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Moiraine had thought this day would never come.
Damodreds do not deserve love, they say—it is something reserved for heroes in fairytales, not the cowards whose bloodstained dynasty has left a stain on the world, forever known for their sins.
In all of her sixteen years before coming to the White Tower, the visions in her dreams would always start the same: her own dead body—the Sun Queen, slumped over on the Avendoraldera throne that her uncle had carved out; crushed beneath the invisible weight and poison of her family’s ruthless reign. The crown on her head glints uncaringly atop its bearer.
Moiraine had grown up believing that she would meet this fate one day, and had spent her entire childhood preparing herself for it.
That is, until Siuan—sweet, kind, beautiful Siuan that Moiraine can hardly believe is hers.
It is Lovers’ Day, and Moiraine has already gotten out of bed well before the sun was up. The sky is still pitch black outside, their room freezing cold as winter makes its final mark before departing.
She had barely slept a wink the night prior, Siuan’s usually comforting presence in her arms was a stifling weight as her mind replayed the plan a thousand times over. Moiraine’s body felt like it was aflame the entire night; she tried to keep still, burying her nose in Siuan’s soft curls and inhaling her scent as she willed back the anxiety threatening to spill over.
The light burn her, she really is going to do this, isn’t she?
Leaving a still-sound-asleep Siuan with a light kiss on her cheek, Moiraine quietly slips back into her room and gets changed. As much as she enjoys her new life in the Tower for all that it brings, it is times like these that make her miss the Sun Palace just a twinge. Putting her plain Novice dress on, she secretly wishes the reflection staring back at her was in the finest silks Cairhien could offer instead.
For the past year that they have been together—as lovers, not pillowfriends; how Moiraine despises the word!—Siuan could not care less that Moiraine was a noble, tied to a notorious house with an entire nation and several estates back in Cairhien all waiting for her to come back to.
She cares even less that Moiraine is a Damodred—next in line for their throne. To her, she is just Moiraine, the once shy, closed-off girl whom she managed to coax out of her shell with her endless patience.
For a selfish moment, Moiraine wonders if Siuan’s opinion of her would be different if they had met in Cairhien, and Siuan was instead standing in front of an heiress. Would she like Moiraine better if she was dolled up? Or would she look at her with disdain, knowing where her wealth came from?
No matter, she interrupts herself with a quick shake of the head, trying to dissipate the looming self-deprecation.
There is no time for rumination—she has a girl to impress.
After applying some rouge to her cheeks and giving herself a once-over in the mirror, Moiraine reaches a hand inside her dress pocket and feels for a small package wrapped in fabric. Gently running her fingers over the soft texture, she’s relieved to find that it’s still there—the biggest part of her plan.
Moiraine had snuck out one night to have two matching rings made by the best jeweller she could find in Tar Valon, each carved with a sun and moon motif. She must have thought this a thousand times over before finally deciding on the design: a small white gem adorns each of their centres, alongside an Old Tongue engraving that she cannot wait for Siuan to see. As the Novice Handbook disallows students of the Tower to wear visible jewelry, she also made sure to purchase two silver chains to slip the rings onto.
Giddy with excitement and trepidation, she walks over to her closet and pulls out a wicker basket filled to the brim with bread rolls, fruits, cheeses, and a small apple tart—her favourite Cairhienin dessert—all kept fresh by a simple weave.
It is always difficult to hide things from Siuan, attached at the hips as they are, but Alanna had let her use the oven while she was on kitchen duty and Siuan stuck in her Advanced Old Tongue class. By some miracle, Moiraine managed to bake a fairly decent tart and not burn down the kitchen with minimal assistance from her friend.
Once she’s made sure everything is ready, Moiraine carefully returns to Siuan’s room to find the other girl already stirring awake. Setting the basket down by the door, she walks over and kneels down next to their bed, where Siuan is looking up at her, eyes barely open.
“Good morning, love,” Moiraine coos, a soft smile tugging at the corners of her lips. She gently reaches out to tuck away a stray curl that had fallen out of Siuan's silk scarf during the night.
For a second, Moiraine let herself bathe in the attention from Siuan's chocolate gaze—coating her with such warmth it can almost chase away the late winter chill. Leaning close to place a lingering kiss on her temple, Moiraine continues, her voice barely above a murmur.
“I apologise for waking you so early, but there is… something I would like you to see.”
“Morning to you too, pufferfish.” Siuan replies, her words small, accompanied by a soft grunt. She stretches and pulls herself up to a sitting position on the bed, looking slightly worried at the sudden change in their schedule. Normally, they would still be wrapped around each other at this hour, huddled underneath the comforter to keep the cold at bay.
“Is everything alright?” She asks, slight hesitation tinting her voice, brows creased. “Is something wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong, I promise.” Moiraine quickly replies, raising a hand to grasp Siuan’s and rubbing small circles against her soft skin.
She inwardly winces. If only she had planned her words a tad more carefully, so as not to alarm Siuan first thing in the morning.
“I… have something planned for us, that I would like to take you to. Will you let me?” She amends.
A few seconds pass. Doubt is beginning to set in again, and Moiraine casts her gaze down onto the floor, her long hair cascading down her face like a protective curtain.
Fool. Idiot. What makes you think she would want to—
“Moiraine,” She hears Siuan chuckle before lifting her chin up to give her lips a soft peck; and another one for good measure. One of her hands trails up to cup Moiraine's cheek, and Moiraine cannot help but stare into Siuan's eyes—placing her hand atop of Siuan's.
“You silly octopus.” Siuan says.
“Of course I would. I would follow you to the ends of the universe if you’d let me.” Mouth curved up in an affectionate smile, she pulls closer and gently rubs the tip of her nose against Moiraine’s. Then, not letting her get a word of protest in, Siuan hops off the bed, rushing towards the wardrobe in two strides.
As Siuan tugs her nightdress up and off her body, Moiraine quickly feels a jolt of red heat up her spine, settling itself on the apples of her cheeks. Half-running, half stumbling out of the room with her picnic basket in tow, she quickly stammers—already reaching for the doorknob.
Why am I acting as if we have never been intimate before? Oh, Light!
“Take your time. I—I will wait for you right outside the door.” She exclaims, barely keeping her voice from cracking at the end. Not waiting for an answer from Siuan, she slams the door close—with a tad more force than necessary.
The fresh spring chill is what greets them as soon as they approach their usual spot by the riverbank, just outside the Tower premises. Laying a small quilt down on the grass and nudging Siuan into a comfortable sitting position, her back against a large tree trunk, Moiraine quickly gets to work setting the picnic up.
“Light, love, where did you get so much food from?” Siuan asks, tone amused as she watches Moiraine pull one foodstuff after another out of the basket. Fetching a dried fig and taking a bite, she raises a brow before continuing. “Please don't tell me you stole it from the kitchens.”
“I did not!” Moiraine retorts, slightly defensive. Once she is happy with the spread, she grabs a slice of bread and cheese—scooting closer to Siuan to lay her head on the other girl’s shoulder. Closing her eyes, she nuzzles her face in Siuan's neck, breathing in her earthy, sea salt scent as they both munch away at their early breakfast.
Embarrassed at her sudden bristling, Moiraine clears her throat, keeping her tone light before continuing. “Well, I did not steal anything. Alanna did—in exchange for me taking over her kitchen duties for a month.”
This causes Siuan to burst into raucous laughter, and Moiraine’s cheeks to start reddening again, bashful. Burn her pale skin, she must look like a ripe tomato right now!
“She was more than willing to help me stash it away, if it means she can watch the Warders-in-training uninterrupted for a while.” She mumbles.
“Oh, Moiraine,” When Siuan's laughter has simmered down into a soft chuckle, she places a butterfly-soft kiss on Moiraine’s forehead, nails lightly scratching at the skin of her nape. She hums.
“While I am very honoured you would commit such a crime for me, I will not let you bear that punishment alone.” Siuan says, her voice laced with tenderness.
“Hmm… Sure… I hope you will not distract me then, since I would prefer not to be yelled at by Laras.” Moiraine mutters.
The excitement that had buzzed through Moiraine's veins the night before has by now calmed down into a quiet hum, and she feels her eyelids get heavier with each breath. It does not help that Siuan is humming a soft Tairen tune as well—one she has used to help Moiraine fall asleep before—which sends soft vibrations throughout her body and lures her further into a catnap.
Minutes pass without either of them saying a word. Siuan continues her ministration, her fingers against Moiraine's neck calming, coupled with the melodic sounds of early birds welcoming a new day. In front of them, the Erinin gently flows, its water laps rhythmically over the rocks—creating a soft melody.
If Moiraine gives into her urge to relax her limbs, lay across Siuan's lap, and catch a little break now, it would not sound half bad.
Suddenly remembering the rest of her surprise, though, she opens her eyes and sits up straighter at a rather abrupt speed—her movement jolting Siuan slightly. Feeling Siuan's surprised stare on her now, Moiraine—in the calmest manner she could muster—reaches inside the basket to pull out the tart, already cut up into slices and wrapped in beeswax.
“I also baked you something.” She says, trying hard to keep the stiffness she feels from seeping into her voice and ruining her plan.
Handing a slice over to Siuan along with a small fork (also pilfered from the kitchens), she lets her hands fall onto her lap—gaze trailing from Siuan's outstretched arm and up to her full lips, then into her brown eyes.
“It is a Cairhienin tart, made from stewed apples and cinnamon. I often had it for dessert on special occasions, and can still recall how the entire Palace kitchen would be enveloped in a sweet scent for hours after. I remember how Anvaere would…”
Moiraine's train of thought is interrupted as she watches Siuan take a bite of the pastry. It is a challenge to keep her eyes on Siuan's, as Moiraine cannot help but wonder how it would feel like to lick the sticky honey taste off of her lips.
Luckily for Moiraine, it does not look like Siuan is paying full attention to her, as her eyes are promptly squeezed shut, savouring the new taste. Then, Siuan lets out a noise that can only be described as half erotic, half delighted as her tongue juts out to lick at a stray crumb at the corner of her mouth. This only serves to cause Moiraine's already rosy cheeks to turn a deeper shade of red; she is sure a tomato would be jealous of how ripe she must look right now.
The heat travels downwards to the space between her legs, and she clutches hard at the fabric of her skirt, thankful that Siuan's eyes are still yet to open. Then, her lips break into a bright smile, dimples showing through smooth cheeks as she finally opens her eyes again to regard Moiraine.
“Burn me! Pufferfish, you never told me you were so good at baking!” Siuan exclaims, her voice coated in genuine joy.
Not knowing what a flustered wreck she’s turned Moiraine into, Siuan has now moved on to licking some honey off her fingertips, soft moans escaping her lips again. All the while, Moiraine's body feels like it is stuck in a trance, her throat goes dry and all she can do is stare straight at Siuan—eyes locked onto the way the digits are caught between her plump lips.
Light, she is in deep, isn't she?
“I would not necessarily call it a talent, as this recipe is quite easy to master.” Moiraine finally manages to murmur. “But I would bake it for you every day, should you wish.”
At this, Siuan draws closer with a pleased smile, lips pressing against Moiraine’s in a chaste kiss.
“Thank you, that’s very sweet.” Siuan whispers.
They are due back at the Tower for chores anytime now, and Moiraine knows that it is the perfect moment for her final surprise when the sky starts lightening up; pitch black making way for a mixture of pink and orange.
Moiraine and Siuan are sitting side by side, pressed up so close to each other that one can’t tell where Siuan ends and she begins. Their hands are intertwined, resting on Moiraine’s lap, and Siuan’s eyes are so soft when she turns to look at her.
This is it, Moiraine thinks. It is now or never.
Reaching into her pocket again for the necklaces—this time to ground herself rather than to check that they're still there—she takes a deep breath and squeezes Siuan’s hand once, twice, unsure of how to start.
Light, she is terrified.
Moiraine opens her mouth and lets out a shaky breath, then promptly renders it shut—jaw starting to quiver from how much she wants to burst into tears. Her eyes burn. The air around her suddenly feels thicker, wrapping itself around her throat like a ring of spikes.
Her entire body is screaming at her that this is a bad idea, that she should run away back to Cairhien, take the damned throne, and never look back. Yet, sitting here with Siuan, she had never been more certain about anything than what she is about to confess.
As though sensing Moiraine’s inner turmoil, Siuan frowns and gently traces tiny circles on the back of her hand. Lifting it up to her mouth, she plants a soft kiss and soothing words, whispered against her skin. Her full attention is on Moiraine now.
Swallowing nervously, Moiraine’s grasp on Siuan's hand tightens, as if it’s the only lifeline she has ever known. In some ways, Siuan is exactly that for Moiraine—her lodestar. The words stumble out of her mouth before she can rein them back in; her voice shaky.
“All my life, I had always been adamant that there is only one path for a Damodred—where I was born for the throne and would die for it,” She starts, feeling her eyes start to burn and lips tremble.
Opening her palm to reveal the matching promise rings, she untangles the chains from each other before ushering Siuan to turn around, sweeping the dark curls away from her neck to clasp the sun-engraved pendant around her soft skin.
“I had accepted my fate as a political pawn for the Sun Throne, but having met you, I am not so sure I would not go down without a fight anymore,” Moiraine's voice quivers at this as she wetly chuckles. She feels ridiculous for being so emotional, but one look at Siuan's face—eyes equally as glassy—tells her that she's not the only person feeling this way.
“I love you, Siuan Sanche. Like the sun, you burn so bright that I cannot help but drown myself in your light—every waking moment. No matter what happens to us, no matter where this life takes me, this is my promise that one day, we will have that hut by the river that you dream of, together. Happy Lovers’ Day, dearest.”
Tears are rolling freely down Moiraine’s cheeks now, some droplets falling onto the skirt of her dress and forming small dark patches. Yet, she feels like the weight of the world has been lifted off her back, finally being able to verbalise how much she adores Siuan, and how thankful she is that the Wheel had brought them together.
For a second, silence is what surrounds them both. Save for the leaves rustling above their heads and the birds starting their morning song, Siuan is stock-still, mouth agape.
Did Moiraine say something wrong? Does Siuan not feel the same way about her? Ground swallow me whole—
Moiraine opens her mouth, an apology at the tip of her tongue before she feels her back hit the quilt with a soft thud.
Siuan lands on top of her, legs pressed up against either side of her hips, hands bracketing her head. She leans closer to Moiraine and drinks in the ocean blue of her eyes, and after an excruciatingly long moment, finally captures her lips in a hungry kiss.
Moiraine savours the weight of Siuan's body on top of hers as her hands trail up to grasp at Siuan's waist, languidly kneading the soft skin there, kissing her back. Siuan sighs into her mouth, which only causes Moiraine's grip more tightly onto her, pressing their body impossibly closer together.
After what feels like hours, Siuan breaks the kiss, sitting up to straddle Moiraine's hips. She laughs, cheeks flushed, and Moiraine wishes she can bottle the sound up and keep it with her forever.
“Who would've thought the Lady Damodred would be such a romantic?” With a fond smile, Siuan cups Moiraine's cheek, and Moiraine cannot help but lean into it, placing a featherlight peck on her calloused palm. She looks up at Siuan, admiring the way the morning sun surrounds her like a halo.
By the Light, she looks divine.
“Only for you.” Moiraine purrs.
Siuan giggles, and rewards her with a peck on her cheek. “My love.”
Another kiss follows on her forehead, then her temple. “I love you more. Thank you for doing this for me.” Siuan coos, lips hovering close to the reddened tip of her ear. She presses one last kiss there before climbing off of Moiraine, settling back down on the blanket. Looking down at the pendant on her chest, she pauses, taking in the Old Tongue quote etched there.
“In this life, and the next.” Hearing Siuan read it aloud does something to Moiraine’s heart. She can feel it hammering against the cage of her chest, her stomach turns as the butterflies threaten to break free. She shyly nods and sits up next to Siuan, unable to say much else.
“Yes, yes. In this life, and every life after—I will find you. I’m yours, Moiraine Damodred. Happy Lovers’ Day.” Siuan breathes out.
They snuggle up against each other again—like two magnets, their bodies cannot help but crave closeness. Siuan reaches for Moiraine’s hand and gently pries it open, examining the locket still sitting in her palm.
“We’re matching.”
“Yes.” Moiraine responds, barely audible. “Siuan, you make me happy beyond belief. You consume my every living thought, from the moment I wake up next to you in the morning, to the second before I close my eyes with you in my arms. I am not sure what I have done to deserve you, but Light, I never want to leave your orbit.”
She kisses Siuan’s lips again before reluctantly pulling away. The sun is high up in the sky now—rich orange making way for clear blue—and they are due for chores and lessons soon.
Haphazardly tossing the rest of their food into the basket—she will deal with them later—she stands, offering a hand to help Siuan up. Not wanting their date to end just yet, she wraps her arms around Siuan’s waist and pulls her in for a quick hug, resting her forehead on her shoulder blade.
“I also prepared something for you. But, you’ll have to wait until tonight to see it.” Siuan says, her voice a teasing lilt.
Moiraine barely contains a whine. She does not have to look at Siuan’s face to know how smug the other girl must feel right now.
Burn her! Today will be torturous to get through.