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The boards creaked under Dina’s weight as she stepped onto the back porch. The wood was cold beneath her boots, stiff with frost and each sound seemed too loud in the stillness. The night air carried the smell of woodsmoke and damp pine; sharp, earthy, familiar - a reminder that Jackson was still standing, even if it didn’t feel that way.
This part of town had always been quieter, but now it felt wrong. There was no muffled strumming, no rough baritone humming low under the music. Just the hum of wind moving through the trees and the slow creak of the porch when she shifted her weight.
She rubbed her hands together, chasing warmth that never came. The silence pressed in like snow on the roof; heavy, waiting to collapse.
It’d been almost two months since Jackson was attacked, since she was drugged, since Joel was killed. The days bled together, sluggish and gray, as if the world hadn’t realized it was supposed to keep turning. Time still moved, animals needed feeding, fences needed mending, patrols rode out; but she couldn’t shake the feeling that they were all just pretending.
Dina let out a slow breath and turned towards the small garage at the edge of the yard. The door was shit tight, snow gathered in a heap. Ellie’s garage. Though the occupant was still in the hospital; with no news on if or when she’d be released.
Dina shook her head and turned back towards Joel’s house, holding out a trembling hand towards the door. It hovered just over the handle, the tips of her fingers just brushing against it.
Each time she passed, she got a little closer; a step further onto the porch, a second longer with her hand on the door - but never past the threshold. Gulit kept her rooted. Or maybe it was denial. She couldn't tell the difference anymore.
Maybe she’d done something different. Maybe if she’d said less. Maybe Joel would still be alive.
The thought came like a splinter - small, sharp, impossible to ignore. Dina’s chest tightened as she swallowed against it.
Behind her, the faint crunch of snow broke the stillness. She didn’t move. Didn’t turn. The air shifted, cold brushing against the back of her neck.
“Didn’t think you’d be up this early,” came a familiar voice, low and steady, like he didn’t want to startle her.
Dina finally turned, her hand slipping from the door. Jesse was standing a few feet away, bundled in his coat, dark hair damp from the melting snow that clung stubbornly to his shoulders. His breath came out in soft clouds, vanishing in the dim light spilling from the porch.
For a moment, neither of them spoke. The silence between them felt heavier than the snow-laden air.
She didn’t bother asking how he’d found her. He always did. Somehow, no matter where she tried to disappear in Jackson. Jesse showed up - like some part of him had learned her silences better than her words.
“Couldn’t sleep,” she said, with a shrug that didn’t quite hide the fatigue behind it “Figured I’d get an early start.”
In truth, she hadn’t slept more than an hour at a time in weeks. The movement her eyes closed, she was back there - the blizzard swallowing her voice, the crack of gunfire splitting the dark. Joel’s name still raw in her throat. She could almost taste the copper tang of fear, feel the phantom ache where the needle had gone in.
Her stomach churned at the memory.
Jesse shifted his weight, the crunch of the snow beneath his boot breaking the silence again. “You’ve been doing that a lot lately.”
She huffed a small laugh, brittle, humorless. “I’m not the only one.”
She didn’t have to explain. There’d been mornings she’d woken to an empty bed too; his side long cold, the imprint of his body still there.
Jesse’s boots thudded softly as he climbed the steps. The porch groaned in protest beneath his weight. He stopped just a few inches away, close enough that the warmth of his coat brushed her sleeve, far enough that she didn’t feel boxed in.
The silence that followed wasn’t peaceful. It had weight - full of things neither of them knew how to say.
Jesse shrugged, the corner of his mouth twitching. “That’s fair.” He leaned against the railing beside her, the wood creaking again.
For a while, neither of them spoke. The early morning stretched before them, the faint glow of the rising sun crawling over the treeline, the slow exhale of the wind through the pines. Somewhere, a gate slammed shut, then quiet again. Jackson woke up, one sound at a time.
Finally, Jesse broke the silence, “They’re talking about sending another group out. Checking the perimeter again for any stray infected.”
“Maria told me,” Dina rubbed her arms, trying to chase away the cold. It bit sharper now that she wasn’t moving. “Are you going?”
He nodded. “Yeah. Thought maybe it’d help. Get out for a bit. Do something.”
Dina hummed in response; but her thoughts were already drifting, back to the blood that stained the snow until it was more red than white, back to the ski lodge. There were things she’d picked up, things she’d heard the strangers say before everything went dark. Names. Places. Fragments shouldn’t stop turning over in her head.
She’d wanted to tell someone - Maria, Tommy, even Jesse - but every time the words reached her tongue, she swallowed them. They burned going down.
There was only one person she wanted to tell… but Ellie was still in that hospital bed, ribs bound tight, color drained from her face, and the doctor’s warnings echoed in Dina’s mind:
Don’t upset her. Let her heal.
Dina could see it too clearly. Ellie waking, finding out, setting her jaw the way she always did when she decided something couldn’t wait. Dina knew she’d crawl through snow and ash to Seattle if it meant getting answers. Getting revenge.
So Dina lied instead. Lied through her teeth, through the guilt that clawed at her chest. Told Ellie she knew nothing about that night even as the truth festered like an old wound she couldn’t stop prodding.
She leaned on the railing beside Jesse, the frost biting through her gloves. Beyond the fence, the faint orange of the sunrise crawled across the treeline, lighting up the smoke curling from the far barns. Jackson continuing to wake up.
Life insisted on happening.
”Maria’s also got a group of kids helping patch the south wall,” Jesse said, nodding towards the distant roofs. “Says keeping them busy keeps them from asking questions.”
Dina let out a soft, humorless laugh. “Feels like everyone’s just… pretending it’s fine. Like if we fix enough fences, clean enough blood off the snow, it’ll all go back to how it was.”
“It won’t,” Jesse said quietly. His voice caught, just a flicker, but she heard it. “But it’s a way to keep moving. To survive. That’s all we can hope for right now.”
Dina’s gaze fell on the garage again. “She’s not gonna be the same when she gets out.”
Jesse looked down at the snow-dusted boards. “None of us are.”
The words landed soft, but heavy, the kind that left an ache behind. Dina didn’t answer. She didn’t need to.
“It’s not your fault, you know,” Jesse said, suddenly.
Dina snorted. “You weren’t there… you don’t know.”
Jesse shook his head. “Whatever this was, whoever those people were, it wasn’t on you. They came for Joel for their own reasons.”
The Washington Liberation Front.
The words almost slipped out, thick on her tongue, but she bit them back. Saying them out loud would make it real, and betray Ellie.
”They wouldn’t have even known his name if I hadn't shouted it,” her voice was rough, her throat tight. “I get to live with that.”
“You didn’t have a choice, Dina. At that moment, you were trying to protect him… You had no idea who that girl was; what her plans were.
She wanted to believe him, to let the logic sink in, but guilt had a way of rewriting reason. It wasn’t just in her head anymore, it had settled in her bones. She could still feel it when she breathed, heavy and stale, like smoke the refused to clear.
Dina let out a slow, uneven sigh. Jesse’s words reached her; but they didn’t soften anything. She needed distraction. Something to do. Something to drawn out the quiet that kept filling every corner of her house.
“What’s this about perimeter checking again?” she asked, suddenly, pushing her thoughts away.
Jesse turned to look at her. “You sure you’re up for it?”
Dina nodded, the lie coming easy. “Why not.”
Jesse hesitated, studying her for a beat longer. Then he pushed off the railing, the porch groaning. “As long as you’re sure you’re at hundred percent…after….”
”Whatever they drugged me with was out of my system within a day,” Dina said, echoing what the doctors had told her. Her voice was steady, practiced. “I’m fine.”
Jesse stepped down the stairs, snow crunching under his boots as he slowly started walking away. “Well, come on then.”
Dina stayed where she was for a moment, the wind tugging loose strands of hair across her face. The world was waking — smoke rising from the barns, voices faint and distant, the rhythm of a town still trying to pretend things were normal.
Her chest tightened.
Then she exhaled, pushed off the railing and followed Jesse - boots sinking into the fresh snow, leaving a new trail where the old ones had already faded.