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Elsa crept towards the room. She couldn't hear anything, but the door was open slightly, so that was a good sign. She peered in before quietly tiptoeing into the room.
The late afternoon sun was filling the room with a warm golden light. It illuminated the large bed in the center of the room where Anna was laying, fast asleep, one arm thrown over her head. Kristoff lay curled up next to her, his head resting on her shoulder, cradling her gently. They were both exhausted after having been up all night long.
On the further side of the bed, closer to Anna, there was a finely painted bassinet. Elsa approached the bed, craning her neck to get a view inside. Feeling brave, she took a few more steps forward, allowing her to lean over the cradle.
Inside, wrapped in a tan swaddle, was her brand new niece. With a jolt, Elsa realized she was now almost six hours old. Then again, time had passed strangely that day. The end of Anna's labor felt like an eternity in the worst way; Elsa had felt so helpless watching her in so much pain, terrified that something would go wrong. The time after the midwife placed the screaming infant into Anna's arms had been an eternity in the best way. Watching her sister experience such overwhelming joy as she gazed at her brand new daughter was incredible.
Now, Elsa had taken time to handle some of the bureaucratic matters that come with the birth of a princess. She had wanted to give Anna and Kristoff a chance to be alone with their new baby for a while and not have to worry about any royal responsibilities just yet. Now, the little family was sleeping, warmed by the late summer sun.
Elsa silently pulled a chair over to the edge of the bed and watched the tiny infant. She almost didn't even look real. Elsa stared hard at the baby's tiny chest for several seconds, not looking away until she saw it rising and falling. She was just so still. So peaceful.
A brief memory of the moments leading up to the girl's birth flashed across Elsa's mind. Anna's sweaty hand grasping hers tightly in one hand, Kristoff's in the other as she bore down, yelling out in pain. The final scream that gave way to great gasps of relief, while the baby announced its arrival with ear piercing wails. Not so peaceful.
Elsa held her hands close to her body, not yet daring to touch the bassinet. She still hadn't held the baby. It had been enough to see her from a distance tucked into Anna's and Kristoff's arms, safe in their embrace. Now, staring at the baby, Elsa wondered if maybe she could reach out and touch her–lay a hand on her chest, maybe stroke her chubby little cheek. But there was an old feeling Elsa couldn't shake. One that was keeping her hands firmly in her lap.
It had been years since Elsa hadn't been able to control her powers. She knew she shouldn't be worried. She wasn't even sure why she was. The entire time Anna had been pregnant, Elsa had been excited for the baby's arrival, anxious to assume the title of aunt. She'd been picturing this day long before Anna and Kristoff even got married. She didn't expect to be feeling the same anxiety she used to struggle so much with. But now that Elsa was looking upon the tiny child, she felt a deep desire to protect her from all danger. And though she hadn't been for a very long time, Elsa could be dangerous.
Obviously, since discovering the Enchanted Forest and leaving Arendelle, Elsa had grown exponentially in her abilities. She used her powers with an almost effortless ease, one that rarely ever faltered anymore. Still, this was different. This was Anna's baby. Still so new, so fragile. Even the tiniest slip in concentration for Elsa could have devastating consequences.
Suddenly, Elsa heard the bed shift. She looked up to see Kristoff lift up his head, squinting at her in the afternoon sun.
"Hey," he whispered, careful not to wake Anna or the baby.
"Hi. I didn't mean to wake you."
"It's okay, you didn't," Kristoff said, sitting up and peering into the bassinet. "She'll probably need to eat soon anyway."
Elsa nodded. They lapsed into silence as they both stared at the sleeping baby.
"You can hold her, you know." Kristoff said.
Elsa turned around to see him watching her. He was now sitting on the edge of the bed near the bassinet. He had offered to give the baby to her earlier, before they had all fallen asleep, but Elsa had turned him down. She insisted that she take care of royal responsibilities right then and give the family private time. Now, she was out of excuses and had no choice but to confess the real reason she still hadn't held her niece.
"I want to," Elsa whispered. "But I'm scared."
Kristoff was quiet for several seconds. "Because of your powers?"
Elsa nodded miserably, feeling a lump in her throat. She felt like a little kid again, afraid of herself, afraid of what she might do. She felt embarrassed even admitting her fear out loud, ashamed that she still had moments like this.
"I didn't think I would be. But now, with her here..." Elsa gestured helplessly towards the sleeping bundle. "Everything's just come back up."
Elsa's vision started swimming as her eyes started filling with tears. She clenched her teeth and willed the feelings away. Now was not the time to be getting emotional. She really hoped Kristoff couldn't tell she was crying.
"I'm not scared." Kristoff said after awhile.
Elsa wiped the corner of her eye on her sleeve. "What?"
"Of you," Kristoff said simply.
Elsa almost laughed. "Well, I'm not scared I'm going to hurt you."
"I know," Kristoff chuckled. "I mean, I'm not scared that you're going to hurt her." He nodded his head to indicate the baby.
Elsa hesitated. "You're not?"
Kristoff shook his head. "No."
Elsa blinked. She didn't know what to say, so instead she chewed on her lip. It meant a lot to her that Kristoff wasn't scared, even though she felt like he should be. He'd seen first hand what she was capable of. He saw what she did to Anna. How could he be so certain the same thing wouldn't happen again? And to his baby that wasn't even half a day old yet?
"I can tell you're thinking too hard," Kristoff said, causing Elsa to blush slightly. "You make the same face as Anna."
He stood up, reached into the bassinet, and carefully lifted the little baby into his arms. The girl stirred slightly before nestling comfortably into her father's arms, asleep with her mouth hanging open.
"Look, I know it's a complicated subject, but the way you were raised..." Kristoff paused to choose his words carefully as he slowly sat back down on the bed. He faltered for several seconds before sighing, rubbing his eyes with one hand. "Honestly, I'm so exhausted, I can't think of how to say it without being blunt, so here goes: your parents raised you to feel like your powers were dangerous. Like you were dangerous. They let their fears stop you from learning to use your powers and appreciate the beauty in them–I mean, you never had the chance to see how there could be beauty in them. You spent your entire childhood believing your powers were destructive, so of course they manifested that way after your coronation. And that was how many years ago?"
Elsa let out a breath. "God, I don't even know."
"My point exactly. Ever since you learned to accept your powers, no one has gotten hurt. You were only ever dangerous because you thought of yourself as a monster." Kristoff began to bounce the infant slightly in his arms as she startled herself awake. "I guess I just–I don't know. I'm not afraid of someone you were a really long time ago. And I don't think you need to be either."
The corners of Elsa's eyes prickled with fresh tears, feeling like Kristoff had just stopped her anxious thoughts in their tracks. Elsa pondered his words as he soothed the baby back to sleep. Her heart ached watching him pat the little girl's chest, contemplating (not for the first time) what it might be like to not have powers, to be able to soothe an infant without worrying about freezing it. She knew Kristoff was right, and she was deeply touched by his words, but she just couldn't quite let herself believe it completely yet. She still didn't feel ready, some tiny part of her still holding back.
"Thank you for saying that," Elsa said finally. "Truly. Fatherhood has made you wise."
Kristoff chuckled. "Wow. Who knew it would happen so quickly?"
Elsa smiled and they fell into silence, both staring at the sleeping baby. Except–actually–Elsa realized out of the corner of her eye that Kristoff was actually looking at her, specifically the way her hands were still folded tightly in her lap. Now self-conscious, Elsa stretched her fingers out and pressed her palms against her skirt.
"I won't force you to hold her if you're not ready. I get it if you need some time." Kristoff said. Elsa's shoulders relaxed as she exhaled.
"But," Kristoff continued, "I do want my daughter to know her aunt. And I'm pretty sure Anna does too. So don't take too much time."
He paused to look over his shoulder at Anna, confirming that she was still fast asleep. He turned back around and leaned forward as he lowered his voice.
"You know, when Anna was pregnant, she would talk to the baby all the time about their Aunt Elsa," Kristoff said. "She would tell stories of all the incredible things you can do. She was really excited that you were gonna be there for her childhood–" he nodded his head towards the baby, "–since you couldn't be there for her childhood," he nodded his head towards Anna. "She's not afraid of what you can do. Neither am I."
Elsa sighed, the very last of her resolve crumbling. Kristoff had managed to remind her exactly why she couldn't let her fears control her. She couldn't fall into the same patterns she had proven would lead to destruction. She'd already shut Anna out, there was no way she was going to do the same to her daughter.
"You're right," Elsa said, rubbing her eyes. "I'm being silly."
Kristoff shook his head. "It's not silly. I think it's a perfectly reasonable thing to worry about."
"I think the last time I was this afraid to hold something, it was the orb and scepter at my coronation."
"Well, this time you won't have hundreds of people watching you."
Elsa took a deep breath, pushing her old anxieties away. There was no point in waiting any longer, it wasn't as if her powers would get any less strong if she waited more.
"Okay," she said. "I'm ready."
Kristoff smiled. "Yeah?"
Elsa nodded, shifting slightly in her chair. Kristoff got to his feet and took a step closer before showing Elsa how to arrange her arms. He bent down and carefully set the tiny bundle in Elsa's embrace. Her heart raced as she felt the weight drop into her arms. After he was confident Elsa had her secure, Kristoff sat back down on the edge of the bed where Anna was still asleep.
For what felt like forever, Elsa didn't speak. There weren't any words that could have conveyed how she felt in that moment anyway. She stared down at the tiny girl in her arms and was overwhelmed with love. Her little eyes were closed as she slept, her mouth just barely open. One of her fists was peeking out of the top of the blanket, tightly tucked under her chin. Elsa didn't think she had ever seen something so incredible and magical. Any thought she might have had about shutting herself out again disappeared and was replaced by an intense desire to watch the girl grow up and become her own person someday. The tears returned to Elsa's eyes as she thought about Anna finally starting a family of her own like she'd always wanted and the fact that Elsa would get to be a part of it. She would not shut herself out again.
"Wow," Elsa finally whispered, not taking her eyes off the baby.
"I know," Kristoff said.
The baby, having been interrupted from sleep by all the movement, began squirming within the blanket she was wrapped in. With a little grunt, she opened her eyes and blinked up at Elsa.
"Hi there," Elsa whispered, a single tear rolling down her cheek. She wiped it away before it fell on the baby.
The baby gurgled and stretched, one of her little fists breaking out of her swaddle. Elsa held out a finger, which the baby happily grabbed onto. Her tiny hand was warm and a little moist as she waved Elsa's finger back and forth.
"Someone's excited to see you," Kristoff said, watching his daughter look up at Elsa with wide eyes.
Elsa laughed as a few more tears rolled out of her eyes. She couldn't believe she was ever afraid of this. The baby flexed her hand again, releasing Elsa's finger. She stuck her little tongue out, drool pouring down her chin.
"You drool just like your mother," Elsa said fondly. She traced her finger down the baby's cheek. Her skin was perfect. "She's beautiful."
"She is," Kristoff agreed. "Since she was born, all I want to do is look at her."
Elsa understood. She couldn't imagine anything more important than being right there with her niece in her arms. Though she'd already planned to stay for several weeks after the baby's birth, Elsa was already dreading the day she'd have to leave for the Enchanted Forest again.
"Thank you," Elsa said.
"For what?"
"For everything. For talking to me. For being there for Anna. You've been incredible this whole time."
Kristoff looked away, his cheeks reddening slightly as he shrugged. "Of course. I mean, I hardly did much, really, it was Anna who did it all."
Elsa shifted the baby in her arms as the girl squirmed. "Yeah, but she couldn't have done it without you. You keep her grounded. I honestly don't know how you've managed to be so calm today. I think I would be terrified."
"Elsa, I'm scared shitless," Kristoff said incredulously. "I don't know what I'm doing. I have no idea how to be a father."
"You'll learn. You're already doing a great job." Elsa said earnestly. Kristoff gave her a small smile and they fell into silence again, listening to the sounds of the baby.
The girl's spits and gurgles began growing more distressed until finally, the girl opened her mouth wide and began to cry in earnest. The sound of her wails filled the room, her cheeks turning bright red.
"Oh, oh no," Elsa said, hurriedly trying to bounce the baby as she had seen Kristoff do earlier, but it didn't seem to be working. "Shh, shh, please don't cry."
Elsa's weak attempts at comforting the child were unsuccessful. The sound of the baby's cries caused Anna to stir at last. She lifted her head and looked around the room in confusion for a moment, clearly having been in a deep sleep.
"Whuzzgoinon?" she mumbled, before noticing the flailing bundle in Elsa's arms. At the sight, her eyes lit up. "Oh, Elsa! You're finally holding her? Oh, I'm so happy, I was worried earlier that you might have been scared–I'm just so glad you could be here and–" Anna's voice broke off as she began crying, tears now pouring down her cheeks as well.
"Anna!" Elsa said. "Hey! It's okay, don't cry."
Anna nodded, hiccupping as she caught her breath. "Sorry, these hormones are insane. Oh, but she looks so sweet with her Aunt Elsa..." Anna's eyes began swimming again and she swallowed hard, fanning her face.
The baby continued wailing in Elsa's arms, clearly no longer content with being there. Elsa felt her anxiety rising, not sure what she did or how to make the crying stop. The little girl wasn't responding to the bouncing or the patting and Elsa began to worry that she had hurt her somehow after all.
Kristoff looked out of the window, noting the position of the sun in the sky. He looked back to Anna. "It's probably been about two or three hours," he said.
"So she's probably hungry," Anna finished. "Aw, but she was finally getting to meet Elsa."
"It's okay," Elsa said quickly. "If she needs to eat."
Kristoff helped Anna sit up, arranging the pillows behind her as Elsa passed her the baby. Anna shushed her daughter gently and began unlacing her nightgown.
The room was quiet again as Anna fed the baby. Elsa's arms suddenly felt cold without the extra warmth of the tiny bundle in her arms. She didn't know what to do now. Everything else seemed so insignificant in comparison, even the fears that had been controlling her just moments ago. Now, sitting here surrounded by her growing family, Elsa felt more in control than ever, reinforced by a new kind of love that was coursing through her body. This newfound love was so strong, Elsa was certain it could have thawed a thousand frozen hearts.