Chapter Text
"Looking in the mirror isn't going to make you feel any better. Stop looking at the damn thing for five seconds." Bee stepped back, but kept their eyes on the dirty mirror. Their eyes scanned their entire reflection. Every curve, every bump, every dip that wasn't there before. Everything she'd fixed before that magic came to town and turned them into... everything they thought they'd been cured from. They longed to grab their shawl and shut their body away from the world. A part of them, though, wouldn't concede to that defeat. They had to find the courage to look at themself SOMETIME. Why did they feel so bad today of all days, though...?
"Bee," her gentle chastising voice said. "I mean it."
"I can't help it. I'm sorry. I just--Sometimes, when I don't look, I imagine it's gone. I think I'm back to the way I was and then... I get too happy. I have to remind myself before I scare myself. Before I look down and find my chest has regrown," Bee admitted. "I can't deny the truth. Not when it's right in front of me."
"When has that ever stopped you before?" Bee rolled their eyes. They sat down, head in their hands, and sighed. "I know what you mean."
"How? This is the kind of body you're more used to. The kind that you belong in. You're probably ecstatic to finally seem like yourself again. To be a woman once more."
"And what do you think I had to deal with before all of my hard work was undone?" Bee fell silent. "I do know how that feels. Being disconnected from your body in such a way. And I'm sorry."
"Why did you even do me the favor of flattening my chest?"
"Well, you always seemed distracted when you had your bad days. We'd talk, I'd find out a little more about how disconnected you felt from your own body, and from there, the behavioral patterns were easy. You were never a woman. To condemn you to a walking afterlife as one felt unnecessary. Plus, the surgery was a fun challenge. That part, I did well."
"I think you did the other parts well, too. By all means. I think it's just an... unfortunate side effect of the magic that my body didn't accept them."
"My, my, is that a compliment? A real, genuine--"
"Don't." She snickered, only serving to make Bee sigh and lean back against the wall. She stopped and the room fell eerily silent again, save for the sound of the wind whooshing outside.
"I could help you fix it. If you wanted."
"Fix what?"
"What Carmilla undid. I've seen your fantasies. Your dreams. I know what you've envisioned. You can't feel pain. Not from this, right?"
"My chest has hurt sometimes. Where you fucked with my organs."
"Language. Is that the only thing that hurts?"
"My limbs used to. Sometimes. But now... It all feels pretty much the same. I can hardly tell what is and isn't pain anymore."
"Good... Then, this should be a bit easier. I just fear about your ability to heal. If you needed... No, that would kill somebody. And I doubt there's any convincing all of them to let you take a little from each. Zyv would be too scared. Corduroy... might not be afraid, but that robot would probably try to stop you. Onyx is too newly returned, he's still a bit shaken. And the boy..."
"His name is Nicky."
"Poor little thing would be terrified. No, whatever you do, you have to be careful. I'll be here every step of the way to guide you."
"Why not take charge and do it yourself?"
"I don't know exactly what you want. We share this body, yes, and I can see the thoughts you envision, but we are still two different people with two separate ways of feeling. You have your emotions and I have mine." Bee sat perfectly still for a bit. No more days of wishing they could crawl out of their own skin... No more wishing and hoping and praying they were built differently. There would still be days when they'd wish their hips would shrink or that their voice would be deeper, but the chest would be a huge step in the right direction. They were so damn tired of feeling this way.
"We don't have the necessary tools," they said.
"There are knives onboard. We have scissors, towels, and absorbent materials. You can't catch any diseases, can you?" Bee shrugged. "No, I doubt any disease would want to take its roots in your rotten system."
"Thank you."
"Oh, you know that wasn't an insult. Merely an observation."
"What do we do if things go south?"
"Call for help. Corduroy would be able to fix you up. Onyx might be able to, as well. If worst comes to worst." Bee slowly rose. "I promise you, I won't go anywhere. I'll guide you. I'll make sure you don't die."
"Can I really count on you for that?"
"There's only one way to find out." Bee walked up to the desk drawer in the room where they'd taken refuge. The scissors were still there from when they cut their hair. There were towels in this room. Not the cleanest towels, but they'd do. Now just to get the knives...
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Onyx stopped in the middle of the deck. The soft sound of a lute flowed around the ship like the interdimensional winds that kept the air nice and cool. The stars were beautiful out here. It was peaceful. It made Onyx nervous. He walked up to Corduroy, who had taken up a spot by the bow of the ship. He sat reclined with his lute in his lap, eyes closed.
"Yo," Onyx said. Corduroy opened one eye. "Where's, uh... the other two?"
"What other two?" Corduroy asked.
"Guy from Sears and the fucking goblins. Who do you think I mean?"
"Jeez, a guy falls back through a portal and it makes him so grouchy." Onyx crossed his arms, shifting his weight to one hip. "Sassy, too."
"Where's Bee?"
"I... actually don't know. They might be resting. They seemed a little out of it today. Nicky's on deck, I know that... And I think Zyv went below deck because they were feeling a little seasick."
"We're not on the sea."
"Alright, spacesick, then."
"I never should've come back here." Onyx walked away from Corduroy, arms still crossed. He stopped just a few feet away, however. "It IS a little weird that Bee's been up here looking at the stars 24/7 since you got this thing flying and then, all of a sudden, they just... stop, don't you think?" Corduroy slowly stopped playing. They turned over their shoulder to look at Onyx. The cabin door slammed open, making both Corduroy and Onyx jump.
"Where the FUCK is everyone?" Zyv said. It caught a glimpse of Onyx and grimaced. "Okay, never mind, maybe I should've stayed down there."
"Seriously, bro?" Onyx said.
"Everyone's up here except for Bee," Corduroy said to Zyv.
"That's what's bugging me. Where the hell are they?" Zyv said. "Nicky!"
"What?!" Nicky called from the other side of the ship.
"Where's Bee?"
"I dunno! I haven't seen them all day!" The pattering of footsteps got closer until Nicky came shambling as fast as he could around the cabin. He shrugged. "I've just been here looking at the stars and drawing."
"Motherfucker..."
"Alright, guess I'LL be the one to go look for them," Onyx said. "Onyx to the rescue, yet again."
"Bitch, you weren't here any time we actually needed rescuing," Zyv said.
"Which is exactly why I'm making up for lost time right now." Onyx pushed right past Zyv up to the door, paused, and turned around. "Um... You said they were hanging out in a closet these days?"
"Oh, my god, move."
"Ah-AH!" Onyx held up a finger and pointed it at Zyv. Zyv didn't stop. Onyx pushed his finger into its chest but Zyv just pulled them away. "Hey! Let me do it!"
"They're MY best friend! I want to go check on them!"
"And you didn't think to do that before when you were actually inside?" Zyv shoved Onyx. Onyx fell backwards and to the floor. As he landed, there was another crash from inside. Zyv lifted Onyx by the lapels of his shirt. "Wait, WAIT! Did you hear that?"
"Yeah, dumbass, I'm moving you so I can get inside," Zyv said. Corduroy casually walked past both of them into the interior of the boat. "Where'd you come from?"
"Stay here," Corduroy said. He walked further inside and disappeared below deck. "Aah! Oh, my gods!!" Onyx and Zyv immediately pulled away from one another and ran into the cabin of the boat. "Onyx!"
"I'm coming!" Onyx called.
"Bring your lute! I need your help!"
"Oh, shit. Oh, FUCK. Oh, shit, what happened?" Corduroy stood outside of the room Bee had called their own for the past couple of months. He held up a hand.
"Hold on, stay out here! Onyx, quickly, please!" they begged. Zyv looked down and gasped, covering their mouth. Their stomach turned at the black puddle that slowly seeped out onto the wood past the door, threatening to stain Corduroy's feet. It looked like the ink that had dripped down the poor gargoyle's face when he'd transformed so long ago...
"What... What happened?" Zyv said. Onyx hesitantly stepped into the room, getting the black ichor onto his feet.
"Oh!" he gasped. "Holy fuck."
"What's going on?!"
"Zyv, hold on. Onyx, help me heal them. I can't--I can't do this by myself," Corduroy said. The two of them began to play a duet, the first Zyv had ever heard from them. It took advantage of their distraction and stuck its head into the room.
On the floor, sprawled out in a pool of their own ichor, Bee laid unconscious. A towel, stained pitch black, sat in their limp hand. Onyx gently pushed Bee onto their side. From their chest, a wave of black liquid gushed onto the floor. He gagged, turning away. Corduroy knelt by them.
"Fucking Christ... Come on," he encouraged. The two of them started to play. The melody flew from their mouths and their fingers into the air, two strands of magic swirling around each other. The strands intertwined and shot down into Bee's body. A warm, emerald green glow washed over them and the black ichor slowly stopped flowing. Zyv fell to their knees in the remaining puddle. The whole room went silent. The song washed away in place of a loud whooshing that filled its ears. Their eyes fixed onto the black ichor, on Bee's broken body, at the carnage in front of them.
Corduroy and Onyx finally finished the song and both knelt down by Bee. Corduroy's fingers brushed along Bee's sternum.
"Do you think the cut on their chest opened up again?" Onyx said. "They've got, like, fucked up organs and stuff, right?"
"No, the stain's not centralized around their sternum. It's... wettest on either side of their chest," Corduroy said.
"How can you tell, bro? The whole sweater's fucking soaked. And it's black."
"Feel it."
"I'm good." Corduroy shrugged. "What do you... think they were trying to do?"
"I don't know. Maybe there was some sort of incision opening and Bee was trying to soak up the ichor? There IS a lot, though..." Corduroy looked up at Zyv. He carefully rose, stumbling to the side a bit, and leaned heavily on his cane as he walked up to them. He put his hand on their shoulder. Zyv didn't respond. "Zyv? Zyv... C'mon... Let's go outside. Okay? Bee's gonna be fine."
"What happened...?" Zyv mumbled.
"That's what we're going to try to figure out. But if you're not well, I need you to go get some air up on the deck. I'll go with you. Onyx?"
"I've got them," Onyx said. His trembling hands hovered over Bee. "Okay... Come on, Bumblebee." He carefully pushed his arms underneath them and hoisted them up into his lap. As carefully as he could, he rose to his feet with Bee cradled in his arms. Zyv immediately stood up and walked over to him. Onyx paused, watching them warily. "I'm putting them down in one of the hammocks." Zyv continued to hover. "Bro, give them some space."
"Onyx...," Corduroy softly chastised. Onyx placed Bee down in the hammock, just like he said he would. Bee laid there still as a stone. Zyv looked down at them. They looked as though they were sleeping. Corduroy rubbed its arm. "Come, Zyv. Please?"
"I won't leave them alone. If that makes you feel any better," Onyx said.
"I can stay here if you'd rather. You and Onyx can get some air."
"I'm not going up there with him," Zyv mumbled.
"Then... Come with me," Corduroy said. Zyv sighed.
"Fine. But the second they wake up, come get us." Zyv pointed at Onyx with its two left hands. Onyx placed one hand on his heart and held the other up beside his head.
"You have my word," he promised. Zyv walked past Corduroy, shaking its feet out to try to get the ichor off. Corduroy paid the mess little mind as he followed them upstairs. Onyx went into another room, pulled up a chair, and placed it in front of the hammock to begin his long vigil for his friend.