Chapter Text
I met a girl my age. She was my very first friend. I was a lonely child—quiet, shy, and ugly—but there was this girl who was nice to me. She was nice, never really got mad at me, and always invited me to things. I was happy that she was my friend. We bonded on one thing we had in common: we were both weird.
Over the years, we grew up together, always hung out, and were always together. I could never leave her side. But I knew that I was never her first choice; she already had another one to call her best friend. That upsets me. I can never have someone who calls me their friend or their best friend. All I could be was a little follower. I could be a dog who is always following their little, stupid orders.
I fell into her trap, my friend's trap. I was her little puppet; I was something she could use. She took the strings from the previous owner and made me hers. Then, once she was bored with me, she would leave me alone, never touch the strings again, leaving me to collect dust. I was left to rot because I wasn’t fun to her anymore. But that will all come to an end, she’ll eat her choices, and I’ll make sure she won’t make her life any better. She is going to live with the guilt that my plan would end her life, not her life.
But let's pass by that, we all know that we need to start at the beginning, the day we both met. We were both about the same age, 7 years old. I wasn’t much of a talkative person, so I kept to myself. I like the loneliness; it felt nice. But my parents always worried about me not making any friends; they would call the school to make sure I was “making friends”, but I wasn't. I would just sit at the back of the class and focus on myself. Then one day, this girl from a different class came to me during the break. She just talked to me like I was one of her friends. I was annoyed that I didn't know her, so why was she talking to me? I wanted her to leave me alone. I was going to tell her to leave me alone, but she just kept talking. She went on and on about how her day was such a disaster. I tried to keep to myself, but she kept looking at me whenever she wanted my opinion on something. I just nod my head yes to keep her at least calm. I hear that she had a bit of a temper. I didn’t want to be caught in one of her tantrums. I listened to her talk and talk till the bell rang for us to return to class. Luckily, we didn’t have a class together. So I didn’t have to see her anytime today, and hopefully never again.
School ended, and I wanted to go home, but my mother hated traffic, so she always waited till it died down. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw her walking towards me. I looked, trying not to see her, because I wanted to be alone. She stood right by me, and I stepped away from her, hoping she knew that I didn’t want to be close to her or even talk to her. I think she started to talk. I could hear her talking, but all I could hear was her out. I tried to block her voice, but she was too loud. Then out of nowhere, I can hear her say, “Want to be friends?” I looked up and looked at her face. I didn't know what to say or what to tell him; I was in shock.
“What?” I question what she just said. I wanted to make sure I heard her right. She wants to be my friend. She wants to be friends with me. I asked again, “What did you say?”
“Do you want to be my friend?” she said again. I couldn't believe her. I didn’t know what to say. This was a simple question: yes or no. Then, why was I so confused? Yes or no, I need to say no, I can’t, no, I don’t want to be friends with her. She just looked at me, waiting for an answer.
“Umm… sure, I’ll be your friend.” Wait, what the hell did I say? I was supposed to say no, but why didn’t I say no? I don’t want to be her friend.
“I’m glad, my name is Marcia, what's your name?” she asked for my name
“My name is Janeth, your name is Marcia? Right?” I questioned whether I heard her right when she said her name.
“Yup! I saw that you are always alone, so I thought you wanted some friends.” What she just said was true. I need friends, but I still want to be alone. I was going to speak again, but I saw my mother's car pulling up in the school driveway. I told her that my mother was there and that I needed to go. I got into my mother's car and fastened my seat belt. I looked at the floor. I don't like looking up when in a car, I hate the feeling of moving without my legs moving with the car.
“How was school, honey?” My mother said I don’t want to tell her that I made a friend. So I’m going to keep that a secret.
“It was okay…not much, the same thing over again,” I told her. I looked at the little mirror of the car, and I could see that her face was disappointed with my answer. I guessed she hoped that I would make a friend, but I didn’t. I wouldn’t call her my friend; she just wants to be my friend.
“Did you make a friend today?” I saw that coming; I knew she was going to ask me that question, she always does.
“No, I didn’t…sorry.” I knew what question she was going to ask; she always asked if I had made a new friend. I did, but I didn’t want her to make a big deal about it.
“Really? Janeth, you need to make friends. I don’t want you to be a loner forever. Can’t you understand that you'll be called a freak if you continue this path of being a loner? A weirdo, a loser! God, please help my daughter. Help her find a friend! You're helpless, Janeth!” she yells at me. She always does; she makes it seem like it's my fault that I have no friends. It's not like I don’t want friends; I’m too scared to talk to people, too scared to meet new people. I may be helpless, forever to be alone.
“Sorry…mommy,” I said, holding back tears. I can’t cry, trying not to make my mother more upset.
“Janeth, my love, I care about what I do, but you don’t want to end up a sad, lonely person your whole life, do you?” my mother questioned me.
“No, I don't…” I don’t see the reason why she makes such a big deal of me having friends. I don’t want friends, and they don’t need me either.
The rest of the car ride home was quiet; my mother didn’t talk to me that whole ride. Maybe I should have told her that I made a friend. When we got home, I went straight to my room. I didn't want to look at my mother that night, so I just slept.