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Louis has kind of been in a rut for the last thirty years of his life. He’s stuck in a boring job he hates but refuses to quit because, well, he needs the money. He needs the money because he lives with his best friend Niall who’s trying to make it as an actor (trying being the operative word). Niall’s an awesome roommate, sure, and sometimes they’ll get drunk together and invent stupid games and play foosball until they both pass out, but Niall apparently still doesn’t know that rent is kind of a monthly thing. So, there’s that. Louis’ also never been able to keep a relationship for longer than a few weeks (except for that one man with the nasally laugh who said ‘oh my god’ at least seven thousand times a day, but). Louis is, deep inside, a romantic at heart, and so it sucks that he’s thirty years old and single and living with another man whom he’s not even having sex with.
He does, however, have a pretty awesome group of friends. For someone who’s so cynical and sarcastic all the time, Louis definitely lucked out in that department. Harry and Zayn live right across the hall, which is very convenient at times considering the fact that Harry is a professional chef and Niall may as well be a professional eater. Zayn works for Ralph Lauren and is the epitome of tall, dark, and handsome. Louis kind of wants to kiss his cheekbones all the time, but Zayn and Liam have that whole epic ‘will they won’t they’ love story going on, and it’d be stupid for Louis to mess that up, especially because they’re both on the very short list of people Louis actually tolerates. It’s surprising that Liam is still on that list, actually, because he spends most of his time blubbering on and on about dinosaurs and sometimes Louis would rather be working at his dead-end job than listening to another one of Liam’s rants.
Unfortunately, however, today is not his day, because he’s currently on the couch in Central Perk and Liam is rehearsing –-notecards and all-- his upcoming lecture and honestly Louis is so bored out of his mind that he can’t even think of a joke to interrupt with. He should theoretically be at work because his lunch break is almost up to the four hour mark, but he also can’t find it in himself to care. Niall is off at some audition and Harry is sitting next to him sipping on his coffee and rolling his eyes every time Liam stops himself to start the lecture over because no that didn’t sound right did it and Louis is glad he’s not the only one suffering through this. Zayn, god help him, is reading a fashion magazine and pretending not to care about whatever the hell Liam’s babbling about now, but Louis sees that little quirk in his mouth and knows that Zayn would listen to Liam talk about dinosaurs for the rest of his life if it kept Liam happy.
Fortunately, Louis is not head-over-heels in love with Liam and can really leave whenever he wants to, so he nudges Harry and says, “Want to get out of here before we go extinct, too?” and Harry barks out a loud laugh and covers his mouth like he’s surprised that he made that sound, and it’s just. Louis absolutely loves making people laugh, but he loves making Harry laugh most because Harry’s entire face lights up and his whole body shakes with the force of it and, well, Harry laughs as if Louis is the funniest person on the entire planet, no matter how lame his jokes may get at times when he’s off his game, and Louis likes that.
He and Harry wave goodbye to Liam and Zayn and leave the coffee shop to head home. Harry wants to show Louis this amazing new organization system and so Louis dutifully follows him inside his apartment. Louis really should be heading back to work, but he’s been on his lunch break for five hours now, so what’s the point. If his boss wants to yell at him he’ll just tell him that Harry pleadingly looked at Louis with that face and the eyes and oh god the dimples, and Louis’ only human, so.
Harry is chattering on and on about his new way of organizing his CDs and Louis’ just wondering what’s even the point of organizing CDs. Louis likes not knowing what he’s going to listen to next, loves the spontaneity of it all, plus he can’t keep organized for shit, but Harry likes everything in alphabetical order by album name (or, now, in alphabetical order by album artist). Eventually Louis kind of tunes him out, because honestly this topic is about as interesting as Liam’s dinosaur lectures, and instead just looks at him. Harry’s face lights up when he’s passionate about something, like when he’s talking about how he’s going to clean the apartment or how he’s going to cook a new recipe, and it’s always a bit fascinating to Louis. Louis thinks that if he could have a job where he just got to look at Harry all the time, he’d be happy. He’d be out of his rut.
Because the thing is, Louis is a bit gone for Harry. He’s not sure when it happened, not sure how someone as bright and lovely and caring as Harry even came into his life, but. The thing is that Harry could have anyone he ever wanted, despite the fact that he’s a bit neurotic and a total control freak, because he’s just so beautiful and just so. Just so Harry. The thing is that Harry already had his epic love with that stupid optometrist Nicholas and his stupid mustache, and nobody gets to have two epic loves, right? The thing is that Louis is sarcastic and cynical and Harry is optimistic and he shines brighter than the sun and Louis doesn’t want his dark cloud of a life to overtake Harry’s light. The thing is that Louis doesn’t think he stands a chance when it comes to Harry.
So for the past few years, ever since Harry Styles came hurtling into his life all long gangly limbs and wild curly hair, he somehow convinced himself that it was okay, that he was quite content with just being best friends with Harry. And he is. But he’s also thirty years old and single and living with a man whom he’s not even having sex with and he’s just tired. He sees the way that Liam and Zayn have been dancing around each other for god knows how long, and he doesn’t want that. If for whatever reason Harry feels the same way, Louis wants to grab on as soon as possible and never let go.
The only problem is Louis still doesn’t know if Harry feels the same way. He’d like to think that Harry’s a little bit in love with him too, because Louis’ probably one of the only people who will actually come over on a Friday night to help Harry organize his closet (Louis tries to convince himself that this was a thing any platonic male friend would do, because his pride can only take so many hits) but he still can’t tell.
So he has decided to make a grand gesture, or whatever, to see once and for all if Harry feels the same. The only problem is Louis has absolutely no idea what kind of grand gesture to make. It’ll probably never top whatever stupid Nicholas and his stupid perfect mustache did to charm Harry with all of his money and mustache-ness, but still. He has to try. After he goes home tonight, he’s going to talk to Niall about how to properly woo someone.
Louis snaps back to the present when Harry says his name. “Yes?”
Harry gives him a knowing smile. “You weren’t paying attention to a single word I was saying, were you?”
Damn it. Ignoring him while he was talking was probably most definitely not the proper way to win him over. Shit. Louis is really bad at this. It’s no wonder he’s only had one boyfriend.
“I was definitely listening! You were talking about the CDs and organizing them by album name instead!” Louis hopes it was by album name.
“Album artist.” Of course. “Do you want to watch a movie instead?”
No. Louis does not want to watch a movie. He needs to go home right now to google ‘ways to win someone over after completely ignoring them while they were telling you about their new organization system’ but he also really wants to hang out with Harry, so. “Sure. Sounds like fun, Haz.”
Later that night, Louis comes home to find Niall eating a meatball sub at their kitchen counter. Louis’ only just really admitted to himself that he’s in love with Harry, and so he’s a bit nervous to blab his big secret to Niall, but Niall’s his best friend and he needs help.
“Hey, Ni. I’ve got to tell you something. And it may come a bit out of left field, but I really need your advice. I’m, erm, I’m sortakindainlovewithharry and I don’t know what to do about it.”
Niall just sits there, takes another bite out of his sub, and Louis fears that maybe Niall didn’t hear him and he’ll have to repeat it and oh god he’s so humiliated right now. He’s going to have to move to the North Pole or somewhere where nobody will ever find him.
“Oh, so you’ve finally figured it out then. Nice!”
…What? “Wait what?”
“Lou, I’ve known about your feelings for him for years now. You fucking light up or some shit whenever he comes into the room or laughs at one of your stupid jokes.”
“Hey! My jokes aren’t stupid!”
“Anyways. What’s the problem?”
“First of all, my jokes aren’t stupid! And, well, I need help wooing him. I need to make a grand gesture so that he knows that I love him. But dumb mustache Nicholas probably made all the best grand gestures when they were together. And my jokes aren’t stupid!”
“You don’t need to woo him, Louis. He loves you too. Just go up to him, tell him how you feel, and plant one on him.”
“I need grand gestures, Niall!”
“Fine. Send him a picture of your ass.”
“Niall!”
“What? It’s pretty grand.”
“You’re the least helpful person in the entire universe. I’m going to Liam’s.” Louis can’t confess his epic love to Harry with a picture of his ass. He needs something that will top Nicholas’ mustache. He needs fireworks and something that will go down in history as the most grand of all grand gestures, because Harry deserves nothing less.
But he’ll keep that ass picture idea as a backup plan.
“Liam! When you finally tell Zayn that you’re completely in love with him, how are you going to do it? Will it be a gondola ride in Venice? At the top of the Eiffel Tower? In Times Square when the ball drops on New Year's Eve?”
“What? Louis, what’s this all about?”
“I need an epic moment to tell Harry that I’m in love with him, and Niall was no help, and so I’ve come here, and my jokes aren’t stupid!”
“Ah, so you’ve finally realized you’re in love with Harry! Excellent! And I never said your jokes were stupid, although your joke earlier today about the extinction of dinosaurs was certainly in poor taste. It’s a tragic event, the elimination of the entire species, and-”
“Shut up, Liam! You can tell Zayn all about your precious dinosaurs later. I need to woo Harry! So tell me all about what you’ve planned to sweep Zayn off his feet!”
“Louis. There’s not going to be some grand to-do when we finally get together. Zayn and I are soulmates. We’re meant to be together. The timing’s been off these past few years, but that doesn’t change that fact. And one day, everything will just fall in to place. I don’t need Paris or Venice or New Year's Eve for that, I just need him. Harry won’t care when or where or even how you tell him that you love him, he’ll just care that you do love him.”
Does no one understand that Louis is competing with the past memories of perfect stupid optometrist Nicholas with the perfect stupid mustache? Honestly, Louis can’t just drag Harry into his crappy apartment and say how he feels, he just can’t.
“You’re as useless as Niall! I hate you all. I come to you guys for help with grand gestures and you give me ‘ass photos’ and ‘just let it happen’. I hope the entire dinosaur race comes back from extinction only to go extinct again!”
“Actually, the term 'race' would only apply to humankind. I think the word you meant to use was ‘species’. It’s a common mistake.”
“I hate you.”
Louis is sitting in Central Perk sipping on his coffee during hour three of his thirty minute lunch break. Harry’s sitting next to him flipping through a recipe book, and Zayn is on the other chair brooding because Liam had to go away to a paleontology conference earlier this morning. Louis still has no idea how to tell Harry he loves him.
“Hey, Zayn?” Maybe Zayn will be of more help than his other two worthless friends.
“Yeah, Lou?”
“How do you tell someone you’re in love with them? Like, how are you going to tell Liam that you want to have baby dinosaurs with him?”
“Wait, you’re in love with someone?” Louis glances over at Harry and sees his brows are furrowed and he looks a bit hurt, as if Louis really wouldn’t tell Harry that he was in love with someone, and wow Louis really sucks at this whole wooing thing.
“No, babe, it’s just a hypothetical question.” But Harry still looks a bit down so Louis moves his hand to rest on Harry’s knee and Harry’s frown edges up a bit at the corners.
“Hmm. I guess I never really thought about it. I mean, Liam and I have always been a sure thing. We’ve had our ups and downs, sure, but both of us know that we’ll be together one day. The timing’s just been off. But we’ll get it right, eventually.”
“Ugh. Liam said the same exact thing. You two are so useless.”
Zayn’s entire posture changes then as a huge smile overtakes his face. “Li said that?” Louis nods and he’s not sure whether what Liam said to him was sworn to bro-code secrecy or not, but Liam and Zayn deserve to be happy and if he’s the one who pushes them in that direction then so be it. At least they’ll be having sex. He might still be thirty years old and single and alone, but at least his friends will be happy.
Zayn gathers up his stuff and rushes out of the coffee shop, shouting back “I’ve got to go to Liam’s conference and tell him I love him! See you guys later!” and Louis guesses this is it, this is the moment where they finally become LiamandZayn. Louis’ happy for them, he really is, but he’s also still kind of hung up on the fact that there’s no LouisandHarry. Plus Louis is pretty sure that, even though they both said epic moments weren’t needed, hopping a plane out of state to go to a conference about dinosaurs to confess to Liam that he’s in love with him is pretty grand gesture-like. But he’ll let them keep thinking that they were simple and meant to be or whatever.
Harry nudges his arm once Zayn is completely out of sight. “Do you think you’ll ever get to be that gone for someone? Like, Zayn just basically volunteered to go listen to people even more boring than Liam talk about dinosaurs of all things, just so he could tell Liam he loves him. Do you think you’ll ever get to do that?”
And that’s a little too close to home, because for all that he’s trying to be mature and grown-up by actually confessing his feelings, he’s still not ready, not quite there yet. So he does his typical Louis thing and decides to hide behind his excellent wit and sarcasm. “Nah, young Harold, I’ll be an old spinster living above Liam and Zayn’s garage with my two cats and my knitting kit.”
Harry laughs at that, because Harry always laughs. “Where will I be in this scenario? Surely you can’t expect me and Niall to live somewhere without the three of you!”
“Of course I can, and don’t call me Shirley!” Louis is hilarious. And his jokes aren’t stupid, they’re not. Harry laughed at that one, and it doesn't matter that he laughs at everything. It doesn't. “Niall will of course be a famous movie star living in Hollywood and laughing at all of us and our ‘boring’ lives in the suburbs. You will be married to some dashing young gentleman and you’ll live next door to Liam and Zayn and you’ll have a dog and a white picket fence, and occasionally you’ll come visit me in my apartment over the garage and you’ll bring me breakfast in bed every morning.”
“Every morning! Won’t my ‘dashing young gentleman’ of a husband be awfully jealous that I’m crawling out of bed every day to see you?”
“Hmm… you’re probably right. No husband for you, then! You can just be my personal chef.”
Harry laughs and cuddles up to Louis even more, if it’s possible, and nuzzles his entire face in his neck. Louis feels every inch of him, smells the strawberry scent of shampoo in his hair, and it’s getting really hard to control his body’s reaction to Harry’s proximity and so he starts thinking about dinosaurs to calm himself down. But he’s got an armful of Harry and everything is Harry Harry Harry but none of it’s his and isn’t that just a metaphor for his entire fucking life.
Liam and Zayn return from the conference all beaming smiles and twinkling eyes. They hold hands and stay wrapped up in each other almost all the time now. It’s disgustingly sweet. It really makes Louis want to punch Harry in the face for being such an oblivious fuck. Because Liam and Zayn somehow both knew that they were soulmates, and Louis’ found his stupid soulmate in the form of a clumsy tall and lanky man who is also apparently the most dense of all men in the entire world. Why does Louis have to do this grand gesture? Why can’t Harry just turn to him one day down in the coffee shop and say “Hey, I’m sort of in love with you, and I know you are in love with me too, so let’s date.” That’d make Louis’ life so much easier.
Louis’ only idea is Niall’s original plan of sending a picture of his ass to Harry. And he knows his ass is fantastic, but Harry is so oblivious he’d probably think that Louis was joking around. What Louis needs is a bright neon colored sign or a message written by a plane across the sky that says “I LOVE YOU, YOU DUMB FUCK!” but he’s not sure that’s the most romantic thing in the world, so.
Louis thinks about what Harry really loves, which is basically organizing and cooking. Louis needs to incorporate that into his plan. (Louis bets Nicholas’s stupid mustache wouldn’t have thought of this!)
Harry turns to him then, “What’d you say?”
“I didn’t say anything.” Shit. Did he say something out loud? Oh god. He’s going to have to flee the country and go live in Antarctica with a friendly polar bear named Ned.
“You were mumbling about mustaches.”
Niall gets this look on his face, like he finally figured something out, and starts cracking up. “Oh…my…god. That’s why you’ve been trying to grow a mustache! I get it now! This is classic!”
Harry looks confused as can be and Louis is, for once, very grateful for how oblivious he is at times. “Niall, shut up, I’ve not been growing a mustache! I’m growing out all my facial hair because people who only have mustaches look stupid! Mustaches in general are stupid!” and god, can’t his friends let him have any dignity? Harry is apparently attracted to successful men with a certain sort of facial hair, and Louis is semi-successful so he thought the facial hair couldn’t hurt his case.
He really hates how far he has fallen.
Louis is in Harry’s apartment baking him a cake. Louis’ thought it all out, and it’s going to be perfect. He’s going to clean Harry’s entire apartment, because Harry loves clean and organized things. He’s also going to bake him a cake that says “DATE ME, PLEASE” because that’s short and to the point and not even Harry could misread that message. Louis’ incorporated the help of Liam and Zayn, who are currently distracting Harry at the movies. Louis secretly hopes Liam has taken him to a documentary on dinosaurs, because that’s what Harry deserves for being the densest person alive. Honestly, if Liam and Zayn and Niall could tell that Louis’ in love with Harry, then there’s no excuse for Harry not to know that Louis’ in love with Harry. Even if he hasn’t told him. Yet.
The cake’s in the oven and the apartment is halfway cleaned when Louis encounters a big problem. He doesn’t exactly remember where everything in the apartment goes, and he moved everything around so he could clean it all properly. But that’s okay, right? This isn’t going to totally ruin everything. Oh god, what if it totally ruins everything? What if Harry comes home and sees that his couch is a foot to the left and he freaks out and blames Louis? Louis is going to have to move to the middle of the ocean and become friends with fish instead of humans.
The oven beeping draws him out of his frantic reorganization. He pulls the cake out of the oven and sighs in relief, because at least one thing is going okay. The cake looks perfect. He ices it and writes in bright pink frosting (because bright pink frosting is the only kind Harry had, for whatever reason) ‘DATE ME, PLEASE!’ and he sets it on the dining room table. It looks perfect. Louis thinks that it’s the most perfect cake that was ever baked in the history of ever. He finishes putting the furniture back and then heads over to his own apartment to shower and get ready to knock Harry Styles off his feet.
He returns to Harry’s apartment later to set up candles and such and finds Niall eating a piece of cake. A piece of cake from his most perfect of all the perfect cakes. Louis runs over to the table and finds that his declaration of love cake now says ‘ATE ME, PLEASE!’ and really, how is this is life. It took forever for him to think of the perfect plan to woo Harry and he finally thought of it and he spent all this time baking this cake and cleaning the apartment and now Harry’s going to come back to find his apartment ruined and a cake that is basically telling him he should maybe be into cannibalism.
But Louis is just so beyond done that he can’t even bring it in himself to yell at Niall. He just, he can’t believe that all of his planning will be for nothing. “Niall, go back to our place, please.” Niall leaves, taking his piece of the cake with him, and after Louis closes the door he just falls to the ground and lays there, face first, and contemplates how he got here. He’s thirty years old and single and living with a man who has just eaten his grand profession of love cake. He’s thirty years old and single and tonight was going to be the night he was going to change all that, the night he finally got over all his fears and told Harry he was completely in love with him, but now he’s lying on the floor with a ruined cake and god damn it he can’t even grow a mustache!
Harry enters the apartment some time later and almost trips over Louis on his way to the couch. “Uhm…Lou? What’re you doing on my floor?”
And sure, Louis has spent countless hours thinking of every possible way to tell Harry that he loves him without ever having to say it to his face. His cake was simple and short and to-the-point, so Louis wouldn’t have had to say much, but. Louis’ tired. He’s so tired of this and he doesn’t want to hold it in anymore, doesn’t want to have it get to the point where he has to travel across the country to a dinosaur conference just to tell Harry he’s in love with him.
“I’m lying on your floor because I’m completely in love with you.” There, he’s said it. The universe can be happy.
Only Harry isn’t saying anything, and shit. Louis never really thought about what he’d do if Harry rejected him. He hears Harry open the door and leave the apartment, and now he kind of wants to curl up into a ball and die because this isn’t how it was supposed to turn out. His eyes start stinging but he doesn’t want to cry, not here, not like this, and so he hauls himself off the floor and dejectedly walks over to his own apartment.
When he opens his door, he finds one Harry Styles lying face down on his kitchen floor. “What are you doing, Harry?” Louis is tired and sad and nothing is going as planned and he kind of wants to go to his room and cry in peace.
“I’m lying on your floor, Louis Tomlinson, because I’m completely in love with you too!” and just, what?
Louis is loud and he never stops talking but in this moment his mind is completely blank and he’s pretty sure he has stopped breathing.
“Uhm.” Uhm. Honestly, he should be a poet.
“I love you too, you idiot. How could I not?”
“How could you not? Because I’ve got a boring job and a boring life and I don’t keep anything organized and I’m shit at cooking and I’m sarcastic all the time and I’m shit at communication and I ruined your entire apartment while trying to clean it in some messed up version of a grand gesture and I baked you a cake to ask you to date me but Niall ate some of it so that it says ‘ATE ME PLEASE’ and now you think I’m a cannibal and I can’t even grow a mustache!”
Harry’s still lying down on the floor and Louis is breathing heavily from his stupid speech and god, it wasn’t even heartfelt he just word vomited all over the place. Harry rolls over, grabs Louis’s hands, and pulls him down to his kitchen floor with him. He smiles down at him and Louis feels like he’s staring into the sun.
“You baked me a cake?”
“Well, I tried to bake you a cake. Niall ate the message.”
“You cleaned my apartment?”
“Well, I tried to clean your apartment. But I forgot where everything went and now nothing fits and please don’t be angry!”
Harry just smiles a bit wider and a bit brighter. “You’ve been trying to grow a mustache for me?”
And well, Louis has no dignity or pride left, at all, so why the hell not. “Yes, I tried to grow a mustache because stupid Nicholas had one and you loved him and he was a doctor and he probably made much better grand gestures than me!”
Harry laughs at that, long and loud. “I’m in love with you, Louis, not Nick. I broke up with Nick when he wanted to get more serious because I wanted to be with you. I didn’t think you felt the same way, but still. I couldn’t be with him when I was constantly thinking about you. I’m in love with you, Louis, because you’re caring and you’re smart and you’re the funniest person I’ve ever met, and you make me happy. And mustaches are stupid, by the way, and I told Nick that every day but he thought it made him look elegant or some shit.”
Louis is smiling so wide his cheekbones are starting to hurt. He’s lying on the floor of a dirty kitchen in a crappy apartment in New York City, but there’s no where he’d rather be. Harry leans down and kisses him, and it tastes like popcorn from the movies and a little bit like chapstick and a whole lot like Harry. Harry pulls back and beams down at him, and oh. He’s got that look on his face, the one he gets when he’s talking about cleaning or organizing or cooking, but he’s got it right now because he's looking at Louis, and Louis thinks that maybe he’s the one who's been oblivious this whole time.