Chapter Text
Mira and Zoey had been friends for years, and through everything, they never missed a movie night. It was their monthly ritual, every time the first of the month came around, they had a sleepover at Zoey's house and watched a movie.
This month, the movie was Zoey's pick, and in true Zoey fashion, she chose, in her words, a tragic cinematic masterpiece ahead of its time...aka -' Finding Nemo'.
It didn't bother Mira; she didn't mind children's movies, she had a few herself that she re-watches to this day when she needs something light and nostalgic, and Finding Nemo was so completely Zoey that it just made sense.
Zoey.
The same Zoey she had been best friends with since eighth grade. The same Zoey who has been there for her for years with gentle praise and a listening ear.
Zoey.
The same Zoey, she was caught staring at so much that it was like it was routine.
The same Zoey who would rant to Mira about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with full enthusiasm, as Mira memorized every word.
The same Zoey, she was helplessly in love with and didn't know what to do about it.
Didn't know what she could do about it because Zoey was her best friend, and she didn't like her back.
Right?
I mean, yeah, they had their moments, where they'd jokingly flirt with each other and a heavy, heated silence would fall between them, as if they were waiting for something, but they never actually meant it. Well, Mira did, but Zoey didn't, and Mira wasn't gonna ruin five years of friendship on tension.
She…wouldn't…
Right?
*.*.*
The older girl arrived at Zoey's at half too eight, an overnight bag in hand and a smile on her face as she was let in by the other girl's mother, "Mira! hi darling. Zoey's in her room getting changed, come on in. Are you hungry? I just finished dinner." the older woman greeted her excitedly, her words rambling a little, a warm smile beaming across chocolaty skin.
"No, thank you, Ms. Park. I ate before I left." Mira's smile doubled; she always felt welcome around Zoey's mom.
She was still relatively young, undeniably beautiful. But the weight of having three kids showed through by the way her under eyes gleamed a soft purple, and the way her black hair fell out of her bun in long, random strands around her hairline. But her smile never faltered, and she was always kind; it was a stark contrast to Mira's home life and was more than comforting.
"I told you not to do all the formalities with me, Mira, you're family. Call me Olivia," she scolded unseriously, gently setting her hand on her hip in mock sternness as she moved to let Mira inside.
"Sorry, habit." Mira apologied as she stepped inside the small house, the rooms were crowded with mismatched furniture, brown cabinets, bright red couches, a white TV stand that clashed with the soft yellow of the walls. The scent in the air was a mix of chocolaty, clean, and floral all at the same time. It made the house feel alive, the chaos was solace to her, it was welcoming and comforting, here she never felt out of place.
Before any more sentimentality could be shared, Zoey, chaotic as ever, rushed through the hall at top speed, hoodie half pulled over her head, and tackled Mira in a bear hug that could kill a man. Mira had to lean against the sofa arm to keep them both upright, through stunned giggles, Mira spoke, "somebody's excited to see me", her arms wrapping around Zoey's waist and pulling her closer before Mira was ambushed from both sides by two other littler Zoeys with just as firm a grip.
"m-m-MIMI," the littlest Park sibling, Amelia, shouts through gappy teeth at Mira's legs. Her grubby 3-year-old hands pulling on Mira's jeans with determination to scale her leg and perch herself on her hip like a little bird.
Mira gives Zoey one last squish for good measure before grabbing up the baby and hugging her just as tight.
"Hi, Mellie girl, how ya been?" Mira asks as she sets the small child on her hip with gentle and caring hands, her voice noticeably softer than normal.
"G-good!" Amelia replied as she nestled into Mira's side like she belonged there, her soft black hair brushing Mira's cheek as she lay her head on the other's shoulder.
From behind them, another voice chipped disappointedly.
"Where's MY hug?"
Mira turned to see the last Park sister, Sophia, her expression saying she felt left out, a soft pout and round eyes staring at the pink-haired girl, "Oh, how could I forget about Sophie? I'm so sorry, hi sweetheart." Mira apologized, turning to hand Zoey the baby before whipping around, picking up the 8-year-old, and spinning her around in her arms like a princess.
The younger girl giggled sweetly, stuttering out a hi through gappy teeth, her arms wrapped around Mira's waist tightly as if she didn't want to let go, so Mira didn't. She bent down and let the girl hug her tighter for a few seconds, patting her back softly.
Mira felt the eyes on her as she let go of the child, could practically see the look on Zoey's face, the glint in her eyes that said I'm gonna tease you for this later. What Mira wasn't prepared for what she actually was met with when she turned around and saw the sentimental look in Zoey's eyes. Full of admiration, and awe, but also something else. Something more intense that Mira had never seen before, like she wanted to drink in the sight of Mira bonding with her sisters. Like she enjoyed the look of Mira being sweet, being soft. So much that she wanted to bottle up the moment and keep it just for herself. And in all honesty, the looked scared Mira a little bit, because no one had ever looked at her like that.
So she pretended she didn't notice and brushed it off as her own subconscious projecting her feelings for Zoey onto her.
After a beat of silence and staring, Zoey shifted her weight and put the baby back down on the couch before turning to Mira with a smile so bright the sun itself paled in comparison.
"The movie is already queued up on my TV, snacks are laid out, and blankets are stocked to high heaven." Zoey proudly listed off.
Mira smirked lightly and scoffed with no seriousness before grabbing the other's hand, pulling her down the hall hurriedly. "Let's go then, overachiever."
Mira could feel Zoey's eye roll from behind her head as she quibbled back, "Says you. I'm sure you over packed like all fucking hell!" as they arrived at Zoey's door.
"Language, Zoey!" Olivia called from the living room, exhaustion lacing in her voice from undoubtedly having to say the exact sentence 30 other times today.
Zoey squeaked out a half-sincere "Sorry, ma!" before opening her door with the flourish of a magician showing you a magic trick.
Zoey wasn't lying about the snacks and blankets being stocked. In the right back corner of the room on top of an Ikea desk sat nothing but various bowls and packages of different foods. From here Mira could see sushi, Swedish fish, dried seaweed, clown fish decorated sugar cookies and various other fish themed snacks intentionally chosen the match the movie that sat idolly on the T.V screen paused on the opening sequence.
For the blankets, Zoey had seemed to of raided the house for every blanket she saw; her bed looked borderline unusable under the mountain of cotton.
Mira turned to Zoey with a challenging look, "Did you steal the kids' blankets off their beds or just the ones in their closets?"
The tease earned the taller girl a drawn-out eye roll and a snarky comeback.
"I didn't steal their blankets, these are all mine, thank you very much, miss. 'living furnace'." A fake pout on her face and a saddened look in her eyes to sell the act.
"Yeah, right, I can see Mellie's duck blanket from here!" Mira retorted, arms crossed in protest.
Apparently, the little girl heard Mira's admission because she came running in, snatched the blanket off the bed, and blew raspberries at Zoey angrily before storming out again.
Instantly, the room filled with giggles and snorts at the pure wordless sass that was just displayed for them by the three-year-old. The two girls struggled to stay upright as they bent over in fits of laughter, arms clutching their stomachs like they were scared they'd fall apart from the shaking.
*.*.*
Zoey had fallen asleep about an hour into the movie, her head pressed to Mira's shoulder like she was a pillow. Arms curled around Mira with a deathly grip, her lips parted as soft gasps slipped past. She was passed out as if she felt safe in Mira's arm.
Mira really didn't want to move; she wanted to sit here perfectly still and soak up the moment till the sun split through the window. But she should probably go brush her teeth and clean up their mess a bit before sleep took her as well.
She found her way out of the younger girl's stubborn grip and tiptoed out of the room and into the bathroom to brush her teeth. As she finished rinsing her mouth she caught her reflection in the mirror and shrunk into herself.
It didn't feel weird being here, in this house, with Zoey not attached to her side. But it felt kinda hollow. Boring, like she was missing something. She was comfortable here, yeah, but without Zoey, the vibrancy felt dull in comparison, like it always was without her.
Nope. No yearning.
She's her best friend for god's sake!
She's not allowed to have feelings for her. Not when they aren't reciprocated, and they're not.
She was being selfish. She couldn't have feelings for her best friend; it would ruin their dynamic. It will make Zoey uncomfortable. But the pain of longing still makes Mira's chest ache with want. Why can't she have what she wants when its right there? Served out on a silver plater in front of her, just out of reach.
'Oh my LORD.'
OK. She needs to snap the fuck out of whatever hormone-induced craze she's in. She should check if shes ovulating, because what in the actual fuck.
Nevermind, she just needs water and some fresh air. She'll be fine and back to normal then, and can finally go to bed.
'With Zoey wrapped in my arms-'
'Oh my fucking god.'
She doesn't know what defiant part of her brain is taking the wheel right now, but it needs to stop or shes gonna end up sleeping on the couch in the living room to prove a point to herself.
'OK. Focus, Mira. Water. Air. Clean. Bed. No more daydreaming.'
She made her way to the small kitchen, lightened by the open window letting moonlight fall into the room in a soft streaky glow.
Mira grabbed herself a glass and filled it at the tap, letting the cold water fill till it was almost at the top. Instantly she gulped half of it down, feeling the chill settle deep in her stomach, she began to breath normally again.
OK, now she just needed air.
She crept onto the back porch through the sliding door, feeling the November air bite at her exposed arms and stick itself to her skin.
The stars were bright tonight, the sky morphing into a lovely speckled painting. The ink black color broken by the smallest pieces of defiant light, peppering the sky like it was fighting for dominance, fighting to be seen. Like the light was trying to remind her it was here, that even in darkness, there was a small piece of defiance. Something that shouldn't be there, ruining the bleak stretch of void, but is anyway, because of its determination, its bravery.
'Bravery I'll never ha-'
Her thought was interrupted by the creak of the door opening again behind her. Mira turned around to see Ms.Park looking at her with a greeting smile.
"Hey kiddo, what 'cha doing out here?" the older woman asked as she moved to one of the lounge chairs on the porch, sitting down in a way that made one think it was the first time she had all day. Which with being a single mom raising three kids with a full time job, it probably has.
Mira stayed silent for a second. She didn't know if she wanted to tell her the real reason she was out here. That she was battling feelings for her daughter and didn't know what to do but pretend they didn't exist and try to be a good friend.
But the look in the older woman's eye, not pushing, asking, like she cared, and she did. It made Mira want to spill her whole soul out in front of her.
So, Mira decided just to say it.
She took a deep breath through her nose and started, "I- uh, I'm kind of conflicted on something, so I came out here for some fresh air…to clear my head."
Surprisingly enough, Mira wasn't met with pity from Olivia, but understanding; she looked like she wanted to listen to Mira, nodding her head with a soft, "What's bothering you darling?"
Yeah, there is no going back now. So she sat down next to the woman and continued through choked breaths, "So there's..someone, I kinda like. But I cant, because were close, really close, and I don't wanna ruin it. But I just can't shake these feelings and I don't know what to do. It doesn't feel fair." she admitted. It was the first time she verbalized any of this since she realized she liked Zoey three months ago.
There was a knowing tone in her voice as Olivia spoke up again, "..Well that is a tough spot to be in. Its confusing, and painful, I'm sure, but sweetheart, you cant keep this in, its not healthy. I'm not saying tell the person, but maybe you could try writing about it, get the emotions out on paper and make sense of them."
Huh. She never thought of that.
"That sounds like a good idea actually, thank you Ms.Park." Mira could feel the idea lift a weight off her shoulders already.
The older woman smiled sweetly and spoke again, "I've told you to call me Olivia, or mum works too. Rnough with this 'Ms.Park.', makes me sound so official, gross!" Mira giggled, but the air was still too heavy to allow much more than a quick chuckle.
Mira rubbed her eye mindlessly, her hand coming back slightly wet from where tears had gathered without her knowing, and a soft apology slipped past her lips.
"Nonsense, you ain't got nothing to be sorry for. But uh, if you want to share…is this 'someone'..Zoey?" Olivia asked, cautious, like she was waiting for Mira to break.
The already cold air chilled to below freezing, locking Mira in place as she stared helplessly.
"I'm not saying it is, but I just thought...well, you had this revelation while you two are having a movie night. And we all know how cuddly she is, and I see the way you look at each other, there's definitely tension. Plus I'm a mom, I know everything."
oh.
Well, there's no point in lying now.
Silently Mira moved her head in a snail-paced nod.
Silence fell between them.
Before either of them could pick up the conversation again, another creek passed through the ai,r and by the door stood Sophia, looking scared.
"..I h-had a nightmare…" she admitted.
Olivia stood to go smooth her daughter, but stopped in front of Mira and whispered to her, quiet so the child wouldn't hear, "For the record, Zoey is her happiest when shes around you." before continuing to usher the small girl inside and back into bed.
Silence feel over Mira again, thick, but not heavy.
What if she did have a chance with Zoey? What would that even look like?
Would it really be that far fetched that her best friend since eighth grade may also have feelings for her?
*.*.*
Morning light came through the blinds like it had a vendetta against her.
Mira's mind was still swimming with unsurety, but they were silenced by the press of Zoey's back to her chest. The slow deep breaths pushing against her in a way that made Mira feel whole, right.
Zoey was completely enchanting. She truly took up every single one of the other girls thoughts. She couldn't sleep without dreaming of her, couldn't walk into a store without seeing something that remind her of Zoey, she couldn't smile without thinking of Zoey's.
Her entire memory is full of these moments, where she can pretend Zoey is hers, she can imagine it. Waking up to Zoey holding her every morning, kissing her lips, and calling herself Zoey's.
Moments where she lets herself want her.
But for some reason, Mira didn't want to pretend she didn't feel like this anymore, she wanted to let herself fall for Zoey, no matter how selfish that made her.
So she didn't. She sunk into Zoey's arms instead of getting out of bed like she always did, she allowed herself to soak up the warmth, let herself get lost in watermelon scented sunscreen and soft snores and for some reason it felt natural. Like Mira had done this a million times over.
Loving Zoey was in Mira's genetic code, as true as the color of her eyes or the length of her nose, it was just…part of her.
Zoey was part of Mira. Her best friend, her safe space, her favorite person, and Mira is tired of hiding it.
If loving Zoey means she is selfish then so be it. She'd rather love her how she can then pretend Zoey doesn't actively have her heart thundering under her chest. At least she had the times she had with her, but Mira couldn't pretend anymore because it hurts, like a knife being jammed between her ribs.
She was drowning, in these feelings, the temptation, the second guessing. All of it was weight bringing her further down, trying to drag her into the deep. It was time to let go and let herself float.
It was time she put herself on the line. Even if it means she'll lose the best thing in her life because if she cant be true to herself, to Zoey, then shes just in another cage.
Zoey deserves the truth, and Mira needs to trust herself.
But..how?