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"Hey, can you come out back with me? There's something I wanna tell you."
That's what Akito had said to her backstage. They had just finished their event, Rad Blast, the one they had been practicing for for so long, to realize their dreams of surpassing Rad Weekend. They finally did it.
And yet, it seemed that Akito's joy lasted only a few moments before his face turned serious, which An thought was pretty weird. Surpassing Rad Weekend had been Akito's dream since the two of them first met in middle school, so why did it seem like he had something else on his mind?
Well, guess I'm about to find out, An thinks to herself as she walks out to the back of the venue. Everyone else had already gone home for the evening, being tired after the rush of adrenaline wore off, and An assumed this would be a good time to find Akito.
And there he was, sitting down on the steps, head in hands as if deep in thought. He quickly snapped out of it and looked up when he saw that An had come. "Hey."
"Hey yourself," the girl responded with a smile as she took a seat on the steps next to him. "So what'd you want to talk about?"
Akito looked at her for a couple of seconds, before looking at his shoes, shaking his head, and then looking back her again. He took a deep breath before he spoke up. "There's something I have to tell you, and I don't know how to go about it, and I also know you can't shut up to save your life, but please, can you not say anything until I'm finished?"
An was intrigued. Akito was always so serious, it's rare to see him be so vulnerable for once. Though her first instinct was to tease him, she quickly decided against it. Clearly, this was important to Akito, and he had helped her more times that she could count since they started working together, so she resigned to wordlessly nodding her head in response.
Akito breathed a sigh of relief before looking back at his feet. He cleared his throat and spoke up. "An, there's something I've been meaning to tell you for a while now. But I couldn't."
"Why not?"
Akito quickly turned to glare at her, reminding her of the promise she made just seconds ago. An quickly covered her mouth with her hands before nodding at the boy to continue.
He sighed, now looking at the wall across from them. "Because I couldn't let anything be a distraction between you and surpassing Rad Weekend. Or me, for that matter. We've both given up so much for our shared dream, I couldn't let any of that go to waste. But now, we've done it. We made our dreams a reality. and I promised myself that when we surpassed Rad Weekend, that was when I would tell you."
When Mizuki and Haruka heard about this, much after the fact, they would both laugh out loud at how dense An was to not have seen what happened next coming from a mile away. But after spending so many years pushing away and not allowing herself to feel any emotion that wasn't happiness, she had a skewed up sense of emotions that could probably only be rivaled by Touya's naivety.
Akito suddenly turned his head to look at her, before he finally spoke up. "An, I like you. I like you a lot, as more than a friend. I'm sorry if this is unexpected for you, but I wanted to finally get it off my chest, and you deserve to know as well."
A few moments of silence passed between them. Then a couple more. Then a whole minute.
After what felt like an eternity to both parties, an awkward smile appeared on the girl's face. "Good one. That was funny."
"It's not a joke."
An looked in the boy's eyes but saw no hint of the mischievous glimmer he usually had when he was teasing her. Instead, his eyes were filled with seriousness, and something else that An couldn't name.
"... Since when?"
"Since the first time I ever saw you singing in the street."
Since middle school?! Okay, this is crazy. There is no way this isn't some kind of elaborate prank to get a reaction out of her. It has to be.
"Stop joking."
"Does it look like I'm joking to you?"
"No, but it sounds like it. There's no way that you actually like me like that."
Akito had an unreadable expression on his face for a few seconds before a determined look appeared in its place. "What do I have to do to get you to believe me?"
Now it was An's turn to be confused. What does he have to do? Is there anything he can do that would make her believe the ridiculous things he's been saying to her?
An wasn't necessarily known for her tact, she often said the first thing that came to her mind, not really thinking about what it could actually mean or the consequences of it. However, just this once, it would've been nice if she hadn't said the first thing that came to her mind, but maybe the second or the third.
"Kiss me."
"... Excuse me?"
"Kiss me," the girl repeated, not one shred of doubt in her voice. "See, you're not gonna do it, because it's just gonna make things awkward betwe— mmh!"
She was interrupted by Akito grabbing her chin and putting his lips on her's.
Oh. My. God. He actually did it! Now what? I don't know even how to kiss!
Despite the onslaught of thoughts that initially ran through her mind, she ended up relaxing into the kiss a few seconds later. Akito was soft and gentle, unlike his usual personality, and An found herself smiling, glad to be able to see Akito being this vulnerable.
Feeling An's smile against his lips, the corner of Akito's mouth tilted upward, and An thought her mind was going to go into overdrive.
Whatever moment of bliss the two were having, however, was short lived, due to the sinking feeling that manifested in An's stomach just moments later.
I can't lose him. Not like this.
Suddenly feeling like she was suffocating, she abruptly pulled back from the kiss, trying to regulate her breathing.
Akito quickly overcame his own shock to put a hand on the girl's arm in support. "An? Are you okay?"
An couldn't find the words to explain her feelings, so she could only shake her head and stand up. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." was the only thing that came out of her mouth as she started running away; from Akito, from whatever just happened between them, and from herself.
×××××
It was after hours, Crase Cafe had closed for the day hours ago, and Meiko was drying the last of the plates, humming along to the tune on the radio, when Akito ran in, out of breath.
"Akito? What brings you here at this hour?"
"Meiko," the boy responded between deep breaths. "Have you seen An tonight?"
The older woman shook her head, furrowing her eyebrows. "I believe I felt her presence enter the sekai not too long ago, but she didn't come into the cafe, so I assumed she might want some time alone. Did something happen?"
"Fuck," the boy cursed under his breath, dragging his hand through his hair in frustration. "I screwed up, Meiko. I did something I shouldn't have, and I think I might've ruined whatever relationship we had. if An comes in here, can you tell her I'm looking for her? I need to apologize for everything."
"Of course I can," Meiko assured him. "But whatever you did, I'm sure it wasn't as bad as you think."
Akito could only shake his head as he turned around and ran back out of the cafe.
Once Meiko had confirmed the boy had disappeared into one of the many alleys of the sekai, she spoke up. "Do you want to tell me what that was about?"
Next to her behind the counter was An, who was sitting on the floor in an effort to hide herself from any visitors. At Meiko's words she put her hand in her face, groaning.
Meiko put the plate away and sat down on the floor next to the girl, a kind smile on her face. "Well, now that I've seen you, I need to tell you that Akito is looking for you."
An, whose head was still in her hands, shook her head before looking up to the ceiling, head lightly hitting the counter behind her.
Meiko didn't say anything else, just reached out to massage the girl's nape, allowing her to sort through her thoughts at her own pace.
After a few more moments of silence, An spoke up. "Meiko, can I ask you about something?"
Meiko gave an affirmative hum, so An continued speaking. "So I have a friend, who's friends with this guy. And these two have been friends for years, they spend so much time together, he's helped her with a lot of things she had going on, and they're just, y'know, they're really close. He's really important to her, and even though he isn't the type to say it out loud, she always knew she was important to him too."
Meiko hummed once more, a small smile appearing on her face. Obviously, as an emotionally adept adult, she knew exactly who this story was about, but for An's sake she decided to just listen silently.
"So then, out of nowhere, this guy confesses to my friend that he's had feelings for her since they first met. Like, romantic feelings. And then they kiss, and apparently it was really good at first, but then these negative thoughts just started coming to her, so she ran away, and now she doesn't know what to do."
"I see," Meiko replied, now having a grasp on what happened between the two teenagers. "What kind of negative thoughts did your friend have?"
"Just that, I don't know, she felt like she was going to lose him. That he was going to leave her someday. And she's really happy with the way things are now, with him always being a constant in her life. If something changed between them and she ended up losing him, she," the girl paused and let out a heavy sigh. "She wouldn't know what to do with herself."
An's confession hung in the air for a few moments before Meiko spoke up again. "Why does she think he's going to leave her? Has he ever not been there for her when she needed him before?"
"Well, no, but, I don't know. It's just that, so many people have left her already in her life. And each one was hard to deal with for a while, but she eventually learned to live without them. But she's scared because she doesn't think she'll ever get over losing him because..."
The girl trailed off, her eyes widening as if coming to a realization. Meiko smiled, having an idea what might be going through the girl's mind. "Because what?"
"Because she loves him."
While An was dealing with this internal dilemma that had just come to light for her, Meiko smiled. She had known that there was something special between An and Akito for a long time now.
When An would later tell her father about her and Akito, he would smile and say: "About time you did something about that." And when she later told this story to Mizuki and Haruka, the answer she would get from them would be: "Well duh."
Turns out, everyone had long ago realized An's feelings for Akito, except for An herself.
After letting An process this new realization for a bit, Meiko spoke up once again. "Well, if your friend loves this guy, and the guy just confessed to her, is there really anything else stopping them from being together?"
This time, An took a few moments to think about the question before answering. "No, I mean, not technically. But, I think there's still this fear in her, that she's going to lose him some day. She's scared of that more than anything."
"Well, from what I know, I don't think your friend has anything to worry about. This guy strikes me as someone who is fiercely loyal to the people he cares about, and someone who would do anything for them. but," she deliberately paused, letting the girl notice and look up at her. "Let's say he did one day leave her. Which, once again, I doubt will ever happen, but let's say it somehow did. I know your friend will be able to overcome it, just like she's done all the times before."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because I know how strong she is. I know what kind of hardships she's overcome. And aside from that, I also know that even if he leaves her, she still has lots of people who love her, who will give her the help and support that she needs. She just needs to open up to them, let them in."
At these words, An looked at Meiko with a look of shock on her face, before a small smile took its place. "Of course, you'd realize."
Meiko ran her hand through An's long hair before she let the girl put her head on her shoulder. "You're stronger than you give yourself credit for, An. And you have so many people who love you so much, who would be ready to help you whenever you need. Myself included. So don't ever forget that, okay?"
An smiled and nodded. "So you think I should go find him?"
"If that's what your heart is telling you to do."
An pondered over this response for a few moments before she eventually stood up and smiled at Meiko, who was still sitting on the floor behind the counter. "Thank you, Meiko, for everything."
"Of course, sunshine. I'll always be here for you. We'll always be here."
×××××
"Akito!"
She knew he was still in the sekai, Meiko had told her before she left the cafe that his presence was still here. While she normally loved how the sekai seemed endless with all of it's different alleyways, this was the first time that An wished that her feelings had created somewhere slightly smaller and less confusing.
"Akito!"
"An?!"
She suddenly heard the voice she had been hoping to hear, although a bit more hoarse than usual.
He must've been looking for me for a long time, An thought as guilt puddled in her stomach.
But she came here to make things right between her and Akito, and she wasn't going anywhere without doing that.
"Akito!"
"An! Don't move, I think I know where you are!"
Oh. Well, that's another reason she wasn't going anywhere, literally.
Sure enough, in just a couple of minutes, An could see a head of ginger hair turning around the corner, then running towards her.
As he slowed to a stop in front of her, he took a deep breath before speaking. "An, look, I need to apologize for everything, I shouldn't have–"
"No!" An exclaimed, louder than she had expected from herself. The boy's eyes widened at her unexpected tone, but An composed herself and continued speaking. "I mean, no, don't apologize. If anyone should be apologizing, it's me."
Akito furrowed his brows in confusion. "What are you talking about? I'm the one who forced my feelings on you, I kissed you even though you didn't feel the same way–"
"But I was the one who asked you to do it!"
"You didn't actually want me to though. And stop interrupting me, I'm trying to apologize here."
"No, I won't let you apologize, because I'm gonna apologize instead," she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, gathering her courage before opening them them again. "Akito, I'm sorry for running away after you kissed me. I just felt overwhelmed, but I owe you an explanation, and an answer to your confession. And no, you didn't force your feelings on me, that's a completely different thing, even I know that much."
Akito snorted, but An honestly didn't care that he was laughing at her expense, she was just happy to see him not looking so upset anymore.
"Okay then, go ahead. Give me your explanation and your answer."
Even though she was the one who asked for this, she suddenly felt like she was being put on the spot. She looked down at her shoes before shaking her head.
"At first, I was surprised. Y'know, when you kissed me. I didn't think you'd actually do it, so I was caught off guard. But then it felt, um, ugh. Okay, you can't laugh at me. It felt... right. It felt like I've been missing something for so long and I'd finally found it. I was happy. But then I got this, this feeling in my stomach, and this voice in my head told me that you were going to leave me one day, and just, I couldn't live with that. Well, I thought I couldn't live with that, but I had a talk with Meiko, and to be honest I'm still not totally convinced that I can go on with my life if you ever leave me, but now I know I won't be alone if that ever does happen. But don't take that as an excuse to leave me someday, okay? I still want you by my side, always."
After that long winded emotional speech, An took a breath as she looked back up at Akito, who was saying nothing and had an unreadable look on his face. "So yeah, that's my explanation. And after that explanation, I don't think you need to hear my answer to your confession to understand."
Now it was Akito's turn to look down, hiding his face from An's sight. A few moments passed like this before Akito muttered something under his breath.
"What was that?"
"Don't fuck with me, An," Akito spoke up, now looking the girl right in the eyes. "You know how I feel about you, and I just want you to be honest. I don't want anything if you don't want it. I'm even willing to forget tonight ever happened if that's what you want. Just be fucking honest with me."
"I am being honest," An replied, her embarrassment from a minute ago now being replaced with frustration. "Akito, if you don't understand how important you are to me, then you're an idiot, because you're the most important person in the world to me right now. I'm telling you that I don't think I can live without you, and you're here asking me to be honest. How much more honest can I be?"
Akito stared at her for a few more moments before he spoke up again. "An, you don't understand: I'm in love with you. When I see you, my day instantly becomes better. When I hear you sing, all of my attention is on you. When the boys at school ask me for your number, I feel the urge to punch them in the nose. Since the very first time I heard you sing in the street, I knew immediately that you were going to be special to me. I had never felt that way about someone before, and years later, I still haven't felt that way towards anyone else. I don't think I could even if I wanted to at this point. You're all I care about. Whether I'm fighting with you, listening to you talk, or just watching you smile, you make my day brighter. You make my heart warmer. So, don't think that my feelings are something you can easily reciprocate."
Silence fell between the two for a few moments as An processed everything she heard. Her heart started swelling and she couldn't help the smile appearing on her face.
As An's smile widened, Akito's eyebrow shot up. "An, are you okay?"
An nodded, smile not getting any smaller. "Yep, more than okay. There's just something I want to do."
"Like what—"
An stood on her tiptoes and cupped the sides of the boy's face as she pulled him close to her, placing her lips on his.
It only took a second before Akito reciprocated, lips moving in the rhythm that An had set as his hands found her waist, pulling her closer.
The two separated a few blissful moments later, connecting their foreheads instead.
"I'm not going anywhere," Akito whispered, looking deep in the girl's eyes. "I'm never going to leave you alone. I'll be here for as long as you'll have me. That, I can promise you."
And as An threw her arms over the boy's shoulders, nuzzling her face into his neck and inhaling his scent, she thought: This is it. This is where I feel safe.
This is where I feel happy.