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Exhaustion refused to pull you away from consciousness, and you physically couldn’t get yourself to sleep. No matter how much you tried to keep your eyes shut and force yourself to rest, it wouldn’t work. You didn’t bother on trying to sleep anymore as it was rendered useless to you. So, you find yourself creeping into Caleb’s room, quietly and carefully making your way to his bed. You carefully analyse his movements as you scurried across the room in hopes not to wake him up, but seeing him shudder and tremble in his sleep because of his past made you worry for him. You just wanted, or maybe even needed to wake him from his nightmare. It’s like even sleep refused to give him peace.
You’d be the one to give him the peace he needed.
Crawling under the covers, you get as close to Caleb as possible, watching him to see if he’s hiding being asleep like he used to when you were younger. You wrap your arm around his waist as you move yourself closer, admiring his softened features. It’s not that you’re unfamiliar with them, but it feels more sentimental now he’s asleep. You gently place your head on Caleb’s chest, listening carefully for his heartbeat. It’s erratic and anxiety inducing. But knowing he’s alive and next to you makes you feel okay.
A groan slips out from his mouth as he shifts around on the bed, making you stiffen up against him. His hands subconsciously try and move themselves on top of his stomach like he was stuck in the past of training to be in the fleet. Obviously, because of your arm around his waist, his hand brushes against it, jolting him awake. That familiar shameful warmth forms and burns your skin from disturbing Caleb’s sleep, even if it wasn’t entirely a peaceful one. It was embarrassing to be found curling up against his side.
“Pipsqueak, you scared me.” Hearing his groggy morning voice at this time of night was so appealing to your ears. His body turns to face you, with arms snaking around your waist and pulling you tightly against his body. “What’s wrong? Can’t sleep without your amazing boyfriend next to you?” You could barely see Caleb’s face but you could picture that smug look that would be plastered across it.
“God, I wish you didn’t have to say it out loud. Now it’s more embarrassing.” You groan at his teasing words. “I just couldn’t sleep. That’s all.” Your eyes shift away from his face, despite the fact his room is pitch black, with no way of light to illuminate your actions. It really didn’t matter if you looked away or not. “Then, do you wanna talk about it? Or is it just insomnia? Do you need me to grab anything? Will melatonin help?” The grogginess fades away from his voice. His warmth slowly trying to escape you as he props himself up into a sitting position, causing the bed to dip and creek with his movements.
You reach for him. Your hands slipped off his waist from him sitting up right, but they moved straight to his neck. You swing your leg on top of Caleb’s, forcing him to stay in bed with you. “Oh, so you’re acting like a clingy koala now?” His body deflates onto the mattress, succumbing to you. “It’s not like you enabled me to do this when we were younger.” His chuckle fills your ears as his arms wrap around you, pulling you on top of his chest gently.
“But what about you Caleb?” Your vague question makes his ears perk up as he reaches to turn the bedside lamp on. Sleep no longer lives in both your bodies at this point. “What do you mean, Pipsqueak?” His eyebrow raises in confusion. “What about you want, Caleb? I’m glad you take care of me all the time and do so much for me,” Your knee push his legs apart. You take this opportunity to settle between them. You sit up, admiring his puzzled expression.
“But, what about your needs? You’re always tossing and turning in your sleep. It feels like you never get a day where you can finally rest and I’m worried. I’m worried that you’re hiding too many things from me. I want my Caleb to feel the warmth that you give me. I want to return the favour.” Your fingertips linger his cold yet soft skin of his cheek, memorising each bump and pore indented into him.
The breath he took was shaky. It was filled with such uncertainty but almost acceptance with the situation he’s been trapped in. “Pipsqueak, I—“ His face scrunches up with discomfort. He’s desperate to tell you things that linger deep within him, that he’s pushed away for years to leave room for you and your own problems. “I don’t want to overwhelm you with the sin inside me. not yet.”
It’s hard to not beg Caleb to tell you each individual detail of his life when he was missing. But if all you could do was stay beside him and ease the storms that are growing and never ending within him, you’ll take it. You would do anything to ease his pain, the same way he eases yours.
The exhaustion that was once resting inside you awoke once more, making you yawn. You slide your hand off his cheek which made Caleb looked disappointed. “Tired?” Caleb’s hands effortlessly manoeuvre you onto your side, bringing you close to him. You nuzzle his neck, resting your chin on the crook of his neck. “We always end up cuddling no matter what we do.” You grumble out into his neck, replicating what Caleb did before to you, snaking your arms around his waist. “That’s because you’re always adamant on cuddling me constantly. Even when we were kids, you’d always try to be as close to me. You were like my little backpack.” Chapped lips pressed against your scalp as hands comb through your unkempt hair.
“So, go to sleep Pipsqueak. I’ll be okay. I promise you.”
“What if you aren’t?”
“I always will be, whenever I’m with you.”