tread marks and everything.

“Gold Ship!” Daiwa Scarlet and Vodka yelled in shock, dashing to peel their senior off the floor.

“Walk it off!” Stelle advised unhelpfully.

“Well, at least the couch is inside now,” Silence Suzuka, trying to remain positive while not thinking about how much it was going to cost to fix the wall.

She had little time to investigate the damage when they heard a series of hurried footsteps coming from the floor above them. Silence Suzuka, Stelle, Lumine, and Paimon tilted their head back, following the noise across the ceiling toward the stairwell as someone came down two steps at a time. Within moments, a mature oriental woman with long, silky-smooth, straight purple hair appeared at the landing. She looked remarkably well put together compared to everyone else living here, like an office lady just coming home from work.

The oriental woman took a quick survey of the scene. Her purple eyes first landed on Silence Suzuka. Then the open door to her apartment. Then to Stelle. And finally, to the baseball bat clenched in her hand. That seemed to be all the information she needed to get the full picture.

“I thought I heard baseball-related shenanigans going on down here,” the woman sighed, crossing her arms and looking remarkably calm.

“Hi, Mei,” Stelle greeted, waving her bat, not trying to hide her crime. “We were just helping Suzu move in.”

“I can see that,” said Mei, crossing the hallway, her heels clicking on the linoleum floor. “I trust you plan on compensating for any damage you cause.”

“Trust me, I’m good for it,” said Stelle, beating her chest confidently. She then spun around to her roommate and asked, “Hey, can I borrow some Denny?”

“We share the rent!” Lumine reminded her.

“I am so sorry for the ruckus we’ve caused,” Silence Suzuka apologized, bowing respectfully.

“Believe me, that isn’t even the worst these two have done,” Mei reassured the Umamusume, then offered her hand. “I don’t think we’ve met yet. I’m Kaslana Mei, the building manager for the Golden Courtyard. My wife, Kiana, and I live in the apartment upstairs. I’d introduce you to her, but she’s currently on the moon protecting the Earth from a swarm of ravenous, planet-eating bugs.”

“That’s…a sentence I thought I’d never hear,” Silence Suzuka commented awkwardly. “Wait, Kaslana Mei? You’re Kaslana Mei? I sent Special Week to drop off the deposit check hours ago.”

“Yeah, we ran into her at the Infinity Café,” Stelle reported.

“What was she doing at the café?” Mei questioned inquisitively. “That’s eight blocks away.”

“Well, Eden told her – “ Lumine started, but Mei cut her off.

“Never mind, I figured it out,” Mei shook her head.

Gold Ship stumbled out of Silence Suzuka and Special Week’s apartment, her eyes spinning like a cartoon and carrying a blue and yellow bowling ball in her hands for some reason. She leaned against the door and smacked herself across the face, fixing her eyes like a reset button, then shook her head quickly with an exaggerated neigh.

“Are you all right, Gold Ship?” Silence Suzuka asked her senior worriedly.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Gold Ship waved her off confidently, like she hadn’t been flattened by furniture. “It’s no worse than the time I got trampled on the track in my first year. Seventeen Umamusume stomping on your spine is not a fun experience. Though I’ve never needed to see a chiropractor since.”

“Wait, what year are you in?” Daiwa Scarlet asked curiously, lingering by the door with Vodka.

“Come to think of it, I never thought to ask,” Vodka pointed out. “She was always just…there.”

“Wait, does she even go to our – “ Daiwa Scarlet began.

“Good news, Suzu!” Gold Ship said loudly, thrusting the bowling ball in Silence Suzuka’s face, making the girl reel back. “I found your bowling ball! Pretty lucky!”

“We don’t have a bowling ball,” said Silence Suzuka, quirking her brow strangely.

“Then where did this come from?” Gold Ship wondered, looking over the heavy sphere in genuine curiosity. She shrugged and tossed the ball over her shoulder, throwing it down the stairwell. Everyone in the hall yelled outrageously; Daiwa Scarlet, Vodka, and Paimon rushed forward, leaning over the railing.

“Gold Ship, what the hell?” Daiwa Scarlet screeched.

“This isn’t a cartoon, you know?” Vodka scolded her.

“Yeah, someone could really get hurt!” Paimon chirped.

“This is it, Pardo,” Vill-V gleefully told her co-hort and roommate as they made it to the bottom of the stairs, delicately holding a stylized top hat with a swirling disk. “With my Hat of Hypnosis Mark Seven, we will be able to mind control the judges into giving us a perfect score, thereby winning the fifty thousand Denny prize without strenuous effort! And this time, I’ve decided not to add the self-destruct button! It’s perfect!”

“I don’t know, Vill-V,” Pardofelis hummed, her cat-like tail swishing languidly behind her. “It feels like we’re copying a failed plot we already used in another universe.”

“Nonsense, Pardo, this is completely original,” Vill-V waved off her superstitions. “With the judges under our command, we will finally – “

CRASH!!!

Vill-V blinked as a strange blue and yellow blur flew past her vision, followed by a loud cracking noise and the sound of smashing metal. She looked down at her hands, which were now Hypno Hat-free. She closed and opened her hands at the empty air as if making sure her intention hadn’t suddenly turned invisible. (Spoiler: it didn’t).

Vill-V and Pardofelis looked down. The linoleum floor was cracked like a spider web, caused by a bowling ball that had mysteriously dropped from above. Underneath said bowling ball was Vill-V’s Hypno Hat, flattened like a pancake and belching out black smoke.

“Wow, we didn’t even make it out of the building this time,” Pardofelis commented, sounding strangely impressed by how quickly they failed.

“Drat!” Vill-V cursed, snapping her fingers in defeat. “It seems I failed to take flying bowling balls into account in my calculations.”

“I don’t think most people do,” Pardofelis remarked.

“Nevertheless, we have gleaned much from this valuable learning experience,” said Vill-V. She spun around to the stairs, shoulders squared, and hands folded behind her back. “Now come, Pardo, we must return to our apartment to prepare for the next day!”

“Why, Vill-V?” asked Pardofelis curiously, chasing after her. “What’re we gonna do the next day?”

“The same thing we do every day, Pardo,” Vill-V declared dramatically. “Try to pay the rent!”

🎵 They’re Pardo 🎵

🎵 They’re Pardo and the Vill-V 🎵

🎵 Vill-V 🎵

🎵 Vill-V 🎵

🎵 Vill-V 🎵

NYAH!

“Does anyone else hear 90’s theme song music?” Vodka asked, looking around curiously.

“Oh, that’s probably Pardo and Vill-V,” said Mei expectedly. “Sounds like they won’t be able to pay the rent this month. Again.”

“When have they ever paid rent?” Paimon questioned pointedly.

They heard a series of quickly rising footfalls ascending the stairs moments later. The Umamusume thought Pardo or Vill-V might be coming upstairs to yell at them, but the other residents knew that the mad scientist wouldn’t care enough to complain. Daiwa Scarlet and Vodka peered over the railing, looking down, then were surprised and relieved as Special Week climbed the steps to their floor. She was panting and sweating – very unusual for a species who are literally bred for racing.

“Special Week!” Daiwa Scarlet cheered.

“Welcome back!” Vodka greeted, clapping her underclassman on the back.

“I’m…I’m….back…,” Special Week wheezed, leaning against her knees. “So…tired….”

“Here, this will perk you up,” said Gold Ship with a little gremlin smile, offering her a bright yellow condiment bottle.

It was obvious to everyone that it was nothing good, but Special Week was so exhausted that she took it anyway. Just as the other Umamusume were about to stop her, Special Week accidentally clenched the bottle too hard, spraying a glob of hot mustard that hit Gold Ship in the eyes. Gold Ship squealed and fell sideways on the floor, hands on her face, and her legs kicking like she was running on the track. None of the horse girls seemed surprised by this turn of events.

“Why do you never learn from your mistakes?” Daiwa Scarlet sweat dropped.

“Spe, you’ve been gone for hours,” Silence Suzuka said to her roommate, gingerly taking the mustard bottle away. “Where’ve you been?”

“Sorry…Sorry…Suzuka-chan…,” Special Week apologized, taking a moment to catch her breath. “I forgot to ask Miss Kiana where Miss Mei was, so I’ve been running all over town looking for her. But…but I did it.” She stood up straight, looking proud of herself. “I dropped off the deposit check, just like you asked, Suzuka-chan.”

“…Spe,” Silence Suzuka addressed her roommate slowly.

“Yes, Suzuka-chan?” Special Week replied innocently.

“This is Kaslana Mei,” said Silence Suzuka, gesturing to the oriental woman beside her. “Our building manager.”

“Hello,” Mei greeted politely.

Special Week was still smiling as she turned her head toward Mei, but the light in her eyes was gradually dimming.

“Spe…who did you give our deposit to?” asked Silence Suzuka apprehensively.

Raiden Bosenmori Mei, also known as Acheron, blinked cluelessly.

She was standing at the counter of some cozy, trendy-looking shop. The decorated sign on the window called it the Infinity Café. There was a little calico cat girl standing on the other side of the counter, clicking her nails impatiently on the polished wood. A small line of people was forming behind her, many of whom seemed ill-tempered and tapping their feet in annoyance.

Acheron didn’t remember walking into this comfortable café. She didn’t even remember leaving her apartment. Actually, she couldn’t even remember where her apartment was, for that matter. It looked like she would need to call Black Swan to come pick her up again…just as soon as she remembered what her number was….or where she put her phone.

Well, that was a problem for future Acheron. Maybe. She was in this nice, trendy shop. And she had this check from…actually, she didn’t remember where she got it from. But it was for fifty thousand Denny and signed by some people named Silence Suzuka and Special Week. Maybe it was a birthday gift. Not that Acheron could remember her birthday. Or what day of the week it was. Oh well, she shrugged. As long as she’s here, she might as well order something.

“Can you please pick something, ma’am?” Diona requested irritably. “You’re holding up the line.”

“Sure, uh…,” Acheron hummed, looking over the menu quickly. “I’ll have the jasmine tea and peach cobbler.”

“That’ll be eleven Denny,” Diona sighed in relief. But when Acheron handed her the fifty-thousand Denny check, her eyebrow twitched in annoyance. “We don’t accept checks, ma’am.”

Acheron didn’t get her peach cobbler. 😢

Chapter Text

Random Play was the best (and only) supplier of VHS tapes in all of Nexus City!

Which is probably why they haven’t had a single customer since it first opened two years ago.

Belle was downright appalled. Did these philistines not understand the majesty of outdated retro media? How could you not appreciate the old-school film reels with their grainy pictures and low-contrast colors? How could you not fall in love with the muted cel animations when compared to modern-day vibrant digital ink? It was a travesty, and Belle, for one, was outraged that no one could see the glory of VHS! Her brother, on the other hand, wasn’t too upset. Especially when the lack of customers meant they could take their time on…other pursuits.

As we speak, Wise and Belle were in the back room of Random Play, sitting back-to-back, facing their respective monitor systems. Their ocular implants glowed as they stared at the cascade of ones and zeroes flying through their screens at lightning speed. Belle was reclined in her chair like she was enjoying a mildly entertaining program, while Wise had his hands folded like a stereotypical mafia boss.

“HDD system operating at 98.6% efficiency,” their digital assistant, Fairy, chimed. “Attempting to infiltrate Schicksal accounts. Warning! High-level digital security detected. Probability rate of success at 50.1%.”

“You can do it, Fairy,” said Wise encouragingly. “I believe in you.”

“I do not require your empty platitudes, second assistant,” Fairy rebuked harshly.

“You can do it, Fairy!” Belle cheered. “I believe in you!”

“Thank you, Master!” said Fairy, pinging with a little digital heart.

Wise clicked his tongue in annoyance.

The HDD (Helix Digital Dive) system was designed by their teacher, Dr. Carole Arna, and an eccentric and unknown scientist called Vill-V. Its original function was to explore the depths of cyberspace that could potentially lead humanity to the next stage of evolution. They could only imagine how their teacher would react if she knew they were using a groundbreaking, world-changing piece of technology for corporate espionage and Red Hat hacktivism.

“Breaching…breaching…breaching….” Fairy chirped. Suddenly, several monitors flashed red warning signs with klaxon sirens. “Warning! Counter hacking detected! Security breach imminent – “

“Is this Phaethon again?” Ai-Chan’s high-pitched, agitated voice blared through the monitors. “How many times do I have to kick you out before you – “

“Shut it down, Belle!” Wise yelled. His sister jumped out of her seat, crawled underneath her desk, and literally pulled the plug, plunging the HDD into pitch darkness. Wise leaned back in his chair with a tired sigh. “So much for breaching Otto Apocalypse’s private server through his dating profile.”

“We’ll release the Apocalypse files one of these days,” Belle reassured him, resting her arms on the back of his chair. “Though we did learn some interesting things from his profile picture.”

“You mean that he’s looking for women with white hair, blue eyes, and knows gun-fu?” said Wise sarcastically. “Or that they specifically have to be named Kallen Kaslana?”

“Dude really needs to move on,” Belle remarked. “So, what’re we gonna do now? Reboot the HDD?”

“Keep it off until the heat dies down in a few days,” said Wise, rising from his chair and moving to the mini fridge in the corner. “We can try again in a few weeks after we find another opening. Besides, I could go for a few days without Fairy calling me Second Assistant.”

“I’m still here, Second Assistant,” Fairy spoke over the store’s intercom.

“I know, Fairy,” Wise sighed as he pulled out a can of Neon Cola.

Belle walked over to collect a soda for herself when they heard a knocking coming from the front door. There must have been multiple people, as the first person tapped lightly like a gentleman before the second person started banging their fist like a lunatic. Not to mention the overlapping of muffled voices arguing that could be heard outside.

“Master, you have guests at the front door,” Fairy informed them of the obvious.

“We heard,” said Belle sarcastically.

“It’s not PubSec, is it?” asked Wise.

“Out of the seven men outside,” Fairy responded, “Only one of them is registered as a Public Security officer. Though it does not appear that he is on duty.”

Now that made Belle curious. She stepped out into the main area of Random Play (which needed a serious cleaning from all the dust and cobwebs) while her brother remained cautiously behind her. Belle peered through the glass door. Then she wiped the grime with her sleeve and tried again. One of her brows disappeared into her dyed hairline at what she saw, then she opened the door.

Standing at their doorstep was probably the most eclectic group of men she’s seen yet (and she plays Wuthering Waves!) Anton from Belabog Heavy Industries, Seth from PubSec, Billy from the Cunning Hares, Harumasa from Section 6, Lighter from the Sons of Calydon, and Lycaon from Victoria Housekeeping. And Hugo, for some weird reason, who looked oddly out of place in his formal attire while everyone else was in casual wear.

“Ah, greetings, Master Proxy,” Lycaon greeted, bowing gentlemanly. “Is your brother here?”

“Uh, yeah,” Belle answered strangely. “What’s this about?”

“Duh! It’s guys’ night!” Anton whooped, punching the air enthusiastically. “Can’t have guys' night without our best bro!”

“It’s gonna be the craziest night ever!” Billy joined in, jumping up and down like a kid on sugar.

“We’re gonna set the town on fire!” Lighter howled animatedly.

“But not literally, right?” Seth asked, sounding slightly concerned. None of them heard him because Billy, Lighter, and Anton were chanting, ‘Guys’ night! Guys’ Night! Guys’ night!’ in loud voices, causing several people on the street to look at them funny as they walked by.

“I, of course, am a very busy man,” said Hugo, acting like his usual egotistical self while playing with a strand of his hair. “But I suppose I could spare a few hours to grace you with my person.”

“Nobody invited you,” Harumasa pointed out.

“Yes, please leave,” Lycaon glowered at his old friend.

“…Wise, you’re harem’s here!” Belle shouted over her shoulder.

“Belle, don’t say things like that out loud!” Wise hissed, immediately crossing the room to her side. “People are gonna get the wrong idea!”

Meanwhile, Harumasa discreetly tossed a folded note with the words “Notice me, senpai!” into a nearby bin with uncanny accuracy.

“Hey, guys, sorry, I forgot that was tonight,” Wise apologized to the guys, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. “Just give me a few minutes to get ready and I’ll be right out.”

“Well, hurry up!” Billy urged importantly. “We gotta get guys’ night started!”

He, Anton, and Lighter started up their chant again, this time joined by Seth and Harumasa. Wise shut the door and headed upstairs with Belle following close behind. Belle and Wise lived on the second floor above Random Play, which was a lot cheaper than renting a studio apartment in the city (especially after seeing the eye-popping rent of the Golden Courtyard where Belle’s friends lived). Wise entered his room, which was across the hall from Belle’s, and started rummaging through his closet. Belle leaned against the threshold as she watched her brother trying to decide which jacket would look best on him. (They’re exactly the same as the one he’s wearing, BTW.)

“So, guys’ night, huh?” Belle teased her brother. “Should I have bail money ready, or do you have a designated driver?”

“Very funny, Belle,” said Wise sarcastically, putting away both jackets, then pulling out another matching pair. “Are you gonna be all right on your own?”

“Pfft, I’m not a baby, Wise,” Belle scoffed.

“I just don’t want you to get bored on your own,” said Wise, deciding to hang up the jackets and compare a pair of jeans that looked exactly like the ones he was wearing.

“I’m fine,” Belle reassured him, flashing her smartphone. “I’ll just call up the girls, and we can have our own girls’ night.”

Belle opened the group chat she shared with Kiana, Elysia, Lumine, Stelle, and Filia. She started a new thread and typed:

That didn’t go how she hoped. But at least they had good reasons for bailing on her, Belle admitted. Except Stelle. How dare she call her boring! She’s awesome! Well, Belle’ll show her. Next time she sees that trash raccoon, Belle will show Stelle her collection of vintage VHS films – the non-remastered versions!

“Okay, I’m ready.” Belle looked up at Wise, who stretched out his arms to present his wardrobe. “How do I look?”

“Exactly the same,” Belle told him bluntly.

“Perfect!” said Wise brightly. He collected the keys on his dresser and squeezed past his sister. “Have fun with your girls’ night. If you get hungry, there’s meatloaf in the fridge.”

“That was meatloaf?” Belle looked at him strangely. “I thought it was a dead rat.”

Wise casually flipped her off without turning around and ran down the stairs two steps at a time.

Belle pouted as her brother disappeared from view, then grimaced at her phone. Everyone had logged off except for Stelle, who had sent her a bizarre, muscle-armed trash can emoji. She switched off her phone and leaned her head back, bumping the door with a childish whine. She didn’t want to spend Thursday night alone! Being alone was lonely! She was a twenty-three-year-old (self-proclaimed) hottie in her prime! She should be out doing fun things like…like….

Belle lifted her head and slowly glanced towards the stairs….

Meanwhile, Wise practically bounced across the store and threw open the door with a wild cheer, which was enthusiastically returned by the guys.

“All right, who’s ready for guys’ night?” Wise whooped.

“We’re gonna go crazy tonight!” Lighter cheered.

“I’m already hearing voices!” Anton yelled.

“We’re gonna rock hard!” Billy joined in.

“But to a reasonable degree,” said Lycaon courteously. “I have set a good example for Ellen and Corin.”

The guys mumbled and nodded understandably. Then Anton started jumping up and down with his hands in the air, chanting, “Guys’ night! Guys’ Night!” Everyone joined in enthusiastically, once again earning strange stares from the people on the street who shook their heads; the elderly spat in the direction and called them “hooligans.” As the group began to settle, they gradually realized that another voice had joined in their free-spirited chant. A feminine one.

Wise quirked his brow, stepped back, and looked down at his little sister, who smiled and waved innocently.

“Belle?” he yelped.

“Hey, Wise!” Belle responded cheerfully. “So, what’re we doing first?”

“Belle, what’re you doing?” Wise questioned with a hand to his head, already knowing he was in for a migraine

“Coming along for guys’ night, duh,” Belle answered like it was obvious. “Guys’ night! Guys’ night!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” shouted Billy, waving his hands. “This is guys’ night. And last I checked, you ain’t a guy.”

“They aren’t?” asked Seth, genuinely confused. “I thought that – “

Whatever he had to say was cut off when Belle’s foot rose between his legs. The poor Thiren man sucked in a deep breath through clenched teeth, first dropping to his knees, then collapsing face down on the pavement.

“You most certainly deserved that,” Hugo stated vapidly.

“Belle, can I talk to you for a minute?” said Wise. He didn’t give her a chance to respond, pulling her inside the store and away from the group. “Belle, what’s the deal. I thought you were doing your girls’ night thing.”

“They all bailed,” Belle pouted, crossing her arms, puffing out her cheeks in a way that Wise usually found adorable. “Except for Stelle. Can you believe she called me boring?”

“Well….”

“Bro!”

“Okay, okay,” said Wise, holding his hands up in surrender. “Can’t you…Can’t you watch videos with Fairy tonight?”

“Negative, Second Assistant,” Fairy announced over the intercom. “I have already made plans to attend Simulation Eden’s concert at the Digital Club with Dreamseeker and Prometheus.”

“See? Even Fairy’s doing something tonight!” Belle whined. “C’mon, big bro, please! You don’t wanna leave your little sister all by her lonesome, do you?”

Wise groaned quietly, rubbing his neck uncomfortably. He looked back at the gang hanging by the door and said, “Guys….”

“Nah! Nah! No way, bro!” Anton rejected vehemently. He stomped over and pulled the shorter man into a chokehold. “You can’t seriously be falling for this, bro. This is guys’ night. We’ve been planning this forever!”

“Technically, you just called us late at night two days ago,” Lycaon pointed out.

“You ain’t seriously gonna let your baby sis ruin our night out, right?” Anton pressed, ignoring the wolf Thiren.

“Then you tell her,” Wise challenged.

“Gladly,” Anton huffed. He pushed Wise back and pointed a stern finger at Belle. “Listen here, young lady – “

But Anton did not anticipate Belle pulling out her deadliest technique: the chibi puppy dog eyes!

Anton’s mouth snapped shut so fast, his teeth clicked. He looked like he was physically in pain as he stared at those big, round, watery blue eyes. And, to really sell it, Belle made a few sniffling noises and threw in a quivering lower lip.

Two seconds later, Anton dragged his feet over to the guys, hanging his head in shame, and announced, “So, yeah, she’s coming.”

“Yay!” Belle cheered, pumping her fists in the air.

“Now that the matter is settled,” said Lycaon, elegantly checking his pocket watch. “We should hurry along. Don’t want to miss our first activity.”

“Yeah,” Seth grunted, lifting himself up with Lighter’s support. “This is still gonna be the best Guys’ night ever.”

“Guys’ night! Guys’ night! Guys’ night!” The men chanted enthusiastically.

“Guys’ night! Guys’ night!” Belle joined in excitedly.

“Guys’ night?” Belle muttered, blinking dumbfoundedly.

When Belle imagined how their “crazy night” would go, she envisioned there would be a lot of explosions and high-speed chases involved, especially with Lighter and Billy in the group. What she didn’t imagine was doing community service.

The blue-haired hacker stood on the side of the busy highway between Nexus City and the St. Freya Boarding School for Valkyries, a partially filled garbage bag in one hand, and a pair of tongs in the other. Speeding cars drove up and down the highway every few minutes, some of them honking obnoxiously, and a few even had the audacity to toss their trash! The nerve of those jerks. Her brother was nearby, whistling the theme song for Starlight Knight as he picked up an empty orange juice bottle and dumped it in his bag. Everyone else was scattered around the area picking up trash without complaint. Seth was especially enthusiastic and had already gone through his third bag, and Lycaon somehow made something like picking up trash look sophisticated.

Someone in a pick-up truck zoomed past, threw an empty soda can at her feet, and shouted "Loser!" as they drove away.

“Hey! How ‘bout thinking of the environment, asshole!” Belle yelled, waving her tongs angrily.

“Now, now, Belle, simmer down,” Wise told her calmly, picking up the can. “This is supposed to be a fun night out with the guys.”

“Picking up highway garbage isn’t exactly my definition of fun,” said Belle, giving him a dry look. “I thought we’d be doing something more exciting.”

“What could be more exciting than serving your community?” Seth said with genuine enthusiasm in his big, blue puppy dog eyes. The kind of eyes that put Belle’s crocodile tears to shame.

“…I still can’t believe that goof actually managed to put a ring on Jane’s finger,” Belle remarked as Seth bounced over to pick up a discarded flyer.

“In her line of work, his idealistic honesty must be refreshing,” said Wise.

“That boy has the right idea,” said Hugo patronizingly…while sophisticatedly sipping a cup of tea on a fancy chair that he dragged along for some reason. “You should be proud of doing your part to help better your community.”

“Then how about you show some of that ‘pride’ and help out, jackass,” Lighter scolded.

“I would love to, but this is Izanami silk,” said Hugo pompously, gesturing to his ensemble.

Lighter glowered at Hugo as he took another delicate sip of tea. Hugo remained obvious to Lycaon, standing behind him, leering at her former partner. Without a word, the surprisingly vengeful butler turned over his garbage bag and dumped the contents on Hugo’s head, causing him to jump and shout indignantly. The guys chuckled as Hugo started slinging curses at Lycaon, who went back to collecting trash nonchalantly.

Belle pouted, unable to understand how this was supposed to be fun. Maybe boys just have their brains wired differently.

She was brought out of her thoughts when a passing car suddenly threw a half-full cup at her, spilling strawberry-banana on her shirt.

“Hey, what the hell, asshole?” Belle screamed at the driver, who laughed as he zoomed away. Belle grimaced and stretched out her shirt to inspect the damage. “Aw, Wise! That jerk ruined my favorite shirt!”

“Well, you’re in luck,” said Wise brightly. “But the next stop on guys’ night is – “

“Doing laundry?” Belle said in disbelief.

Belle sat in slightly slanted plastic chairs in Janus Laundromat, which was actually a few blocks from Random Play, forced to watch her favorite shirt and jacket spin on the rinse cycle. Lycaon provided her with a spare shirt to wear, but it was obviously intended for someone with a more…generous bosom.

She looked around the laundromat, fully expecting someone to say they were pranking her. To her left was her brother, folding a pair of pants and stacking them on the matching pile. Lighter and Seth were measuring soap like they were afraid the building would blow up if they put in the wrong amount. Anton was showing Billy how to use a lint roller, criticizing his improper wrist movements. And Lycaon, the super butler, had already finished his, Billy's, and Anton’s loads and was folding them into three piles based on size, color, and material. And Hugo was…being Hugo. Meaning he was just sitting on the washing machine, watching his old friend work.

“Don’t forget to iron them out properly,” said Hugo condescendingly. “You know how I hate wrinkles – “

Lycaon shoved him without looking, and Hugo fell into an open washer with a yelp.

“Why are you guys washing clothes on guys’ night?” Belle wondered aloud.

“Because clothes make the man, little lady!” said Lighter, adjusting his aviators proudly. “A real man must always look presentable for any occasion!”

“Bro’s right,” Anton agreed, who started flexing with Lighter for some reason. “As a member of Belabog, I have to look good so I don’t smear the boss’s good name!”

“Like you did on that kid’s show when you punched the mascot?” Belle pointed out.

“GURK!”

“We needed to do laundry, anyway, Belle,” said Wise reasonably. The washer with Belle’s clothes went off, and Wise started moving them to the dryer. “Plus, we get to use Lycaon’s special detergent.”

“I perfected the formula after two years of trial and error,” said Lycaon fondly, holding up a plastic tub with a sheet of paper taped to the front, written in crayon that read ‘Mr Lycaon’s Special Soap.’ It looked like it was made by Corin, which Belle thought was cute.

“Plus, it smells like strawberries and happiness,” said Seth, taking a quick sniff.

“How do you know what happiness - ?” Belle started before Seth shoved the tub under her nose. Belle subconsciously took a quick sniff and did a double-take. “That’s what happiness smells like? I’ve been doing it wrong for years.”

“We’re almost done here, Belle,” Wise reassured her after starting the dryer. “Then we can head on over to the library.”

“The library?” Belle questioned him strangely. “Don’t tell me you guys started a book club.”

“What? No way,” Wise shook his head, scoffing. “That would be boring.”

“We’re doing our taxes,” said Wise brightly.

“Ugh!” Belle groaned loudly, slamming her forehead on the table.

“SHH!” Nahida the Librarian hissed from her desk.

The guys’ night had moved to the Sumaru Library, where all eight of them were huddled around a single long table, a proverbial mountain of books stacked in the middle. The boys had piled books on everything from finances to tax laws, and some called a 401K or something. Truth be told, Belle had never visited the library before. I mean, why would she? Why would anyone waste hours scrolling through dusty old books instead of using the internet?

(This is the same girl who fights tooth and nail for VHS supremacy.)

“Wise, what’re we doing?” Belle whined childishly, turning her head to the left. “We’re hackers. We don’t even pay taxes.”

“Speak for yourself,” said Wise as he riffled through a book, then jotted something on his tax forms. “If we ever get caught, I’m not adding tax evasion to my list of crimes. You know what they did to Al Capone?”

“Wise, that was a fictional character from a fantasy crime thriller we saw last week,” Belle pointed out. “Nothing like that has ever happened in real life.”

“Well, I’m not taking any chances,” said Wise earnestly.

“Anton, you can’t seriously find this exciting?” Belle groaned, hoping for salvation from one of the ‘manlier’ men.

“Nah, I help Ben file Belabog’s accounts all the time,” said Anton, flashing a completed tax form with a grin. “He even showed me a few tricks to make the process go smoother.”

“I, for one, prefer it when the government owe me money,” said Hugo. He was wearing a pair of smart-guy glasses, examining several tax forms in one hand while his other hand crunched the numbers on a calculator without looking. “And thanks to a few legal tricks up my sleeves, the sum total of what I am owed comes to….” He craned his head toward the calculator. “Five thousand seven hundred, and nineteen Denny.”

“Holy cow!” Seth cried in awe, making Nahida shush him.

“If there’s one thing that Hugo has always been skilled at, it's taking money from the TOPS,” Lycaon admitted begrudgingly, leering over the top of his book on tax law.

“Well, Nicole taught me a few things, too!” Billy announced proudly. Nahida shushed him, growing visibly agitated. “Using a few tricks she taught me, I now – “ He looked at his own calculator. His optics nearly unscrewed themselves. “ – owe the government three thousand Denny.”

Almost immediately, someone’s phone started vibrating loudly. Everyone checked their pockets quickly before Billy pulled out his cell and let out a high-pitched, girlish squeal when he saw the caller ID.

“Shit! It’s Nicole!” Billy shrieked.

Panicking, Billy threw the phone across the library, whipped out his revolver, and blasted the smartphone to pieces in the air. Well, at least she got some excitement out of this, Belle thought dryly.

“…You do realise you’re going to have to buy a new phone, right?” Lighter pointed out.

“Yeah, hindsight isn’t my strong suit,” Billy admitted sheepishly.

“A-hem!”

Everyone turned their head to the end of the table…and didn’t see anyone. They heard someone grumbling, followed by soft footsteps padding off somewhere in the next aisle. They shared confused stares before a stool was dragged out and set at the end of the table. Nahida the Librarian then climbed up, standing on top of the stool with her arms crossed and a heated glare –

Two minutes later, Belle and the guys were sitting on the front steps of the library, flinching as Nahida slammed the door shut behind them.

“Well, you said you wanted excitement,” Wise smiled at his little sister sheepishly.

“Getting my butt kicked by a four-foot librarian isn’t what I had in mind,” Belle groaned, massaging her poor bottom.

“Hey, hey, guys’ night isn’t over yet,” Seth reminded them, jumping up excitedly. “We’ve still got plenty more exciting activities for the night.”

“I’m almost afraid to ask at this point,” Belle grimaced, “but what’s next on the itinerary?”

“We have volunteered to teach an aqua aerobics class for the elderly,” Lycaon offered.

Belle looked ahead with a thousand-yard stare, imagining how that scenario would play out. All those old people…all that loose skin…the swimsuits…. Belle slapped both hands over her mouth to stop herself from vomiting. Everyone stared at her curiously as the blue-haired hacker swallowed her bile down, shuddering with pinprick tears on the corners of her eyes.

“You know what?” Belle said quickly, jumped to her feet, and backed away slowly. “I think I’m gonna head home for the night.”

“Aw, c’mon, Belle,” said Lighter. “We’re just getting to the good stuff. After that, we’re starting a knitting circle, and then finishing our latest quest in Trials and Trailblazers.”

“I even drew up a character for you,” said Billy helpfully, showing off a badly-drawn picture of what Belle was assumed was her, drawn in crayon like a kindergartener. “I call her Monica the Magnificent. She’s a level-4 enchantress of the Beauty Path with special skills in charisma and deception.”

“Did you base her on your favorite actress, Monica?” Lighter questioned.

“N-No!” Billy yelped, hiding his drawing in embarrassment.

“N-Nah, it’s cool,” Belle replied shakily, waving her hands and walking backward. “I mean, you guys don’t want some girl ruining guys’ night. I’ll just head on home and do a movie marathon. You guys have fun now.”

The guys tried calling her back to join them, but Belle just kept moving further and further away. When she finally turned around and headed down the street, they all stopped and stared at her fleeting back intently.

“Is she gone?” Seth whispered conspiratorially.

“Shush!” Wise hissed. He watched his little sister carefully until she turned the corner. “Okay, she’s gone.”

Immediately, the guys jumped to their feet, whooping and pumping their fists in celebration.

“Finally!” Anton screamed in delight. “I thought she’d never leave!”

“Now we can really get guys’ night started!” Lighter cheered. “Dune buggy racing in the deserted, gorging ourselves on pizza, and blowing Ethereals! I’ll get the buggies!”

“I’ll get the nitro fuel!” shouted Billy.

“I’ll get the rocket launchers!” Seth offered delightfully.

“I’ll order the pizzas,” Lycaon announced calmly.

“And I’ll bring my charming wit,” said Hugo vainly, flipping his hair.

“Why are you still here?” Lycaon questioned his former partner in annoyance.

“Guys’ night! Guys’ night! Guys’ night!” Anton chanted.

“Sorry, sis,” Wise apologized to his sister as the boys skipped down the street, chanting as ‘guys’ night’ together. “But it is guys’ night.”