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Rye is standing dangerously close to the edge of the precipice, his gaze lost in the distance, somewhere above the myriad of treetops in the valley.
In a way, he himself resembles a tree, rising up tall, defying the strong blow of the mountain wind with the confidence of a creature held in place securely by roots that reach deep into the rocks, his raven mane wavering in the air like the long pendulous branches of a willow. Or like a watchtower, built of sturdy stone, an ink-black flag flying from its spire.
At this moment, in spite of everything, Rei’s only thought is that Rye looks beautiful like this, broad shoulders wrapped in a long, army green trench coat. He’s reminded of a famous painting by the German Romantic landscape painter Caspar David Friedrich, Wanderer above the Sea of Fog. It portrays a man in almost this exact posture, except that the wanderer holds a hiking pole instead of a sniper rifle.
Only a few weeks ago, Rei would have had very different thoughts in this situation. Driven by pain and hatred, he would have had to fight the urge of closing the short distance between them and pushing Rye over the edge as hard as he could. Because Rye is not an unwavering tree nor a rock-solid tower. He’s just a human being, fallible and mortal like any other. Fallible like a NOC who failed to save one of his own. Mortal like Scotch.
Rei had initially believed Rye when he claimed to have killed the traitor. But Rei noticed the lack of blood on Hiromitsu’s right thumb within seconds. It took him a little longer to realize that his deduction of a forced suicide was bullshit too, but he eventually accepted that his best friend had decided to end his life on his own accord.
Any bloodthirsty member of the Organization would have shot Scotch from a distance. Probably multiple times. In the head and in the heart. They surely wouldn’t have forced him to pull the trigger himself. That Rye claimed an obvious suicide as his kill was only further proof of Rei’s previous suspicion: Rye is a NOC, just like him.
Rei understands why Rye had decided to lie to him in the heat of the moment. Maybe he would’ve done the same. Rye had to protect his cover. He couldn’t be certain that Bourbon is a NOC too, although Rei’s reaction at the scene was definitely not that of another cold-blooded member of the Organization.
Scotch is dead. Rei’s closest friend is gone forever. How to go on now? Rei doesn’t have an answer to the how, but he knows that he has to go on. This cruel world keeps on turning, whether he wants it or not. So here they are, Bourbon and Rye, together on another mission for the dark side. No longer a trio.
They’re supposed to observe a mountain lodge several hundred feet below from where they set up camp. According to Vermouth, it’s the headquarters of a rival arms trade operation. Bourbon and Rye are supposed to record who’s coming and going, with orders to eliminate one particular target in case he shows.
This time, there’s no getaway car; they arrived by train. The hike up the mountain took them almost nine hours. The weight of the tent and food supplies for an entire week slowed them down, and they had to use the more difficult trail on the north side in order to avoid being seen. They didn’t exchange a single word on the way up and barely did while setting up the tent and a small fireplace behind a large rock where they can’t be spotted from the main road further down the mountain.
Rei hadn’t wanted to go on this mission with Rye. He still can’t trust himself around that man. He’s afraid of losing his self-control and doing something he might regret. The painful wound carved into him by Hiro’s death is still too fresh and deep. But it’s not like he could ever afford to refuse an order from Vermouth. Although Rei’s life has been smashed to pieces along with the screen of Hiro’s phone in his chest pocket, has been wrecked by the bullet from Rye’s gun just like Hiro’s heart, Rei has to keep up his act. Bourbon has to be completely unaffected by Scotch’s death. In fact, Bourbon is even supposed to be pleased that a traitor has been disposed of.
The lack of a getaway car bothers Rei. But what makes him feel downright anxious is the fact that he’s supposed to share a tent with Rye. Vermouth made it clear that this particularity is part of the job. Apparently, Gin has been getting wary of Rye, and Bourbon is supposed to keep a close eye on him. Rei, of all people. Rei, who couldn’t keep his eyes off Rye in the past, completely enchanted by his charm and skill. Rei, who now wishes he never had to see that bastard ever again, even though he didn’t kill Hiromitsu.
Before Hiro’s death, Rei would’ve felt anxious about sharing a tent with Rye out of fear of losing his self-control for entirely different reasons. Truth be told, he would’ve killed to sleep with him back then. But that’s a whole different story. Now Rei prefers to pretend he’s never felt a searing attraction for Rye at all.
Maybe they’ll simply continue to stay silent around each other for the rest of the week. That would be the best possible outcome. Word is Rye and his girlfriend broke up right after the incident, for whatever reason. The last thing Rei needs is to have to listen to Rye whining about Miyano Akemi and his broken heart.
Rei snaps out of his musings as Rye turns around and walks towards him. “Could you hand me the binoculars, please?” he asks politely, his face void of any emotion.
Rei wrinkles his forehead. “Huh? You were supposed to pack them. I gave them to you. Both pairs.”
Rye comes to a halt a few feet in front of Rei and regards him with a stern gaze. Even now Rei can’t keep himself from remembering how much he used to marvel at these piercing green eyes.
“No, you didn’t. We agreed that I’d carry the tent, the sleeping bags, and the pots. You were supposed to pack the binoculars. Did you do that, or did you forget?”
Rei is instantly hit by a pang of fury. He’s pretty sure that he didn’t pack the binoculars because he’d thought Rye would do so. He still rushes over to the tent where he left his backpack and starts to rummage in it without care for its contents, pulling out things and throwing them on the rocky ground. There are no binoculars. He would know.
“Fuck!” he yells, and his entire body tenses up with panicked rage. Without binoculars, they won’t be able to complete their mission. The mountain lodge is too far away; they won’t be able to observe what’s going on down there with their bare eyes, not even the sniper with his hawk eyes. Neither can they move any closer to the lodge because the mountain is too barren further down, offering no place to hide. The precipice up here is the ideal spot. Of course it is, Rei had scouted it, but now...
“For fuck’s sake! You gotta be kidding me! I told you to pack the fucking binoculars!” Rei snarls, stomping back towards Rye, who has been watching him with an infuriatingly patronizing, hostile look on his face. “This is on you!”
Rye doesn’t even flinch when Rei grabs his trench coat with both hands and shoves him backwards, causing them both to stumble and almost lose their balance, until Rei has him pressed against a rugged wall of rock. Their faces are so close that there’s barely an inch separating Rei’s clenched teeth and Rye’s slightly parted lips.
Rei’s sudden despair and anger about the forgotten binoculars is so intense that it stirs up the massive emotional turmoil he’s been going through since the night Hiromitsu died — right in front of Rye’s eyes.
And thus, barely twelve hours into their mission, Rei does lose his self-control, just like he’d feared. He’s about to do something he will most definitely regret, but he can no longer hold back. He needs to confront the man who let his best friend, his brother, die.
At this very moment, Rei doesn’t care if Rye finds out about his true identity. Up here on the mountain, he’s oddly aware of his own insignificance. They’re just two men. Two mortal animals in the middle of a rugged wilderness in an uncaring world. And if Rye tries to kill him in self-defense, he’ll simply be gone too, like billions of living creatures before him. There’s nobody left to mourn him anyway.
“Why didn’t you stop him?” Rei barks with the desperation and aggression of a wounded dog. “I know what you are! The fact that you lied about killing him says it all! You’re a NOC, and no matter which agency you belong to, it was your fucking duty to save him!”
The instant shock palpable in Rye’s wide-open eyes gradually melts into something even more vulnerable. Bewildered, Rei loosens his grip and takes half a step back. He feels like he’s looking into a mirror. There’s regret written all over Rye’s face. Sadness. Grief. Defeat.
All of a sudden, Rei’s mind is flooded with bittersweet memories. Of all the dirty missions they accomplished together as a trio. All the times they simply hung out, the three of them; Scotch, Rye, and Bourbon fooling around, making each other laugh as if they were friends instead of partners in crime. In a way, spending time with Rye had always felt like more than just a forced collaboration for the dark side.
And Rye must have felt the same. Scotch and Rye were friends, too. Watching Scotch kill himself must have been disturbing. Shattering. And suddenly, Rei is hit by an astonishing realization. He sees it so clearly in Rye’s pained expression: Rei is not the only one mourning for Hiro. He’s not alone in his pain.
Rye doesn’t respond for a crushingly heavy, seemingly never-ending moment. Then he hesitantly opens his mouth, just to close it again. When he finally manages to answer, his voice doesn’t seem to obey him. It’s no more than a broken whisper.
“I tried.”
Rei averts his face, squeezing his eyes shut. They suddenly burn like fire as they fill with hot tears for the very first time since Hiro’s death. He lets go of Rye’s coat, stumbling back a few steps, turning away from the other man in a hopeless attempt to hide.
This is it. The moment he’d hoped would never come has finally arrived. Furuya Rei can no longer keep up his mask. He’s completely lost control of himself, even struggling to regulate his breathing; gasping for air as salty tears start rolling down his cheeks, along his lips. All of a sudden, he’s so overpowered by sobbing that he feels like invisible claws have grabbed him, violently shaking his entire body. He drops to his knees, desperately hugging his arms around his chest, curling into a pathetic ball on the hard, cold ground.
Rei cries and cries, and he’s so out of it that he doesn’t even notice the soothing hand on his shoulder. Not even the strong arms closing around his back.
Rei cries until there are no tears left inside of him. He doesn’t know how much time has passed. He doesn’t remember crawling over to the rock he’s leaning his back against. He feels completely empty. No more tears, no more feelings.
Rye is sitting next to him, head dropped, elbows resting on his knees, hands buried in his raven mane. His eyes aren’t red and puffy like Rei’s, but even without that, he looks utterly crushed.
Suddenly, he starts talking. He tells Rei everything that had happened on the rooftop. That he offered Scotch help. A new identity. That he’s FBI. Of course he is.
Rei listens in silence, trying to organize his thoughts and feelings about Rye’s narrative. There’s no doubt he’s telling the truth. Nobody could fake such complete devastation. Rei can relate all too well.
“I could tell you were close. I always figured you were a couple. So I lied. I didn’t want you to know that he chose to go. Look, I can’t even begin to imagine how you feel. I just... I wish you could forgive me. But I know it’s too much to ask,” Rye concludes with a shuddering sigh before falling silent again.
It’s a lot. It’s too much. Rei awkwardly gets back up on his feet as if he was drunk, almost losing his balance and having to catch himself by leaning against the wall of rock behind him. After taking a deep, calming breath, he starts to walk. Somewhere, anywhere. Although it’s truly comforting to know that he’s no longer alone with his grief, he needs to be alone now.
When he returns, it’s almost dark and the wind has eased. Rye is sitting by the fire, smoking a cigarette and staring into the flames with a lost expression, as if he’s trying to find some kind of answer in the dancing flames. His long hair is falling over his shoulders, reflecting the warm light of the fire like black silk.
Rei stops for a moment, watching the FBI agent. But when the man he only knows as Rye looks up, having heard his steps, he forces himself to put one foot in front of the other and walk over to him. He sits down next to him on the tree trunk that Rye must’ve dragged there, fixing his eyes on the golden flames too.
“What’s your name?” Rei asks bluntly.
Rye flicks the cigarette butt into the fire and closes his eyes. He seems to hesitate, probably pondering whether he can dare to reply to Rei’s question. Finally, he seems to decide that, after everything that has happened, he owes him this answer. Rye lifts his gaze, locking eyes with Rei. He looks tired.
“Akai Shūichi.”
Rei lets the sound of it sink in for a moment. He likes that name. Red. The color suits Rye. It’s intense. Dangerous. Passionate.
When Rei responds, his voice is steady and determined. “My name is Furuya Rei. I work for the PSB. So did he.”
Akai Shūichi stares at him in something akin to wonder. Once again, Rei can’t help but think that these green eyes, framed by beautiful, long lashes, are mesmerizing. Like blazing emeralds.
They don’t exchange any more words while they sit at the fire. After speaking their true names out loud in the presence of each other, there’s nothing important left to say. Not for now. They both have a cup of instant ramen for dinner and silently retreat to the tent afterwards.
Rei can tell that Akai is awake hours later, just like him. Having to share a tent with this man was the thing Rei had dreaded the most about this mission. Now that they’re lying next to each other in the complete darkness, breathing in the same cool and unfamiliarly clean night air, it doesn’t feel all that bad. Because the truth has surfaced, and Rei decides that he’s ready to share more.
“His name was Hiromitsu. He was like a brother to me. We grew up together after my parents had basically discarded me. His parents were murdered right in front of him when he was just a little kid. His life wasn’t easy. Even before I dragged him into this shit.”
An angry sigh escapes from Rei’s mouth. Akai is listening patiently, giving him all the time he needs.
“When I was ten, I met a woman who was like a mother to me, at least for a little while. She truly cared about me. I wasn’t used to that. Eventually, she told me that she and her family were going to move away, but later I found out that she had basically disappeared from the face of the earth. As soon as I was old enough, I decided that I’d do anything to find her. And Hiro wanted to find the man who had murdered his parents. So we joined the force. Fortunately, he solved his case and found at least some kind of peace. Eventually, I also got a lead. I learned that the Organization had something to do with the woman’s disappearance. That’s why I went undercover. And so did he, just because he wanted to help me. And now he’s dead. Just like her.”
Rei hears Akai’s breath hitch in astonishment, even though he’d deliberately avoided mentioning that the woman was Akemi’s mother. It’s too soon to share this particular detail, and it doesn’t matter now anyway.
Minutes pass before there’s a reply. “They killed my father. That’s why I joined the FBI,” Akai finally reveals. “So I guess we have a lot more in common than I thought.”
Rei’s eyes widen, although there’s nothing to see but darkness. As the new information sinks in, his body is suddenly suffused with an unexpected warmth. Not long ago, he hated this man with all his heart. It’s hard to comprehend how everything could have changed so rapidly. Now that he knows the truth.
In fact, Rei agrees that there’s a peculiar connection between them, or even more than just that. They’re the same; having lost someone dear to them, trying to fight the good fight, and failing terribly. Somehow forcing themselves to keep going despite the evil surrounding them. Living a lie every single day and shouldering the backbreakingly heavy risk of being found out by monsters, who would torture and kill them without batting an eye.
They’re the same. Rei is not alone.
His heartbeat accelerates. The hammering in his chest is suddenly so loud that Akai must be hearing it too. And it beats even faster when Rei hears Akai shift in his sleeping bag, turning to face him.
Barely able to see his silhouette, Rei is suddenly very aware of Akai’s scent; notes of some kind of pleasant-smelling woody aftershave and cigarette smoke. The darkness suddenly feels extremely unsettling. Rei blindly fumbles for his phone that he left somewhere outside of his sleeping bag. When he finds it, he turns the flashlight on and tries to control his breath.
“Rei, I...”
Rei startles at hearing his true first name spoken out loud by another human being. It’s been so long. He turns his head to face Shūichi, staring at him in bewilderment.
“Is it okay if I call you Rei?” Akai backtracks upon noticing Rei’s odd reaction.
“Umm... Okay. Ah. It’s just... Here in Japan, it’s a little unusual to call a stranger by their first name. But of course, you wouldn’t know that, FBI dog,” Rei tries to cover up his insecurity with sass.
Propping himself up on his elbow, Akai releases a pleasant, rumbling chuckle, visibly amused for some reason. Only now does Rei notice that his long, raven hair has been tamed into a thick braid.
“Oh, I do know that. But I really like your first name. You can call me Shūichi, of course.”
“But I like your surname,” Rei retorts in feigned defiance, barely able to suppress a grin. “And I also like FBI dog.”
“Call me whatever you want. Shū is fine too. But now that you know my real name, I’d rather not be addressed by that damn codename anymore. I’m sick of Rye.”
Rei huffs a dry chuckle. “Fuck them, I still like bourbon.”
“Me too.” Akai Shūichi’s smile strikes Rei like a bolt of electricity. It’s gorgeous...and dangerously seductive. And if that wasn’t already enough, Akai confesses in a particularly low and absorbing voice, “You know, I missed being around you these past months.”
Rei’s heart skips a beat. He briefly considers switching off the flashlight again because he’s definitely blushing. He props himself up on one elbow too, dropping his gaze to the line where their sleeping bags meet. “Well...I was busy hating you.”
“Do you still hate me now?”
Rei lifts his eyes to meet Akai’s, who suddenly looks somewhat anxious. Rei takes his time to think about the answer before he replies with carefully chosen words.
“No. I don’t hate you, Shūichi.”
A smile lights up Shūichi’s face again, and Rei feels exactly like he used to feel around Rye in the past. The strong attraction he used to feel for him, suppressed by intense antagonistic feelings after Hiro’s death, suddenly blooms within him like cherry blossoms in the spring.
“But I don’t know if I can forgive you...yet,” Rei admits almost voicelessly.
Shūichi’s smile lingers. He looks heartbreakingly hopeful. “I understand.”
All of a sudden, he slowly reaches his hand out towards Rei’s face, tugging a strand of his blond hair behind his ear. Shūichi’s elegant, deadly yet shockingly gentle fingers continue to slide down along Rei’s cheek, coming to rest on his chin.
“Do you really consider us strangers?” he asks with a challenging glint in his emerald eyes. “After all this time? ‘Cause I don’t.”
Rei gulps, unsure of how to respond. Is Akai Shūichi really flirting with him?
“Hiro was the last person who truly knew me,” Rei says, somewhat intimidated. “There’s nobody left who does.”
“I’d like to know you,” Shūichi says softly, slowly inching closer.
Rei is suffused with a peculiar warm, tingling feeling he hasn’t perceived in a long time. Akai Shūichi is making an offer he wants to accept so badly. But part of him is always wary. He has to be. His guardedness is the only reason why he’s still alive.
“Are you looking for a rebound for Miyano?” he asks, maybe a little too harshly.
Shūichi instantly retreats his hand from Rei’s face. His smile doesn’t fade completely, but it suddenly looks several degrees sadder. He averts his face, slowly shaking his head.
“That was over long before... Well, let’s say it was doomed from the start. I needed her to get into the Organization. And although I truly liked her, it would’ve never worked out. We live in different worlds. She doesn’t even know my real name. You do now.” Shūichi turns back to Rei, regarding him with a surprising fondness in his dazzling eyes. “The truth is, I started to distance myself from her the minute I met you.”
And then, for the second time, Rei loses control. Driven by a deep-seated, long-suppressed desire, driven by the animal in him, he tears the zipper of his sleeping bag open and rolls over until he sits on top of Shūichi’s hips, straddling him in his sleeping bag. As he looks down at him, he’s met with an expression of surprise that quickly turns into an intrigued, rather smug grin.
Rei wraps his hand around Shūichi’s thick ebony braid and lets it slide through his fingers. It feels soft and slick, kind of amazing. Then he starts to slowly wrap it around Shūichi’s throat.
“You know, I thought I might end up killing you here,” Rei mumbles in a low voice, somewhat absentmindedly.
Now that Shūichi is at his mercy, Rei suddenly hesitates. Something is keeping him from going further. But why? At this point, he has nothing left to lose. Maybe, contrary to all expectations, this failed mission has presented him with something to gain. Perhaps his life has taken an unexpected good turn for once.
In nature, any wrong move can be lethal. Everything is consequential. But ultimately, none of the consequences really matter. Rei and Shūichi are but tiny specks on a giant planet, alive for merely the blink of an eye. And unlike many others, unlike Hiro, they’re still here.
In a way, it’s a miracle. So Rei has to make the most of it. Let his guard down, take a risk. It’s not like he’s a stranger to danger.
All of Rei’s doubts disappear in an instant as he finally bends down, pressing his lips to Shūichi’s, hard. He feels a hot, surprised gasp before Shūichi parts his lips for him, burying one hand in Rei’s hair and wrapping the other arm around his back to pull him closer.
As they kiss with abandon, lips and tongues seemingly erasing any boundaries between their bodies, a myriad of feelings explodes within Rei. But above all, he feels grateful. For not being alone, at least in this moment. For having found a kindred soul when he least expected it.
The cold of the night around him doesn’t even register anymore. Rei feels hot, so hot that he eventually has to pull away, gasping for air, staring down at Shūichi’s kiss-swollen mouth in awe.
Shūichi smirks up at him, his wet and shiny lower lip momentarily trapped between his teeth. “Maybe it’s a good thing you forgot those binoculars. How about we take a little time off?” he suggests. “We can tell them that the clouds were hanging too low to see a damn thing.”
Trying to suppress a grin, Rei playfully punches his fist into Shūichi’s chest. “Fuck you! I didn’t forget them; you did!”
...except that he doesn’t really remember handing them over to Rye. He can vividly picture them on his kitchen table, though, where he admittedly last saw them.
“But I agree. There is better use for our time. Life is short.” Rei’s cheeky grin melts into a soft smile. “But if we’re gonna skip the job and use the time for a little break, we should find a nicer place to spend the rest of the week. Someplace like that idyllic lake we passed on our way here.”
Shūichi lifts one eyebrow. “That sounds intriguing. And surprisingly romantic. I’m looking forward to getting to know that side of you better. Did you maybe bring a bunch of candles instead of the binoculars?”
“Shut up!” Rei commands with a chuckle and kisses Shūichi again to prevent him from uttering another silly word that makes Rei feel dizzy with excitement against his will.
He always thought that romance was one of those things that simply wasn’t in the cards for him. Because Rei’s entire life is a lie, his true self constantly hidden behind masks and aliases. But Shūichi’s life is just like his, so maybe there’s a chance for them. Perhaps they’re a good match. Birds of a feather, as they say. Except that Rei and Shūichi are more like wolves, straying through the dense and dark, dangerous and unforgiving forest that is their life, trying their best to survive.
Romance was certainly the last thing Rei had expected to encounter here in the rugged wilderness, of all places. But maybe this is the one and only place where two lone wolves can find something so delicate and elusive like romance. Far away from their usual tainted fake lives. Far away from the rooftop.