Work Text:
Probably, Jerome’s behaviour doesn’t make sense to spectators, not even to Farm and Van and Mai who’ve known him and Jinn long enough to know better.
He’s kept them around on purpose after all – there isn’t enough room for Jerome’s antics to truly distract them from their fixations on each other for long enough that they can guess at the truth, even if Farm’s is getting uncomfortably close, as yesterday morning indicated. It’s child’s play to balance on the tightrope of being only just exasperating enough but otherwise harmless that they don’t feel compelled to look any deeper. Van’s probably smart enough to realise that maybe he doesn’t want to know the truth.
Tar’s on the wrong track (haha) entirely after Jerome’s unfortunate spiel about his dreams. The second he said it, he knew that it sounded like something out of an unfortunate Taylor Swift music video. He’s not in love with Jinn. These visions aren’t a fantasy he wants to have.
What he wants is to keep feeling Jinn’s anger warm him to the bone, to see Jinn’s eyes tremble with every emotion he can’t keep contained like the passionate seven-year-old child Jinn never forgave himself for being, for the pleasant burning in his gut to renew every time he sees Jinn helpless and cornered, close to tears from frustration, lashing out and then licking his wounds when he’s lost enough steam that he needs to recuperate before their next bout.
He's enough of a bastard to admit to himself that he wants to keep Jinn on the brink of understanding that he’ll never beat Jerome but not quite being able to internalise that fact in order to escape Jerome’s orbit.
Jinn’s not allowed to go anywhere. To look away from him. Not until he’s had his fun. Not until Jerome decides their bond isn’t entertaining enough anymore.
So Jerome’s hoping these visions go away before he has to seriously psychoanalyse why he’s having them in the first place. It’s a little too late for him to grow a conscience – not that he really needs to. He wasn’t lying when he said Jinn starts fights with him just as often (thought he can’t let himself think too hard about if its ever without provocation from him first, that doesn’t matter, thank you for pointing out the irrelevant, Farm) – and who is he to keep a masochist from getting what he so clearly needs? Jinn wouldn’t keep coming back for more if he didn’t like how small Jerome makes him feel.
Never mind Jerome’s misgivings, the Jinn in Jerome’s fantasy can’t exist because Jinn wouldn’t know what to do with that kind of peace. They’re both exactly where they need to be right now.
Maybe winning this race will convince his brain to go back to normal. Then he can take the adorable Beam on a date before finding a way to let him down easy enough that he doesn’t cause a fuss afterwards. Jinn does tend to choose interesting, and more importantly, attractive, people, (thank you, Jinn, for helping streamline the process of finding someone worth hitting on – if Van had such an efficient system, he probably wouldn’t end up with so many bruises) but, damn, if they’re not as emotional as he is.
Soon enough, they’re waiting for the lights to go out and Jerome can’t shake the uncomfortable feeling that he’s on the precipice of something not entirely personally favourable. He tries to ground himself by clenching his fingers on the steering wheel. The feeling better disappear before the first corner – their cars are modified to hell and back and they’re not sensible enough to drive safely. Its too much fun to push Jinn right to the edge – if he gets burned in the process, Jerome’s never felt as alive as when he feels that bright pain.