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If you asked James Potter a year ago who he thought his soulmate could be, Regulus Black would not even crack top fifty. James would have gone through the entire Hogwarts student body twice before he even considered Regulus. Which isn't to say that James didn't like Regulus. James did! Or, rather, he didn't dislike Regulus. James can't say he was always in love with the other boy. He can't say he knew the moment they locked eyes. He can't say they exchanged shy glances across the Great Hall before eventually confessing sweet crushes in front of the Black Lake. James and Regulus don't have a cute story like Sirius and Remus, or Peter and Gilderoy, or, even, James' ex-girlfriend Lily and her soulmate Mary. No. Regulus caught sight of James' soulmark, ran for the bloody hills, and only once James physically forced his way into the other man's home did the truth come out. Not confess. Regulus never confessed. He made James find out the hard way.
And yet.
James is smitten. He knows it's ridiculous. He knows it makes no sense. Beyond the insatiable curiosity James felt at thirteen, he doesn't know Regulus really. Well, at least, he didn't when the reveal first happened. Now, two months in, James thinks he knows Regulus fairly well. Sure, if you asked the other man he'd insist James knows nothing about him. But that's not a lack of knowledge, it's a lack of self-esteem. Ordinarily, James would be put off. Whether it be Regulus' crippling self-doubt or refusal to open up, James is not generally persistent.
Well. Sure. He did pursue Lily. But it wasn't like this. Lily thought he was obnoxious and arrogant and all wrong for her. Not because of something inherently wrong with her, but because James was not right for her. Regulus seems to truly believe that James is better off with anyone else. And, sure. It's not just James. Regulus had barely a week to get acquainted with them being soulmates. He'd had years to get acquainted with this idea of "late bloomers", a hoax he'd read about in a centuries-old tome in the back of the library. Regulus himself had mentioned it briefly and refused to speak about it again. Barty and Evan, however, are far more loose-lipped after a few drinks. Something James has taken to sharing with them often. It's not wrong! James gives Regulus ample opportunity to tell him himself… Regulus just doesn't take it. And James isn't perfect.
⧗⧖⧗⧖
"Hi sweetheart," James greets the moment he leans against the counter. Regulus looks up from the stack of books he's inspecting with a scowl. And Godric if that scowl that doesn't do it for him every time. He's been doing this, trying out pet names to see what fits. Regulus has been an unwilling participant but, for some reason, that only makes James want to do it more. He's not sure if he's delusional or if Regulus truly doesn't look as upset by that one. He tries to remember if he ever called Lily sweetheart, but he's pretty sure he didn't. Would Regulus know that sort of thing? he wonders. "When are you off?" he asks like he doesn't know. James has Regulus' schedule memorized.
With a heavy sigh, Regulus closes the book and glances down to where James can only assume Remus is hiding. "Now," he says regretfully. It's kind of their thing. Regulus pretends to be miserable, James pushes annoyingly, and they live happily ever after… or so James is trying for.
"Dinner?" requests James softly. Even though Regulus has never once rebuked him after a genuine request, James can't help but worry this time will be the first.
Regulus softens in response. The angry curl to his shoulder relaxes, the furrow between his brows disappears, the tension around his eyes smooths away. "Yeah," he accepts, just as soft.
James feels warm with it. He can't explain why, and it likely has to do with his romantic heart, but every harsh word or action is instantly worth it for this. The soft, gooey, sweet bits of Regulus make everything worth it. "You want me to come over and cook?" he offers.
The corner of Regulus' mouth quirks up. "Yeah," he accepts again.
"Remus!" James shouts in the direction Regulus had glared. The other man pops his head out from behind a towering, floating stack of books. "We're heading out!" Remus just waves him off exasperatedly. Regulus owns the bookstore. Or, he owns half of it. The other half belongs to one of James' best mates. Ergo, it's beyond simple to kidnap Regulus whenever he actually wants. James turns to Regulus expectantly. "Side-Along?"
Regulus, cheeks pink and eyes shifty, offers his hand which James happily holds. Regulus shakes his wand loose before Apparating them to his flat. It's a sweet little thing. A balcony with what used to be one wire chair (now two) overlooking the city; a tiny kitchen only fit for cooking abysmal shit like ramen and cheese toasties; a cozy sitting room with not enough seats. James loves Regulus' flat. James loves his flat more than he loved the home he shared with Lily. He's pretty sure that's why they're soulmates.
It's the obscure shit like that that reinforces to James why they're meant to be together. Lily wanted a big house, lots of space to have their own space, a side effect of having a sister, apparently. But Regulus has a tiny flat that looks more lived in than their big four bedroom house ever had. James loves the scattering proof that Regulus is alive, that he loves and lives and cries and screams in the place he resides. The house he and Lily owned was clean, immaculate white counter tops and pristine shelves. There were no jumpers haphazardly dumped over the back of a sofa, or a pair of slippers discarded in front of the loo, or a mug still holding the last dregs of an unfinished coffee. James loves Regulus' flat. James loves making a space for himself where there is barely any left.
"What do you want tonight?" asks James as he toes off his shoes and heads for the fridge. Regulus follows him and he doesn't even seem hesitant. That's a win.
The other man slides into a seat at the tiny table and hums thoughtfully. "What do I have stuff for?"
"We've got enough for a curry. Does that sound okay?" Despite asking, he's already pulling the ingredients out. Regulus loves curry. When he turns around (having taken silence as a yes), James finds Regulus staring at him with an unreadable expression. James will learn of all his expressions. "What?" he asks.
Regulus purses his lips and looks away. He assumes he won't get an answer (and dinner won't cook itself) so he focuses on the task at hand. When he's got the stove on and is throwing ingredients in the pan, Regulus speaks. "You said 'we'."
James glances at him over his shoulder. "Hm?"
"I asked what I have stuff for and you said we have stuff for curry."
James' eyebrows furrow as he tries to remember. He can't but he supposes he must have if it's made Regulus make that face. "I didn't, like…" James trails off because he's not sure what Regulus wants or needs to hear. "We're eating together so we…"
"It's fine," Regulus finishes when James doesn't. "I just… was surprised, is all."
"Okay." James stares at him for a beat longer but the sauce starts popping so he has to turn around. The silence feels stifling as James says, "I like you, you know."
"I don't know why," is Regulus' swift response, as if he expected James to say so.
"Well, I don't care." He's not even rude about it. It's just a genuine statement. James does not care that Regulus doesn't know. James has told him countless times. He will tell him countless more. Regulus not knowing has no bearing on whether James likes him or not.
Regulus laughs because that's funny apparently. "You don't care about much."
"I care about you," and that's true. "I care about Sirius and Remus. I care about my job. I care about my parents. I care about the ugly kneazle Peter and Gilderoy adopted. I care about a lot."
Regulus doesn't say anything. He sits at the counter and hums under his breath (something James has only just gotten to see within the last couple of days) and taps his fingers on the marble bar which clinks his rings together. James likes the domestic quiet of it all. His parents were like that. His father would sit in the kitchen just to pester his mother, their laughter soft and tinkling down the hall. Sauces would simmer, his mother would sing along to programmes on the wireless, and his father would be content to watch.
James always observed them with envy. When he and Lily lived together, he would cook and she would clean. Like, in other rooms of the house. She would be in the downstairs sitting room hoovering, or dusting the curtains in one of their three guest bedrooms, or tidying up the clutter James accumulated in their loo. James appreciated it too. He's not trying to make it seem like he and Lily were clearly wrong for each other from the start. It was little things that James was always comfortable compromising on or sacrificing. James was in love with Lily, and not aligning on everything was never a good enough reason to just give up. All he means, really, is that it makes Regulus make infinite more sense.
After he realised Lily was not his soulmate, he often wondered who was. What would the person magic intended for him be like? Would they be biting and sarcastic? Soft and tender? Sing offkey in the shower? Sleep on James' side of the bed? Have a twenty step skincare routine? In the quiet, shameful moments of his relationship with Lily, James would fantasize about what life might be like somewhere else. He and Lily had always known there was a possibility of finding their soulmates and breaking up. When they decided to buy a house together, they talked about it in depth. Lily would keep the house because James always has a room with Remus and Sirius. They would remain friendly but likely not spend extensive time together. They would not speak ill of the other. They were reasonable, prepared.
Lily had asked him once, "You're a romantic. Don't you want to go out and look for them?"
James had told a little white lie because who doesn't in their relationship? "No," he had said. "If I'm meant to find them, it will happen whether I search or not." Truthfully, James did want to look for his soulmate. Remus and Sirius were perfect for each other in every way. Having spent three years jealously observing their relationship (and dead set that Lily Evans was meant to be his), he often pictured various ridiculous scenarios in which he might reveal his mark. He has always been in love with the idea of love. And he was in love with the real Lily. He never pretended not to know who she is. He was always willing to sacrifice and compromise if it meant keeping her.
James doesn't have to sacrifice and compromise with Regulus.
When the curry is done and served up, James sits across from his soulmate and watches intently as he takes the first bite. Regulus' face lights up in delight and he groans. "That's amazing," he compliments like he always does. Regulus is not stingy with compliments about his food.
"Thank you," he replies graciously. "I'm glad you like it."
"I always like it," retorts Regulus before he glares. "Don't fish."
"I'm not!" he insists and laughs. "I'm not, I swear it."
"Your head is bloody big enough as it is," he complains. "I don't want to inflate your ego even more."
James' lips twitch and he nudges Regulus' foot under the table. The other man rolls his eyes but they don't say any more. It feels good. These quiet, soft moments during a meal feel so good. James has never felt better than he does when Regulus offers a tiny smile from across his tiny table in his tiny kitchen in his tiny flat. James feels so good.
⧗⧖⧗⧖
"How is it going?" Sirius asks as he licks icing off his thumb.
James rolls his eyes. "You know I'm not going to tell you."
"Worth a shot," his best friend says and shrugs. "He's a horrid little brat but really, he's got such a sweet centre when you get around to it."
"I know," replies James wistfully.
Sirius groans and shoves him. "Please stop, that's so embarrassing," he begs.
James laughs and swats him out of the way. "Stop it," he scolds. "I'm trying to bake and you're being a pest."
"Not my fault you're doing it in my kitchen."
"True," James replies easily. A few months ago that would have hurt. Now, James is happy to live with his best friends and date his soulmate. "Do you think Regulus will let me move into his flat or will he want to find someplace else?"
Sirius' brows crease as he thinks. He purses his lips and tilts his head. "Hm. I know he loves his flat. I don't know—"
"I love it so much," James interrupts to say because he does. "It's perfect. You've been, but I mean… Godric you can't even imagine what it's like when he's not expecting company."
"I show up uninvited all the time," points out Sirius.
"Yeah but he… I think he has some sort of sense for when you're coming round. But when he's fresh off from work and his shoes aren't put away and his coat isn't hung up… Pads it's—"
"Please stop gushing about my baby brother," pleads Sirius. "I know you're, like, in love with him but it's still weird for me."
"I'm not in love with him," James says because it's been three months.
"Yes you are, you bleeding liar." Sirius doesn't even blink as he throws the accusation.
"No I'm not. That's ridiculous. Lily and I have been done for a few months. Regulus has only just started actually opening up. I'm not…" He trails off at the look in his best friend's eyes. He thinks about the sweet moment he shared with Regulus the night before. They were on Regulus' sofa and James had an arm slung around the back of it as they watched a movie on the telly. The other man had been exhausted and drifted off not even fifteen minutes in. His head had lolled onto James' shoulder and the whole thing was so surreal. If you had told James six months ago he would be giddy over Regulus Black falling asleep on his shoulder, he would have told you to piss off. Now, he can't wait to see him again. "Maybe a bit, yeah," James acquiesces.
Sirius gags because of course he does. "You're barking," he declares and it's definitely true.
"He really…" James tries hard not to talk to Sirius about it because it's awkward for all parties involved. "I need you to be Padfoot and not my soulmate's older brother right now." Sirius becomes very serious (ha!) and looks at him. "He's perfect for me, Pads."
"Of course he is, you numpty. That's the point."
"No but… Just in ways I had never thought would be important. Like his stupid cluttered flat, or the way he sits with me when I cook, or the face he makes when I try to offer to wash up after dinner, or how hard it is to get him to open up. It's all… ridiculous and if you had asked if any of that bothered me about Lily I would have honestly said no. It didn't! I didn't care that much. It was just… just part of our relationship. I didn't realise I wanted all of those things."
Sirius purses his lips. "You did though," he says.
"I mean… Yeah, I just said that."
"No, I mean…" he trails off and bites his lip like he's not sure if he should say. "You probably don't realise it but you complained about that stuff, especially when you first moved in together. I didn't say anything because you didn't seem that upset by it. But you… I mean, that was always something you were unsettled by."
"Oh." He blinks off a bit into space. His wand vibrates as a reminder that the fairy cakes are done. Softly, he repeats, "Oh."
⧗⧖⧗⧖
It's ten days later that James finds himself back in Regulus and Remus' bookstore. "Don't you have a job?" Regulus asks scathingly except his eyes are fond and he's smiling. Not obviously. Not overtly. But it's there in the crinkles at the corners of his eyes and the pink in his cheeks.
James grins and feels breathless with it. "Bothering you, yeah."
Regulus huffs and rolls his eyes. He flicks his wand to send the largest stack of books James has yet to see to the front cash register. James follows the movement before looking back at his soulmate. Regulus raises an eyebrow. "You can't loiter for free," he declares.
James feels heat rush to his face. He doesn't even know why. He's not particularly embarrassed. Maybe it's because Regulus always refuses to let him touch things. Early days, James would poke around and get scolded. Now, James is being put to work. "How do you need me?" he asks.
Regulus motions for James to follow him. He takes a book off the top and flips the cover open. "These are new arrivals. You have to check the code here with the one we have under inventory. Then make sure there's no damage. If everything is good, you can set it aside."
"You do all of this without magic?" asks James in awe.
Regulus' cheeks are red when James looks at him. "I like to make sure," is all he says. James feels honoured to know what that means.
"I can do it," he asserts confidently even though he knows this will take all bloody day.
The smile he gets in return makes it all worth it. Regulus' soft, gooey bits make everything worth it. "Thank you," he says under his breath like he doesn't want Remus to overhear.
"Anything," James promises and meets the other man's eyes to ensure he knows he means it. He watches Regulus' breath hitch before he steps back and leaves James to it.
It's long, tedious work. He can hardly believe anyone would willingly do this, let alone for years on end. Of course, Remus also does it, so he supposes that's at least two people he loves (loves!) who manage. James hardly gets sight of Regulus all day. He weaves in and out between shelves, usually followed by a stack of at least fifteen books. It somehow doesn't bother him. He feels slow, molasses and honey and thick, syrupy sweetness. His body relaxes in spite of how boring it is. His shoulders are tight from hunching to check codes in the withering light. His brain feels smooth, sanded down from doing absolutely nothing. He doesn't think and that's somehow a miracle. James likes to constantly go. He wants to constantly go. Except here, apparently. Except here where James spends eight hours doing busy work that could have taken maybe one with magic.
"James," Regulus' soft voice and gentle hand startle him. He jerks and glances over his shoulder to find him right there, so close. James' lashes flutter as he instinctively glances down at Regulus' pale lips. The other man clenches his jaw before saying, "It's five."
The spell breaks. No, correction. James breaks the spell. He steps back, respectful of Regulus' boundaries until the very end, and asks, softly, "Dinner?"
Regulus smiles and replies, just as soft, "Yeah."