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Kromer pulled Sinclair closer to her, moving herself up in the tub to hold her better. This was their plan, to remain entwined. Sinclair wrapped her arms around Kromer’s neck, her head resting on her collarbone as she used all of her strength to nuzzle Kromer’s neck, her eyes shut tight. She couldn’t think properly due to all of the pills in her system, her mind was full of static, her memories replaying, but most importantly.
Kromer.
She opened her eyes and looked up, she stared into Kromer’s glossy eyes, her eyes looked lost, like she wasn’t in the moment, Sinclair moved one of her arms, she held Kromer’s hand. She had never wanted to live long, but she also never wanted to die this way. She squeezed her hand, her mind fuzzy as her mouth began to dry up. She began to close her eyes as she felt Kromer’s hand wrap around hers.
“Kromer..” Sinclair’s voice was a whisper, for the first time, Sinclair felt scared of dying. She constantly planned her suicide, but was always too much of a coward to go through it. She was always too scared of how it would hurt. She moved down, her head resting against Kromer’s chest, she felt warm. Awfully warm. Her body felt hot as she pressed her ear to listen to Kromer’s heartbeat. It felt slow, irregular.
“Kromer.. I know we said we were gonna overdose but.. I don’t want you to die first, what am I gonna do huh? Stare at your lifeless body and cry until I die too?” Her voice was loud, angry, she began to shake a bit as hot tears began forming in her eyes, her head was pounding and she couldn’t think properly. “Don’t.. don’t you dare.. you can’t.. not before..” Sinclair hiccuped, she’d move her hand to wipe the tears but she couldn’t move at all. She tried taking her hand out of Kromer’s but she couldn’t. “Kromer.. please.. not yet..”
Kromer squeezed her hand, closing her eyes. Sinclair noticed that her heart beat stopped. Sinclair cried for a while, she felt her body becoming numb, she cried for a while, feeling Kromer’s body slowly drop in temperature. “Kromer.. why?.. Why before me?..” Sinclair couldn’t bring herself to speak anymore, she thought, thinking about her life. Sure, she had nice things and was loved but she always felt there was a hole in her that needed to be filled, on rare occasions when Sinclair was happy, she imagined dying from natural causes. She wondered what her future would be like, maybe she’d die happy with her family, her friends, or maybe she’d have a wife and a bunch of cats. But those moments, where she was truly happy, she felt best. Her body felt warm. Warm how it felt now, but not just physically warm, she felt warm on the inside too. At this moment, she felt hollow.
Sinclair thought about it. Just exactly what was she doing before this? She thought for a moment, slowly blinking and breathing as the water surrounding them got cold, she felt her body growing cold and numb as well.
Ah.
She was attempting to better her life, she wanted the future she had dreamt of, she wanted to live, or at least in the moment she did. She truly wanted to live for at least a little while longer, to make happy moments before her departure from this world. When she thought of the future she’d have, she smiled, she smiled at the thought of talking with her family, studying after classes in the library. She was happy, even if it was for a moment. She was happy when Kromer came over.
She was happy when Kromer brought up the idea of dying together.
Yet.
Now she felt hollow, empty, she used her strength and placed a singular kiss on Kromer’s bra. She remembered that she was holding her hand. She heard Kromer’s voice in her mind once more.
“We’ll be together forever Sinclair. You won’t have to suffer anymore, wherever we end up. At least we’ll be together. No matter what, even if they separate our bodies, we’ll die entwined together.”
She smiled. “Entwined, together.. no matter what they do. We’ll be together no matter where we end up.”
romer pulled Sinclair closer to her, moving herself up in the tub to hold her better. This was their plan, to remain entwined. Sinclair wrapped her arms around Kromer’s neck, her head resting on her collarbone as she used all of her strength to nuzzle Kromer’s neck, her eyes shut tight. She couldn’t think properly due to all of the pills in her system, her mind was full of static, her memories replaying, but most importantly.
Kromer.
She opened her eyes and looked up, she stared into Kromer’s glossy eyes, her eyes looked lost, like she wasn’t in the moment, Sinclair moved one of her arms, she held Kromer’s hand. She had never wanted to live long, but she also never wanted to die this way. She squeezed her hand, her mind fuzzy as her mouth began to dry up. She began to close her eyes as she felt Kromer’s hand wrap around hers.
“Kromer..” Sinclair’s voice was a whisper, for the first time, Sinclair felt scared of dying. She constantly planned her suicide, but was always too much of a coward to go through it. She was always too scared of how it would hurt. She moved down, her head resting against Kromer’s chest, she felt warm. Awfully warm. Her body felt hot as she pressed her ear to listen to Kromer’s heartbeat. It felt slow, irregular.
“Kromer.. I know we said we were gonna overdose but.. I don’t want you to die first, what am I gonna do huh? Stare at your lifeless body and cry until I die too?” Her voice was loud, angry, she began to shake a bit as hot tears began forming in her eyes, her head was pounding and she couldn’t think properly. “Don’t.. don’t you dare.. you can’t.. not before..” Sinclair hiccuped, she’d move her hand to wipe the tears but she couldn’t move at all. She tried taking her hand out of Kromer’s but she couldn’t. “Kromer.. please.. not yet..”
Kromer squeezed her hand, closing her eyes. Sinclair noticed that her heart beat stopped. Sinclair cried for a while, she felt her body becoming numb, she cried for a while, feeling Kromer’s body slowly drop in temperature. “Kromer.. why?.. Why before me?..” Sinclair couldn’t bring herself to speak anymore, she thought, thinking about her life. Sure, she had nice things and was loved but she always felt there was a hole in her that needed to be filled, on rare occasions when Sinclair was happy, she imagined dying from natural causes. She wondered what her future would be like, maybe she’d die happy with her family, her friends, or maybe she’d have a wife and a bunch of cats. But those moments, where she was truly happy, she felt best. Her body felt warm. Warm how it felt now, but not just physically warm, she felt warm on the inside too. At this moment, she felt hollow.
Sinclair thought about it. Just exactly what was she doing before this? She thought for a moment, slowly blinking and breathing as the water surrounding them got cold, she felt her body growing cold and numb as well.
Ah.
She was attempting to better her life, she wanted the future she had dreamt of, she wanted to live, or at least in the moment she did. She truly wanted to live for at least a little while longer, to make happy moments before her departure from this world. When she thought of the future she’d have, she smiled, she smiled at the thought of talking with her family, studying after classes in the library. She was happy, even if it was for a moment. She was happy when Kromer came over.
She was happy when Kromer brought up the idea of dying together.
Yet.
Now she felt hollow, empty, she used her strength and placed a singular kiss on Kromer’s bra. She remembered that she was holding her hand. She heard Kromer’s voice in her mind once more.
“We’ll be together forever Sinclair. You won’t have to suffer anymore, wherever we end up. At least we’ll be together. No matter what, even if they separate our bodies, we’ll die entwined together.”
She smiled. “Entwined, together.. no matter what they do. We’ll be together no matter where we end up.”
For the first and time in her life she was tasting death, and death tasted bitter.