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Melissa had made Junior Varsity the past two years, but this year was different. She was more determined than ever, and Gen’s been practicing with her. The two had become friends during sixth-grade soccer and had remained friends even when Gen made varsity sophomore year and Melissa didn’t.
Tryouts had gone fine, with a few mess-ups, but luck was on Melissa’s side, and she made Varsity. Just as a sub. But still - varsity!
And today was her first varsity practice.
Melissa found Gen after her last class of the day, algebra, at her locker, and begged her to hurry up so they could be the first ones in the locker room. Seemingly on purpose, Gen took forever to put her stuff away, but the two finally made it over to the locker room.
Even with Gen’s on-purpose dragging out, Melissa and Gen were some of the first players in the locker room. All varsity and junior-varsity athletes were assigned a locker, by sport, and then alphabetically. Unfortunately, Gen’s last name was closer to the front of the alphabet, while Melissa’s was closer to the end, so their lockers were a little apart. Not the end of the world, they were still in the same locker room.
The rest of the team flooded in, finding their lockers and chattering amongst themselves. Melissa kept to herself, with Gen all the way across the locker shelf. She kind of knew Natalie and Van, but not close enough to really talk to them (especially when they were already talking to other people).
Melissa was one of the first ones changed. She grabbed her cleats and waterbottle and walks outside. Robin, one of the girls she played on JV with, walks out right after her.
“Do you think Varisty practice is going to be harder than JV?” Robin asks Melissa.
“Yeah,” Melissa says. “Gen says it is. She said Coach Martinez is a lot harsher than JV coach. And Coach Scott just listens to Coach Martinez.”
“I’m scared,” Robin says. “Varsity is so much more serious than JV.”
Melissa puts her arm around Robin to comfort her. “It’ll be okay,” She reassured her. “I believe in you.”
Robin smiles. “Did Gen give you any tips for being on Varsity?” She asks.
“Well, she told me not to die,” Melissa says. “But also she told me that it’s not that much different than JV.”
“Good,” Robin says.
Once the two are on the field, they put their stuff down and continue talking about their summer. Melissa told Robin she worked at Girl Scout Camp, her camp name being ‘Hat’, and Robin told Melissa that she spent the summer in Germany visiting one of her friends who had moved there.
Slowly, the rest of the team joined them, and the coaches had them circle up. They went around introducing themselves - their name, their position, and how they got into soccer.
Not even a fun fact? Melissa thought. So much for making it personal.
Melissa was so lost in her thoughts she didn’t even realize Coach had pointed at her to start.
“Um, I’m Melissa,” She says. “I play striker usually, but sometimes I play midfield. And I got into soccer because of my brothers.”
Gen’s next, and she shares that she plays defense, and that her parents made her start playing soccer at age 5 and she fell in love with it.
After Gen is Mari, one of Gen’s friends who Melissa isn’t especially close with. Those two have been friends since age 3, which Melissa has always been a little jealous of.
Melissa doesn’t really pay attention to what Mari has to say, or anyone after her for that matter. She just thinks about how scary being on Varsity is, and how she doesn’t want to mess up. And then she thinks of how much homework her teachers have already assigned.
“Okay guys, we’re gonna start a little different today.” Coach Ben said. “We’re gonna start with a scrimmage. So we can see how you all play together.”
“We’re gonna mix the teams up every so often, so everyone has a chance to work with everyone.” Coach Martinez continues. “Van and Robin will be our goalies. Everyone else, on the line!”
Melissa lines up, in between Gen and Akilah. Coach Martinez randomly hands out pinneys, and of course, Melissa gets one. She begrudgingly puts it on.
“I want both teams in a 2-3-2.” Coach Martinez instructed. He gave everyone their spot - Melissa ended up in the right midfield, with Shauna in the center and Tai in the left.
Jackie started with the ball, naturally passing it backward to Shauna. Even though Melissa wasn’t on varsity last year, she knows the two are basically joined at the hip. Shauna moves forward, Melissa running a little ahead of her to be an assist. Shauna actually shoots it to her, somewhat surprising her. But before Melissa can even do anything, Kristen - she thinks that’s her name - shoots forward, and kicks the ball all the way down the field, until Laura Lee stops it.
Melissa mentally kicks herself - how the hell did she manage to let the ball slip away.
“Good power, Crystal!” Coach Ben yells. Oh, so her name was Crystal. She was new to their school, moved from some place in north Jersey, so Melissa didn’t know her super well, or like, at all.
Crystal starts running forward, and Melissa tries her best to get in front of her. She uses her arms to try and push in front, but Crystal pushes back. And then Melissa’s ahead, but then she trips over her own feet.
She slides on the turf, burning both her knees. Oh my god, that hurts so bad. She forces herself to stand up. And now Laura Lee’s got the ball from Crystal, and she’s shooting it up to Melissa. Melissa quickly passes it to Shauna in the center. After that, she has no idea what happens, because she looks down at her knees, which have started to bleed. She doesn’t want to bleed all over the field, or get her blood on anyone, but she also doesn’t want to draw attention to herself.
“Oh my god, Melissa!” Misty calls out. “Your knees!”
Coach Ben looks over. “Oh, jeez, already?” He asks.
“I fell.” Melissa says.
“I saw,” Misty says. “When you were chasing after Kristen.”
“I thought her name was Crystal?” Melissa asks, confused.
“Is it?”
“That’s not important right now,” Coach Scott says. He then calls to the other girls, “Pinney team, I’m taking Melissa off the field for a minute. You’ll be a player down.”
Shauna glares at Melissa. Damn, she barely even know the girl.
Misty tries to get Melissa to let her bandage her leg up, but Melissa insists on doing it herself. Gen’s always complaining about Misty, Melissa doesn’t want to get involved with her.
“Are you okay?” Misty asks her.
“I’m fine, Misty.” Melissa says, even if her legs still feel like they’re burning.
-
Coach Martinez was making them play steal and bacon again, the stupid game that gave Melissa so much anxiety.
She sometimes would forget her number (well, today it was 7, she remembered that), or she would zone out.
But that was when she was on JV. Now she’s on varsity. She has to lock in.
She stood next to Gen, who was number 6 in the drill.
You know what would make this so much easier? If they used their jersey numbers. Melissa could remember that she was number 15. Alas, Coach Martinez loved to confuse them.
“3 and 10!” Coach Martinez called out. Allie and Crystal ran around the tiny goals. Crystal was faster than Allie, and got to the ball first, immediately shooting it. Unfortunately, it didn’t make it into the goal.
“11 and 15!” Rachel and Taissa. Taissa was intense, on varsity since her freshman year, and Rachel was new to varsity. But Rachel stood her ground, kicking the ball out before Taissa could score.
“2 and 13!” Laura Lee and Robin. Both were defense, both were good, but didn’t want to hurt anyone. Laura Lee had gotten the ball first, and tried to dribble around Robin. But Robin wouldn’t let her through, so Laura Lee had to take a long shot, ultimately making it in.
“6 and 12!” Gen and Britt. The two reached the ball at the same time, battling for it, before Gen stole it, shooting it (and making it!).
“7 and 9!” Shauna and… oh fuck, that was her number. She took off frantically, running around the goal. Shauna had the ball already, but somehow Melissa managed to push back. She got the ball back (this was a surprise even to her), and powered through to the goal. Shauna was right behind her, so she tried to kick and then accidentally slid into the goal. Her hand brushed the top of it, where, for some reason, it was zip-tied. Her leg slid on the turf, and she could already feel the turf burn on her leg. At least she scored against Shauna, somehow.
“Why are you in the goal?” Shauna asked her, not impressed.
Melissa stood up, wincing in pain from her hand and her leg.
“Ohmygod, are you okay?” Jackie said, running over to her.
Melissa looked down, and realized her hand was bleeding as well as her leg. It really, really hurt now.
“Mhm.” She lied, walking over.
“You need a Band-Aid,” Jackie said. “Come here, I have a first aid kit.”
Jackie grabbed her hand, leading her over to the benches. Misty had started to follow them before Jackie had insisted she got this. Melissa sat down on the bench while Jackie dug through her bag. She pulled out a little first aid kit, and then pulled gauze out of it to wipe the blood off of Melissa’s hand and leg.
“That was a good shot,” Jackie said. “Even if you ended up in the goal.”
“Thanks,” Melissa said sheepishly. “I guess I didn’t realize how close I was to it.”
“No worries.” Jackie grabs her box of Band-Aids. “As long as you don't make that mistake during a game, cause you’ll be called for offsides.”
Melissa doesn’t say anything back, just lets Jackie bandage up her multiple cuts. She realizes how embarrassing this is, getting injured and having to be taken care of like a baby, but she doesn’t voice that to Jackie.
Jackie starts to open a bandaid for Melissa. “I can do it myself.” Melissa mumbles, reaching her hand out to grab it.
Jackie hesitates for second, before handing it to her. She stands up and sits next to Melissa. Melissa opened the bandaid, peeling the backing off and putting in on her leg. Jackie hands her another one, and watches Melissa struggle putting in on her dominant hand.
“Do you want-” Jackie starts.
“I can do it.” Melissa insists.
Jackie sits there, looking over at her. Once Melissa finishes, she throws out the wrappers.
“You ready to go back, or you need a minute?” Jackie asks her.
Melissa nods, and then realizes it wasn’t a yes-or-no question. “Yes, I’m ready.”
The two walk over to the ongoing game in silence. Jackie stands back next to Shauna, and Shauna whispers something to her, looking at Melissa.
“How did you even manage to do that?” Gen asked. Melissa shrugged, locking back into listening for her number.
-
Coach Ben had just shown the girls a new passing drill, which overstimulated and confused Melissa so much. Where was she supposed to pass? Who was passing to her? Where was she running? She had no idea the answer to any of these questions.
Jackie passed the ball forward to her, and she was pretty sure she was supposed to pass it back to Jackie, so she did. Jackie passed it back to her, and she then had to pass it forward to Gen. Gen passed it back to her, and she passed it back to her. God, this was very repetitive.
After she went around a few more times, she ended up back in the line, right behind Gen. She was always right behind Gen in drills, so they could talk. But now Gen was involved in a conversation with Mari, and Melissa didn’t want to be the awkward third wheel.
The two were involved in a conversation about their AP classes. Gen and Mari were both taking three. Melissa, on the other hand, was taking none.
Melissa sort of just zoned out, thinking about her dog Fruit Snack.
“Melissa, are you taking any APs next year?” Mari asks. While Melissa was happy to be included in the conversation, she didn’t want to admit that she wasn’t.
“Um… I don’t know yet.” Melissa says. She knows she probably isn’t smart enough to pass any, and while Gen knows that, neither of them are going to tell Mari that. Melissa also knows that Gen would never outright say it, even if she’s thinking it.
“You know what you should take,” Gen says, putting her arm around Melissa. “AP Art. You’re so good at drawing.”
When Melissa gives her a strange look, Gen continues, “I see the drawings in your notebooks, they’re so cute!”
“Aww, wait, now I wanna see them!” Mari exclaimed. “What do you draw, Mel?”
Melissa blushes and shrugs. “Stuff.” She mumbles. She doesn’t want to talk about her stupid drawings, and now Gen’s basically forcing her to.
“Melissa, that’s not an answer,” Mari complains.
Gen turns back to Mari. “She draws these cute little characters, and-”
“Gen.” Melissa tries to get her to stop.
“Yeah Gen, shut up.” A voice behind them said. Melissa turned around to see Shauna, arms crossed.
Gen turns around and looks at Shauna. From everything Gen’s told her about last year, Gen and Mari weren’t Shauna’s biggest fans.
“Shauna, this doesn’t involve you.” Mari cuts in.
Shauna rolls her eyes, and then turns around to talk to Jackie.
“She’s always like that, Melissa.” Gen says.
Melissa turns around and mouths “thank you” to Shauna. She doesn’t notice.
She continues listening to Mari and Gen’s conversation, until it’s Mari’s turn in the drill, and then it’s Gen’s turn, and then it’s Melissa’s.
Melissa’s about halfway through the drill when her foot makes contact with the top of the ball instead of the side, and she trips on it. She falls flat on her back, on the turf, in front of everyone.
Gen, who’s about to collect the ball from Melissa, asks if she’s okay. Melissa can tell she’s trying not to laugh. Mari, at the end of the drill, is laughing a little, and so is Shauna. Melissa has no idea who else is laughing, and she doesn’t want to know.
She pushes herself up off the turf, her back hurting. “I’m fine.” She says, kicking the ball back over to Gen.
-
Melissa was so out of breath.
She had been running for so, so much, chasing after the ball.
They had been playing a scrimmage the entire practice to get them ready for their game this weekend, and everyone had to play the whole time.
Melissa was running after Shauna, who had the ball, when she turned to go the other way. Probably to fake Melissa out or something.
But as luck would have it, Melissa tripped over her own feet, falling right into Shauna.
Right on top of her.
Melissa just stared down at Shauna, who looked up at her in disgust. Melissa kind of just… stared back at her. Neither of them said anything.
“Oh my god, look at these gaywads.” Melissa heard Mari snicker. She then became increasingly aware that they’re on the field.
Melissa pushes herself up, off of Shauna, blushing furiously, both because she’s super fucking embarrassed and also because she was just on top of another girl.
The scrimmage continues as normal, but whenever Shauna has the ball, Melissa stays a considerable distance away (even though she’s literally supposed to fight for possession).
Practice ends about ten minutes later. Melissa walks over to the bench, silent, still embarrassed.
“Circle up!” Coach Martinez tells them.
Coach Martinez tells them about the game they have this weekend, against Howell. “You guys have to get to school by 9:45 for warmups, game’s at 11.” He also went over everything they needed to bring - cleats, shin guards, water…
He sends them back to the locker room to change. Melissa changes quickly and quietly, and opts to wait for Gen outside. Once Gen is (finally) ready, the two start to walk to the parking lot, where Gen’s mom is waiting for them.
Once they’re in Gen’s room, both doing math homework (Melissa struggling with her algebra while Gen breezes through her stats), Gen asks, “So how did you end up on top of Shauna?”
Melissa sighs. “I tripped over my own two feet and fell into her, you saw it.”
“On purpose or on accident?” Gen asks, laughing.
Melissa rolls her eyes. “Why would I on purpose fall on Shauna Shipman?”
“I don’t know, all I know is you didn’t get up right away.” Gen points out.
Melissa gets defensive. “I hadn’t even realized what happened, and I was out of breath.”
“Sure, Melissa,” Gen says. “How’s your algebra?”
“Confusing,” Melissa complains. “I hate algebra. Especially the quadratic formula.”
“Lemme finish this problem, and then I’ll help you.” Gen said.
“Thanks.” Melissa says as Gen goes back to her work.
As she watches Gen, she can’t help but think, maybe there was a reason she stayed on the ground for a minute.
-
Another day, another scrimmage.
This time, Shauna and Melissa were on the same team (probably an insistence on Shauna’s part, so Melissa didn’t pin her to the ground again). Melissa’s on striker this time, instead of midfield, and she’s determined to make the most of it.
On the Junior Varsity Team, she was a striker, but on Varsity, she switches between midfield and striker. Out of all the strikers (Jackie, Mari, Allie, Akilah, and Crystal - oh, and Melissa), she usually gets the least amount of time as a striker.
‘
So she was taking full advantage of it. She and Allie were working together, moving the ball up the field.
Melissa was right near the goal, with the ball, with Laura Lee (the other team’s defender) basically right on top of her. Laura Lee grabbed the ball with her foot, and went to kick it up. Melissa knew this was her chance. She swings her leg to kick and then makes contact… with Laura Lee’s foot.
Fuck, that really hurt, so Melissa grabs her foot. Laura Lee does the same, but she also starts crying immediately.
Before Melissa can ask if she’s okay, Lottie kneels next to her. “Laur, are you okay?”
Laura Lee keeps crying, and Melissa feels awful.
As if to add to her guilt, Shauna says, “Jesus, Melissa, what did Laura Lee ever do to you?”
Lottie helps pull Laura Lee to her feet, glaring at Melissa. “I’m gonna take her to get some ice.”
As the two walk off, Melissa can’t help but think about how much her foot also hurts.
“Wow, you took out our entire defense.” Shauna says. Melissa can’t decide if she should think ‘Wow, Shauna’s talking to me!’ or ‘Damn, she hates me’.
“Gen, go play defense on the other side. Rearrange the midfield on both sides, too.” Coach Martinez says.
They keep playing, but Melissa can’t ignore the pain in her foot. Or her guilt. After practice, Melissa continuously apologizes to Laura Lee, who assures her she’s okay.
When she’s leaving the locker room, she’s approached by Shauna and Jackie, well, Shauna being dragged over by Jackie.
“Hi!” Jackie said. “We wanted to check on you, since you also got hit in the foot!”
Wow, even Gen hadn’t acknowledged it.
“I’m okay,” Melissa says. “I just feel bad.”
“Hey, it happens!” Jackie says. “Once Shauna kicked me in the foot.”
“Hey!” Shauna says. “You kicked me!
“Sure, Shipman,” Jackie says, and then whispers to Melissa, “She definitely was the one who kicked me.”
Shauna rolls her eyes, but Jackie ignores her. “Anyway, hope your foot feels better. See you around!”
“See you around.” Shauna parrots.
-
Melissa never, ever got to be a starter.
But Jackie was out today for some reason (okay, the reason was that Jeff had gotten her sick), and Coach Martinez threw Melissa into her main striker position.
Which, of course, meant Melissa started with the ball.
Once the whistle blew, she passed it back to Shauna, who passed it to Tai. Melissa ran forward, closer to Mari and Tai’s side, wanting to assist. She watched Tai’s footwork to keep the ball away from Milburn’s striker, who was basically on top of her.
Unfortunately, Tai lost the brief struggle (very rare for her). Melissa was slightly confused, but she didn’t question it. The Milburn girl passed it backwards to the girl right next to her, and Melissa was right on her, trying to get the ball back.
Melissa kicked the ball between the player’s legs, where Allie was waiting to collect it, basically on top of one of Milburn’s players. She crossed it in front to Mari. Melissa ran up to be there for Mari.
Mari had a defender running behind her, so she kicks it up to Melissa and-
-and it goes too high and-
-and it hits Melissa square in the nose.
There’s a sharp, blinding pain in the center of her face.
She falls to the ground, clutching her nose. She can feel the blood on her hand already.
The ref blows the whistle, and Melissa can hear voices around her.
“Oh my god, I didn’t mean to!” That was Mari.
“Melissa, Melissa, are you okay?” That was Allie, she thinks.
“Oh my god, this girl is always getting hurt.” That was Shauna. Her heart sinks hearing how unbothered she is.
Melissa opens her eyes. Somehow, Gen appears right in front of her, despite the fact that she plays defense. She puts her hands on Melissa’s knees, too scared to try and touch her arms, with her hands on her nose still. Mari appears behind Gen, with a terrified look on her face.
Coach Ben runs over to her, with Misty not far behind. “What happened?” He asked.
“Mari kicked the ball into Melissa’s face.” Shauna says.
“Not on purpose!” Mari protests.
Misty kneels down beside her. “Is it broken?”
She can feel tears start streaming down her face. “I… I don’t know.” She says, trying not to start sobbing,
“How’s your head?” Gen asks. “Do you feel dizzy at all?”
“A little.” Melissa says.
“She got hit in the head pretty hard.” Shauna says. “You know how much power Mari kicks with.”
“I didn’t mean to kick her in the face!” Mari claims.
“Should I call 911?” Misty asks.
“No!” Melissa insists. “I don’t need an ambulence.”
“You should probably go to the emergency room, though.” Coach Scott says.
“Do you want me to come with you, Lissa?” Gen asks, before Melissa has even agreed to go.
“How is she getting there?” Misty points out. “She doesn’t drive.”
Gen glares at Misty, for whatever reason.
“Martinez and I can’t drive her, legally,” Coach Scott explains. “Who drove here?”
No one says anything, until Mari points to Shauna. “Shauna drove here.”
“Perfect.” Coach Scott says. “Shauna, you’ll take Melissa to the ER. Our midfield will be a little less strong, but teammates come first.”
Melissa expects Shauna to just kill her right there so she doesn’t have to take Melissa to the emergency room because she’ll be dead, or at least complain, but all Shauna does is nod and walk off the field. Melissa scrambles to her feet with Gen’s help.
“Good luck,” Gen says. “Call me when you get home.”
Melissa walks off, still a little dizzy, and makes her way to the parking lot, trying to catch up with Shauna.
The ride of the emergency room is quiet, with Shauna’s Liz Phair CD playing in the background.
When they get there, Melissa expects Shauna to just drop her and run, but Shauna parks and walks in with Melissa. Melissa doesn’t question it.
“Name?” The receptionist asked.
“Melissa.”
“I need your full name.” The receptionist looked at her like she was stupid. So did Shauna.
“Williams-Johnson,” Melissa answered. “Melissa Grace Williams-Johnson.”
“God, you have such a white name,” Shauna said, probably meaning to just think it. Melissa ignores her.
“And why are you here?” She asks. She probably has to, legally, even if it’s obvious why Melissa is here based on the way she's clutching her nose.
“I think my nose is broken,” Melissa explains. “I got hit in the face with a soccer ball.”
After handing Melissa some paperwork, the receptionist tells them to take a seat. Shauna walks away from Melissa, probably not wanting Melissa to sit next to her, but Melissa also didn’t want to be alone. So she followed Shauna over like a lost puppy.
Shauna sat down, pulling out her journal and a pen (why was that in her soccer bag?), and immediately began to write, probably about Melissa and how stupid she was.
Melissa sat down next to Shauna, still holding her nose. She sits there, more uncomfortable with the tension between her and Shauna than with the pain in her nose. She finishes filling out the paperwork after having to find her insurance card.
She wishes that Gen’s birthday was earlier, and she could have driven her to the emergency room. Or that Nat or Van lived far enough from the school that they could drive there. Or even that Mari had her own car. The two weren’t really friends, but she was Gen’s friend… and also, Mari was the one who broke her nose.
What would be perfect would be if Melissa could drive, but she was in so much pain now, she probably couldn’t drive herself.
Probably for the best. Last time she was behind the wheel, she almost hit her older brother with it.
The car, not the wheel.
She looked back over at Shauna, still writing in her journal. Maybe Melissa should get a journal. Just like in elementary school. Every morning, she would get to write about her favorite subject (art), or her favorite animal (a dog).
Now her schoolwork was… less fun.
Melissa looked back over at Shauna. Shauna was good at school. Every marking period, when the honor roll came out, Shauna was always on it. And Melissa knew Shauna did tutoring on the side. And that she had won some writing awards. And-
“Why are you staring at me?” Shauna asks her.
Melissa realized she was still looking at Shauna. “I don’t know.” She shifts uncomfortably. “I’m bored.”
Instead of some snarky response, Shauna closes her journal. “How long do you think this is gonna take?” She asks.
“Um… I don’t know.” Melissa says. “Last time I came to the emergency room was 4th grade, when I broke my arm, and all I remember is screaming the whole time.”
Shauna laughs. “How did you do that?”
“I fell out of a tree,” Melissa admits. “I was climbing this big tree at the park, after my mom told me to stop climbing it multiple times, and then a branch broke and I fell out, right onto my arm.”
Shauna laughs again. “I feel like that makes sense for you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Melissa asks.
“I don’t know, it just makes sense,” Shauna says.
Melissa rolls her eyes and smiles. “Have you ever broken a bone?” She asks.
Shauna shakes her head. “No, I’m careful.” She says.
Before Melissa can say anything, she hears her name from the front desk. ‘Wow, that was quick.” Shauna says.
Melissa stands up, and then looks back at Shauna. “Will you come back with me?” She asks. “I’m scared.”
Melissa’s pretty sure Shauna’s going to say no, but she stands up. “Sure.”