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You and Evan were lazily lounging on the couch. He had a controller in hand, fondling and toying with the buttons. It was late at night. The light that had been provided by the day faded into darkness. Your head laid on his lap as you read. His hand went down to your hair and he stroked it as he was bored.
“Whatcha wanna do?” you ask, sensing his boredom.
“I dunno… watch TV?” he asks, changing the TV to its home screen.
“Sure,” you reply, getting up and helping him pick out a movie.
You knew Evan was a horror movie geek, and you already had a thought of the movie he would pick. You looked up at him to see his eyes already locked on you. You gently chuckled.
“Whatcha staring at, Ev?” you sat in a teasing tone, a smile creeping up on your face. He mimicked your gesture, giving a sweet smile back at you.
“Nothing, you’re just pretty,” he replied sweetly, putting the remote down. He cupped your face with his hand and began to pepper kisses to your face. He wrapped his arm under your waist. Pulling you up from your sitting position and pulling his legs out from under you. He climbed on top of you.
“Ev, baby, what’s gotten into you?” you said in between smiles and laughs. He just snaked his hand around your waist and pulled his lips away from yours.
Resting his head on your chest. Evan would do things like this sometimes, he would just give attention showers. Not like he didn’t normally give you attention. Or he would come up behind you and hug you tightly. He thought you were adorable and sometimes got cuteness aggression. It sounded sappy and stupid. But he loved the feeling. You ran a hand through his hair.
“You still wanna watch a move, Ev?” you said. He let out a gentle hum against your chest. “I’ll take that as a yes,” you said, reaching for the remote Evan set down prior. You flicked through the channels, yet nothing really caught your eyes. Or Evan’s as he rested his head atop your chest.
“Evan?” you ask, looking at his brown, puppy eyes.
“Yeah?” he asked, looking up at you.
“Is it really… Evan? Up there?” you ask, reaching to poke his forehead. Evan would let you, Habit would grab your hand. He let you.
“Yeah… it is,” he responds, kissing your hand after you pull it from his face, making you smile. You felt slightly guilty for asking him that. You knew he hated the fact that it happened to him. That he could hurt you without even knowing it.
He wanted so badly to be free of his burdens, this “thing” that controlled his every move. Even when Evan was in control. Habit was always there in the back of his head, waiting.
The silence felt tense. Evan felt horrible that you even had to make sure it was him, and not Habit.
“I’m so sorry, Ev,” you said in a gentle tone. Gently bringing a hand up to run it through his hair. He was quiet, and for a moment the mood felt somber. He gently rested his head on your chest. The only sounds filling the empty space was Evan’s soft breathing.
“I don’t think you’re a monster,” you said. Putting a crack in the desolate silence. He froze, he had heard those words before, from Vinnie. They felt comforting yet so hollow. Evan knew no matter how hard he wanted to be normal, or how much you comforted his sorrows. He could never return to who he was.
You loved Evan dearly. Yet it came with a price. Yet you were always happy to pay and you made sure he knew that. But he was always scared. Scared he would harm you. So you just laid on the couch. Silent. Spending the few moments you had together in peace until he couldn’t.