Chapter Text
“Ano pre may balita na ba sa application na pinasa mo?” Wonwoo asked the moment Soonyoung decided to take a break.
Soonyoung waved his hand. He reached for his blue tumbler that was gifted by his lover. Uminom siya sandali bago kunin ang cellphone na katabi lang halos nito.
“Kailan mo ba yon pinasa pala?” Seokmin, one of his fellow crew members asked.
He checked the notification pero nung makita na wala namang importanteng chat or text ay agad niyang binatawan ito. “Nung nakaraang linggo lang.” Sagot niya.
It was another day to create a choreography. Sa mga araw na wala silang dance class ay gumagawa sila ng choreo para sa darating na malaking competition. They were already halfway through the entire choreography.
“Bakit hindi pala pumunta si Jihoon?” The mere mention of the name of his lover was enough for him to smile. Pangalan pa lang lakas na makawala ng pagod.
“Bantay sa pamangkin niya pero bukas dito na rin naman yun.” He answered before stretching his legs.
Ang mata niya ay nakatingin sa mga nakababatang miyembro ng crew. There was a joy in his heart whenever he watched them dance passionately. Nakikita niya yung dating siya. Ang pinagkaiba lang siguro nila ay may support system sila mula sa pamilya.
Medyo matindi rin ang pinagdaanan niya bago tuluyang matanggap ng pamilya niya ang kagustuhan niyang maging pro sa larangan ng pagsayaw. He grew up in a stereotype kind of family, yung ang paniniwala ay wala kang mararating basta passion mo ang usapan.
It was hard convincing them that he did not want to finish college since there is nothing that interests him. Kung para sa pamilya niya ay wala siyang mapapala sa pagsayaw, para sa kanya naman ay wala siyang mapapala sa kolehiyo.
Sure, education is the powerful weapon that he can attain pero hindi naman niya inasam na maging makapangyarihan. Ang gusto lang niya ay maging masaya habang nabubuhay.
And for him, happiness means two things: Pagsayaw at si Jihoon.
Jihoon was there when he discovered that dancing was more than just a passion; it’s love and his whole happiness. Jihoon was there when he fought his family to let him be. Jihoon supported him when he decided to build a crew. Jihoon was his first member.
Jihoon was the one who helped him to recruit, nandoon siya nung maliit pa lamang ang crew hanggang sa ngayon na malaki at may kasikatan na ‘to. Jihoon was there to hear him out when he started to dream of having a studio where he can teach or just simply dance. Nandoon din ito noong simula siyang mangarap na makasali sa malaking competition sa Manila.
Now those dreams were slowly happening and Jihoon was still there but not just as his supporter, best friend or dance partner. Jihoon was and will always be here as his lifetime lover. Ganoon siya kasigurado sa kasintahan. He’s sure that it will always be with Jihoon. He will spend the rest of his lifetime celebrating successes and comforting failures with him. He’s sure as much as Jihoon was when he was doubting, he’s sure as much as Jihoon was when he thinks that all of what he wants is impossible to reach.
He believes that there is no Soonyoung now if Jihoon wasn’t there when he was nothing. Now, he was able to rent a studio for his dance class and crew. He was able to prove to his family that his love for his passion was the right decision. Now, he has a lot of members to lean on.
In his vision, everything is already in their right place. Lahat ng pangarap niya dati ay unti-unti niya na naabot. And if you would ask him the thing that he was most thankful for… it is not the fact that he was lucky and saw an available studio for rent on a random Thursday night when he was scrolling through Facebook marketplace looking for a frame. It was when all of these things happened and Jihoon was still by his side.
Tingin niya kinaya niya talaga ang lahat dahil nandoon ang best supporter niya.
“Love, daan ako dyan?” He asked the moment the call was connected.
“Why? Tapos na kayo?” Jihoon asked instead of answering.
“Depende kung pagod na sila.” He replied while looking at his members. Nagpapahinga na rin sila. Chan even said that he was running out of creative juices.
“Okay lang naman pero pauwi na rin kasi sila Mama. Pwede naman tayong magkita na lang sa labas.” He finally answered.
“Ayaw ba ako makita nila Tita?” Pabirong malungkot na tanong nito.
“Oo, ayaw niya sa maasim.” Natawa naman ng malakas ang mananayaw.
“Grabe ka na sakin ah! Magka-amoy lang sana tayo kung nandito ka.” He pouted even if the smaller couldn’t see it.
Binato naman siya ng towel ni Seokmin nang makita ang itsura niya. “Pa-baby na naman amputa. Kadiri ka, pre.” Asar nito sa kanya.
Niyabangan niya lamang ito bago tumalikod.
“Sino yon?” Jihoon asked from the other line.
“Pinsan mong bakla.” Seokmin claimed that he’s straight. A funny claim if you will ask them dahil sa araw-araw na ginawa ng Diyos, lagi nilang nakikitang tulala ‘to sa may-ari ng cafe sa baba na si Joshua.
“Sabihan mo nga yan na umuwi sa kanila kasi si Mama ang kinukulit ni Tita tapos ako kinukulit ni Mama.” After that, Soonyoung heard a faint noise.
“Ano yon?” He asked, concerned.
“Si Ry nadapa. Hindi naman malakas. Sandali lang titignan ko.” He said hurriedly.
Hindi naman binaba ni Jihoon ang tawag. “Ano? Okay lang ba?” He asked after a few seconds, knowing that Jihoon surely clicked the speaker mode.
“Wala namang sugat. Hindi rin naman umiyak.” Mahina pero rinig naman na sagot sa kabilang linya.
“Buti naman. Batok ka talaga sa Ate mo kung meron.” He joked.
Nakita niya sa salamin na sumesenyas sa kanya si Chan. “Lab, sandali lang may sasabihin ata si Chan.”
“Sige, text na lang kita.” The latter answered. Bago pa siya makasagot ulit ay binabaan na siya nito ng tawag.
“Bakit?” Tanong niya kay Chan.
“Sino ang magtuturo bukas? Schedule ko ba?” Asar namang kinamot ni Soonyoung ang ulo dahil ang sagot sa tanong niya ay nasa whiteboard lamang.
“Chan, gusto mo bang i-tour kita dito sa studio?” Wonwoo asked, draping his arm around the younger’s shoulder. Gamit ang parehas na kamay ay tinuro niya ang whiteboard.
“Ay! Wala kasing sulat dyan kanina!” He defended himself.
“Kitang bebe time si capt, kulit mo.” Sunoo, one of their newest recruits said.
“Ay bebe time niyo na, Capt? Pack up na ba?” Kulang na lang ay mag shining shimmering ang mata ni Yeonjun.
“Gusto niyo ba?” Nakangiting sabi niya.
Because honestly? Hindi pa siya pagod pero cravings talaga niya attention ng jowa niya ngayong gabi. Buong araw niya kasi ‘tong hindi nasilayan. It’s not like it’s new pero pakialam ba nating lahat.
“Ngiting gagawin kaming dahilan kay Jihoon, ah?” Minghao said while he hastily wiped his sweat.
“Hindi ah. I’m just a concerned and caring captain.” Nakangiti niyang tanggi.
“Kadiri.” He heard Seokmin comment.
“Sige na nga, Capt. Gawin mo na kaming dahilan.” Yeonjun said before lying down.
“Chan and Minghao, wag kakalimutan na schedule niyo tomorrow, okay?” Paalala niya sa dalawa. Captain mode on.
All of them instantly dropped all of what they were doing. Isa sa mga senyales na naka-captain mode ang captain nila ay tuwing nagsisimula na ito mag remind sa mga agenda nila kinabukasan.
“Mga bata lang naman yung students tomorrow. Sa gabi, same time pa rin for the creation of the choreography. Reminder din na wag na wag mahiya kung may gustong i-suggest or may naisip na choreo, okay? Newcomers, all of your ideas are much welcome in this studio, okay? If there are any requests, let me hear it.” He specifically looked at the new recruits. Nakita niyang willing at passionate ang mga ito pero may konti pa ring hiya sa kanila.
“Before I end this session, I also want to announce that Ji and I are planning to bring back the old tradition.” Kita ang lito sa mga bago habang ang mga matagal naman ay natawa sa narinig.
“Mga bagong salta, the old tradition in their vocabulary was every month, you will be randomly grouped to create a choreo that will be uploaded on our channel. By the end of the month, ipe-perform niyo ang nabuo.” Minghao explained. He knew how Soonyoung sucked at that side.
Magaling lamang siya mag explain pag nagtuturo na sa dance class nila.
“OMG! Tinigil ninyo pala ‘yon, Kuya?” Sunoo asked.
“Yeah, last year. Nag focus kasi kami sa audition tape namin sa isang competition. Tapos konti pa kami nun, walang time for solo or group content.” Sagot niya. He nodded when someone from the newcomers raised her hand.
“So yung recent uploads were filmed before pa? Like before you focus on the audition tape?” He nodded as a confirmation.
“Konti dun mga recent naman, mahahalata naman sa song choice. But, yeah, most of the recent content was filmed 2 years ago.” He confirmed. “Ubos na bala ni Ji kaya gusto niya na ibalik.” He joked but it was true, paubos na ang ipon nilang content.
In their field, it is really important to keep social media engagement steady. Aside from teaching and selling choreographies, malaking tulong din sa bills nila ang nakukuha nila sa online platform.
“For now, ayan lang muna. The information about the content will be discussed by Jihoon na. I’m not good at explaining, as you can see. Ingat kayo pauwi, okay? Update on our group chat once you get home. Thank you for your hard work!”
“Daan ka pa dun?” Seokmin asked while waiting for him to lock the studio.
He nodded before nudging the taller. “Umuwi ka raw dun sa inyo pinapasabi ng jowa ko. Kinukulit daw siya ni Tita.”
“Pagkatapos nila ako awayin? Suyuin muna nila ako.” Maarteng sagot nito sa kanya.
“Naiipit na jowa ko!” Seokmin just laughed at their misery.
“Maaga ata tapos niyo ngayon ah?” Jihoon asked once they entered his room. Dumiretso rin agad siya sa tapat ng cabinet para kumuha ng damit ng kasintahan. Makapal mukha ng jowa niya at may place ang damit nito sa cabinet niya.
Instead of hearing his answer, he felt the dancer walking towards his side. Hindi na siya nagulat nang may biglang pumalupot na dalawang kamay sa balakang niya.
“Namiss kita, lab.” Soonyoung nestled his head on Jihoon’s shoulder before kissing his cheeks.
“Amoy pawis ka pa!” He said but his heart fluttered from the action.
“Mahal mo pa rin naman ako kahit amoy kanal pa ako.” Soonyoung replied, burying his head on the crook of the younger's neck.
“Ginayuma mo kasi ako.” Sabi nito bago pilit na kumawala sa yakap ng isa. “Ang lagkit mo. Maligo ka muna dun.”
When he successfully untackled himself from the hug, he gave the dancer’s spare clothes. Soonyoung pouted. Nagpalit at nagpabango naman siya bago umalis ng studio kaya paanong malagkit siya.
Jihoon saw the sudden change from Soonyoung’s mood. He sighed before opening his arms for another hug. Hindi naman siya nabigo dahil wala pang isang segundo ang nakangiti na ulit ang kasintahan.
“Drama mo talaga.” Halos hindi maintindihan na sabi ni Jihoon dahil sinubsob ng magaling niyang jowa ang mukha niya sa dibdib.
“Miss nga kasi kita! Halos buong araw kitang hindi nakita kaya hindi mo ako masisisi, okay?” Balik sa nagtatampong boses nito.
“Sisihin mo sila Mama dali!” Jihoon jokingly replied.
“Ih! Baka kinabukasan banned na ako dito.” He playfully swayed both of their bodies.
Inangat ni Jihoon ang tingin sa kasintahan. When Soonyoung felt that, he looked down and kissed his forehead. “Ang OA mo, Soonyoung. Parang hindi tayo nagkahiwalay ng tatlong linggo dahil umuwi kami ng Palawan.”
Soonyoung kissed his forehead once again before looking at his eyes. “Dalawang linggo akong wala sa ulirat non. Tanong mo pa si Wonwoo.”
True to his words, he couldn’t really function that time. The first week was bearable. Nagtuturo pa siya nun sa mga dance class, nag seset up ng mga pang film para sa monthly content nila. Pero after nila mag video call nung nakahanap na ng stable signal si Jihoon at nakita niya na ang mukha nito matapos nilang magtiis na text at voice call lang, doon na nagsimula gumulo ang mundo ni Soonyoung.
It was so bad that Junhui took over his supposed schedule. Tawang tawa pa sa kanya sila Minghao saying that he wasn’t just a professional dancer but also a professional yearner. Masisi niyo ba siya? Simula ata nang matuto siyang mag-isip nasa tabi niya na si Jihoon. Besides, simula nung magkakilala sila ni Jihoon, bihira lang silang hindi magkita sa isang araw.
Jihoon let Soonyoung do his thing while he cleaned the toys scattered around the floor. Dito kasi sila sa kwarto niya nag stay ng pamangkin niya. When he heard the his room’s door opened, alam niya na tapos na si Soonyoung na makigamit ng banyo sa labas.
“Sinabi ko na pala sa crew kanina yung balak natin na ibalik yung monthly content.” He shared. Tinulungan niya ang nobyo na ayusin ang mga laruan.
They spent a good amount of time cleaning the owner’s room. Nang malagay na nila ito sa box ay umupo si Soonyoung sa kama habang kinuha naman ni Jihoon ang tuwalya mula sa kanya. He then started drying his hair while his legs were both locked into the dancer’s.
“Anong sabi nila? Na-explain mo ba nang maayos?” Even though he knew that someone from the crew did that for him.
“Ipinaliwanag ni Minghao sa kanila. Wala ata silang tiwala sa explanation skills ko.” He replied while his eyes were closed, feeling relaxed.
After drying his hair, he placed the towel at the headrest of his small swivel chair. Soonyoung then lay down on his bed. Feel at home na talaga.
“Nagpaalam ka ba sa nanay mo na dito ka matutulog?” Jihoon asked after he switched off the lights. The lamp placed on the side table was on so he was able to see how the latter was watching his moves.
“Para saan pa? Wala namang pakialam sakin yun kung hindi pera ang usapan.” Pinagpag niya ang tabi, wanting Jihoon to lay down beside him.
And when he did, Soonyoung quickly invaded his personal space. Ang kamay at paa ay nakapalibot na agad sa kanya. And as much as he loves it, tao lang din naman siya, naiinitan at nahihirapan huminga.
“Ayos nga.” He scolded him but Soonyoung thought it was because of what he said. “Yung kamay mo, mabigat.” He continued.
“Sus gusto mo nga na nakapaso— aray ko naman!” He grunted when Jihoon pinched his arm.
“Nandito tayo sa pamamahay ko yung bibig mo!”
“Para namang rinig yung sasabihin ko hanggang kwarto nila.” He scoffed before cuddling him properly. Yung wala nang lumalabas na reklamo sa bibig nung isa.
Well, wala na talagang lumalabas na reklamo dahil bawat inis na singhal nito ay may kasunod ng halik sa labi. They spent the night reminiscing about how Soonyoung started his projects, how they were able to come up with monthly content on Youtube, and how they encourage each other to just dream more.
“Anak, Jihoon, kumusta ang studio niyo ni Soonyoung?” Jihoon’s beloved mother asked.
Her older sister chuckled while carrying his niece. “Nakasalubong ko pala yun si Soonyoung kahapon. Ang kulit talaga nung jowa mo na yon ‘no?”
Kumunot naman ang noo ni Jihoon dahil walang nabanggit sa kanya si Soonyoung na nakasalubong sila ng Ate niya.
“Bakit?” He asked while placing the plates on the dining table.
“Nandoon siya kahapon sa school. Hindi ko alam kung may hinatid ba or may agenda doon. Tapos nakipaglaro pa siya dito kay Ry kaya bagsak ‘to nung umuwi kami kahapon.” Jihoon nodded. Maaga ang meeting niya sa trabaho kahapon kaya hindi niya naabutan ang pamangkin.
“Yung tanong ko, anak? Kumusta ang studio niyo? Marami bang students?” Her mother asked for the second time around.
“Ma, studio niya lang. Hindi naman kami business partner.” Pagtatama muna niya. “At kahit wala namang student si Soonyoung, kumikita pa rin naman ‘yon.”
“Si Soonyoung mismo nagsasabi na share kayo roon pero sige kung ayan ang sabi mo.” Her mother replied.
Totoo naman pero ilang beses na rin niyang tinama ang mga taong nag aakala na may share siya sa studio. It was all on Soonyoung. Tumutulong lang siya at part ng crew. The business part? Wala talaga siyang kinalaman doon.
Sure, he helped him from time to time pero yun lang yon.
“Tinry mo na ba yan sabihin sa harap niya? Because I’m sure isa yan sa magiging dahilan bakit kayo mag aaway.” Saad ng Ate niya habang busy na inaasikaso ang pamangkin niya.
He just sighed and started eating. After this, meron pa siyang duty. Even though he works at home, he, himself, is strict to his own time. Pag oras talaga ng trabaho ay trabaho.
After spending his time eating and catching up with his family, he started getting ready for his duty. Kasama sa routine niya ang pag tingin muna sa email ng studio nila dahil minsan may mga namimiss out na email si Soonyoung o kaya ay may mga email talagang hindi niya nire-replyan for some reason.
When he open the email, halatang hindi pa ito ulit nache-check ng kasintahan. Most of the recent emails were not yet opened. Some of it were just inquiries about their dance class and workshops, some were inquiries about the choreographies but one email piqued Jihoon’s interest.
It was a reply to an email from their crew’s application for the national competition. Matagal nang hinihintay ni Soonyoung na makasali sa competition na ‘to pero masyadong maraming hadlang doon noon. First, it was out of their financial capacity. Sa Manila pa ang competition. Pangalawa, kulang sila sa tao. May required number of members kasi ang competition na ‘to. And lastly, for the past few years, their priority was to focus on the studio first.
When he opened the email, the first thing he did was to call his lover.
“Ano po ang maipaglilingkod ko sayo, kamahalan?” Bungad na sagot nito sa kanya.
“We received an invitation from Choreo Clash.” was all he said before the phone got hung up.
Rather than a reply, like Jihoon was expecting, they received an invitation. Based on the email, the competition for this season was handpicked by the professionals and producers of the competition. Kaya kahit hindi sila magpasa ng application at audition tape, makukuha pa rin sila.
Soonyoung was probably processing the information. Hinayaan na lang din muna ni Jihoon dahil once na kumalma na ‘yon ay tatawagan siya agad ng kasintahan. He quickly composed himself before typing a reply.
He can’t express enough how proud he is. Sa lahat ng nakilala niya na tao, si Soonyoung talaga ang pinaka-hardworking para sa kanya. He can’t stress enough how this passionate and loving man conquers all those hardships. His optimism was on another level.
Siya yung tipo ng tao na hindi mo makikitaan ng pagod, when you take a good look of him, parang walang espasyo ang salitang pagod para sa kanya. When people were doubting him, he used that to motivate himself more. When tiredness is starting to invade his body and mind, he will use that to dream more. Literal na wala talaga hindi pwede sa kanya ang salitang pagod— at least figuratively.
At ang nakakabilib pa sa kanya ay hindi niya ginawa yon lahat para may patunayan sa iba pero dahil gusto niyang sumaya. There was a time where Soonyoung and his mother got into a huge fight and her mother started throwing painful words.
“Hindi mo ba nakikita na yung mga desisyon mo na yan ay ikaw lang ang makikinabang? Ang selfish mo! Sarili mo lang ang iniisip mo, Soonyoung! Wala kang mapapala dyan! Alin ba ang hindi mo maintindihan doon?” Soonyoung’s mother outburst when the subject of enrolling in college was mentioned.
It was a heated argument that they were trying to avoid. Hindi pa nakaka graduate sa senior high school si Soonyoung ay naging vocal na siya sa mga plano. But his mother was against the idea of him not going to college just because of his passion. After that argument, they mutually avoided the topic hanggang sa namention na lang siya ulit.
“Selfish ba talagang sundin kung anong mahal ko at kung anong nagpapasaya sa akin, Ma?”
In that exact moment, Jihoon knew he chose the right person to spend his lifetime with. Someone who knows what makes him happy, someone who knows what he deserves, and someone who knows how to stand for himself.
After sending their confirmation to join the competition, he heard their doorbell ring. Not a minute later, his door swung open.
He never got the chance to ask him why the hell he was all sweaty and panting when the dancer suddenly grabbed him from his seat and hugged him tight.
“What the fuck, love? Did I hear you right?” Halos pasigaw na tanong nito. Jihoon slapped his back because his niece was already sleeping.
“Gusto mo makita?” Humiwalay si Jihoon sa yakap at tinabi ang swivel chair para makatayo sa gilid niya ang kasintahan.
“Here,” he presented the email to him. Hinayaan niya muna na basahin ng mananayaw ang email.
He scrolled down to show him the official poster for this season.
“I suggest you start conceptualising now. I-cancel mo na rin muna yung announcement mo sa kanila nung nakaraan.” Jihoon said but his boyfriend is still immersed in the poster.
“Lab, totoo ba ‘to?” He said before slowly looking at him.
Tumango naman si Jihoon, may malambing na ngiti sa labi. “Congratulations, mahal ko.”
Jihoon chuckles as he watches how Soonyoung's expression changes when it starts sinking in. Napaayos ito ng tayo, ang kamay na nasa gilid kanina ay nasa bibig niya na ngayon. Natulala muna ulit ito bago tumalikod at nilagay ang kamay sa magkabilang balakang. He turned around to Ji with teary eyes and a wide smile.
“Soonyoung para kang tanga!” Jihoon laughed out loud when he saw how Soonyoung was struggling to say something.
“Gago!” Sigaw niya. Jihoon quickly shut him up by covering his mouth with his hand.
“Tulog na si Ry, wag kang maingay.” He scolded but the smile never left his face.
“Love, tangina, totoo nga.” He glanced at the screen again before removing Jihoon’s hands from his mouth.
His right hand draped around his boyfriend’s waist while his other hand aimed for the nape. He doesn’t know how to express his excitement aside from screaming his heart out but kissing his love of life might be a great alternative for now.
Though, he has been doing that at his proudest moments.
Jihoon gladly responds to his kiss. Nararamdaman pa ni Jihoon ang ngiti ng jowa niya sa bawat halik.
“Mahal na mahal kita, Ji.” Sambit niya ng maghiwalay ang labi.
Jihoon reciprocated it with a smile. “Proud na proud ako sayo.”
After saying that, he felt a kiss on the top of his head. “Salamat, Ji.”
“Wala naman akong ginawa?” Natawa si Jihoon nang marinig na naman ang singhal niya.
“Hindi ako ata mararamdaman ang ganitong saya kung hindi dahil sayo, mahal. Tinuruan mo akong mangarap ng higit pa sa kasiyahan ko.” Malambing na sambit niya habang hinahaplos ang likod ng nobyo.
Humiwalay sa yakap si Jihoon. He cupped Soonyoung’s face before smiling genuinely. “Mahal kita.”
“Mas mahal kita ‘no.” Sagot nito bago yakapin ulit ang kasintahan.
“Paiyak ka na ‘no?” Asar niya.
“Wholesome na yung vibes, lab.” Jihoon chuckles before completely removing himself from the hug.
“Bumalik ka na doon. Hinahanap ka na ng mga ‘yon. Sigurado akong tumakbo ka lang bigla. Baka mga nag aalala na ‘yon.” Saad niya bago pumunta sa harap ng computer. He screencapture the email and sent it to their group chat, the old one kung saan nandoon ang mga og nilang crewmates. He also sent it to their new group chat, yung para naman sa mga miyembro na nasa studio.
Jihoon felt his boyfriend’s movement from behind. Hindi niya ito pinagtuunan ng pansin dahil busy siyang mag compose ng message. He felt so proud that he couldn’t write a word that would be enough to describe his feelings.
His swivel chair moved and the next thing he knew was he was already sitting down on the dancer’s lap. Soonyoung’s face was buried on his nape, nakikiliti pa nga siya dahil nararamdaman niya ang paghinga nito.
“Pahinga lang ako saglit, mahal. Bilis ng takbo ko kanina.” Mahinang paalam niya.
“Para ka kasing tanga. Bakit ka pa pumunta dito, may computer naman sa mini office mo sa studio.” Sagot naman ni Jihoon.
“Aside from it is an instinct to run to you when I hear something good, I want to celebrate every milestone with you, Ji.” Naramdaman niya ang pagdapo niya ng halik sa batok.
And Soonyoung knew even without looking, Jihoon smiled. Certainly, his favorite smile, the bright one.
“I’m sorry if out of nowhere ‘tong meeting. I know you guys were waiting for me last night but I wasn’t able to come back here.” Soonyoung started the meeting. Jihoon was at the side, just watching him proudly.
“And as you guys know, we got invited to my dream— our dream competition!” He announced excitedly. “Hindi ako nakabalik kasi ang tagal din nag sink in sa akin. Tagal ko rin siyang prinocess.”
Everyone cheered while his longtime friends were congratulating him. Wonwoo nudged Jihoon at the side. “Umiyak ba kagabi?” He asked, pabulong pa.
Jihoon nodded slightly. “Nung akala niyang naka-focus na ako sa work, umiyak siya.”
“Tagal niya ring pinangarap ‘yan.” Wonwoo looked at their friend who was smiling like no bad news could ever make him frown.
“Nag confirm din kami agad na sasali tayo. They gave us around one month to get ready before they officially announce the line up. I was able to talk to one of the producers and they told me na they were still waiting for the other invited crews to respond.” Jihoon spoke when he saw Soonyoung was looking at him, asking for help.
“So we can use that time to get ready also. After the announcement of the line up, may binigay pa rin naman silang time bago mag meeting at mag film.” He added.
“So bale first week of February start na ng filming, ayon daw yung expected date.” Dagdag din ni Soonyoung.
“Sa Manila ba ‘to, Kuya?” Sunoo asked.
“Oo, sa Manila. But don’t worry about the financial needs. Sagot ko na ‘yon.” Soonyoung answered. “But of course, kung willing lang din kayo mag compete. If you’re not yet ready, no one’s forcing you, okay?”
“Based sa mga crews before sagot naman nila halos lahat maliban sa daily needs.” Sabat ni Junhui na tahimik lang na nakikinig sa kabilang dulo ng studio.
“Ilan po ba kayong sure sa line-up, capt?” Tanong ni Niki.
Tinuro ni Soonyoung ang mga dati pang kasama sa pag sayaw. “May mga crew members pang hindi kayo name-meet kasi hindi sila nag wowork dito unlike Junhui, Minghao, and Chan pero kasali rin sila.”
“Ikaw Kuya Wonwoo, hindi ka sasali?” Yeonjun asked.
Umiling naman si Wonwoo. “Manager lang ganap ko rito.” Kumindat pa siya kaya sapok ang natanggap niya kay Jihoon.
“For now, I want to know kung sino sa inyo ang sasama sa amin sa milestone na ‘to. If you guys want to join, you can register your name there.” Tinuro niya ang papel na hawak ni Junhui. “Since I know some of you is not yet ready, yung iba naman ay need pa magpaalam.”
“Hanggang kailan po pwede maglista, Kuya?” Sunoo asked while eyeing the paper.
“Open yan before matapos yung choreography for the first round.” Soonyoung answered.
“For now, ayon lang muna. You can go ahead and have your practice.” He dismissed the new members. “Kayong mga ulupong, maiwan kayo.”
Once the new recruits were out of the office, his friends clapped. “Congratulations nga naman sayo kapatid!” Junhui loudly said.
“Na-contact mo na ba sila Yerin?” Saad ni Chan matapos nilang pumalakpak.
“Hindi pa but after congratulating him last night, they also confirmed na they’ll join. Inform lang daw kung kailan start nung meeting para makapag-file sa mga trabaho nila” Jihoon answered on his behalf.
“Kailan meeting natin niyan?” Minghao asked. “1 month is too short if we’re being honest.” Dagdag niya pa.
“We’ll start conceptualizing now.” They all turned to Jihoon. “Pwede na tayong mag start mag gather ng idea for our concept para pag meeting, we can present it to them.”
“Sure ba kayo na sasali talaga sila?” There was a doubt in Chan’s expression.
Soonyoung laughed. “They’re just like me, Chan. For sure, they will drop everything to join this competition. Tagal na pangarap ng crew ‘to.”
Wonwoo raised his hand. “As their acting manager in the early days, I can assure you, Chan.”
“Okay, start na tayo?” Jihoon asked. All of them nodded as Soonyoung pushed the white board.
Nagtagal din ang usapan nila ng ilang oras. Buong usapan nila ay puro lang batuhan ng ideas at seryosong usapan talaga. They would laugh if there was an interesting concept and idea but most of the time they were gathering inputs. Kahit na si Wonwoo na medyo may alam lang sa ganito ay nagbibigay din ng idea.
“Love, alam mo minsan hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala na nandito na tayo sa stage ng buhay natin na ganito.” Saad ni Soonyoung habang binabadbad nila ang daan pauwi sa bahay nila Jihoon. “Parang dati lang, tumatakas pa ako kay Mama para lang maka-attend ng practice.”
Jihoon chuckled. “Oo tapos sa akin ka hahanapin ni Tita kasi sabi mo sa amin ka pupunta. Mind you, two barangays away ka sa amin tapos gabi na. Impossible na sa amin ka pupunta.” He recalled that one night where Soonyoung’s mother called his.
“Oo tapos si Tita mahal na mahal ako at pinagtatakpan ako kasi alam niyang malapit naman talaga ako sayo at kasama talaga kita doon sa practice.” Tawang-tawa na sabi ni Soonyoung.
Ang kamay ay nakaakbay sa nobyo. Out of all kinds of physical touch, ito talaga ang ayaw ni Jihoon. Feeling niya kasi may buhat-buhat siya sa balikat pero hindi niya alam sa kamay ni Soonyoung parang may magnet na laging attracted sa balikat niya. Nakasanayan na lang din talaga niya.
Jihoon loudly laugh yung tipong nagalaw na rin ang balikat niya. When Soonyoung felt the vibration from his shoulder, doon niya lang napansin na nakaakbay siya and knowing that it was not Jihoon’s type of touch, he slowly dropped his arms from his shoulder to his small waist.
“Hindi naman ako nag joke, lab. Grabe naman yung tawa mo.” Soonyoung jokingly frowned. May halong pisil pa sa tagiliran niya.
When the smiley Jihoon faced him, his frown quickly changed to adoration. Up until now, he still can’t believe how he managed to make this person fall in love with him. Maniwala man ang lahat o hindi, walang halong gayuma yung pinainom niya kay Jihoon na tubig noong varsity pa ng badminton pa ito.
Jihoon would always joke about that memory. Sabi kasi niya nagsimula siyang malito kung friendship lang ba yung nararamdaman niya o iba na nung naging ganap na supporter niya ito nung naging varsity siya sa school nila. That era was the most caring era of Soonyoung. Siguro isama mo na rin ang asar ng kasama ni Jihoon sa varsity kaya lalo siyang na-confuse sa kung anong ginagawa ng bestfriend niya.
They were supposed to be just best friends pero gaya ng asar ni Jihoon, baka ginayuma talaga siya nitong isa.
“Paano ba naman kasi lagi ka ring may pingot kay Mama tuwing ako yung dinadahilan mo.” Jihoon replied with a teasing smile.
Nakangiting umiling naman si Soonyoung. “Tapos dati may inggit pa ako sayo kasi very supportive si Tita sa kung anong gusto mo tapos ako pag may performance tayo, wala man lang ni-isa sa pamilya ko ang may alam kasi malalaman nila na kaya ako gabing-gabi nauwi dahil sa practice.”
Soonyoung felt Jihoon’s hands slowly wrapping around his waist, a movement that always gave him comfort. You see, Jihoon may lack in this department— being clingy, touchy and most especially, being expressive but once he does, it’s a big deal. You know that there’s a reason behind it. And that action is already enough for Soonyoung.
Jihoon was never a clingy or touchy one. He grew up in a household where words and clinginess are not normalised or should he say— was not practiced at all. Sure, they were supportive but in different ways. They show up but they don’t explicitly say they are happy for you, they won’t do anything grant. If you’re winning in life, the family won’t hug you but they will have the proudest eyes and genuine smiles. If you’re sad, their mere presence and small talk was enough to make you feel that you are not alone.
And if you’re going to ask Soonyoung about it, he’ll tell you how challenging it was for him to adjust his love language. It took him years to make Jihoon comfortable enough to receive his love. But that challenge made him discover that he was capable of showing his love more than his accustomed one. He learned how to love in Jihoon’s language, he learned to love Jihoon’s love language.
Natutunan niya na pwede mong iparamdam ang pagmamahal sa panonood lamang ng laro. Pwede mong iparamdam ang pagmamahal sa tahimik na paraan. Natutunan niya na kaya niyang iparamdam ang pagmamahal sa simpleng pag abot ng tubig pag pagod na sa laro. Nalaman niya na ang pag-ibig ay yung mga oras kung saan wala silang ginagawa kung hindi mag chismisan lang.
On the other hand, Soonyoung grew up in a family where too much love is being imposed on their household. Too much in both positive and negative ways. Positive in a way that they were all clingy and vocal about their love towards each other and negative in a way that even the words that you didn’t need to hear will be said nonetheless, the weight of the pain wouldn’t even matter.
Sa tinagal niyang nabubuhay sa mundo, ang alam niya lang sa pag-ibig noon ay maingay kasi ganun ang pamilya niya. His mother would scold him for not doing what she think was right kasi nga sabi niya at sigaw niya, “Sinasabi ko sayo ‘to kasi ito ang makakabuti sa’yo!”. And for the longest time, he would listen to her nags even though it doesn’t make him happy. Ayon kasi ang unang nalaman niya sa pagmamahal.
But by loving Jihoon, Soonyoung realised that even without being touched and without hearing the three words, he would still feel and experience what he failed to know about love. He learned that love would hear him out, love is about being supportive, a genuine kind of love doesn’t need to be loud, and that love doesn’t equate to being hurt purposely.
Kaya nga nung naging sila ni Jihoon dalawa lang lagi ang sinasabi niya. Masarap talaga magmahal.
At masarap matutunan ang iba’t ibang lengguwahe nito.
“Feeling mo mas madali kung papalitan na lang natin ng slide instead of ikot or slide sabay ikot?” Minghao suggested while they were creating a choreography for the upcoming competition.
They were already halfway through. May kanya-kanya silang part na focus. Jihoon was sitting on the floor watching them. When he met his lover’s eyes, he quickly grabbed the tumbler beside him. Inabot niya ito kay Soonyoung na hingal na hingal.
Soonyoung managed to flash a thankful smile before turning around to discuss Minghao’s suggestion.
The new recruits were in the other room, focusing on their monthly task. Soonyoung decided to give them a responsibility, especially to those who will not be able to join the competition. Nag decide siya with guidance ng kanyang minamahal na ibigay pansamantala sa mga new recruit ang pagtuturo sa dance class.
It was a big risk on their part so they decided to let Minghao lead the creation of the choreography for two days as he will give a lecture to their new recruits and again, with Jihoon’s guidance as he really sucks at explaining things.
When they saw and observed their improvement, they pushed through the decision. Nandoon din naman si Junhui para imonitor sila from time to time. And afterall, he trusts his members abilities.
“Break muna kami!” Paalam ni Jennie bago humiga sa sahig. Soonyoung just nodded, too focused on their discussion.
“Jowa mo sa ganito mo lang talaga makikitang seryoso no?” Momo sat beside him while watching the four talk.
“Napapadalas nga siyang seryoso dito.” Jihoon answered.
“Hindi ka sanay?” Singit na sabi ni Jen.
Jihoon shrugged. “Seryoso naman siya basta pag sayaw ang usapan. But outside the studio, he’s the silly Soonyoung again.”
“I rarely see silly Soonyoung ha.” Chungha blabber. “Like, double yung serious niya ngayon.”
“Of course! This is our dream! Kuya Kai isn’t here so he’s also taking the lead.” Momo replied.
“Yung ginagawa natin sine-send niya pa kay Kai for approval.” Jennie added. They were talking as if their topic was not in front of them and as if the boyfriend was not sitting beside them.
“Kuya Kai originally created the crew. As a sign of respect and he thinks Kuya Kai wanted to be a part of the process, he sent it to him even though sinabihan na rin siya ni Kuya Kai na hindi naman need ng approval niya.” Jihoon shared. “Kuya Kai’s a big help for him. He’s taking notes of his inputs. Kaya may change sa ibang parts.”
The three nodded while watching the four who are now applying the changes of the dance moves. The three girls also stood up to continue their brain storming. Si Jihoon na lang ang natira doon sa sahig kaya naman tumayo na rin siya.
He walked towards his boyfriend who is now pausing from dancing. He was watching the boys’ moves through the mirror.
“Love, silip lang ako sa kabila ah? Wala naman akong ginagawa dito.” Bulong na paalam niya.
His boyfriend snake his arms around his waist as he guided them to walk away from the center and walked towards the door.
“Okay, lab. Update mo rin ako on what they're doing, ha?” He asked softly.
Tumango naman si Jihoon. “Sure. Balik ka na roon.”
Soonyoung smiles. “Okay. Kiss ko muna.” Ngumuso pa ito.
Jihoon chuckles before softly slapping his lips. “Loko!”
Soonyoung just laughed before placing a kiss on his forehead, just like how he wants it. “Balik ka po agad.”
Jihoon nodded before walking away… but not without a peck on his lips.
“Magnanakaw ng halik!” Narinig niya pang sigaw nito. Jihoon smiled to himself.
If there’s one thing that changed when they got together, it was most probably his ability to show love to the latter. If he’s being honest, he knows nothing about love but he’s sure that he is not the type of person who likes physical touch.
Total opposite if you’re going to observe the two of them. Soonyoung loves to be held, likes to be hugged and likes to receive kisses, he needs to hear words of affirmation. When they were still just friends, halos araw-araw naririnig ni Jihoon kung gaano siya appreciative sa mga maliliit na bagay. How he always clings at their friends, and sometimes to him.
Ang minsan na yon ay naging madalas nung nagsimula siyang maging varsity. He would occasionally hold his hand while trying to get his bag to carry it kasi sabi niya pagod na ang binata sa laro, the least thing he can do is to carry it for him. He never failed to say his good luck even if it was just a practice game.
Ang madalas na yon ay nakasanayan din ni Jihoon kalaunan. The way he missed his warm hand whenever the taller was not able to fetch him from his practice game because he has a dance practice to attend to. How it would affect his game when Soonyoung was late to wish him good luck. How he would feel extra tired to even carry his bag properly.
It confused the hell out of him. He was supposed to be used to it. He grew up in a family where physical contact is not normal para nga silang may allergy sa physical touch tapos bigla siyang nangungulila dahil lang walang humahawak ng kamay niya? It was supposed to feel normal but the lack of warmth was hard to ignore.
First few months of their relationship was about learning their language. While Soonyoung adjusts his, Jihoon adapts.
He can’t believe he is saying this one but he knew to himself that he can’t also last a day without being physically attached towards his boyfriend. Sure, most of them knew him as the nonchalant one but Soonyoung started to rub on him.
OA na rin siya minsan sa madaling salita.
“Musta kayo?” He asked the moment he entered the practice room.
Nakita niyang nagpapahinga ang mga bata at nanonood mula sa ipad. Ngumiti siya sa mga ito. They greeted him with glee, tila hindi pagod sa kakasayaw.
“Okay lang, boss.” Yeonjun was the first one to talk.
There was an inside joke between him and the new recruits. Bossing ang tawag sa kanya dahil siya raw ang boss ng captain nila. Sinakyan naman niya ang joke na ‘yon not knowing na seseryosohin pala ng mga bata na ayon na ang itawag sa kanya.
“Wala ba kayong kailangan?” He asked before joining their circle. Tinignan niya rin ang pinagkakaabalahan nila.
Turns out, it was his boyfriend’s videos on Youtube. Natawa naman siya bago nilingon ang mga bata. “Bakit niyo naman pinapanood ‘to?”
“For inspiration.” Sunoo replied before winking at the elder. “Pogi ni kap pag nasayaw ‘no, boss?”
Jihoon chuckles before shrugging. Tama naman si Sunoo pero hindi niya aaminin yon sa harap ng mga bata. Baka malaman pa ni Soonyoung at magyabang sa harap niya.
“Para rin mapag-aralan ang mga galaw niya, boss. Ang thrilling and nakaka-pressure na magtuturo na kami few weeks from now.” Singit ni Niki.
“Pero totoo po ba yung balita, boss?” Jihoon turned to face Hyein. “Hindi ka raw po kasama sa lineup?”
Jihoon nodded. She must be talking about the lineup for the choreo clash.
“Hala! Bakit?” Hanni asked, the corner of her lips were forming downwards.
“Was that the reason why you’re not here last week, boss?” Jake carefully asked.
“Honestly, I’m still considering if sasali ako or not.” He answered. He avoided their gaze and stared at the mirror in front him. “Nahilig lang naman ako sa pagsayaw kasi yung captain niyo ay hilig ‘to. I grew up watching him dance. We grew up together, diba? I watched him fall in love with dancing. Nung mga panahon na yon, I thought I should learn to love it the way he does o kahit man lang i-try.” Naramdaman niya ang pananahimik ng mga bata. Mukhang invested sila at wala rin naman siyang magagawa maliban sa tumambay sa kabilang practice room.
“After this mag practice na kayo ulit, okay?” He looked at everyone. Sinagot naman siya ng tango ng iba.
He sighed before continuing. “We depended on each other while growing up. Kung anong ginagawa niya, ginagawa ko rin. Kung anong gusto ko, tina-try niya rin. Nagbago lang yung paniniwala na yon nung nag grade 10 kami. I was into badminton that time tapos natigil ako sa pag sayaw kasi nga kailangan mag training ganyan. We learned that we can still support each other even without trying each other’s interests.”
“The past few years you still dance though? Kita po namin sa videos sa Youtube.” Singit ni Niki.
“Natigil lang naman ako for a while because I need to focus on my training but I never left the crew. When I graduated from high school, I stopped playing for good. Hindi na kasi siya interesting para paglaanan ko pa ng oras. Doon ako bumalik sa crew.” He answered.
“Bakit ayaw niyo po sumali ngayon?” Jaehyun couldn’t help but ask.
“At this age, you have your own priorities. Speaking for Soonyoung, it was one of his dreams to join this competition like your other seniors. For me, it was my dream for him.” He paused, thinking. “As for me, I’m leaning towards not participating. Tulad nga nung sinabi ko, we realize that we can still support each other without being involved in it.” Tuloy niya sa kwento.
He sensed that they were not satisfied with his answer. “But that doesn’t mean I’ll quit, right? Sabihin na lang natin na I’m relearning to love it but I am not yet ready to join them.” Saad niya agad.
“Oh? Ginagawa niyo?” It was Junhui. Naisipan siguro dumaan dito dahil break nila sa kabila.
Jihoon checked the time through his wrist watch. Wala pa namang kalahating oras simula nung dumating siya dito.
“Break nila. Tapos na rin. Bakit?” Jihoon answered on behalf of the juniors.
Junhui shook his head. “Wala lang. Sabi ni Soonyoung silipin ko raw dito at tawagin ka.”
Jihoon nodded before clapping his hand, trying to get everyone’s attention. “Back to practice!”
“Balita ko hindi ka raw sasali?” Junhui casually opened the topic.
Jihoon hummed.
“Sabi ni Soonyoung try ka raw namin kausapin. Hindi ba kayo nakapag-usap ng maayos?”
“Nakapag-usap naman. Ayaw niya lang tanggapin sa ngayon.” Sagot niya.
“Pwede ko ba malaman ang dahilan?” Mahinang tanong nito. Nasa harap na sila ng dance studio na ginagamit nila Soonyoung. “The others don’t know yet. Kami pa lang nila Won at Hao ang may alam.”
“Jun, ilang taon na ba akong hindi nasayaw?” He started. “Halos 3 years na rin… do you honestly think that I will join you considering the fact that I haven't been dancing for years?”
“Oo naman. This was our dream, Ji. Even before this studio happened, yung pangarap na yan nabuo na.” Junhui carefully answered.
“Pangarap niyo, Jun. Pangarap niyo.” He replied, emphasising the last word. “To be completely honest, I lost my interest. I’m not as passionate as you guys are. I like dancing but I don’t love it.”
“Nasabi mo ba sa kanya yan?” It was enough reason for him to shut up.
Junhui waited for a few seconds but judging his demeanor, wala itong balak sumagot kaya naman nagsalita siya ulit.
“Baka hindi ka niya maintindihan dahil hindi mo rin naman sinasabi sa kanya ‘yan, Ji. He told us that he gave you plenty of time to think about it and judging your answer, I’m pretty sure you already have your decision. Ayaw mo lang talaga sabihin sa kanya.” He avoided Junhui’s gaze.
It was true. They got into a heated argument last week, the reason he didn't come to the studio for almost a week. Sa loob ng isang linggo na ‘yon, hindi naman pumalya si Soonyoung sa pag bisita sa bahay nila.
They were able to discuss it but he didn't have the chance to be honest with him. This was his boyfriend’s dream and he doesn’t want to spoil his mood by telling him that he failed to revive his interest in dancing.
“Prolonging this won’t let you go in any direction but a huge fight, Ji. I’m sure he’ll understand your decision about this. He’s Soonyoung after all.”
“Your Soonyoung.” Huling sabi niya bago pumasok at iwan si Jihoon sa labas.
“Nakalimutan ko pala sabihin pero gustong gusto ni Kuya Kai yung remix mo.” Saad ni Soonyoung habang hinihintay nila i-serve ang order na tapsilog.
“Fan ko yon eh.” He smirked. Sumimangot ang nobyo niya. He can’t retort that statement because Kuya Kai was indeed a fan of his remixes since Jihoon started doing it for the team.
“Hindi raw ba talaga siya makakasali?” Tanong ni Jihoon.
Soonyoung was about to answer when their order arrived. Both of them thanked the server. Naging tahimik sila dahil sa pag aayos ng pagkain. Soonyoung was filling both of their glass habang si Jihoon naman ang nagtitimpla ng sawsawan nila.
“Hindi raw talaga kaya.” Soonyoung then answered after a while. “Pero sabi niya susubukan niya raw tumulong sa choreography. Pupunta ata siya sa susunod na linggo.”
Tumango naman sa kanya si Jihoon. “Ilang percent na ba natapos niyo sa choreo?”
“Patapos na. We’ll start teaching the choreography tomorrow. Yung tulong na ibibigay niya para raw sa susunod na round.” He chuckled.
They started eating after that. Tahimik lang nila pinagsaluhan ang pagkain. They would occasionally look at each other and smile but most of the time they were looking at the T.V, watching what was being flashed there.
“Magbabayad muna ako doon. Mag C.R ka na bago pa tayo umalis baka habang nasa daan bigla kang umutot.” Jihoon teased.
“Hindi ako natatae.” Sagot nito sa kanya bago makipag-unahan sa harap para magbayad.
“Kulit sabi na libre ko nga!” Jihoon hissed before exiting the place.
Soonyoung sweetly reached for his hand and kissed the back of it. “Gagalit eh gusto ko nga prinsesa ka lang pag kasama ako.”
Hindi niya pinakawalan pa ang kamay nito habang naglalakad sila pauwi. “Alipin pala kita eh.”
“The crew is planning to have a practice sa plaza. Just like the old times daw.” He shared. Madalas na kasi ay nasa kabilang practice room si Jihoon para mag tignan ang mga bata.
“Bakit ayaw nila doon sa studio?” They swayed their intertwined hands just like a new high school couple would.
“Feeling ko suffocated sila studio. Gusto ata nila ng fresh na hangin at mag reminisce.” And then silence envelopes them.
Jihoon knew what Soonyoung was trying to imply. After their argument, hindi na nila napag-usapan ulit yung tungkol sa pagsali niya. Pero gaya nga ng sabi niya kanina, balak na nila ituro sa mga sasali ang nabuong sayaw.
Which also means, he needs Jihoon's answer. Hindi naman tanga si Soonyoung. He knew Jihoon was avoiding going to the studio. He knew that Jihoon was trying to give him his decision by dropping all of the clues that would lead to it.
But there’s a tiny little hope in him.
“Alam mo ba nung nakita ko kung gaano mo kamahal ang pagsasayaw, I started asking myself…” Jihoon slowly opened up.
“Ano kaya yung akin?” He stopped walking. They were in front of Soonyoung’s house already. Ngunit parehas din silang wala ng malay pa sa kapaligiran.
“Your dreams and passion were connected to one another. You were able to dream because there was a passion inside you.” Saad niya pero hindi nakatingin sa nobyo.
He was looking nowhere but his eyes. He can’t open all of these things while staring at him. Baka pag nakita niya ang takot at sakit sa mata nito ay hindi na naman siya maging totoo sa sagot niya.
“And I am really proud of you, Soon. Alam mo naman yun diba?” He briefly looks at the latter before avoiding it again.
“May inggit lang siguro talaga sa part ko na alam mo yung kung ano yung sayo habang ako parang pinipilit lang yung sarili sa hindi ko naman ayaw pero hindi ko rin gusto.” He felt Soonyoung’s hold tighten.
“Ji, I won’t force you to join if you don’t want to. Kung ayon yung naging dating sayo nung usapan natin last time, I’m sorry. Alam mo naman na hindi ko ipipilit sayo ang mga ayaw mo naman diba?” Soonyoung quickly said as if he was scared of what might happen.
Natawa naman si Jihoon bago tinignan ang mata niya. “Hindi naman sa ayaw ko, Soon. Hindi ko lang talaga makita yung sarili ko sa field na ‘to. Parang the more na ipilit ko yung sarili ko dito, the more na nawawala ako.” He said honestly. “It was the reason why I rarely go to the studio anymore. Mahal kita, Soonyoung. Kung ano man ang iniisip mo, hindi mangyayari ‘yan.” He said while patting his boyfriend’s head.
“Akala ko gusto mo makipag-cool off e.” He whispered before kissing Jihoon’s hand, yung kanina niya pa hawak.
“Bakit mo naman naisip ‘yan?” Jihoon softly asked while watching him close his eyes, there was relief on his face.
“Akala ko kasi dahil sa away natin… napilit kita. I know how much you hate that.” Sagot nito. Nakapikit pa rin.
“Hindi naman ako ganun kababaw, lab.” Nang dumilat si Soonyoung, Si Jihoon na nakangiti ang sumalubong sa kanya.
“I also want to apologize…” Jihoon paused. “Instead of being honest with you, parang pinaasa pa kita na sasali ako by saying na I’ll think about it.”
Umiling naman si Soonyoung. “Ilang taon na tayo, Mahal. The fact that you need to think about it means there’s a huge possibility na mag le-lean ka sa una mong desisyon. Siguro ayoko lang talaga na gawin yung pangarap na yun kung wala ka.”
“Kasama mo pa rin naman ako ah? Ako na papalit kay Wonwoo bilang manager niyo.” He joked. Soonyoung smiled.
“Pwede bang personal assistant ka na lang ng Captain? Wag ka mang-agaw ng role ng iba.” Hinampas naman siya ni Jihoon bago pumayag sa pakulo ng nobyo.
Nang makapasok sila sa kwarto ng binata ay nagmadali rin silang mag-ayos dahil maaga pa sila bukas. Kailangan pumasok on site ni Jihoon para sa isang meeting habang si Soonyoung naman ay may dance class. It was his last class before monitoring the new recruits on how they will teach the kids.
When they finally settled on the taller’s bed, ginawang unan ni Jihoon ang braso ng boyfriend niya. Good thing Soonyoung’s a dancer and frequent at the gym, walang kaso sa kanya kung magdamag pang nakadagan ang nobyo sa kanya.
“Kanina sabi mo naiinggit ka sakin kasi buti pa ako alam ko ang gusto ko…” Jihoon thought that his boyfriend was already asleep. Ilang minuto na kasi ang lumipas at tahimik pa rin siya so he assumed that the dancer was physically tired.
Jihoon hummed, urging him to continue.
Soonyoung wrapped his unoccupied arm to Jihoon waist, making him face him. “Hindi mo ba gusto ang ginagawa mo ngayon?” He asked, cautiously.
Jihoon stayed silent. “Kung ayaw mo sagutin, okay lang naman. I’m here, lab. Lagi naman akong nasa tabi mo at nakasuporta sayo, alam mo naman yun diba? Napaparamdam ko naman sayo yun diba?”
Jihoon nodded. Nakatingin lang siya sa leeg ng katabi. He refused to meet his eyes baka maiyak pa siya dahil ngayon lang din naman niya tuluyang tinanggap na hindi siya masaya sa kung nasaan man siya ngayon, not literally but the state of his life.
“Hindi naman sa ayaw ko pero hindi ko rin gusto. I’m somewhere in the middle but at the same time, I’m not content with it. Ngayon ko lang din tinanggap sa sarili ko na hindi ako satisfied sa kung anong ginagawa ko ngayon.” Mahinang sagot niya.
Naramdaman niya ang pag haplos ni Soonyoung sa likod niya, like he was comforting him.
“I’m here, Ji. We can explore all of your interest tapos tignan natin kung ano talagang gusto mo sa kanila.” Malambing na saad niya. “Kung wala, hahanap at hahanap lang tayo hanggang sa makita natin yung bagay na magbibigay sayo ng contentment o sobra pa doon.”
After hearing that, Jihoon couldn’t form a word so instead of replying, he wrapped his arms around him. Siniksik niya rin ang mukha sa leeg nito, afraid of being seen as fragile. It’s been years since they got together, two decades since they knew each other, but it still amazes him how Soonyoung knew what to say to make him feel better.
Sasabihin nila na dapat sa point na ‘to, hindi na siya magulat kasi dalawang dekada na rin silang magkakilala. It’s obvious that Soonyoung knew him like the back of his hand but for him that was the most shocking thing— someone knew him like the back of his hand when growing up… he was used to hearing that he’s hard to read.
Hearing that he’s just someone who likes to stay at home, someone who likes to read, and someone who likes to dance. Wala naman kasing nag effort para makilala pa siya on a deeper level, there was no one until Soonyoung who was willing to learn all of him.
And not when he spent his entire life questioning if there will be someone who is willing to learn who he really is.
“Okay na kayo?” Junhui asked while the others were trying to learn the choreography. Nasa plaza sila ngayon gaya ng balak nila. Lucky for them, the barangay was supportive and knew them for a long time.
“Oo, napag-usapan na namin.” Junhui nodded.
“Sabi naman sayo at maiintindihan niya yan.” Jihoon chuckles. Alam niya naman din yon sadyang nag overthink lang din siya sa pwedeng maging reaction ng nobyo feeling niya kasi ang taas ng expectation niya na sasali si Jihoon.
“Sasama ka pa rin ba sa Manila?” Junhui then asked.
“Oo naman. Doon talaga kami mag-aaway kung hindi ako sasama.” Natawa naman si Jun habang tumatango tango.
“Sa bagay. Hindi ka lang makita niyan ng isang araw halos maghingalo na yan siya.”
“Hoy Junhui ano makikipag chikahan ka na lang dyan?” Sita sa kanya ni Joy. The guy frowned before standing up.
“Iwan muna kita kawawa naman tong mga to.” He whispered. Tumango naman si Jihoon kahit hindi siya nakita nito.
Not a minute later, someone sat beside him. Nagulat siya ng makilala ang anino nito.
“Kuya Kai.” Tawag niya rito.
“Patabi lang saglit ah? Papahinga ko lang yung mata ko.” Sabi niya sabay pikit. “Ang gulo nila tignan may kanya-kanyang pinag fo-focusan.” Dugtong niya pa.
True to his words, everyone has their own focus. Break time kasi nila from learning the dance steps. Some of them were resting and some of them were recalling and mastering the dance steps.
“Oo nga pala. Muntik ko na makalimutan.” Lumingon sa kanya si Jihoon, waiting for what the elder was going to say. “Napakinggan nung isang ka-trabaho ko yung remix mo. He was amazed and was trying to get your contact kaso laging nawawala sa loob ko. Isa pa, wala rin naman akong contact sayo, sa boyfriend mo lang.”
“Para saan daw po ba?” Umiling lang si Kai.
“I don’t know. Ang alam ko lang ay into that kind of stuff siya, remixing, doing songs, and anything related to that. Kaya ko rin pina-check sa kanya yung gawa mo kasi interesado nga siya.”
“You can give him Soonyoung’s contact na lang po if you don’t have mine.”
Dumilat ito at tumingin sa kanya. “Hindi ba seloso yang boyfriend mo?”
They both glanced to his side. Nakakunot ang noo nito habang pinapanood na sumasayaw si Changkyun.
“Hindi naman na,” he mumbled.
“Just to make sure, I’ll ask for his permission too.” Kai said before leaving him alone.
“Kuya Kai asked me if he can give my contact dun sa may gustong kumausap sayo about the remixes. Sabi niya, sabi mo raw?” Tanong agad ni Soonyoung nang maiwan silang dalawa sa plaza.
They were both assigned to return the things they borrowed from the barangay. Hindi naman kaso iyon sa kanilang dalawa dahil kakain pa naman sila bago umuwi. Madadaanan din nila pauwi kela Jihoon.
Tumango si Jihoon habang pinupunasan ang pawis sa likod ng binata. “Oo, sayo lang daw siya merong contact e.”
“Bakit hindi mo na lang binigay ang iyo? Ganoon din naman yon.”
“Hassle kasi. Ilalabas niya pa phone niya.” Sagot niya bago tuluyang pinatayo ang mananayaw.
Nilagay niya ang bimpo sa likod nito. Nakalimutan niyang magdala ng pamalit kaya naman dinahilan pa na uuwi naman siya sa nobyo at maliligo rin agad.
“Akala niya seloso ka pa rin.” Jihoon chuckled.
“Seloso pa rin naman ako. Matured version lang ngayon.” Sakay niya sa biro.
“Tara na? Uwi na tayo?” Tumango naman si Jihoon.
After they sent back the things they borrowed, they went to the paresan near Jihoon’s house. Uuwi rin naman si Soonyoung sa bahay nila pagtapos ihatid ang nobyo dahil may duty si Jihoon. Ika nga niya wala naman siyang bebe time kaya bakit pa siya magtatagal dun.
They parted exactly 5 minutes before Jihoon work from home duty. Buong akala ni Jihoon umuwi na si Soonyoung pero a half an hour after they parted, bumalik yung isa at may bitbit na paperbag galing sa 7/11. Hindi rin siya nag tagal at humirit na lamang ng mabilis na halik.
“Lab, baka pala magtaka ka pag may nag contact sayo. Binigay ko na kay Daniel yung number mo para kayo na ang mag-usap.” Sabi ni Soonyoung bago pawisang tumabi sa kanya.
Week before their flight to Manila, everyone was just furnishing their choreography. Madalang lang bumisita si Jihoon dahil napapansin ni Soonyoung na nahihilig ‘to sa paggawa ng remixes and different beats. Kuya Kai once said to him that Jihoon might be more into music than he already was back in high school.
Soonyoung noticed it too. Tuwing nanonood sa kanila si Jihoon. He would often hum random melody tapos makikita niya ang nobyo na nagrerecord kung saan saan. The said co-worker of Kai was actually a part time song producer. Halos mag iisang buwan na rin nag-uusap si Jihoon at si Bumzu.
Soonyoung would occasionally join their conversation whenever they were talking at zoom meetings and even in person. Minsan na rin itong bumisita sa studio nila. They even played the songs that Bumzu produced, karamihan dito ay hindi pa gaano kakilala because of how underrated the local artists were in their own country. But they heard some of the songs from random recommendations.
Ang huling balita nga ni Soonyoung ay may ginagawa silang dalawa. Bumzu was teaching his lover about the technicalities of their software and obviously, wala ring alam si Soonyoung. But, he was glad that Jihoon finally started to explore his interests one by one. Hindi man vocal si Jihoon sa mga gusto niya, as his lover for the past years and friend for the past 2 decades, Soonyoung can tell if Jihoon is happy.
Or he hopes so.
Jihoon’s confession about him being lost was shocking to Soonyoung. It felt like he didn’t know him enough to not notice that Jihoon was not really into dancing. Parang may tumaga sa kanya dahil may mga parte pa rin kay Jihoon na hindi niya alam when after all these years, he believed that he knew him like the back of his hand.
It didn’t bother him that long though. He made peace with himself by saying na that was the beauty of love, you get to know the new side of him the more you spend your time with each other. Ano naman kung may hindi pa siya alam? He has the time to make sure to see and know it by himself.
“Sino naman si Daniel?” Jihoon asked, nakakunot pa ang noo.
“Siya yung in charge sa team natin once we land sa Manila. I gave him my number, yours and kay Wonwoo.” Sagot ng binata.
“Okay.” He answered before looking around.
“Kumusta kayo? May improvement na ba?” Soonyoung casually asked, pertaining to his current interest.
Jihoon gladly saturated his curiosity. Soonyoung was softly smiling while listening to his boyfriend— who is telling him the story animatedly.
“Tapos ayon sabi niya try ko raw magsulat ng kanta. Mukha raw kasi akong may talent dun.” Soonyoung drape his arms around his boyfriend’s shoulder before nodding.
“Base naman sa kwento mo, mukhang meron naman talaga, lab.” Jihoon rolled his eyes.
“You know how much I suck at words, Soons.” Tanggi niya.
“You don’t. Nahihiya ka lang talaga magsabi but you know your way with words.” Soonyoung argued. “Naalala mo nung binigyan mo ako ng letter? It was written well. Lalo akong nahulog sayo.”
“And that was years ago. Ano bang malay ko kung mayroon pa ako nun?” Jihoon retorted.
Umiling si Soonyoung. “Wala namang expectations dito sayo, lab. Try it. Do it. Wala namang mawawala.”
Jihoon sighed. Tama naman. Wala namang mawawala.
“Basta nandito lang ako. You don't have to rush things. You don't have to figure it out right away, diba?” Paalala niya.
“Oo na. Sige na! Sumayaw ka na doon.” Pagtaboy sa kanya ng nobyo.
Soonyoung stood up and leaned to kiss his head.
“Wag kang mag expect masyado, mahal. Hindi naman lahat kailangan malaman mo agad.”