Chapter Text
The roster hasn’t been announced, not yet, but it really doesn’t have to be. Jill hasn’t exactly been subtle about who her top 18 are in the past several friendlies and no one is anticipating her changing her ways for the next two games.
The gals have arrived for their last camp ahead of the Olympics. Ali Krieger arrives late Saturday night post- Spirit match with Crystal in tow. They receive their room assignments and head on up to bed. Ali enters the room quietly, knowing her roommate has already arrived and is probably sleeping as it’s close to 1 AM. Just before she opens the door fully, she sends a quick text off to Ash, letting her know her room number, and to stop by (cuddle) tomorrow morning when she wakes up. To her surprise, Alyssa is awake, staring blankly at the wall ahead of her in the desk chair. It doesn’t look like she has even touched either bed since she arrived, which had to be much earlier in the day.
“Hey Alys, is everything ok? I thought you’d be sleeping by now. I know I'm about 5 minutes away from falling asleep standing up!” Ali greets her roomie. Alyssa instinctively turns her head towards Ali’s voice and Ali can immediately see that the goal keeper, and more importantly her friend, is crying.
Ali rushes to her side. “Oh my god, Alyssa, what’s wrong? What happened?”
Alyssa takes a shaky breath and with all her strength responds to Ali. “Don’t you hate me? At least you should hate me.”
Ali is now thoroughly confused and the possibility that she is actually sleep walking runs through her mind. “Huh? Why on earth would I hate you?”
“I took it away- the dream. The plan. And I don’t deserve it, no more than she does. And I feel so awful about it. And she is happy for me. Like genuinely happy, Al. She texts me encouraging words after Red Stars games- telling me I'm killing it- that she is proud of me!!! Ali, I feel so guilty. It should be her. And I keep waiting for her to explode or to break down or something.” Alyssa rambles on.
“Alyssa, what is going on?” Ali interrupts, still exhausted and still confused.
But, Alyssa doesn’t stop. “I keep praying she will hit me. Or ignore me. Or say mean things about me behind my back, but she won’t. And she never will because she’s a good person, like a really good person and I just need you to hate me so maybe, for one second, I won’t feel like a horrible person.”
Ali grabs her hand to try and stop the rambling and asks “who?”.
For the first time, Alyssa looks right into Ali’s eyes. Ali can see how red they are, like this has been eating at her for some time. She responds quietly, “Ashlyn.”
And then it dawns on Ali. Alyssa feels like she stole Ash’s spot. And if Ash could just be angry about it, Alyssa would feel better. But since Ash is truly the kindest human being either of them has ever known, Alyssa wants Ali to hate her, for Ashlyn.
Ali has spent a long time, both with Ashlyn and on her own, accepting their fate. Ash never really had a chance at the #2 once Jill decided it was Alyssa’s. Nothing happened, nothing really changed for that matter, but Ash got the flu and that was as good a reason as any for Jill. She told the media and dressed Alyssa, essentially sealing Ashlyn’s fate. Ali hated it. She felt worse on most days than Ash did. But, like everything in their lives, they persevered. As Ashlyn had said, ‘nothing in life compares to us, Al. As long as I have you, I will never need another medal’.
“Alyssa, I don’t hate you. Ashlyn doesn’t hate you. We both love you and are happy for you” Ali replied genuinely, making Alyssa’s face twist in anguish. Ali continued “Ash keeps saying how fortunate she is to play with Hope and with you, how much she has learned and gotten better.”
“Ali, everyone thinks Hope is the one we look up to. And maybe Ashlyn does because, I mean, she is Hope Solo. But, I, I never looked up to Hope. The keeper that has pushed me, that has taught me more than anyone else, the keeper that has inspired me, Ali, it wasn’t Hope; it’s Ash” Alyssa stated emphatically, still with tears threatening to spill from her tired eyes. “And I want this for her, as much as I want it for me. I ruined your plan, Ali, your dream, and I am so sorry”.
Ali put a comforting hand on Alyssa’s shoulder and looked her square in the eye. “This had been part of our plan, yes, winning another medal together. Who wouldn’t want that? But, Alyssa, believe me, that is not the dream. The dream is the wedding we are planning. And the house we bought in Florida. And the babies, the hundreds of babies we are going to have together. And waking up each morning next to her, with her arm tight around me. Please just be happy. Let this be your dream. It’s okay that it is.” Ali stated with finality.
Alyssa smiled, finally, and Ali could see the weight lifting off of her. But then she burst into a fit of laughter. Ali looked at her like she was nuts. “What?” Ali asked inquisitively, a smiling playing on her lips as well.
“You and Ash are made for each other. She literally has told me that same thing ten times; except she just says a couple of babies, not hundreds. Maybe you two should talk.”