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"Would you like me to kiss you once more?" His tenderly voice smacking my face. Without the use of any words, our faces became one in the pure darkness. The very familiar tongue entering my mouth, exploring every aspect like kids in a candy store.
A simple flashback triggered my most deepest hidden feelings. My feelings for that one guy. The time I had with him before we became nothing but two boats passing through each other in the night. He was not even merciful with my fragile heart. I will surely miss his caressing and embrace. He will never be forgotten as long as I live.
"Thomas," a voice called my name. The empty room becoming less lonely. His presence welcoming the room. It was exhilarating.
"Are you okay?" His voice penetrating the silence. No words were said by me, but my internal screams were still heard by him. Nerve-wracking was what I wanted to say when seeing him, but I was not aware of what to say to the guy who was the only one who made me happy . "I'll reckon you're not."
I wanted to say something. I desired a truth to be told, a lie to begone, and a secret to be another public remark. My body and mind were frozen in solitude, but not fear. No trumbles, no stutters. Just silence. The only fucking thing I could do.
My silent cries will answer for me, I hoped to any god that would hear me out.
"Thomas, quit giving me the silent treatment whenever we are alone,” his voice slowly raising, no fear has entered my body yet.
I hated him, I loved him. I did not know what I was suppose to feel. Was I only a game to him? Newt, Alby, Chuck, Teresa, Brenda, and even Gally kept haunting my memories about my perplexity. I kind of wanted to sometimes maybe believe they were right about moving on.
The courage I had was a vicious roaring lion, and I was not its tamer. I was not brave enough. But I wanted something to change in the end.
"Minho... did you really love me?" I faintly asked, knowing that the whip of satisfaction would agitate my lion.
Only an idiot can love a fool, and only a intelligent person will love a genius. I was the idiot who went for a genius and had no intelligence of what was in store. Our love is just a bud that will never blossom. The creation and destruction of young love was only a test made by the god I chose to stop believing in when he or she took away the person I loved dearly.
"Yes, I really did love you," he answered back. It crashed in as vigorous waves; anger suddenly filling in the heart that died long ago. A ship that should have sunk floated above the surface of disturbed waters and came to life again.
"Then why did you leave?" I shot another question back to him.
I wanted things to end now . I wanted it all to end like a final season to a long-running show. It was time to let things fade into a grain of sand in time’s infamous hourglass.
Minho made no gestures of any sort to suggest his condition. He did not even look like he was struggling at my question, but his response time made it obvious he had no definite answer to my question. That was one flaw Minho had — hiding his thoughts and keeping everything to himself.
Hell! He would not tell me about his old exes or about anything he was feeling towards us . I was fuming in growing anguish in my heart because I know that his heart was fine, even better, without mine in the picture. I still had all of my heart in him…
"You love me right?" I murmured to Minho.
"Yup! No doubt about it! I love you, Stephen Thomas!" Minho happily shouted. A passion like his would fuel our love forever!
I should have known he was hiding everything. But then again, I was the idiot in this dead relationship. I was gullible enough to believe every damn word he told me. Shit, I would even believe him if he said the world was going to end! But it would not be like that again.
They told us everyday that we were almost perfect , but that almost was not enough to last us. Almost did not stop us from separating or fighting over small and trivial things like whose turn it was to wash the dishes. I was tired of playing fake smiles while he played the dickhead.
"I left because I fell for someone else." Minho retorted as straightforwardly as he could. The silence swallowing my room again. I wished those words did not come out of his mouth, but I knew they were the truth. I was the fucking imbecile that hid under his bed when the truth came around. I hid myself and my heart as far as I could, but I could not save myself from the pain that invaded my body.
There was not any need for anymore words, no need for anymore for pain for me to feel. Was this love? The cruel, agonizing side of love? Or was this the pain of the truth? I believed the answer mattered not because it devoured me either way. I was doomed from the start.
"I'll be going now," Minho stated, heading towards the front door of our once shared apartment.
"They must be lucky," I harshly remarked. If only he could feel my pain, but, that was the problem, he could not. He moved on and I did not.
"Fuck you," I said as I caught a glimpse of his face before the door shut. Tears beginning to flow, my heart feeling like an art piece created by a toddler — wrecked, messy, and abstract. The damage was beyond repair, and I would not save myself because it was about time for me to be properly hurt.
God, he was a beautiful mess that I never wanted to clean up as I was stuck in awe.
He's perfect. He's great. He's just wonderful. I caught a big fish out of the water. I love him to death.
What was I thinking back then? I was even more stupid than I imagined.
"Kiss me more, Minho." I eagerly awaited for his lips to attach to mine.
Please… Get out of my head… I was done with Minho. His time in my life was over.
"If you were a bed, I'll would never leave you." Minho read out a cheesy pick-up line from his phone. I couldn't help but feel flattered and embarrassed.
"If you were a keyboard, I would always press the b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l buttons." I softly whispered. Minho going a bit red; his face was so easy to read.
"And I thought I was cheesy." Minho said, having trouble speaking over his giggles.
"Oh, be quiet." I said as I planted my lips to his.
It was wrong how happy I was with him. How much enjoyment I had when we were together. It tormented me from morning through midnight. There was no need for me in his life story anymore. I needed to erase myself from the face of the Earth. Time for this puppet to lose its strings.
I walked to a nearby window in my room. Opening it as slowly as possible. The unpleasant wind blowing throughout the area. Minho’s words filling my head.
I love you, Stephen Thomas...
"I love you too, Minho," the pitiful words escaping my mouth as I began to ready myself for the next big step.
I jumped out and instantly met the end of my fate, but miraculously, something happened instead. The wind stopped flowing, and I was stuck in mid-air as if I were a picture framed on time’s shelf. But I saw it…
Minho reaching out for me at the open window, but he seemed so far from me. I closer I want him to reach, the smaller he became until he was nothing but a black dot. My eyes were drifting to sleep, but I was disturbed by a voice.
“Wake up.”