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‘Man, I’m bored’
That was the only thought going through Cid’s mind as he stared at the rain from his balcony door. It was dark outside, the flames of the streetlamps having been extinguished by pouring rain. The stars and moon were also obscured by the storming clouds that violently moved through the sky.
‘I haven’t seen a rainstorm like this in so long,’ thought Cid, ‘Shame that it had to arrive tonight of all nights; now I’ll have to delay my shadow broker activities for another night.’
He, of course, could just go through with his nightly play anyway. The rain wasn’t really much of a deterrent for him, in fact, it was honestly perfect for his performance as Shadow. There were so many ways to set a scene in the rain, so many endless possibilities. He could take a page out of Batman and use the rain to set up a horror scene for the bandits that roamed the outskirts, or he could use the rain to set up an emotional story piece with one of his Shades.
But there was just something about tonight that made Cid just want to stay inside. As boring as doing nothing was, it was also nice to sometimes just sit and contemplate. It’s been a long time since he’s had a quiet moment. Sure, he was often alone in his solitude, but that wasn’t the quiet time he was experiencing now. Normally, every second of every day and night would be dedicated to his little game with his friends, but tonight he found himself struggling to hold his game in focus in his line of thought.
Instead, his thoughts kept circling back to his Shades, his best friends. They always made him so sentimental, especially ever since they left him that day two years ago.
He didn’t like thinking about that day. The emotions he experienced that night brought back old wounds from his first life, when he was still a relatively ‘normal’ child and not the freak of nature he would go on to become. He had friends back then too, but they weren’t as understanding as the Shades. The Shades at least had enough love for him to leave his world as intact as they could when they left; the childhood friends in his past life didn’t.
It hurt. It hurt a lot to reminisce about those days, but he just couldn’t stop himself tonight. It was his life philosophy to only care about the things that really mattered to him, and as much as that philosophy helped him it was also one of the many reasons that he had such trouble reconciling and dealing with emotions festering inside his soul.
These moments of emotional weakness weren’t new to him, but they weren’t common either. In fact, they rarely ever happened. One thing he had going for himself in his previous life, beside his physical strength, was his mental fortitude and willpower. Were anyone else placed in his shoes as Minoru they would have crumbled to dust and been scattered to the void from all that he had to put up with for the sake of his childhood dream.
Japanese society was not kind to children, and especially worse for children who dared to dream their own childhood dreams instead of conforming to the workforce grind that every adult seemed trapped in. This wasn’t a unique problem, in fact, Cid would come to find out this was a global problem from all the media he consumed. Regardless, Cid’s mental fortitude was legendary, but resilience isn’t always enough when holding off that violent ocean of human emotions that always threatened to swallow one whole.
Cid didn’t really know how to cope in these moments, so all he could do was just ride out those unknown tidal waves that this night seemed to bring him.
He loved his best friends, that he knew for certain. But did they love him as much as he loved them? Those three years he spent growing up together with them were some of they best years of his current life. No, they were the best years he ever lived between both of his lives. They were his little family, and it was everything he ever wanted since he was a child in his first life. He finally had people that loved him for him, that weren’t disgusted by his childlike dream and childish wants. To top it off, they were also willing to play along with his delusional little game. He knew that they knew it was fake, but they still played along with him regardless.
That meant so much to him. He would always love them forever because of it. But then the time came for them to grow up, and those days suddenly just stopped. The girls all went their separate ways, and he would rarely, if ever, get to spend any time with them when they’d occasionally pass through the barony.
But they came back to him now that he was at the academy. He was so genuinely happy to see them all again together after so long, but it wasn’t the same. Their game just didn’t feel the same anymore. For one they were always busy now. He knew they all had jobs now, they were all making a successful life for themselves.
Alpha and Gamma ran Mitsugoshi together, Beta was a well known and respected author, Delta did something at Mitsugoshi that was certain (probably hunted meat for their restaurants), Epsilon was a famous pianist and composer, Zeta was off the exploring the world as an archaeologist, and Eta was still being the little mad scientist she always was.
And here he was was, still being the same child he always was. The girls probably pitied him. They took off and using the teaching he gave them were able to make something of themselves, while he couldn’t.
Their love for him from their friendship probably withered away on their ends, and all that remained was pity and a sense of debt to him for having saved their lives. That was the second reason their game felt different now. The girls were distant from him now. Before they would always talk to him about their day, how they were feeling, what they were thinking of, what they wanted to do together, or just anything beyond their game. But now, their game was the only thing that seemed to keep them all connected.
They rarely actually had a conversation with him anymore. They never told him about anything they were doing now, and it was only due to coincidence that he even found out their professions. All they ever talked about now was the events of their game, as if they were trying to push him to wrap up his story so they could be off on their way again.
It sucked. There was no other way to eloquently put it. It just sucked. He missed his best friends so much it hurt.
Maybe he was misreading everything, maybe they still loved him as he loved them. But at the same time, maybe he wasn’t misreading their intentions. He would never know, because he would never ask them. He didn’t know how to, and most of all, he didn’t want to know if he was right. So Cid decided he would avoid his problems as he always did.
Cid would keep their game going for as long as he could before wrapping it up and saying goodbye to his Shades when they inevitably left to continue their lives without him.
That was gonna hurt. But he would deal with that pain as usual, by running away from it and not acknowledging it.
He wondered if the Shades would remember him after all was said and done. Would they fondly think back to their childhood on occasion? Or would he just fade away from their memories as time marched on? Regardless, he wouldn’t be there to see them grow into old age. He planned to live to 300 years old and then finally kick the bucket on his terms. The girls would far outlive him beyond his death, but such was life he guessed.
Cid was growing tired from his thoughts now. They had worn him down and now he just wanted to sleep the rest of the night away.
Before Cid shut his eyes for the night, he decided he would make a little private oath to himself. An oath to always take care of the girls in some way, shape, or form even after they left for good. He owed them that much for keeping his delusions afloat to the best of their abilities. Besides, they were still his best friends. Even if he wasn’t theirs.
Even if they no longer loved him, that didn’t matter. What mattered was that they had their shared time together, and it was the best thing that Cid could have ever asked for. For that reason alone, he would always love his Shades. And with that final thought, Cid drifted off into a cold, peaceful sleep.