Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The open bar at the hero gala was often a site of debauchery where even the stiffest members of the hero commission could be found getting drunk on cheap liquor. Izuku tried to avoid it all night because it was his first time being invited since he was honored as a teenage war hero. But then he found himself alone at his table after his friends wandered off to catch up with coworkers or flirt with heroes they had crushes on.

A large part of Izuku felt out of place. He had hidden his hero case under the table in case of an emergency, but he was acutely aware of being the only quirkless person in the room— a room he was only let into once he had been given this hero suit. 

"I can sense your cynicism from across the room," a voice said tiredly from next to him. Shinsou was one of the few people from his class who he saw every day. He had taken over for Aizawa after he retired, just like Izuku had taken over for Vlad King. It was nice that Shinsou was an underground hero and didn't thrive in these flashy events like his other friends. Even Shouto was smiling softly in the corner with Sero as they talked to Inasa. 

"I'm just so happy to be invited!" Izuku gushed sarcastically, "Last time I was here as a child soldier so let's forget about that and celebrate the first quirkless hero!" Shinsou gave Izuku a round of applause and he took a bow. 

"Izuku, dearest, would you be so kind as to grab us the strongest drinks the bartender can make? We'll need them to get through the awards," Shinsou slumped back down in his seat, seemingly exhausted. So Izuku finally made it to the open bar and relayed Shinsou's message to the bartender who snorted. Izuku scrolled on his phone, hoping no one would bother him.

"Dynamight, you're amazing!" A familiar voice gushed, and Izuku could just picture the stars in his eyes as he spoke. 

"Shit. Is that so?" An even more familiar voice drawled amusedly. "Tell me more," Katsuki said in a flirtatious tone that Izuku had never heard before. He had never felt jealousy like this before, so potently and physically in his body. He wanted to reach out and grab Katsuki, so he clenched his fists in his lap instead.

"The way you utilize your quirk is amazing! Yes, you have a strong quirk, but the control you have over it and the way you apply it in battle is what makes it amazing. You make it amazing," The hero talking to Katsuki was his ex-student, whom Izuku held in high esteem. But the lines he was feeding Katsuki were taken word for word from Izuku's lesson on quirk usage and control. Unfortunately, by the way Katsuki was leaning in and tilting his head, Izuku's words had worked when they came from someone else. 

Of course it didn't matter that Izuku yearned for what his student had been given so freely. Izuku had been controlling his heart from the moment he pulled himself together during the War. He didn't deserve to love Katsuki because he was the reason Katsuki died. If he hadn't been late, if he hadn't been in love with Katsuki, if Shigaraki hadn't decided to kill Katsuki because he was Izuku's most important person, then he wouldn't be drowning in immeasurable guilt for the past decade.

"Those are some pretty words," Katsuki murmured quietly as he leaned in further. Izuku quickly glanced over to see Katsuki's flushed cheeks and intense gaze. He hated that he wanted those eyes on him. A tear slipped down his cheek as the bartender handed him his drinks. 

He slipped back into his seat and handed Shinsou his drink as he began to sip nervously at his drink. His hands were clammy as he watched his ex-student lean closer to Katsuki. 

"Looks like Bakugou's into the new hotshot. How cliché," Shinsou said with mild disgust. "You can do better, like I've always said." Shinsou was too kind to look at him with pity.

He was wrong though. No one was better than Katsuki. 

As he drank more, he thought about the first part of what Shinsou said. It made complete sense. Katsuki wanted the hero who had potential, not the washed-up quirkless hero-wannabe who needed support gear to barely keep up. He hated thinking about his student that way, because he truly was brilliant and kind. Izuku had just grown bitter with all the longing he tried to keep locked up in his heart. 

He needed another drink, and at this point, he didn't care that his ex-student and his roommate were clearly flirting at the bar. Katsuki never flirted. But if Izuku didn't deserve him, then obviously he would eventually find someone who did. 

"Back so soon Hero Deku?" The bartender's eyes twinkled with mirth. 

"S-sensei? What the f— oh god! What are you doing here?" His ex-student spun around to face him.

"I was invited," Izuku said bluntly, ordering a drink and sitting at the far edge of the bar. He avoided eye contact with the other two men as he waited, but suddenly found himself with a teary ex-student hugging him.

"I've missed you so much, Sensei! Everyone's always telling me I'm going to be this great hero, but I don't feel great at all. I miss when you'd give me advice, Sensei. You'd always know exactly what to do or say to make us all feel okay," the poor boy was weeping now and Izuku patted him on the back to calm him down like he used to do.

Despite his jealousy at the moment, he had a soft spot for this student, who most reminded him of himself. He had a big heart, was extremely brave to the point of lacking self-preservation, and was quick to cry. After everything Izuku had been through, he had sworn to protect his students and raise heroes who took apart the old system. 

"This is about Okinawa, right?" The younger man in his arms nodded with a pout, "You shouldn't have been leading that battle. It was not your fight. And I know you tried your best, so don't put any of that on your conscience. It was the hero commission's fault for not allocating heroes and resources properly. Forget about being the greatest hero and try being the hero you want to be. Even if it's just finding a friend to share the burden," When Izuku glanced up, he saw Katsuki's eyes on them with a soft look on his face. 

It killed Izuku inside that those eyes must be looking at the other hero. 

"Thank you, Sensei. I know you don't like when we say this, but you'll always be the greatest hero and greatest Sensei to all of us!" With a watery smile, he bid them both goodbye, leaving Izuku alone with Katsuki. 

"Flirting with my students, Kacchan?" Izuku said coyly. Katsuki dropped the glass he was holding and liquid sloshed onto the bartop. He whipped around to face Izuku with pink dusting his cheeks.

"Damn you! How long have you been here?" Katsuki asked defensively. 

"Long enough to know that Kacchan can flirt," Izuku teased, watching the pretty blush deepen on his friend's face. 

"Oh fuck off! Are you adding that to your notebook when we get home, you little shit?" Kacchan teased back. "I wasn't flirting with that kid, dumbass. I can recognize your words anywhere. Okay?" Katsuki gave Izuku a knowing look. "You might want to tone down how much you talk about me in your classes. You're raising a generation of Dynamight fanboys who walk and talk exactly like the number one Dynamight fanboy himself," Katsuki said slyly.

"He did exactly quote one of my lessons to you," Izuku mumbled. Katsuki snorted. 

"Wow, he was right huh? You really are the greatest Sensei," Katsuki muttered under his breath. Izuku's breath hitched. Katsuki had praised him about his hero work before, but he never spoke so highly about his teaching. He didn't realize how much he needed to hear it, especially from Katsuki. He had gotten the impression over the years that Katsuki felt that Izuku settled for teaching, instead of seeing how much Izuku valued teaching. 

"Thanks Kacchan!" Izuku said shyly, and Katsuki quickly looked down at his drink. 

"You're really making a difference, and I'm sorry it took me so long to acknowledge that," Katsuki said with an apologetic look on his face.

"I know how hard you took me losing One For All, and for a while it felt like my world was ending. But, I found a new dream in teaching, and now you've given my old dream back too," Izuku gave Katsuki a bright smile. 

"You deserve to have as many dreams as you want, nerd," Katsuki said warmly.

Chapter Text

When the last class ended, his students knew not to disturb their teacher as he rushed out the door. Grabbing his hero gear, he would take the train to whichever agency the hero commission wanted him at. He was basically an independently contracted hero, and he enjoyed being able to see his friends throughout the week.

For so long, he had become so disconnected from the hero world, other than teaching future heroes. His friends had tried to make an effort at the beginning, but it was hard for them to leave their little hero bubble. He mainly hung out with Shinsou at school, Katsuki at home, and Shouto, who still made an effort to come see him as much as possible. Sometimes Katsuki's friends would come over, but Izuku always tried to make plans with Shinsou or Shouto because he felt so out of place when they only talked about hero work. 

But now he could reestablish friendships when he went on evening patrol each day and it was great. Today he was with Katsuki and a hero he didn't know. He had done his research on his quirk, but didn't know him personally. His mind was also distracted because they were patrolling Kamino Ward. It was a little daunting to be back there when both Izuku and Katsuki had such negative memories associated with the area. 

The evening had gone pleasantly until a quirk-induced earthquake caused many civilians to become trapped under rubble. While Katsuki and the other hero went after the villain, Izuku focused on rescue efforts. He put on his signature Hero Deku smile and helped free civilians. While he had two children wrapped in Blackwhip, he carried an unconscious man over his shoulder. After dropping them at the medic, he turned around to see Katsuki securing the villain in the distance. 

Something looked off though. 

Suddenly, the other hero grabbed Katsuki and pulled him into the alley. Izuku's danger sense hadn't gone off, but seeing Katsuki being taken in Kamino made Izuku panic. He shot off in Katsuki's direction as quickly as he could and almost reached the alley when he heard Katsuki's voice.

"Hold me please," Katsuki gasped out

"How do you need me, Kats?" 

"Don't fucking touch the back of my neck. Just hold me as tight as you can" Katsuki said while hyperventilating.

Once Katsuki had calmed down a little and they were just sitting in the alley, an intense wave of grief crashed over Izuku. He had been so scared that Katsuki was going to get kidnapped again, so his body was still keyed up. 

Izuku hated himself for feeling a little jealous too. He knew exactly one person Katsuki trusted to hold him when he was having a panic attack and that was Izuku. It took years and an entire War for Katsuki to be that vulnerable with him, so he was confused how this seemingly random hero deserved that trust from Katsuki. 

"Thanks," Katsuki said gruffly. 

"Anytime, man. We're friends, right? You've been to my place for dinner. We've been dancing with Mina and Denki. It comes with the territory," Izuku didn't know this. He felt strange not knowing someone so close to Katsuki. 

"I owe you dinner at my place then," Katsuki laughed genuinely and Izuku's heart hurt. 

"Kats, should we head back? I'm sure Deku's looking for us. It's kind of pathetic how much he follows you around like a puppy. Have you noticed?" The other hero snorted derisively and Izuku felt like he needed to be far away from here.  

"What the fuck did you just say?" There was a grunt from the other hero and Izuku heard him slam into the wall. 

"Fuck, Kats. That hurt. I just didn't expect that from the hero who saved Japan, okay? It's like he's obsessed with you or something," The other hero said defensively. Izuku's chest tightened, waiting for Katsuki to be disgusted by the idea of Izuku being obsessed with him. 

"You have no clue about what Izuku and I have been through together so don't fucking speak about him like that or I'll make sure your career ends before it starts. You wouldn't be fucking alive if it weren't for Deku, so you better keep his name out of your mouth!" Katsuki sounded angrier than he'd ever heard him. "Also, I take back my offer for dinner, you piece of shit," Katsuki seethed. 

Izuku scrambled to his feet and sprinted back to the medics. He didn't know how to feel. On the one hand, he still felt awful, but hearing Katsuki defend him lifted his spirits a little. Even if Katsuki never returned his feelings, he knew their friendship meant a lot to Katsuki. 

The medic was patching up a couple cuts on his left cheek when Katsuki finally walked up to him. The other hero was nowhere in sight thankfully. Katsuki gestured to the medic that he would take over, and started cleaning Izuku's cut. 

"Kacchan, when you disappeared like that, I got really scared. Because we're in—" The words tumbled out before Izuku could stop them. Katsuki cut him off.

"I'm sorry, Izuku. I didn't even think about how you'd feel. I had to clear my head. This place is too much for me too, you know?" Katsuki stepped back after he was done and Izuku hopped down. Izuku felt guilty now. He had somehow made Katsuki's panic attack about himself, and felt really disgusted with himself. Love made him too selfish.

"You don't owe me anything, Kacchan. I just wanted to see that you're safe and you are," Izuku said breezily and tried to walk away, but Katsuki grabbed his wrist. 

"It doesn't have to be okay. Your feelings are valid even if Kamino affected me the most. When you ran off in our first year, I'm sure you were under so much pressure trying to do it all on your own. But my anxiety over you leaving was valid too," Katsuki said quietly, his eyes burning intensely. Izuku wondered when Katsuki had become so wise. 

"Okay," Izuku conceded in a small voice. They walked home side by side, their hands brushing each other every so often. When they got home, Katsuki was clingier than usual, sitting close to Izuku on the couch as they watched the evening news. The clip of their battle popped up on the screen. 

"What a piece of shit," Katsuki blurted out. 

"Who? The villain?" Izuku asked, knowing that Katsuki was probably talking about the other hero. 

"Nope. Never mind. Change the fucking channel, Izuku," Katsuki reached for the back of his neck absently before shaking his head and putting his hand on Izuku's neck instead. 

"Do you think your nightmares will come back?" Izuku asked. After the War, Katsuki had confessed to Izuku that he would often get bad nightmares. They went from sharing a hospital bed to showing up at each other's rooms at night when they both couldn't sleep. Things had gotten better over the years and they hadn't needed to share a bed in a while. But Izuku knew his nightmares would be back tonight. 

"Shit. Probably. Want to come to my bed?" Katsuki said casually. Izuku's heart raced. Back in high school, Izuku had still been so traumatized from the War that he hadn't faced his feelings for Katsuki yet. He didn't know if sharing a bed with the man he was in love with was a good for his heart. 

"Yes please!" Izuku said, before he could talk himself out of it. The tips of Katsuki's ears turned red as he told Izuku to come to his room when he was ready to sleep before quickly escaping his room. 

Katsuki's room was much more organized than Izuku's room, which had shelves of hero merchandise, bookshelves of notebooks, and various teaching materials lying around in disarray. He was the type of person who had a mess that only he knew how to navigate. But Katsuki's room was minimalistic to a fault. He had a couple vintage All Might silver age posters up, an open walk-in closet that connected to his bathroom, and a couple houseplants that he took meticulous care of. He also had an extremely comfy mattress that Izuku sometimes took naps in, with Katsuki's permission of course.

"This arm's a little sore so you take that side," Katsuki said as he got in bed and folded the covers down for Izuku. There was a faint scent of caramel in the air that calmed Izuku as he burrowed into the sheets. The warmth of Katsuki's naturally high body temperature lulled Izuku to sleep. As he closed his eyes, a heavy arm draped over his waist pulling him close. 

Chapter Text

"Gather round everyone. We are going to play a game of Truth or Dare!" Ashido shouted over the din of the apartment. 

"Oi Pinky! We're not fucking teenagers. No one wants to play that," Katsuki was stretched out on a couch, sipping on a Sapporo and playing with Izuku's hair, who sat on the floor in front of him chatting with Tokoyami. 

"Well, too bad. It's my birthday so deal with it!" Ashido stuck out her tongue at Katsuki and started wrangling people into a circle. Uraraka gave Izuku a grin as she took the seat next to him and Katsuki grumbled as he was pulled into the circle by Kirishima and Kaminari. 

"Okay, we'll start off with Bakugou because he's a party pooper. Truth or Dare?" Ashido leaned in with a wicked gleam in her eye. 

"Well, I'm not doing whatever stupid dare you come up with, so ask me some shit," Katsuki said. 

"Okay! I've been dying to know this since first year. Between Kirishima and Kaminari, who is the better kisser?" Ashido squealed. Izuku's heart dropped to his stomach. He had just started to wrap his mind around Katsuki casually flirting with strangers. The intense feeling of jealousy when he saw Kirishima and Kaminari blush made him want to scream. 

"Wait, when was this?" Sero asked, looking between his four closest friends. 

"At that only smoke session Kacchan ever joined, remember?. We all got stupidly high and kissed each other just for kicks," Kaminari recounted dramatically. "I can't believe you forgot our kiss. Not cool bro," Kaminari joked as he jostled Sero.

As jealous as Izuku was, he also felt lame. Even someone as driven as Katsuki had found time in high school to do stupid teenage stuff like getting high and kissing boys. Izuku had been pressured to master One For All and then was too broken after the War to care about any of that. Even a decade later, he still hadn't had his first kiss.

"So what's the verdict?" Ashido turned to Bakugou. 

"To be honest, I don't fucking remember that either," Katsuki said dismissively.

"Guess we'll just have to remind you!" Kaminari leaned into Katsuki, who readily accepted the kiss with a grin. There were wolf whistles as Kirishima took Katsuki's face in his hands and kissed him hard, nipping his lip with his sharp teeth. Katsuki looked tipsy and content as they both pulled away from him, causing a burning in Izuku's chest. He'd never seen that expression on Katsuki before. Izuku studied Katsuki so he could commit his face to memory, knowing that he would never be privy to such a beautiful sight again.

"Midoriya? Midoriya! Earth to Midoriya!" Hagakure's voice broke him out of his spiraling, "Truth or dare?" Izuku realized he had missed some rounds while he was zoned out.

Izuku wasn't about to waste his first kiss on a dare. Even if they dared him to kiss Katsuki, it would feel wrong for it to happen because of a game. He wanted romance and sweeping declarations of love, not cheap beer and the eyes of his classmates on them. 

"Truth." Izuku only had one secret to hide, so as long as they didn't ask who he was madly in love with, he was in the clear. 

"Tell us about your worst date!" Hagakure demanded. Izuku felt himself shrink inwards. 

"I've never been on a date..." He stared down at his cup. 

"That's okay! What about your worst hookup?" Hagakure asked, a little gentler. 

"I don't—" Izuku glanced up and saw all the eyes looking at him with sympathy and he felt the need to defend himself. "I don't do that stuff, okay? I've been dealing with a lot since the War and I don't want to make time for people who don't get what I've been through," Izuku got up shakily. "I need a drink. Does anyone need a drink? No? Okay good!" Izuku speed-walked to the kitchen and leaned over the sink feeling sick to his stomach.

"You okay Izuku?" Katsuki's voice came from behind him but that man was the absolute last person he wanted to see. Katsuki had kissed his friends so easily when Izuku struggled to open up without bleeding all over the place. Izuku whirled around to face Katsuki who looked at him with concern. He hated that. 

"Don't look at me like that! Just because you can kiss people like it means nothing—" 

"What the fuck Izuku? Excuse me for giving a shit about you." Katsuki turned to walk away, but Izuku felt a pang of guilt and grabbed him. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I'm not shaming you. I just hate that I don't even want that. I feel like I'm falling behind in this too. Everyone became a hero and I was left behind. Everyone's dating and I'm still stuck on that battlefield. Before the War, I had all this pressure to master One For All, and after the War, I've been too broken to want much. I don't even deserve what I do want," Izuku said in a small voice.

"What do you mean? You deserve everything!' Katsuki exploded, seemingly towering over Izuku despite their small height difference. 

"If you really knew me, Kacchan, you'd know that I don't deserve shit," Izuku said bitterly, looking away from Katsuki's intense gaze. 

"I know you better than anyone else—" Katsuki said gently, but Izuku cut him off. 

"Yeah! Yes, I agree!. So you should know that I can never have what I want because I failed. I am a failure in every regard, and I'll never have what everyone else does because I don't deserve what I want," Izuku was sobbing now, the image of a dead Bakugou Katsuki flooding his mind. The Katsuki in front of him looked at him with concern. 

"Is this why you turned down my agency offer?" Katsuki murmured and Izuku nodded. 

"How can I stand by your side and call myself your partner when I'm the reason you died?" Izuku whispered, finally revealing the secret shame he had been carrying since the War. 

"It wasn't your fault Izuku," Katsuki pulled Izuku into a hug and he was engulfed in his sweet aroma. The calming effect was overshadowed by the anxiety and guilt he was feeling. 

"But it was my fault Kacchan! Shigaraki targeted you because you're my closest person and I was too late to stop him. Who else is to blame?" Izuku was in near hysterics.

"The only people to blame are Shigaraki and myself, because I decided to face up against him. Trust me when I say this guilt won't serve you or me. You are just torturing yourself in an endless cycle of shame. Kirishima once told me that when I was working up the courage to apologize to you. You have to do the same, Izuku, or you're going to let that guilt destroy every good thing in your life," Katsuki reprimanded Izuku gently, but he pulled him closer, rubbing soothing circles on his back. 

"I don't know how to let myself want what I want anymore. I want fireworks for my first kiss. I want to go on a date with someone who loves me, not a stranger who doesn't get me. I don't want to be a random hookup. I want it all to mean something. But I don't think I can let myself feel like I deserve to want those things," Izuku spoke directly into Katsuki's ear as his face smushed into his shoulder. 

"As someone who's known you your whole life, I can honestly say there isn't anyone who deserves everything they want more than you. All this guilt and shame you've been carrying around for years has made you forget how fucking good you truly are," Katsuki pleaded. 

Izuku didn't know how to respond. He felt like he had unlocked a safe in his heart where he had been keeping all his wants and feelings. He was scared if he opened the safe, all his yearning would spill out and stain their friendship. 

But maybe at some point he'd be ready to take the chance and find out if he could deserve Katuski.

Chapter Text

It was getting late enough that he should have been home preparing for class in the morning, but Izuku was still at Kendo's agency practicing with Blackwhip in the training gym. He had been patrolling with Kendo and Tetsutetsu on the evening shift. Just as he was packing up his hero suit, he heard two loud blasts from the training gym next door. 

"Oh my god Neito that was fucking amazing!" Katsuki's voice shouted with enthusiasm. Izuku peeked in through the little window and saw Monoma and Katsuki both using Katsuki's explosion quirk. There was a smile of unrestrained genuine joy on Katsuki's face that Izuku rarely saw when they trained anymore. He felt a deep sense of loss.

"Your quirk is amazing, Katsuki!" Monoma said with stars in his eyes. The look he was giving Katsuki was the same look Izuku had been giving him since he was four years old. The jealousy he felt was different this time. The one connection they'd had since Ground Beta, even before they were friends, was their rivalry. But watching the way Katsuki and Monoma moved around each other, like it was natural, made his stomach twist in knots.

Soon Katsuki had Monoma pinned to the training mat, and they were breathing deeply while staring into each other's eyes. Izuku knew this moment of tension well because he had been experiencing it for years since their first late-night fight at Ground Beta. 

But the tension broke as Katsuki let out a deep throaty laugh. He rolled over and lay on the mat next to Monoma. Izuku felt like he was watching what could have been between him and Katsuki if he hadn't lost his quirk.

"Any feedback for me?" Monoma turned to face Katsuki with an honest and open expression.

"You're telegraphing your actions too much. I can tell where your AP shots are going," Katsuki responded.

Izuku felt a pang of sadness in his chest as he remembered Katsuki telling him something so similar after their fight on Ground Beta. He felt replaced. In a way, he could understand why Katsuki saw Monoma as an equal instead of him. Izuku was just playing dress-up with an expensive support item. Monoma arguably had one of the most powerful quirks in their year if utilized properly. 

Izuku turned around, deciding not to wait for Katsuki and just go home. 

"Oi nerd, we have company!" 

Izuku didn't realize he had crashed on the couch when he got home. He blinked up to see two blonde men peering down at him. After the War, Monoma had made an effort to build a friendship with Katsuki, but that friendship never extended to Izuku. Most times Izuku would make an excuse to clear out when Monoma was coming over, but now he was stuck. 

"Shit, I have to run a rescue training tomorrow," Izuku mumbled as he wiped his face with a hand. "You two have a good night. I'll be in my room."

"You really enjoy this teaching gig, huh Midoriya? I don't think I'd turn down starting an agency with Katsuki to teach at UA, but to each their own," Monoma joked. All the bitterness and jealousy churning inside him finally boiled over. 

"You know all about making that choice, do you? Did you grow up quirkless, being told you're worthless without a quirk? Did you get blessed with the most powerful quirk just to lose it in less than a year to save the goddamn world? Did you have to watch all your friends become heroes while you tried to piece your life back together? Did you have to give up on the idea of becoming a hero even though everyone else knew you'd get a chance again? Of course I had to learn to enjoy teaching, I thought it was the only option left. I didn't know about the hero suit, did I?" Izuku had never said all this before to anyone but he couldn't help bleeding out all his emotional pain when he was finally cut.

Monoma laughed awkwardly, looking stunned. He scratched the back of his neck. 

"Boy am I glad you don't have Blackwhip right now!" Monoma joked half-heartedly and Izuku saw red. Weeks of malcontent that he had been tamping down released all at once.

"Shit, Izuku. Calm down. He didn't mean it!" Katsuki jumped up to get between them. Izuku's eyes flashed to Katsuki and the way his body was protecting Monoma. 

"Do you know why he said it Katsuki?" Izuku asked in cold fury. Katsuki winced at the use of his full name. "Your friend Monoma said that you caused the end of All Might. And Blackwhip is a quirk controlled by the heart so my heart was so ready to defend you that I manifested a new quirk. But, when he insults and attacks me, you are so quick to defend him instead. I'm out of here," Izuku grabbed his phone and keys so he could escape to the roof. 

The image of Katsuki protecting Monoma from him kept replaying in his head. He had only ever seen Katsuki's body move that fast to defend one person. Izuku didn't just feel jealous now, he felt betrayed and heartbroken. Heavy combat boots made their way towards him, and Izuku quickly wiped away his tears. 

"I'm sorry, Izuku," Katsuki said, "Neito's sorry too. The poor bastard just thought it'd be best to give you some space first," 

"He's smart. You should be smart and give me space too Katsuki. I'll be at Shoto's tonight," Izuku responded coolly, keeping his head down. Katsuki sighed and tried to catch Izuku's gaze but failed.

"I'm sorry it seemed like I wasn't defending you. That's not what I was trying to do. It's just that I know you too well. I grew up as an angry kid so I know how to handle my temper these days. But when you lose your temper, it's like you become a completely different person. You've got this cute, compact body and it just can't handle all that rage, you know?" Katsuki joked and Izuku fought not to smile when Katsuki called him cute. That was so uncharacteristic of his friend to say that he felt himself deflate a little.

"Monoma's an asshole," Izuku said petulantly, pouting as he finally looked up at Katsuki through his lashes. 

"Yes he is," Katsuki agreed, smiling indulgently and squeezing Izuku's cheeks. 

"Why'd you stand between us like you were protecting him against me?" Izuku asked. 

"Hah? I wasn't. I didn't even notice him. I was just trying to get you to focus on me so I could calm you down," Katsuki sighed and leaned back on his hands. Katsuki was right. He hated getting angry. He hated losing control. He hated saying things that hurt his friends, and then having to apologize. 

Izuku had dealt with so much in life that he usually let things roll off his back. Even at the height of Katsuki's bullying in middle school, Izuku never got as angry as he just had. But then again, he'd always had a soft spot for the explosive blonde. 

"Sorry for what I said about the hero suit. I'm truly glad to have it. It's just scary. I was given a chance to be a hero once and it was taken away from me. So I built my life back up on my own without a quirk. When you gave me the suit, I felt like I would have to start over if I put all my eggs in one basket," Izuku felt much more clear-headed now that he had come down from his rage-filled panic. 

"Fuck. I never thought of it that way. I've had tunnel vision for the last eight years. I thought I could bring that spark back in your eyes if I gave you the suit. But I don't want you to keep living like you could lose everything at any moment. I know you're everyone's Symbol of Hope but let me be yours. I'll make sure you always get what you hope for," Katsuki said earnestly. 

"Oh no! That was way too cheesy Kacchan! You're going to lose your street cred if this gets out!" Izuku puffed out his cheeks and Katsuki poked his cheek over and over again until Izuku giggled. 

"Tch. You better keep that sappy shit a secret. Are you any good at keeping secrets, I-zu-ku?" Katsuki teased and Izuku fell into another fit of giggles. Izuku loved these moments when it felt like he and Katsuki were the only two people in the world. It was probably bad how much he wanted this man all to himself. 

"The only one who can pull my secrets from me is you. Your secret's safe with me, Kacchan," Izuku finally responded shyly, causing Katsuki to look over at him with an unreadable expression. Katsuki put his arm around Izuku and played with the little curls on the nape of his neck. He was deep in thought, and Izuku could see that he was failing to hold back tears. Izuku reached up and brushed off a single tear that was streaking down his cheek.

"I hate when we fight. I know that's all we did growing up, and that's on me, but I can't fucking stand it when you cry because of me now," Katsuki murmured, holding Izuku close. "And don't fucking call me Katsuki just because you're mad at me, damn Deku!"

"Okay Kacchan. I pinky promise I will always call you Kacchan," Izuku stretched out his pinky between them, smiling brightly when he felt Katsuki wrap his pinky around his own.

Chapter Text

There was a cute little café tucked in the back of Uraraka's agency that had the best mochi and bubble tea. After patrol, he loved sitting with the other heroes and just chatting. He hadn't been included in these hangouts for eight years so he felt like soaking up all the friendship he could. 

"Deku-kun! I have a proposition for you!" Uraraka said as she brought over two bubble teas and enough mochi to feed a small nation. 

"It better not be another competition to see whether Float or Anti-Gravity goes higher. We both know you'll win," Izuku said as he rolled his eyes and sipped on his tea. 

"Lame. But that's not what I wanted to ask you. I've been working at a school that's been having a pretty high rate of anti-quirkless bullying. I was hoping you and Bakugou could come over and give them a little talking-to. I feel like it'd be good to hear from Bakugou because he's changed so much and he's a top Pro-Hero so the kids would respect that hopefully. But I was hoping you could talk to him because he'd do anything for you." Uraraka looked at him nervously.

Izuku wanted to disagree, but these days Katsuki had really become a pushover, specifically when it came to Izuku. It was a little concerning. 

"Of course I'll do it. And I'll drag Kacchan there too!" The idea of going to a school and talking about his time at Aldera was daunting, but if he could help a little quirkless kid like himself, it would be worth it. 

"I really think you should do more work with quirkless discrimination. It would be so powerful coming from the hero who saved Japan!" Uraraka flexed her bicep and grinned, and Izuku couldn't help but smile back. She was right of course. But, Izuku often tried to block out the years that he was relentlessly bullied. If he thought about it too hard, he'd probably flip out.

When he got home, Katsuki was sitting on the couch with a face mask, sipping on one of his green smoothies. Izuku suddenly didn't want to ask Katsuki. Bringing up their past was a sensitive subject, and the Katsuki in front of him wasn't the angry boy who used to leave burns on him in middle school. 

"Deku you better tell me what you're all worked up about or you know I'll get it out of you," Katsuki threatened without even looking at him. Izuku pouted and sat next to him. 

"Uraraka wants us to go to this middle school that has been having a lot of bullying against quirkless students and give them advice," Izuku said gently. Katsuki's intense gaze landed on him. 

'You feel okay talking about that shit? You never like to bring it up," Katsuki asked. 

"If it would help a kid like me not have to go through what I did, it's worth it," Izuku answered.

"Then it's worth it to me. But I ain't just giving advice. I'm setting these bullies straight through any means necessary!" Katsuki joked, letting out a few sparks.

"Oh my god Kacchan! Stop! They're just children!" Izuku giggled. 

Walking into a middle school with Katsuki gave Izuku flashbacks of burnt notebooks and cruel words. He almost felt like shrinking before he felt Katsuki's arm slung around his shoulder, like a reminder to stay in the present. There was a short man with brown hair and big blue eyes waiting for them who broke into a grin. 

"Dynamight! It's an honor to meet you!" The man looked up at Katsuki in awe. Then he glanced over at Izuku. "Thank you for coming, Mr. Midoriya," he added offhandedly.

"Hah? That's Hero Deku to you!" Katsuki said indignantly. 

"He was invited to talk about his experiences as Izuku Midoriya, not in a hero capacity," the man explained. 

"Shit. Then you better call me Mr. Bakugou because anything I'm going to talk about was before I became a hero. Ain't nothing heroic about being a bully," Katsuki said. 

"It's really amazing how much you've changed then. The kids are really fortunate to have you talk to them!" The man looked as though he had stars in his eyes. Izuku was a little peeved. He loved Katsuki with all his heart, but Izuku was the one who had experience being quirkless. He was feeling a little sidelined at his own gig.

"Izuku was the one who grew up quirkless so they're fortunate to have him, not me. I'm just here for moral support. And I'm going to stop speaking for him because he's right fucking here," Katsuki said, glaring at the man. 

"My apologies. I'm just a huge Dynamight fan so I got a little carried away. I'm quirkless myself, but my students don't really respect me. I wish I could help my two quirkless students more, but no matter what I say they keep getting bullied. I was hoping hearing from you two would help because everyone respects you both," the teacher said sheepishly. Izuku felt a little sympathy for the man. He was a quirkless teacher too, but his students respected him because of his past actions as a hero. 

"How would you like us to approach the topic?" Izuku asked, switching into teacher mode. 

"Just share your story. Uravity told me how you went from bully and victim to friends, and that's good to share with the kids. Hell, I wish I had a bully apologize to me and become my friend. God knows I needed one growing up," the teacher said, looking enviously at them both.

Izuku understood why he was so enamored with Katsuki now. Dynamight wasn't just a hero to him. He was the friend he wished he had growing up. Not many people who discriminate against the quirkless apologize. And even fewer befriend the person they hurt. 

After sharing their story with the kids, they spent some time with the two quirkless kids. They were the sweetest children who reminded Izuku of himself as a kid. Katsuki was so soft and gentle with them. Izuku assumed he was realizing how young Izuku had been when he had hurt him. After assuring each kid that they could come visit him at UA soon, they finally joined the teacher in the teacher's lounge. 

"That was amazing! Thank you both for coming! I really hope I see some positive change in my classroom," the teacher said excitedly. 

"It was really nice to talk to kids like me. I spent my whole childhood alone until high school so I hope that the other students try to include them," Izuku responded warmly. 

Before they walked out, the teacher pulled Katsuki aside. Izuku was still in earshot, but he looked through some emails on his phone, assuming that he just wanted an autograph. 

"Dynamight, would you go on a date with me? I know I'm quirkless so most people say no, but would you ever find it in your heart to date a quirkless person?" the teacher asked. Izuku's heart nearly stopped. He held his breath as he waited for Katsuki's answer. 

"Of course I would date someone who's quirkless," Katsuki exclaimed a little too loudly even though Izuku was still clearly within earshot. 

Izuku hated how jealous he was becoming these days. But it hurt that Katsuki was open to dating anyone that was quirkless, but not Izuku. That meant that there was some other reason he wouldn't date him, and Izuku didn't want to let his brain analyze that. So instead, he walked away. 

He really did hate that he'd become so jealous of anyone that Katsuki showed interest in. He wanted his love to be selfless. He wanted to be happy for Katsuki, even if they didn't end up together. Izuku took a deep breath in and when he exhaled, he tried to let go of these awful feelings. He would be supportive of Katsuki, even if it hurt. 

"Way to leave me behind, Deku!" Katsuki caught up to him and gave him a quizzical look.

"I didn't want to be in the way when he was asking you out!" Izuku explained. 

"So you heard that huh? What do you think?" Katsuki said, glancing at Izuku curiously.

"I think it's nice that you're going on a date, Kacchan. He seems nice," Izuku winced, hoping he didn't sound as awkward as he felt. 

"Why the fuck would I be going on a date with that extra?" Katsuki stopped on the sidewalk, looking incredulously at Izuku. 

"You said you would date a quirkless person!" Izuku stumbled and looked up at Katsuki who had turned around to face him. 

"Tch. I'm not fucking quirkist, but that doesn't mean I'm going to date some extra who's trying to guilt me into dating him by using his quirklessness. Plus, I'd never date anyone who's rude to you," Katsuki grumbled, looking Izuku dead in the eye. Izuku felt a small smile tugging at his lips. He almost wanted to confess to the man right then and there. Instead he pulled him into a hug. "Get off me nerd," Katsuki said as he wrapped his arms around Izuku even tighter.

Chapter Text

Katsuki fucking hated this godforsaken bar. He fucking hated having to see the whole class again. But most of all, he fucking hated how he couldn't keep his eyes off his pretty green-eyed nerd who rejected him the last time they were all together like this. 

Now Katsuki wasn't completely unreasonable. 

The conversations he'd had with Izuku in the last few weeks had shown him how much he hadn't considered when he made his offer. The frankly unhealthy amount of guilt and self-loathing Izuku was feeling was on the level of his own first year self. It broke his own shitty heart that Izuku believed he didn't deserve anything he wanted when that's all Katsuki had been trying to give him. 

So he tried to compartmentalize his own heartbreak and stop projecting that shit onto Izuku. He had been quick to assume that Izuku didn't want him. But Izuku was just denying himself anything he wanted, so maybe there was hope. 

"Fuck this shit," Katsuki muttered as he let his eyes leave Izuku. He loved his roommate, but he couldn't spend the whole night watching him. If Izuku ever figured out how soft he was for the freckled loser, it was game over for Katsuki. It was mind-boggling how pathetic he'd become. Younger Katsuki would be rolling in his grave.  

Shit. Too fucking soon. 

"Rody? What are you doing here? Oh my god!" Katsuki's hearing aids seemed to be tuned to the frequency of Izuku's squeaky voice at all times because he could hear that shit over the din of the bar. Katsuki's neck almost snapped with how quickly he turned to watch the Bird-Brained Bastard from their work-study mission saunter into the bar and throw his arms around his nerd. 

Katsuki was normally a very high-functioning angry person. He could live life with his undeniably godawful temper just fine. But this shit was not okay. Izuku was looking up at that bastard in awe, and the bastard had the nerve to give him a flirty look. 

The white hot flash of jealousy hit him hard, and he was stalking over to the group. He couldn't let some European extra make a move on his nerd. When Katsuki finally made it, Shitty Hair threw an arm over his shoulder. 

"Hey bro! Do you know Katsuki too?" Eijirou looked between them jovially, no thoughts under those shitty ass dark roots of his. 

"Hey Bakugou! How's it going? Yes, I met Bakugou and Todoroki, but Izuku and I were on the run together. We slept in a cave together one night. It was crazy!" Bird-Brain laughed and gave Shitty Hair a friendly pat on the shoulder. He hated this smarmy asshole so much. 

"What are you doing here?" Katsuki said rudely. 

"Kacchan!" Izuku gasped and gave him an affronted look as if him being rude was a novel occurrence. 

"Nah, Izuku it's chill. Man, Bakugou, never change!" He winked at Izuku, and Katsuki wanted to throttle his neck. "I'm in the air force and we have a mission here. I'm staying at the air force base nearby. But I needed to thank Midoriya Sensei in person for taking good care of my siblings in his class," the bastard said, as he gave Izuku a fond look. 

Katsuki had been waiting for Izuku to process all his guilt and grief, but maybe he needed to be more direct and confess before this asshole swooped in. He was about to ask Izuku if he wanted to head back home when Izuku turned to Bird-Brain. 

"Can I come check out the air force base? I've never been to one before!" Izuku was practically bouncing on his feet like a goddamn bunny. 

"Anything for you, Izuku. Come on!" Izuku blushed as the shithead led him out of the bar before Katsuki could even open his mouth. 

"That guy is so manly!" Shitty Hair said loudly. 

He fucking hated this godforsaken bar. 

Katsuki was sulking in bed when his phone rang. He only had one custom ringtone and it was for the cutest fucking man in the world. He perked up.

"Hey Deku! You need a ride back?" Katsuki said casually, like he hadn't been pathetically pining for him this whole time. 

"Hey Bakugou!" That wasn't Izuku. "Can you come get Izuku? He's just found out some rather distressing news and I think he needs you. I'll text you the address," Bird-Brain sounded a bit shaken. Katsuki's mind was spinning with possibilities of what could have happened. 

"Could you put him on the phone?" Katsuki bit his tongue so he didn't antagonize the guy.  

"His student died in a villain attack. They were able to revive him, but he's in intensive care. I don't want to assume, but I was worried this may hit a little close to home for you both," he said with a hushed voice, and Katsuki's blood ran cold. The ghostly feeling of laying on a cold ground with rain on his face made his body shiver.

"Shit. Yeah I'll come get him." Katsuki's brain filled with static. This was definitely the worst case scenario. Izuku loved those children like his own and he would find some way to blame himself. When he reached the base, his eyes immediately landed on Izuku, whose arms were wrapped around himself in an attempt to self-soothe Katsuki knew well. He was biting his lip like he was holding back tears. Bird Brain was rocking back and forth on his feet awkwardly, shooting worried looks at Izuku. 

"Thanks for coming, Bakugou," Bird Brain said with a sad smile. He hated having to play nice with one of the fuckers who gave Izuku lovesick looks, but this wasn't the time or place for his jealousy. Izuku was slightly trembling as Katsuki put his arm around him. He immediately curled into Katsuki's chest and sobbed over his heart. 

"Thanks," Katsuki said as politely as he could, maneuvering Izuku so they could walk to his car. The ride to the hospital was quiet except for the choked sobs Izuku let out. There was nothing Katsuki could say that would make this less agonizing for Izuku. Instead, he reached out and took one of Izuku's hands in his and kept their interlocked hands on the gearshift. 

When they reached the room, it was closed and a young girl was curled up in a chair outside the room in an even worse state than Izuku. 

"Sensei!" The girl threw her arms around Izuku, and like a fucking champ, Izuku stopped crying and began to gently pat the girl's head. "It's all my fault, Sensei. This is all my fault," she whispered. Katsuk felt awkward as fuck as he stood off to the side, watching Izuku immediately sit down so he could be at eye-level with his student. 

"Why do you think that, dear?" Izuku asked kindly, neither validating nor invalidating her feelings. Katsuki could now admit how much he admired that about Izuku. He always met people where they were at. Even when Katsuki was a shitty kid at Ground Beta, Izuku fought him because it's what Katsuki needed at that moment. 

"He pushed me out of the way and took the attack meant for me!" She collapsed into herself, as if finally telling someone had somewhat alleviated her burden. 

"Oh dear, that wasn't your fault. He chose to do that because he thought it was his best course of action, but that was still his decision. Let's try not to think about all that until much later when you two can have a conversation, okay? For now, let's hope for a quick recovery!" Izuku gave her his Hero Deku smile, and finally a small smile graced the poor girl's face. 

Katsuki's heart was beating faster though. He had been the one to tell Izuku that it was his decision to fight Shigaraki. Izuku was like this girl, wracked with guilt for a life he did not take. 

History seemed to repeat itself in the most fucked up ways. 

"I should have told him I loved him," the girl said with a small smile, looking up at Izuku. "I kept waiting because I didn't want to ruin our friendship, but what does that all matter now, right?" The girl looked so young, yet like she had seen some shit. It reminded Katsuki of how their whole class looked after the war. 

"You love him?" Izuku seemed taken aback. 

"Please don't tell him sensei. I'm going to confess as soon as he's better. Even if it's awkward for a bit, I think it's better that I'm direct with my feelings. I'll be brave like him!" The girl's tears had dried, and the smile on her face looked so much like Izuku's when he'd won a battle. Izuku glanced back to where Katsuki stood and smiled gently. 

"I may be your sensei, but sometimes you all are much wiser than I am," Izuku ruffled her blue pixie cut. The door to the room in front of them opened, and a short plump woman stepped out. She gave Izuku and the girl a wave to come in and shut the door behind them. 

Katsuki felt like an asshole just sitting there thinking about his own death when a child had almost died in the room in front of him. The thing is that sometimes it seemed like he'd never really left the battlefield, like his corpse was laying there while he floated through life like a disembodied spirit. Everyone had moved on. They saw Katsuki rise like a goddamn phoenix and no one stopped to think that maybe he carried the ashes of his fallen self with him. 

That was a lie because Izuku never moved on either. 

He could see it in the haunted look Izuku gave him at two in the morning when they both woke up from nightmares and bumped into each other in the kitchen. He could see it in the way Izuku would clutch at his wrist sometimes to feel his pulse. Everyone else may have moved on from his death, but Izuku was still on that battlefield with him. 

Before he could go down that shitty ass rabbit hole, his roommate came out of the hospital room beaming his Hero Deku smile until he turned around and immediately teared up. Katsuki couldn't get a word out of Izuku so he pulled a nurse to confirm that the boy would recover in a week. Then he made quick work of getting Izuku out of the hospital and back home. The poor guy looked like he was on the brink of an emotional breakdown. 

After leaving Izuku on the couch with his favorite Dynamight blanket and All Might cartoon, Katsuki whipped up some Katsudon as quickly as he could. Katsuki had never been able to find the right words, so he did what he could until Izuku's inevitably came spilling out. When he sat down next to Izuku, it looked like he might speak. 

"Eat first, nerd," Katsuki said, nudging him with his chopsticks. They ate in silence, but Izuku seemed to be quickly folding in on himself. Katsuki knew that whatever was bothering him was bound to come out. 

"It's all my fault Kacchan," Izuku cried out. He buried his face in his hands. Katsuki couldn't bear to see Izuku in so much pain so he pried his hands from his face and held them. 

"How the fuck is this your fault Deku? You weren't even there!" Katsuki didn't want Izuku to carry even more guilt with him. He wanted his nerd to live a happy guilt-free life.

"I was his favorite hero. He used to find old clips of me from high school. For our unit on quirklessness, he presented on the sludge villain attack and said that I demonstrated true heroism. He sacrificed himself because he was inspired by me," Izuku wailed, and Katsuki's heart broke. Even after saving the goddamn world, Izuku still believed the worst of himself.

"But that's not true, is it?" Katsuki curled a hand at the nape of Izuku's neck and held him close. He needed the nerd to understand this. "You're forgetting that you've been making sure to raise a generation of heroes that knows how to save without sacrificing themselves. You worked with the commission to change policies to protect kids on internships and work studies," Katsuki said, but Izuku looked unconvinced. 

"Then all my work has been for nothing?" Izuku asked in a small voice, and Katsuki knew he had to choose his next words very carefully. 

"Your work has made all the difference. I see it on the field every day. But, I'll tell you something, Izuku. When I first pushed you out of the way of Shigaraki's attack, my body moved on its own. No lectures or training would have stopped me because it was pure instinct. It took me a long time to figure out that I sacrificed myself for you because, under all that teenage angst, I cared about you so much Izuku. So if I had to guess, I'd say your student acted on instinct too," Katsuki spoke slowly, making sure he was communicating as clearly as he could. 

The truth was he was so fucking tired. He was tired of the miscommunications and the guilt and the regrets and the things left unsaid. He was going to confess his feelings directly just like the girl they met in the hospital. 

"God, I'm so in love with you, Kacchan!" Izuku burst out.

They stared at each other in stunned silence like a pair of goddamn idiots. Izuku pulled himself out of the trance first and sort of scurried back as far as he could go on the couch. Katsuki felt his chest swoop in joy as he chased after his nerd and caught his socked foot. 

"I confessed first, Deku!" Katsuki blurted out idiotically. Izuku stilled and tilted his head cutely with a confused look. "Remember when I asked you to join my agency? That was me confessing. I beat you fair and square!" Katsuki knew devolving into their rivalry was immature, but he couldn't help himself when it came to Izuku.

"Oh!" Izuku then bonked Katsuki on the head. "How the heck was I supposed to figure that out? I definitely won because I said I'm in love with you first!" Katsuki narrowed his eyes and then smirked when he knew what move he could pull. 

"Be my boyfriend?" Izuku glared at him, but nodded. He got a gleam in his eye as he leaned forward and kissed Katsuki gently on the lips. "Great. Let's just speedrun our relationship. Whoop-de-fucking-do!" Katsuki twirled his finger in the air as Izuku giggled and tried to kiss him more. "Hey, nerd, do you want to move in with me?" Izuku paused with a dumbfounded look on his face.

"Kacchan, we are literally roommates," Izuku said slowly, like Katsuki had been kissed dumb. 

"Idiot, we aren't just roommates. I asked you to be my boyfriend just now and you said yes! No take backs, asshole. That means you gotta move into my room and keep yours for all your nerdy shit. You'll have to get rid of your bed, okay?" Katsuki squished Izuku's cheeks and glared at his boyfriend. Suddenly, Izuku's eyes grew wide and he blinked up at Katsuki innocently. 

"Are you asking me to come to your bed?" Katsuki quickly released Izuku from his grip, surprised that his cute nerd could be such a minx. "Your bed is so comfy!" Izuku cheered. This man was a full-on dork and he loved him so much. Izuku giggled and sprinted to their bedroom, flopping onto the bed. Katsuki put one knee on the mattress and loomed over his boyfriend who looked up at him with the same adoration he had since he was a kid. 

Katsuki leaned down and gave Izuku a hard kiss, pouring all the affection that he had held back for years into it. Izuku pulled him down so they were laying right next to each other. Katsuki wrapped his arm around him and brought his other hand up to cup Izuku's freckled cheek. 

"Is it okay to be so happy right now?" Izuku whispered. Katsuki could see the guilt and conflict in his eyes. They had only returned from the hospital earlier that night after all.

"Izuku, you have the biggest capacity for emotions out of everyone we know. If you need to sit with your worry longer, do that. But, it's okay to be happy too. That doesn't mean you're not a good person. Sometimes, you can just let yourself feel," Katsuki said. Izuku's eyes softened and he snuggled up close to Katsuki.

"I love you so much, Kacchan. I'm so glad you're mine, all mine," Izuku said with a flash of his dimpled smile. There seemed to be a lot of weight behind the words he spoke.

Katsuki felt the same way though. He didn't have to feel jealous about random extras like Bird Brain flirting with Izuku anymore because Izuku was his now. The fact that Izuku's love made him feel so secure felt too surreal.

"Kiss me again so I know this is real!" Katsuki demanded, and Izuku laughed brightly, eagerly planting another kiss on Katsuki's lips as if it were as easy as breathing. "I love the shit out of you too, Izuku." Izuku's responding smile was radiant. 

Katsuki was the luckiest motherfucker on the goddamn planet.