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When Eloise had first told Colin that she’d be planning his birthday party this year, he knew to expect the unexpected. He was proven right as soon as he stepped out of the cab and glanced up at a giant neon sign that read Mic Drop Lounge, letting out a long groan. The last place he wanted to be after the night after a twelve hour flight home, hopefully his last one for a long while if things went according to plan, was a karaoke bar. He could already hear the music and shouts from people inside as he made his way towards the front door.
Eloise had texted him on his ride over that everyone was already inside and his heart rate had spiked up a bit at the prospect of seeing her again. Both in excitement to see her in person after so many months of only being able to see each other through a screen, and in nervous anticipation for what he was determined to tell her before the night ended. It was something that he’d been dying to tell her the minute it dawned on him during one of their many FaceTimes. This particular FaceTime, Penelope ended up dozing off before hanging up the phone and while Colin stayed on to simply admire her beauty, the realization suddenly hit him like a freight train. The reason why he had been missing home so desperately on his recent travels.
He was in love with his best friend.
He loved Penelope Featherington.
Colin, a travel blogger, always made sure to return back home every year around his birthday to see his friends and family, but this time they’d be surprised to know that he was returning for good. The minute Colin had realized what all those confounding feelings he had been having about Penelope were, he had started shopping for a flat and looking for a job in London. After a few weeks, he had found a cozy two bedroom flat and had been hired as an editor for a food magazine. The final thing he needed to do was confess his love to Penelope and the future he'd been envisioning would come to fruition.
Waking inside the bar, Colin smiled and waved at random people he passed by as he looked for the table Eloise had told him she had reserved. Looking to his left, Colin’s heart felt like it stopped and kickstarted all at once as he spotted a familiar head of beautiful red hair. He allowed himself a few seconds to take her in, his eyes trailing down her body. Penelope was wearing a blue dress that hugged her curves so impeccably well that Colin could feel himself salivating.
God, she was breathtaking.
As if she could sense his eyes on her, Penelope sat her drink down on the table and turned around, a small excited shriek falling from her lips the instant her gaze found his.
“Colin!”
A blanket of warmth fell over him as he felt her tiny arms wrap themselves around his waist. Colin’s cheeks already hurt from how wide he was grinning and he bent down slightly to hug her back.
“Hi Pen. I missed you,” he whispered, giving her forehead a quick peck.
“I missed you too.”
Penelope pulled back from their embrace far sooner than Colin wanted, but he couldn’t help but smirk as he noticed the familiar pink tint on her cheeks. He loved seeing it every time he kissed her forehead, nose, cheek, and hopefully soon, her lips.
The two walked back in the direction Penelope came from and Colin let himself pretend that their hands weren’t just brushing each other, imagining his hand encompassing hers instead.
Soon, he reminded himself.
As soon as they were back at the table, all of Colin’s siblings rushed over to hug and greet him.
“There he is! Damn Colin, couldn’t bother to shave before coming to your birthday party?” Anthony asked. “Where the hell did this beard come from?”
Colin rolled his eyes, an annoyed chuckle slipping out.
“Good to see you too, Ant.”
“Ignore him. He’s been moody ever since Kate said no to a date with him the other night,” Benedict cut in, shoving Anthony to the side and patting Colin on the cheek. “You look great. What were you eating in Greece though? You seem more…sturdy.”
“I think he looks distinguished,” Penelope muttered next to him. He felt his cheeks grow warm and ignored the knowing grin on Benedict’s face.
Benedict had been the first and only person that Colin had confided in about his feelings for Penelope. Growing up Anthony and Benedict had definitely been closer, with Colin having felt closest to Daphne, but in recent years Colin and Benedict had created a deeper bond. Benedict was the sibling Colin connected with the most with Hyacinth being a close second. While he never expected it from his family, it was nice that those two checked in with him everyday and occasionally made time to visit when he was away on a work trip. They had made him feel like he wasn’t as overlooked as he had felt he was growing up. Neither one of them knew that he was setting down roots back here in London, though. He wanted Penelope to be the first person he told.
“Thank you. I think you look stunning,” Colin said, tipping his head down to whisper his reply in her ear.
Penelope let out a sharp gasp.
“In fact, there’s something else I’ve been meaning to tell you, Pen. Though, I’d rather not do it in front of everyone. Could we go somewhere more private?”
At this, she turned to face him with her brow furrowed in confusion. Colin thought she looked adorable like this and couldn’t resist reaching up to tug one of the curls framing her face, a habit he hadn’t been able to break since the day he met her.
“What do you mean? Did something bad happen to you?” she asked anxiously.
Colin smiled, melting at the fact that she was instantly concerned for him. God, he loved her.
“No, I’m okay. I promise. It’s just that…I-” he stopped himself, nervous about the audience of his family who were all probably watching.
“Colin?” Penelope asked, her sweet voice bringing him to life once more.
Fuck it. He thought. I want her to know.
Ignoring his rapid heartbeat and the fear of possibly making a fool of himself in front of his siblings, Colin took one of Penelope’s hands in his and locked his gaze on hers.
“Penelope, I wanted to tell you that I-“
“BIRTHDAY SHOTS!!” Eloise yelled from across the table, breaking through whatever bubble had formed around Penelope and him.
Penelope blinked up at him a couple of times before shaking her head slightly with a frown, a flash of disappointment evident in her gaze. Colin wanted to crack a joke or tug on one of her curls again just to see her smile once more. He hated the possibility that he’d upset her.
Throughout the next two hours, Colin talked with the rest of his family–thanking Eloise for the party, dancing with Hyacinth and Daphne, and playing pool with Francesca and his brothers. He was now currently laughing his ass off with Penelope as they watched Anthony’s tone-deaf self perform Believe by Cher while Benedict and Gregory tried to breakdance on stage behind him. Emphasis on tried. The two looked more like they were wrestling than dancing.
“This is the best thing I’ve witnessed all year,” Colin laughed out, wiping the tears from his eyes. He was lying of course. Penelope's smile would always be the best thing.
“Even more than the beaches in Greece?” She teased, taking a sip of her drink.
“Actually, yes. I’ve honestly kind of missed this.”
“You’ve missed witnessing your brothers butcher classics in a karaoke bar?” she asked, giggling. If Colin hadn’t already been grinning ear to ear, that sound alone would have had him cheesing.
“No, wise guy,” he joked, “I meant that I missed my family, home…you.”
“You’ve said that already, that you missed me,” she tried teasing back but Colin heard the slight shake in her voice. She was looking up at him through her lashes and the little buzz he had from the two shots earlier were having him question whether or not he should throw caution to the wind and just kiss her right here. The air around them was crackling with electricity as he watched her look back and forth between his eyes before her gaze suddenly fell to his lips.
Did she want to kiss him too?
“Penelope?”
“Yes, Colin?”
He swallowed, willing his racing heart to calm down.
Ask her for a kiss idiot! his mind screamed at him.
“C-can I..” he froze up again, scared at the possibility of getting turned down. He’d finally have something in common with Anthony, at least.
“Can you what?” She asked, an impatient edge to her voice.
Fuck it. I want her to know.
“Can I ki-“
“Penelope! I need to pee so bad. Will you go to the bathroom with me?” Eloise whined, popping out of nowhere and throwing herself around Penelope’s shoulders. Colin sighed, annoyed at being interrupted again but Eloise was clearly drunk and Colin would feel much better if she didn’t go to the bathroom alone. When he looked at Penelope, he saw that same disappointed look from earlier back on her face and felt the same impulse to figure out a way to replace it with her smiles and giggles instead.
Penelope walked off with Eloise, Colin’s eyes following them the entire way. She cast a single glance back at him to which he mouthed a ‘sorry’ to her with a sheepish grin, hoping to see that lovely grin of hers. He was victorious when he saw her giggle at him before she turned back towards the bathroom. Colin, feeling pleased with himself, decided to head over to the bar after that while he racked his brain for what to do next. It was eating him alive to be this close to her for the first time since realizing his love for her and not be able to tell her. As much as he was annoyed with Eloise for interrupting them, he was even more frustrated with himself for choking on his words in the first place. He knew it was because he was afraid of the possibility that she’d turn him down and that their friendship would never be able to recover because of it.
Colin quickly shook that thought from his head, unable to imagine a world where he and Penelope weren’t in each other's lives. He then thought back on a fond memory of the two of them at the beach, when they had both still been in high school and Colin had been a month away from graduating. He had asked her then, in a nervous voice, if she thought him going to a University two hours away would mess up their friendship somehow. Penelope had shaken her head no immediately, taking his hand in hers.
“Colin, no matter what happens in either of our lives, no matter the distance between us, I will always be your friend.”
And she had stayed true to her word. Even after he had dropped out of University and had begun traveling thousands of miles away, Penelope had supported him through it all and had always answered every text or call.
With that thought in mind, Colin took a sip from the beer he was handed and decided that the moment she came back with Eloise, he was going to confess his love to her. Right here. Right now.
No more choking up, Bridgerton. He mentally scolded himself. Tell her.
After ten or so minutes went by, Colin began to grow concerned when neither Penelope or his sister showed back up at the bar. He could see Daphne and Benedict dancing and singing along with the woman currently doing karaoke; Anthony was sitting in the booth and clearly had too much to drink, seeing as his head was tipped back and he was smiling at the ceiling. Colin tried to locate the rest of his siblings, but what he saw in the crowd to his left made his heart drop.
Eloise must’ve taken a liking to whoever she was talking to, never one to smile at men, but that’s not what stopped him. Penelope was there, rolling her hips with a carefree grin on her face. Colin would’ve allowed himself another moment to watch her enchanting figure and gorgeous grin if the acid in his stomach wasn’t bubbling up at the fact that she was dancing with someone who definitely wasn’t Eloise. He felt tears pricking at the back of eyes, chastising himself for already getting emotional at the sight of her just simply dancing with someone else.
Colin felt like he was stuck in a trance as he noticed the guy begin to kiss down Penelope’s neck and she didn’t pull away. All the confidence Colin had felt earlier went completely out the window as he stood there, wanting more than anything to rip this random stranger away from Pen and replace those kisses with ones from him.
“You know, that could be you if you’d quit being the cowardly lion and just tell her how you feel already,” his youngest sister's voice said from his left, bringing him back to reality.
Colin blinked at Hyacinth in confusion. She rolled her eyes, chugging the drink in her hand before slamming it back down on the bar.
“I’m not an idiot, Colin. I know you’re in love with her.”
“How…what? Did Ben tell you? You haven’t said anything to Penelope, have you?”
Hyacinth rolled her eyes again, smirking at the panic in his voice before her smile suddenly dropped and she glared at him.
“You told Benedict before me?!” she screeched. “And no, I haven’t said anything to Pen. That’s your job lover boy.”
Colin groaned, throwing his head into his hands.
“I was going to! But now she’s over there with some guy and I can’t just break it up and say ‘I’m in love with you, Pen. Let me kiss you instead.’ It doesn't work like that.”
“Why not?”
Another groan.
“Because Hy, I know Penelope. She would hate it if I caused a scene in front of everyone. Plus, even if I am desperate to tell her how I feel, I want it to be more special as well. I almost mucked it up by thinking I could shout it at her when she came back from the bathroom. Thank god I saw her dancing with that loser and stopped myself.”
Hyacinth hummed in agreement and the two stood there, racking their brains on what to do next.
Suddenly, his sister let out a loud gasp.
“What if you indiscreetly told her how you felt?”
“What do you mean?”
His sister chuckled and he had a feeling that whatever idea she’d come up with, would end up embarrassing him somehow.
“You said Penelope doesn’t like big, huge scenes right? And that you wanted to make it special? Well what if you sang her a love song? Something she’d know is specifically directed towards her, that way no one else will know and it could be a special little moment between the two of you. Then when she’s all heart eyes and smiles afterwards, you can tell her how you feel and ride off into the sunset together.”
Colin let out a loud laugh but before he could answer her saying how ridiculous that idea was, another voice came from his right.
“I think that’s a prilliant blan, Hyacinth!” Benedict slurred out, eyes bleary.
“Oh Jesus Christ,” Colin muttered under his breath. He knew how this conversation would go now, because if any of his siblings were able to talk him into anything, it was these two.
And that’s exactly how Colin currently found himself taking a shot with Hyacinth for extra confidence as he waited to be called on stage. Apparently all it took to convince Colin to go along with this “prilliant blan” was Benedict grabbing him by the shoulders and (trying) to stare him straight in the eye while saying, “Little bro, it’s Penelope. Just go for it.”
It’s Penelope.
And Penelope deserved to know.
He wanted her to know.
“Ladies and gentlemen, next up is the birthday boy, Colin Bridgerton!” the DJ shouted into the mic. Colin felt his anxiety levels spike as he walked the short steps up to the stage, taking the mic that the DJ was holding out to him.
“Now, I was told that you were singing a song for a special someone. Care to tell us their name?” The DJ asked.
“She’ll know exactly who she is,” Colin answered, followed by a round of ‘ooohs’ sounding from the audience.
“Oh, so mysterious,” the DJ chuckled, “well can you at least tell us what song you’ll be singing?”
“A song by one of our favorite groups. We used to cruise around town together and scream their songs together at the top of our lungs,” a round of ‘awwws’ sounded out this time before Colin continued, “So I’m gonna be singing I Wish by One Direction.”
After his speech, Colin’s anxiousness washed over him again as his eyes bounced around the room in search of his favorite shade of blue. The calm to his storm. A second later he found it, feeling the tension in his shoulders release immediately. Penelope looked a bit confused but Colin hoped she would understand the message he was trying to send. The beginning notes of the song began to play and Colin maintained eye contact with Penelope as he began to sing.
He takes your hand
I die a little
I watch your eyes
And I'm in riddles
Why can't you look at me like that?
Na na na na na
When you walk by
I try to say it
But then I freeze
And never do it
My tongue gets tied
The words get trapped
I hear the beat of my heart getting louder
Whenever I'm near you
But I see you with him
Slow dancing
Tearing me apart
'Cause you don't see
Whenever you kiss him
I'm breaking,
Oh how I wish that was me
Colin must’ve gotten lost in the music and shut his eyes at one point because when he opened them, Penelope was no longer standing there. Dread filled the bottom of his gut and he looked around the room in desperation, hoping to spot her bright, red hair or her big blue eyes. When neither presented themselves and he realized the song was still playing as everyone in the crowd watched on, Colin mumbled a ‘sorry’ before tossing the mic on the ground and running off the stage.
It felt like the room was closing in on him as he ran past all the people, ignoring his family's looks of pity and shouts for him. After finally managing to make it outside of the bar without falling into a full blown panic attack, he leaned up against the wall, gasping in huge breaths in hopes to calm himself down.
Why the fuck did I do that?
That was the only thought playing on a loop in Colin’s mind as he finally felt himself begin to relax. Now that he was really thinking about what just happened, he can’t believe he even let himself think that was a good idea. In fact, his whole plan this entire night was a stupid idea. Penelope deserved more than just a rushed confession in a goddamn karaoke bar. She deserved everything good the world had to offer, if you asked Colin.
The slam of the front door next to him made him jump, his heartbeat racing once more. He didn’t know if his heart was going to make it through the night at this rate. He looked over as saw Eloise scouting the area, clearly in search of something. Once she noticed him, her eyes widened and she rushed over.
“Aha! There you are!”
Colin sighed, ready to call it a night and go back to Benedict’s to mope. He was staying there until he got the keys to his flat.
“What do you want, El?”
Eloise glared at him for a moment, not liking his tone apparently, before her eyes softened.
“You really love her, huh? Penelope?” she asked softly.
Colin swallowed, averting his gaze for a second before nodding. He couldn’t stand denying his feelings anymore. Denying her.
“Yes, I do.”
Eloise grinned, pinching his cheeks for a second before a horrified look washed over her face and she stepped back.
“Okay, ew. I’m definitely still drunk because I don’t know what the fuck that was,” she gestured to his cheeks, causing him to laugh. “And I’m about to tell you to go after my best friend and tell her you love her.”
“Why?” Colin asked, curious. He was most nervous to tell Eloise about being in love with Pen, afraid she’d freak the fuck out and despise him for it. This reaction wasn’t what he had expected and he was honestly baffled.
“Because the more I think about it, the more you two together just makes sense. Growing up, you were always trying to find little moments alone with her–don’t think I didn’t notice. You two always seemed to gravitate towards one another, no matter where we were or what we were doing. Hell, she convinced you to go on that rollercoaster with her that one time, and you HATE rollercoasters. Plus, people would be blind not to see the way your mood completely shifted for the better when she came up to hug you earlier. The same way her eyes always get that same twinkle whenever you walk into the room. Because she loves you too, Colin.”
“What? How do you know? Did she tell you that?” he asked, hope rising in his chest.
“No, she didn’t have to. I’m her best friend, Colin. I can see it. I’ve seen it for a very long time actually.”
Colin didn’t know what to think. Part of him wanted to allow himself to believe what his sister was saying, but when he tried to pour his heart out in a song earlier, Penelope ran away. But that hope was still swirling in his chest and the more he let it fester, the more he knew that if he wasn’t direct and didn’t confess his feelings now, he’d spend the rest of his life not knowing if perhaps Penelope felt the same way too. Even if she ended up not returning his feelings, he’d be perfectly content being her friend. Just being around Penelope was enough for him.
Without even bothering to say goodbye to Eloise, not wanting to waste anymore time, Colin took off into the direction of Penelope’s place. He let the hope swallow him whole, praying that she’d be home when he got there. As he skidded down another block, he felt water droplets hit his skin and it began to pour down rain out of nowhere. Colin didn’t let that deter him, ignoring the heaviness of his clothes and the water sloshing in his shoes as he saw her house in the distance.
Once he finally arrived, he took a few seconds to catch his breath and run over what to say in his head. He knocked softly on her door and stood there, hands fidgeting, as he waited for her to answer. The sound of footsteps approaching hit his ears and he rolled his shoulders back, ready to give her the heartfelt speech he’d just come up with.
The door opened with a creak, and all thoughts and words left his brain as he took in the lovely sight of Penelope in nothing but one of his old band t-shirts–slightly oversized on her–and some cute yellow fuzzy socks.
“Colin! Why the fuck are you so soaking wet?” she asked in surprise, and it was then that he noticed her eyes were red rimmed.
She had been crying. He hated to see her upset.
“Shit, Pen. I hope you weren’t crying because of me,” he said, reaching up to tug one of her curls, wanting to give her some sort of comfort.
Penelope stepped back before he could and crossed her arms, staring daggers at him. He ignored the tingling in his fingertips, still yearning to touch her hair.
“Colin. Why are you here?” she demanded in a soft tone. She sounded like she was exhausted.
Shit.
Colin needed to tell her but as he searched his mind to try and remember his speech, he came up blank.
“P-pen, I-I…”
He stopped himself, trying to calm the wave of words raging a storm in his mind and focus on the ones that mattered.
“Colin, it’s late and you’re gonna get sick if you stay in those clothes any longer. Why don’t you come in and take a warm shower and we can watch a movie or something? I’ll text Ben to let him know you’re staying here,” Penelope gave him a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes, disappointment circulating there instead.
And he was reminded all over again why he loved her.
Even when she was so obviously upset with him and had been crying, she pushed all of that aside to make sure he wouldn’t get sick. She cared about and loved him more than anyone else in his life and had for a long, long time. It would be so easy to just walk in, watch a movie with her, and pretend like his feelings were never there. But Colin didn’t want that. He was so sick of hiding and pretending. He owed it to her to be brave and honest. She should know just how much he loved and cared for her too.
“I can’t,” he said sternly.
Penelope physically deflated before him, looking broken and confused.
“I mean, you don’t have to stay and watch a movie I guess. But at least take a warm shower before you head all the way back to Ben’s. And take a ca-“
“That’s not what I meant, Pen.”
“Then what do you mean, Colin? All you’ve done is confuse me all damn night. I can tell that something’s bothering you so what is it?!” she shouted in exasperation.
“Nothing's bothering me. I’m just struggling to find the right words to say,” he whispered back, worried he was ruining everything before it even began.
“Colin, I told you I’m tired. I can’t do this all night. Maybe we both just need some sleep and we can talk tom-“
“I love you.”
He hadn’t meant to just blurt it out like that but now that he said it, he didn’t want to take it back. Never would actually.
The silence that followed was enough to have him second guessing saying anything. Penelope stood there, eyes widened in shock as she kept opening and closing her mouth, as if she was now the one unsure of what to say.
“Uh, Pen?” he asked, drumming his fingers against his palm to try and keep from drowning in his anxiety.
“What do you mean you love me?”
“That I love you, Pen. I’m in love with you and I have been for quite some time,” Colin responded easily. Now that he’d confessed, he found it much easier to articulate himself. The weight of harboring those feelings had finally lifted.
“So when you sang me that song, you were being serious? You weren’t making fun of me?”
Colin guffawed, offended.
“Yes, I was serious. I’d never do something cruel to you like that, especially with a crowd around. Did you seriously think I was joking?”
Penelope’s face flushed and she looked down at the ground in shame. It was evident that she truly thought he was mocking her somehow and that was why she had taken off earlier. Colin didn’t want her to beat herself up over it and hated that he made her even think that could be a possibility. None of this would’ve happened had he just told her the first chance he had. Pushing his own guilt and shame to the side, Colin focused on the only person he’d ever love and tipped her chin up with two fingers so she’d meet his eyes.
“I would never joke about that. About you,” he stated firmly, finally reaching up to tug on one of her curls. He had deemed it his ‘emotional support curl.’ Penelope giggled, tears pricking in her eyes. He was so glad that he was still standing out in the rain, now a light shower, so Penelope couldn’t see the endless tears flowing down his cheeks.
“I love you, Penelope Featherington. I love you in more ways than I can even express.”
Penelope let out a broken sob, rushing out onto her front step and into the rain before standing on her tippy toes and pressing her mouth to his.
Colin’s noise of surprise quickly turned into a hushed moan as he kissed her back, leaning down to make her more comfortable as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close. The salty taste of both their tears mixed in with the wet slide of their tongues as they battled for dominance. He let her win, groaning when she suckled on his bottom lip before pulling away.
“I love you too, Col. I always have,” she whispered.
“Always?”
“From the minute you hugged me after I was the one who knocked you off your bike. All because you saw me crying. My heart was yours from that day on,” she told him, staring up at him with stars in her eyes.
That must be the twinkle El was talking about.
“I hate to see you cry,” he admitted. “Still do.”
“These are happy tears, I promise.”
Colin chuckled and kissed her nose, her forehead, then finally her lips.
“We probably should get inside and shower. The rain’s starting to pick up again,” Colin mumbled, reluctantly breaking the kiss.
Penelope giggled–he would never tire of hearing it–and took his hand in hers before pulling him inside behind her.
“So, now that you’ve confessed your love to me and everything, does this mean I get to be your plus one on your next work trip?” she teasingly asked as they made their way towards the bathroom.
“‘No need. I’m, uh, going to be staying here for a while. Forever, actually. I’ve got a job lined up here and I’ll get the keys to my flat in three days.”
Penelope halted at this, looking at him in bewilderment and excitement all at once.
“You’re joking!”
“Pen,” Colin said, smirking, “didn’t I say that I’d never joke about you?”
Penelope brought him closer with the tug of her hand and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing the scar on his chin. The one scar he didn’t mind because its scar he obtained from when Pen knocked him off his bike.
“This isn’t about me though. This is about your job, and you love to travel,” she reminded him.
Colin, unable to resist again, tugged on a curl before tucking it behind her ear.
“Loved to travel. I’ve found myself missing home, missing you more and more on these last few trips. I have so many things I want to do and experience with you, Penelope, and we can take vacations together whenever we please. I want to be here, in London. I want to be with you.”
Penelope leaned up to kiss him once more, this one more slow and tender as if they were both pouring out all their love into it. When they broke apart, tears brimming in their eyes once again.
“I love you so much, Colin Bridgerton.”
“I love you, Penelope Featherington.”
A watery laugh spilled from both their lips.
“God, we’re gonna be so sick tomorrow. Let's continue this conversation in the shower,” Colin said playfully.
“You seem very eager to shower with me,” Penelope teased, pulling him inside the bathroom.
“I promise I’ve only dreamed about it like, seven times.”
Penelope let out the cutest giggle yet, and Colin was pretty sure he melted into the floor at the sound. He’d make his life mission from here on out to always make her giggle like that.
The following morning, Colin woke up naked in Penelope’s bed with a headache and a sore throat. He groaned and rolled out of bed to make his way to the kitchen to make some tea. He heard music playing the closer he got, and smirked at the familiar song.
Colin leaned up against the doorway of the kitchen, the smile never leaving his face as he watched a naked (and clearly in good health) Penelope twirl around the kitchen while starting a pot of tea. She spotted him at the door and smiled as she sang the lyrics back to him.
Oh, how I wish that was me