Ameliorate

Kissing Tony softly, Jethro wrapped his arms around him and pulled him against his chest as they sat together on the couch. Jethro badly wanted to ameliorate it, but he didn’t know how. It was obvious this last case had brought up some memories that Tony would rather forget. Rubbing his arms up and down, Tony’s body he offered what comfort he could.

Tony lost in his own memories leaned back against Jethro, but otherwise was completely unaware of what was happening that is until Gibbs hand drifted too close to his cock. So trapped in his thoughts and worries was his mind that his cock didn’t respond to Gibbs hand at all.

Normally, it was happy to come out and play at the slightest provocation, but not tonight. Grabbing Jethro’s hand to prevent further attempts at drawing his cock out to play, Tony asked. “Can we not have sex tonight? Can we just stay here like this?”

“Of course, beautiful. Whatever you need.” Jethro responded dropping a kiss on his head to show no hurt feelings. “Do you want to watch a movie?” Gibbs asked gesturing to the TV.

“Whatever you want to watch is fine with me.” Tony tensed slightly, expecting Jethro to recognize something was wrong and to demand answers like he usually did when they were at work.

Jethro frowned at that answer. “Ok, beautiful. You know you can talk to me, right?”

“Of course, Amore Mio, but I need to sort it out myself first.” Tony frowned deep in thought hoping that Jethro would not question him further.

“Ok. Let’s turn the TV on, you know noise helps you think better.” Jethro suggested.

“Sure.” Tony relaxed back against Jethro again making no move to let him get up and turn on the TV.

Gibbs smiled and patted Tony’s side content to let him rest and reflect in silence for now. When Tony was ready to share he would. On the sly he reached for the remote that he’d hid within reach of the couch for just this kind of situation. Don’t tell Tony, but he could get used to having everything at the touch of his fingertips.

He may not be able to completely ameliorate whatever was bothering Tony, but he knew that his simple presence soothed him. Continuing to softly rub Tony’s skin with comforting touches, Jethro watched as Tony sunk into his mind again losing himself in whatever thoughts were plaguing him. When Gibbs was pretty sure he wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings, he hit the power button on the remote to turn the TV on.

Even though this was Tony’s TV and thus had a remote, he’d made a big deal about them not using the remote as he never wanted to get so complacent that he forgot how to do things manually. He’d finally talked Tony into his way of thinking and Tony had handed him the remote which he swiftly hid away where only he knew it was and not Tony. He was pretty sure Tony thought he’d hid it in the basement, but contrary to Tony’s belief he didn’t hide the important things in the basement anymore.

They may not be able to share this at work, but that doesn’t mean that he’s going to hide Tony in the dark. It would be a disservice to his precious light to keep him away from the light and in the dark with him. Instead he would work on joining him in the light and hope that that would be enough to keep his light happy.

Wrapping his arms tighter around Tony and giving him a squeeze, Jethro nuzzled into Tony’s neck content to just enjoy being together not needing to rush to sex. It reminded him of lazy mornings with Shannon. A good reminder of the times they had and he looked forward to more times like that with Tony.

He knew whatever Tony was worried about was in the past and he wasn’t going to pry. Tony respected Shannon and her place in his life, not prying and only listening when Gibbs talked about them. Gibbs would show him the same respect about whatever this was. He was only human though and wished Tony would hurry up and tell him what was bothering him. He hated seeing him in pain.

Tony’s thoughts had wandered off down a path of their own. The recent case they ran into that was really EJ on the run had hit Tony hard and reminded him how everyone in his life left him or only wanted him around for sex. While it was true that he wasn’t in the mood for sex today, he’d also partially said that to confirm that Jethro really wanted him and wasn’t in this just for the sex. He didn’t think Jethro was that way, but EJ shutting him out and being forcefully reminded of how she shut him out made him question everything.

He remembered Wendy, Jeanne, Brenda Bittner and many others who’d shared his bed and sometimes his heart. None of them had worked out and sure there were excuses that could be made for each of them, but he couldn’t help wondering if he was the common thread. If there was something wrong with him. Plagued with self doubt he burrowed deeper into Jethro’s arms seeking what comfort he could get from his lover even though he didn’t think he could ever share this burden with him.

He would allow himself tonight and then he’d shove it in a box and put it away and slide on his happy face mask that always fooled everyone. Well except Jethro, Jethro had always seemed to see through it to what Tony really felt, but he’d cross that bridge if it happened. He’d allow himself to take comfort from Jethro and his physical presence. He’d allow himself to take this comfort tonight and then tomorrow he’d pull on his big boy pants and he’d put it behind him. Or at least he’d try to. It wasn’t fair to Jethro to have his evening ruined because of his melancholy, even if he doubted Jethro would see it that way.