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I take a decent amount of time showering to remove the pieces of burnt turkey from my olive skin. Despite using my favorite cucumber dove soap bar to wash my body, I feel as if it’s still stuck to me. The call today was of a burn victim as some idiot decided to drop a turkey into a pot of boiling oil rigged from a tree. He was an even bigger idiot for forgetting about his other turkey that was in a pressure cooker outside. So when we were triaging him, it randomly exploded, spraying turkey everywhere. Even though I wasn’t close to it - and neither were the others thank god - I got slapped with turkey bits. Buck even found some behind my ear and I don’t even know how that’s possible! Once deemed turkey free, I dry myself, put on my uniform, and step out of the locker room area to join the others for our ritualistic 118 dinner.
I fear I am going to smell turkey forever as I swear I can smell it now. “Guys I can still smell the turkey on me”, I say to everyone while taking a seat at the table.
“Actually Ravi, that might just be because I’ve made deep fried turkey with roasted vegetables, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and bread.” Bobby says while placing this giant bird in the center of the table.
“Bobby, why would you torture us like this after a call like that! I don’t think I can eat this after what mayhem we saw today” I responded with a look of skepticism on my face.
“Awwww I’m sorry Ravi, but I thought that today would be the perfect day to showcase my deep fried turkey skills and erase that travesty of a cooking disaster today. It’s a delicate balance that one has to make with cooking a turkey so it doesn’t dry out” Bobby exclaims whilst loading the rest of the dishes on the table.
“Well I think this is a great idea Cap and whatever Ravi won’t eat I will!” Chimney chimes in with a fork and knife ready in his hands next to me.
“Do you think pumpkin pie might win you over Ravi?” Bobby says with a smile. I shake my head no. “Although I’m sure your pumpkin pie is heavenly, I still don't think it outweighs the memory of today’s call. The smell of burning flesh and turkey with bits everywhere - nooooo thank you.” I say with as much conviction as possible to deter Bobby from pushing further.
The others begin taking their usual seating arrangement at the table and begin serving. I briefly look over at Buck who is practically drooling over the food. Eddie notices this as well and without thinking tucks in a napkin under Buck’s chin to catch whatever food misses his mouth. I roll my eyes and shake my head at them. Those two think they are so sly with keeping their romantic relationship a secret and ‘acting’ like usual when they’re around us - like we can’t tell that they are together. I’m just waiting for someone to bring it up so I don’t look like an ‘ass’ for asking - even though I don’t understand why 1. They would keep it a secret and 2. Be rude for me to bring it up. At least that’s what my mum said to me when I told her about it on our most recent phone call.
I become slightly bothered at Chimney for taking an increasingly long time choosing if he wants white or dark meat. I roll my eyes in annoyance as I just want to eat. “I'm freaking starving!” I think to myself while bouncing my leg to pass the slowest seconds known to man. Honestly, Chimney and Buck should be the last ones to grab food as they always load up their plates and take eons to decide their portions of which to have more of. When I am finally given the turkey, Bobby chimes in once more with a request as he notices that I don’t place a sliver of turkey on my plate.
“Okay Ravi, if my pumpkin pie isn’t enough to persuade you. How about your Amma’s Nankhatai? All I ask is for you to try my deep fried turkey then the Nankhatai is all yours” he finishes with the tiniest of smirks.
Ravi’s eyes sparkle at the sound of his Amma’s Nankhatai and the mere thought makes his mouth begin to salivate. “You’ve got a deal Cap!” I say enthusiastically while serving myself a decent portion of turkey onto my plate. Bobby laughs cheerfully and tells everyone to dig in - although Chimney already snuck a bite or two.
Hen is the first to ask, “Ravi what’s Nankhatai and who’s Amma?” I quickly swallow the juicy yet crispy turkey to respond to Hen.
“Nakhatai is a buttery shortbread cookie packed full of flavor which my Amma - grandmother- used to make specifically for me as it would cheer me up in the hospital and surprisingly be one of the only things I could keep down. I haven’t had it in a while since I’ve been in remission and been busy working here but she knew exactly how to cheer me up during my cancer days. I really miss her-” I trail off as I can feel the emotions bubbling up into my throat. I take a bite of the stuffing as an excuse to not continue speaking.
I can feel Hen’s motherly eyes on me but thankfully doesn’t pry for more information. “Well I would be grateful to try one of her cookies - if you allow us” she responds with a wink.
“Of course you can all try one but I get dibs on the majority” I say with a child-like smile.
Buck with a mouthful of food asks “Wait, how did you get his Amma’s recipe Bobby?”
“Well I called up Ravi’s mother as she’s his emergency contact and I politely asked if I could have his favorite dessert recipe since I wanted to have something for everyone. She informed me that it’s his Amma’s cookies that he loves so much so I asked for her number and had a chat about how to make them for Ravi. She is a wonderful woman and shared some insight about Ravi - which I very much appreciated as Ravi keeps to himself.” Bobby finished with an innocent look upon his face.
“Ooooooo what juicy stuff did you learn about our little Ravi” Buck says in a condescending tone and a wicked expression.
“Ah—- before you guys start about that, what me and his Amma spoke about is confidential. So more eating and less yapping!” Cap barks harmlessly.
I silently thank Bobby for that as Buck’s comment not only bothers me but has a negative undertone. I don’t know what his problem is with me, but regardless it’s bad manners. No one should request for gossip when the person it’s about is in front of them. Like isn’t that an unspoken rule with neurotypicals!? I can never keep up.
I pull out from my thoughts to listen to the others chat about Thanksgiving traditions - as the holiday is in 3 days. I learned that Chimney eats fried chicken instead of turkey as that’s customary in Korea which he’s happily carried into his marriage with Maddie. Eddie makes tamales with his Abuelas - grandmothers - and is trying to teach Christopher as well since it’s part of his heritage. Hen makes a southern thanksgiving with green beans, mac & cheese, and sweet potato pie and invites Denny’s biological father, Marra’s brother/family, and other relatives.
They all enthusiastically talk and share stories while I finish my plate to the best of my abilities. Although in theory I have a big appetite, in actuality I don’t as the chemo ruined that - which means I’ll be snacking on those cookies later to savor every bite and stealing some leftovers before I go home.
Once everyone is done eating and cleaning up, Bobby tells us to all get some sleep as we still have 24 hours left in our shift. Chimney slowly gets up from the table like a pregnant woman and waddles to the bunk beds downstairs. I let everyone else go to the bunk room first so I can stay behind and properly thank Bobby as what he did means a lot to me. I tear up a bit when he gives me a hug and tells me that I am a valued member of the 118. Together we head into the bunk room with Bobby’s arm around me.
There are two rooms with 4 bunk beds to host the entire 118 if needed to take a nap in-between calls during our 48 hour shifts. Typically, all of us wouldn’t be sleeping at the same time as there is always something to do in-between calls, but because it’s the holiday season we need all the rest we can get. Our calls are more exhausting and eventful than the average ones - which is saying a lot.
Usually, we would all be sleeping in the same room but due to Buck’s sleep talking and Chimney’s elephant snoring, we now have a bunk room chart with who can sleep with who in the same room. Eddie, Buck, and Chimney sleep in one room and Hen, Bobby, and me sleep in the other. I quite like this arrangement as both Bobby and Hen are quiet people and won’t bother me on the night’s I can’t sleep. It’s like an unsaid rule between us that if anyone in this room wants to chat you go elsewhere.
Once Bobby and I were awake in the bunk room at the same time and he was knitting while I was reading a book. Honestly, it’s one of my favorite memories while at the 118 as I could enjoy his company without feeling the urge to contribute to the conversation. Having social anxiety is the literal worst when you are an already awkward autistic person who lowkey wants to break out of his bubble. How can one do that when they get anxiety attacks and spiral over the simplest conversations. I can be a lost cause sometimes.
I settle into bed finally allowing my exhaustion to catch up with me. The majority of the time spent in this room is me just thinking about how long before the siren goes off or when I can go home to actually sleep comfortably. I do not sleep well with others in the same room as I worry that someone might judge the way I sleep. I know Bobby and Hen wouldn’t do that but the little anxious devil in my brain says otherwise. While I’m drifting off to sleep, I hear the rustling of Hen getting comfortable in bed and the click of a nightlight from Bobby which means he’s journaling, knitting, or reading.
***
I bolt awake as the siren blares overhead - which indicates someone in need. I automatically swing my legs over the edge of the bed - ready to spring into action. My agile reflexes means I’m the first one to the door but the door won’t open. I push the door - as I normally do - but it won’t budge. I shake my head quickly to get the sleep off me - thinking that might be the issue - but still nothing.
“Ummmm guys, the door won’t open… It’s stuck!” I say with an urgent voice.
Hen is quickly by my side trying to pry the door open with my help but neither of us can get it unstuck. After some further inspection, she turns to Cap saying “we got an issue here. I think the lock-down protocol has been activated - meaning that this door is now acting as a shelter in place and won’t budge until the ‘All Clear’ is given in the Captain’s office.”
“What do you mean by ‘lock-down protocol’? We don’t have that here!?” Bobby says with bewilderment in his voice.
Hen looks at me briefly with a look of ‘oh he doesn’t know’ before explaining to him. “Well….when Gerard was captain he was ordered by Councilwoman Ortiz to upgrade our security in case of a shelter in place situation like a mass shooting. This was during the same time we had to wear body cameras” Hen finishes.
Bobby ponders for a second until coming up with a plan. “Seeing as we can’t get to my office, we need to contact someone who can. Do either of you have a phone to call dispatch?” Bobby says calmly.
I shrink a bit as I realize yet another obstacle. “Umm I left my phone charging in the locker room” I say while turning to Hen with some hope.
Hen lowers her head in shame and says “I accidentally left mine in my work pants in my locker, when I changed into my LAFD sweats.” We both look at Cap like lost kids waiting for the adult to find us.
Bobby makes a face of slight defeat. “And mine is charging out there as well. Okay new plan, lets see if the guys next door have their phones” Bobby responds.
He moves to the left hand wall, cups his hands, and semi-yells over the siren to ask if the guys can hear him and if they have their phones. Hen and I press our ears to the wall to help decipher what the muffles mean. After more yelling, Eddie tells us that none of them have their phones because of a ‘new rule’ that was recently enacted due to Buck’s grinder constantly going off and Chimney receiving cute updates about Jee.
As the guys gruntle over who’s fault it is for enacting said rule, Hen suddenly exclaims “OH I JUST REMEMBERED ABOUT MY MED BAG!” and cups her hands to tell Chimney that there should be a medical bag underneath his bunk bed.
Chimney locates it with ease but becomes confused as to why it’s beneath his bed. Hen responds with “listen you have bad sleep apnea so I’ve noticed that sometimes you stop breathing and I worry that you’d flatline in the middle of the night so I stored it there just in case.”
Chimney then begins arguing with her about how he doesn’t have a sleep apnea problem and just ‘casually’ snores. Bobby yells over both of them and tells them to put a pin in it until this is over and orders Chimney to find anything useful in the bag.
Next thing we hear is a loud thud from the other room and laughter from Chimney and Eddie. Apparently, Buck thought it was a good idea to ram into the reinforced locked door. I can’t help but giggle as well as only Buck would do something so stupid.
“What an idiot,” Hen says while rolling her eyes. Bobby asks if Buck is okay to which Eddie responds with “No, he dislocated his shoulder by trying to be Captain America.”
That gets another round of laughter from us. I quickly camouflage my giggles into coughs as Bobby gives us this stern parental look.
“Eddie, you relocate Buck’s shoulder. Buck you sit on the bed like a good little boy. Chimney, have you found anything useful in the med bag?” Bobby commands with authority. I can tell that he wants to resolve this as quickly as possible as there is someone out there who needs us.
Chimney promptly tells Cap that he found scissors to which Cap tells him to look for a vent to unscrew it with. The vent Chimney finds is near the ceiling so he climbs on the top bunk at the end of the room to open it. Once it’s open Bobby tells Eddie to climb through it and drop down to any room outside of ours. Eddie tries but he has broad shoulders and can’t fit through the opening. As Buck is now injured, that leaves Chimney - who's claustrophobic.
I can hear him muttering as if mentally steeling himself and my heart goes out to him as Bobby doesn’t make him do rescues like this unless absolutely necessary. Right before Chimney begins to go through the vent, Hen yells at Chimney to not go through as she remembers that she has a first aid kit in our room - and like the wizard that she is - pulls out a decently sized bag from underneath her bed. She immediately locates the scissors and finds the nearest vent which is under my bunk. She unscrews it quickly and shimmies her way back out from beneath the bunk bed.
“I can’t fit into the vent as I was blessed with good genes in the front and in the back so someone else will need to go instead” Hen finishes with an expression like ‘you heard what I said’.
I automatically volunteer as I am the most slender firefighter at the 118 and can easily fit into the vent. Bobby hands me a pen flashlight that was in the bag and wishes me luck as I crawl my way into the vent.
I am absolutely grateful for the flashlight as I wouldn’t be able to see anything. After a few feet, the vent splits off into two sections and I have to choose which direction to go in. I try to envision the firehouse’s layout to determine which way to go but I cannot for the life of me picture it. “Thanks autism for nothing” I mutter to myself and choose to go to the left.
My left foot gets caught on the edge of the corner, making my body stop at an uncomfortable angle. I try to wiggle it free but it only makes my situation worse as my left knee is now contorted as well. My heart begins to beat incredibly fast and I can feel an anxiety attack come on as I realize that no one will be able to help me if I can’t get unstuck.
‘Everyone is counting on you Ravi - including the person out there in need who could be dying right now’ I think to myself as my breathing picks up and I begin to sweat. I feel as if the space is getting smaller and my field of vision is lessening - all signs of someone passing out.
“Enough!” I say while clenching my hands into fits to center me into the present.
“Fear does not control me. I control it” I repeat to myself several times until I am calm enough to try again.
I kick out my foot as if getting a bug off of me which thankfully gets my foot unstuck. I thank the stars and continue to crawl forwards while saying my mantra “Fear does not control me. I control it”. It was something that I started saying to myself during my chemo days as I would become so consumed by my thoughts about dying that I wouldn’t enjoy the moment. To this day, I say it at least 10 times everyday to get me through tough situations.
After what feels like an eternity, I come across a vent opening for another room. “How am I supposed to open this without tools?” I ponder until coming up with a solution. I make a fist in my right hand and start punching the vent repeatedly. My fist aches and bleeds from the continual hits but I continue until I can’t. After some time, I switch to my left hand and continue the process until I hear a popping noise and see the screws fall out from their holdings. I push the vent with the palm of my hand until it crashes on the floor.
I slither out of the vent opening and stand up. After a few seconds pass, I recognize my surroundings as the bathroom area adjacent to the locker room. Not wasting a moment, I sprint to the captain’s office and go behind his desk. Once I’m there, I realize that I have no idea how to turn off this lock-down protocol - causing my anxiety to spike again.
“Think Ravi, Think!” I whisper to myself while tapping my hands to my sides.
“The protocol won’t be able to work…without power right!?!?” I say with vigor and run outside the room to where the garage door is to find the power box. I fling it open and begin flipping all the switches until the siren stops.
I hear a stampede of footsteps as the others must have realized that I cut the power and tried the doors. We all put on our gear - except for Buck as Bobby grounded him - and get into the fire truck as rapidly as possible.
Bobby radio's dispatch, “This is Captain Nash at the 118 requesting the location for the emergency call” as he cannot find it on our GPS.
About a block away from the firehouse, dispatch responded with “Copy that Captain Nash but we haven’t dispatched the 118 since 6 pm for a burn victim” causing us to confusingly share glances at each other.
With a perplexed expression, Cap says “the 118 siren went off at 1:10 am and has been blaring ever since.”
To which we all hear dispatch say “according to our logs, I can confirm that no further calls have been given to the 118 station. As we don’t have any need for the 118, you can return to the firehouse.” Captain responds with a “copy that” and the engine loops back to the firehouse.
Once we arrive back, Buck greets us with a baffled expression before opening his big mouth. “Why are you guys back so quickly!?!” Buck exclaims as we gather out of the truck and into the entrance.
“According to dispatch, the 118 wasn’t called for an emergency since the turkey incident” Bobby responds while crossing his arms.
“I don’t understand how that’s possible—we all heard the nonstop siren!” Buck says - throwing his arm for dramatic effect.
Ignoring Buck, I ask “If the call center didn’t dispatch us then what caused the siren to go off and trigger the protocol?” in response to Bobby’s comment, not Bucks.
Buck is about to make some senseless comment when Eddie says “do you hear that?” - making everyone go silent.
After a few seconds, we hear what Eddie heard, screeching noises coming from the wall. Eddie grabs the nearest pickaxe and waits until the noise happens again to follow it. We followed the noise to the wall in-between the engine room and captain’s room. Chimney marks the wall where the sound originates from and with Cap’s blessing Eddie breaks the wall while Hen and Bobby hold flashlights to provide light.
Once finished, Hen gives Chimney the flashlight and he shines it into the decently sized hole. We all gasp when the light reflects back at us and we are met with a hissing sound.
Chimney stumbles back, throws his hands up as if being arrested, and says “guys, I found the culprit of tonight’s problems” then moves aside for us to see a large possum squirming about - trapped in the wiring within the wall.
I peer closer and state “it’s pregnant! Look at the size of its stomach and the enlarged nipples for her soon to be babies. She must have sought shelter from the cold, got trapped in here, and chewed some wires that controlled the locked doors and siren.”
I run out of the room to grab my gloves and an empty box then return back while putting on the gloves. Bobby tells me to be careful as I untangle the possum and gently place her in the box before semi closing it so it can’t escape.
“What do you want me to do about it Cap” I ask while cradling the box.
Buck mutters “kill it for causing us hell?” - which makes me repress a retort about euthanizing him instead and replacing his spot with the possum.
Thankfully, Bobby interjects with “how about we call the animal control and have them pick up this poor gal. Ravi, would you mind holding her until they get here?”
I nod my head eagerly and leave the room to find a blanket to keep the possum warm and puncture some holes into the box for ventilation.
I sit at the front of the station and wait for the animal services to arrive. “Too bad we can’t keep you. Your babies would have been cute” I whisper to her.
Within a few minutes, an animal control vehicle pulls up and greets me. “Treat her well, she’s been through hell” I say when I give the personnel the box. I watch as he gently places her in a locked box and drives away.
When I return back inside, the power is back on and everyone is chatting about tonight’s event. Hen swoops in from nowhere and without asking, takes my hands into hers. I wince when she does that and she immediately takes me to the back of the ambulance to clean and wrap my very bruised knuckles.
“Tsk tsk tsk Ravi. Can you go at least one shift without you sacrificing or injuring yourself to save someone?” Hen asks tenderly.
“It’s part of the job and besides, I needed to get out of that vent somehow” I say.
“Well you are our knight for doing so as without you, we all would still be trapped in those rooms. But now you must rest as your hands are beyond battered. I would like you to get seen to make sure that they aren’t broken. At a minimum, you need time off to recover as you can’t work without functional hands. Let me get you an ice pack to help with the swelling and pain medication as well.”
“But Hen, I don’t need any pain medication, I’m fine!” I say as convincingly as possible but she doesn’t buy it.
“Ravi, don’t make me sedate you. I was going to be a doctor and I’ve seen some nasty things in the field. Your hands are beyond atrocious and when I was tending to your hands, I could tell that it hurt a lot. So with all the love in my heart, please shut up and take your medicine” while handing me the pills.
As I know that I can’t retort back, I take the pills and swallow them dry - something that I’m accustomed too. Just to be a pain, I open my mouth to show her that I swallowed it. Hen laughs and gives me a hug before turning to go talk to Bobby. I see him go from jovial to instantly concerned when he finds out. He briskly walks over to the ambulance and sits besides me.
“I hear that you injured yourself whilst trying to free us” Bobby says with fatherly concern in his voice.
“Yes, I did when I was trying to open the vent to the bathroom. I’ll be ready for duty in a day Cap” I say with a smile to ease his concerns.
Bobby places a hand on my shoulder and with warmth in his voice says “the 118 thanks you Ravi for your dedication but you will take off for at least three days and only return once you’ve been cleared for work.”
Begrudgingly, I nod my head yes as I know there is no use arguing with Bobby.
“Now that’s settled, you better go upstairs and protect your Amma’s cookies as Chimney was sneaking about in the kitchen” Bobby finishes.
I spring out from the ambulance and sprint upstairs while yelling “YOU STAY AWAY FROM THOSE COOKIES CHIMNEY OR I SWEAR YOU’LL WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN!”
Laughter breaks out as I snatch the box from Chimney’s claws and shove a cookie in my mouth. I find a corner in the living room and with my back to the wall, scarf down Amma’s cookies which taste identical to hers. Happy memories flood my mind as I eat them - making the night infinitely better.