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“ YOU CANT JUST GO AROUND TALKING BEHIND MY BACK TIA!” She screamed “WHAT IF HE HAD TOLD SOMEONE! WHAT WOULD I DO THEN,WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME!”
“Mae I’m sorry I-I didn’t know it’d be such a big deal,” Tia sputtered out before Mae carried on
“ BIG DEAL?!BIG DEAL! YOU TOLD HIM THAT I HAD BEEN FUCKING , I HAD BEEN…” she grunted in exasperation, moving in with her sentence
“I TOLD YOU THAT BECAUSE I TRUSTED YOU WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!”
“Mae please-“ she was interrupted
“DON’T ‘please’ ME WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU” she sobbed trying to slam her door behind her
Tia had slipped through just in time to get inside. Mae paced back and forth thinking she was alone, tears streaming from her face to the floor. Tia tried to hug her and help her calm down but she only pushed her away and curled up in a corner.Sobbing into her arms.
“Why?” She muttered
“I don’t know I thought I could get you help. Therapy, just something,” Tia replied an apologetic tone to her voice
“Leave. I just- I need time to think,”
“Ok”
And with that Tia left closing the door behind her.
Mae covered her ears trying to keep the voices out of her head, she didn’t want to listen to them but they just kept getting louder.
“Useless”
“Pig”
“Slut”
“Attention seeker”
Then another voice came
“It was your fault” a dark husky familiar sound ,it was him…
Mae clamped her hands over her ears, whispering into the empty air beside her
“go away go away go away”
She couldn’t hear that voice again.But then his face appeared in-front of her,his finger lifting her chin to look at him.That face,a demon hiding behind his eyes, a devil she could never notice before.
She began to bang her fists against her legs consistently repeating two words ,my fault.
Bruises covered her thighs when his face finally disappeared but his voice lingered,faintly.Mae couldn’t do it she couldn’t stand it, she ran to her bathroom locking the door behind her.Pulling out a small,blood red box from beneath the cupboard.Slowly opening it she was greeted by a few old friends, she picked up a small sharp blade from the corner of the box slowly running it across her finger then she placed it next to her leg. Next was a piece of glass ,shattered glass, again placed next to her leg.The next thing she took out was a smaller tub containing a lighter and some pills.Then she took the blade running it across her wrist before digging it into the skin. Row after row until she picked up the lighter and burning her thighs until the outer skin turned to ash.
She didn’t want to feel like this so she cut ,she burned, she took pills , she didn’t want to feel she wanted to be numb because cutting is better then suicide. Right?
Blood dripped from her arm to the floor, finding herself lucky it was tile. She quickly rapped the wounds tight with gauze and cleaned up the puddle of blood. She knew how to do this , She’d done it for so long it was natural,she did it without noticing. She slipped on a hoodie and hid the box again before exiting the bathroom.Staring at herself in the mirror she outlined what she would get rid of
Her stomach
Her thighs
Her cheeks
Her hair
Everything was wrong with her in her mind, her hair wasn’t a beautiful blonde like Tia or a calming ginger like Tia’s ex it was brown a dark brown. Her hair was short and roughly cut, unlike the other girls, their hair was long and lush, their hair was cut by professionals he cut her hair because it was ‘in the way’.
She hated herself ,her body, her personality,her smile, the gleam she used to have in her eyes as a baby, she hated that she changed but she can’t change back she’s stuck this way and he said it was her fault and now that’s what she believes.
‘It was her fault’
‘It was her fault she had long hair’
‘It was her fault she couldn’t escape’
‘It was all HER fault’
She believed that and it destroys her everyday
“Mae!” Tia said knocking “all the girls are gathering for tea,”
“Coming!” She stutters throwing water on her face , throwing on some trousers
She swiftly exited her room shutting the door behind her, locking it.Tia smiled at her, she returned a half smile taking her hand and going to the dinner room. They sat down and the ‘mother’ of the girls dished out the food.
She put a little bit more on Mae’s plate saying she hadn’t been seeing her at breakfast and lunch so she just wanted to make sure she ate enough.Mae muttered a small thank you and took a small bite before playing around with her food . Every so often when people looked at her she took a small bite but what she didn’t notice is Tia watching her.
She noticed that Mae doesn’t eat much or really anything.Did Mae have an ed? Tia knew it could be a possibility.Those thoughts played in her mind as she watched her until she noticed a small bit of white peeking from her sleeve,it looked like tape.Why would she put tape on her arm?After tea Tia asked Mae if she could talk to her.The two went to Tia’s room after she closed the door she asked her to pull up her sleeves.Mae looked like she was panicking inside…
“Wha- why?!” She asked
“Just please pull up your sleeves,”Tia begged “you can trust me I wont tell anyone anything it was an accident.”
“No, I’m sorry,” Mae pulled her sleeves further down her arms
“Mae. I need you to show me if you accidentally got hurt I can help”
“NO.” She said with a raised voice
Tia walked up to her and pulled them up herself ignoring Mae’s protests. She stared at the bandages before asking if she had done this to herself
Mae gulped but stayed quiet.Tia asked again but louder.Mae turned her head away.
“Mae…” Tia said sympathetically,she knew the answer to her question
“Don’t ,please, I can’t stand that tone”
Tia pulled Mae’s sleeves back down and dragged her to her room.
“Where?where is it?” Tia insisted
Mae led her to the bathroom and pulled out the box for Tia to look at.Mae looked at the floor fiddling with her fingers
Tia opened the box staring at what she could see - the blade,the small box, the glass, the gauze, tape, cotton pads.The first thing she looked at was the box she slowly opened it and was shocked by the sight that greeted her. She pulled up Mae’s sleeves up again but this time she took the gauze off.Tears welled in her eyes,she asked if Mae took the pills as well.
She couldn’t say anything only nod her head.Mae felt like crying because Tia was crying.For her?She had forgotten what it felt like for someone to care about her that much.
Tia’s eyes widened,tears beginning to stream.But what she was most horrified to find was the pills.She questioned where the hell Mae got them they were illegal in nearly every country.Tia sobbed hugging Mae making her promise to never do it,to never take them.
Hours passed by and Tia was still sobbing but now they were both sat on the bed,she sobbed and sobbed forcing Mae to promise over and over that she wouldn’t hurt herself anymore.Mae stroked Tia’s hair and told her that she wouldn’t and that it would all be ok, when she wasn’t sure of that herself.Tia fell asleep on her lap.Mae dozed off herself not too later than Tia but she made sure to pull back down her sleeves first.
When Tia awoke,it was to the girls taking pictures.It turns out that as the two were asleep they ended up cuddling.Tia’s face flushed red and her classmates talked in hushed whispers that the two would make a good couple.Tia’s ex ,lily, was jealous and said that she thought her and Tia should be back together but the girls brushed her off saying that she was toxic in that relationship.
Mae and Tia took the day off that day so Tia could process what she found out last night.
“Promise me you will never even think about taking those pills without coming to me, don’t you dare take them,” Tia said sternly
“Which ones?” Mae questioned
“Both!” Tia exclaimed “which one? What are you thinking? That I’d let you take pills to either kill you or make you feel numb?!No way,no way”
Mae chuckled and kissed Tia on the cheek.
She shut up and stared at Mae dumbstruck.
A year later
“Ok I’m going!” Mae shouted over to Tia
“Where you going?” She replied walking over
“Did you forget?! You got me in it,”
“Oh yeah? Well good luck please try and talk about something in therapy this time”
Mae chuckled and opened the door
“WAIT!”
Mae stopped and raised an eyebrow to see Tia running over to her
Tia ran up and kissed her on the lips and then said that she could go now.
Mae giggled and said bye
“Hello, is this miss Tia Johnson?”
“Umm yes who are you? And why are you calling me from my girlfriend’s phone?” Tia questioned
“Your girlfriend is currently in the hospital I’m one of the doctors working on her miss Johnson,”said the voice on the other line
“WHAT?!DID SOMETHING HAPPEN! Omg what happened?!” Tia’s hand slammed against her mouth.
“I think you might want to come ,miss, it would be better to explain it in person,”
“Ok, I-I’ll drive to the hospital now.” She said,the panic invading her voice.
Upon arrival at the hospital,Tia rushed in finding the doctor who had called her.
“Miss Johnson?”
“Yes!” She replied desperate to find out what happened “ did she hurt herself?please tell me she didn’t hurt herself,”
“No miss she didn’t hurt herself “ the doctor responded “she got into a car crash”
“B-but she doesn’t drive?!”
“The car rammed into her as she was crossing the street she got shoved into an intersection,cars were everywhere,” the doctor said sympathetically
Tears streamed down Tia’s face as she looked into the trauma room where Mae was being treated.
“ she asked us to call you before she went into v-tac she’s on ventilation now”
She placed her hand on the glass
“She was on her way to therapy…” she said quietly “where should I wait?”
“There is a waiting room just over there,” the doctor gestured to a room full of people.Tia nodded her head and walked over taking the last seat.
An elderly woman entered the waiting room hours later looking for somewhere to sit when she looked in Tia’s area Tia said she could sit in her seat.The woman thanked her and asked her who she was waiting for.
“ My girlfriend,” Tia replied
“Oh dear I’m so sorry lovely, she’ll be in my prayers,”
Tia gave a faint smile “Thank you. Who are you waiting for?”
“This young lady who got into this car accident she was run over so many times, poor dear,” the lady said, “you see I got her out, I haven’t seen any of her family members so I’m staying,”
“That, that might be her.Her name’s Mae,”
“Well that’s a lovely name,”
Tia pushed herself off the wall and said she was going for a walk.
Hours went by and nothing, until a doctor came and said family members could come see her.Tia rushed over and followed the lady.Mae was awake and breathing on her own ,the doctors said it was a miracle.
Tia broke down into sobs and hugged Mae.They didn’t speak just cuddled until Mae said that she promised she wouldn’t die on Tia.She giggled as Tia kissed her on the cheek and sobbed into her shoulder.Release papers were on her table a few months later waiting for her surgeon to sign it. 7pm it got signed, the girls were overjoyed.They spent an hour packing and forty minutes with the final check up.
The girls left the hospital doors behind, hand in hand into the distant but dazzling sunset on the horizon prepared to start a new life , a good life.