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Teruomi still remembered the day his son was born. It was a cold December morning, way too early but the delivery had taken most of the night. His fiancée had squeezed his hand so tightly he thought his fingers were going to break, but it had been worth the minor suffering when he heard that first darling cry.
He’d held that tiny, tiny boy and felt his heart swell with love immediately, and then everything went wrong. There was too much blood, and the midwife ushered him away and took his son away before he could even realise what was happening. He was taken to a side room to wait, and he’d never been the smartest guy growing up, but even he knew something terrible was happening.
She didn’t make it, and Kota cried so much as if he knew what he’d lost. All too quickly Teruomi was thrust into the role of single father, and he had no idea what he was doing.
“Come on, Kota. Don’t you want this yummy…uh, whatever this is?” Teruomi waved the spoon in front of his son’s face for the nth time, and sighed when his little face scrunched up and he leaned as far back in his high chair as he possibly could. He didn’t know what he was doing wrong, but Kota seemed to hate just about anything he tried to feed him.
When his next attempt ended with the bowl upended on his lap and Kota wailing miserably, Teruomi sighed and gave up. “Okay, okay, no baby mush for now.” He got up and threw the bowl in the sink and suddenly, with no food in sight, Kota stopped crying and looked as happy as a lamb. He thought kids were supposed to be greedy– at least he was. Teruomi smiled to himself, that must be something from his mother’s side.
If only she was here now, maybe he wouldn’t be screwing up this whole parenting thing quite as much. She always knew what to do. Kota babbled in his high chair and Teruomi scrubbed his face, turning back to his son with a bright smile. “Right my little fox, you gonna help daddy choose some fresh clothes before we go shopping?”
Teruomi lifted Kota out of the high chair and swung him around, heart growing lighter at the sound of his laughter. Sometimes it might be tough, but hearing that bell-like laughter made it better instantly.
Teruomi weaved through the crowds, apologising each time he knocked into someone but he couldn’t stop. He reached the train platform just in time to see the doors close and the train pull away, and he braced himself on his knees to catch his breath. “Heck…” He pulled his phone out to check the time and his heart sank.
He was going to be late, again. Kota was going to be mad at him, again. It didn’t matter that he’d tried his best to get to the school in time for pick up, nor did it matter that he only missed the train because his stupid boss decided to heap a load of work on him right at the last minute. Just because he wanted to get home on time. Well, so did Teruomi!
Teruomi squeezed his way onto the next train and he felt so guilty with every minute that passed, imagining Kota waiting in the playground for him to arrive. He sagged into his seat, exhaustion pulling at him but he couldn’t rest yet. Once he picked Kota up, they had to stop by the shops for a few essentials and then he had to make dinner for Kota, and his lunch for the next day, and help him with any homework, and get him ready for bed.
Nobody told him being a dad was so tiring.
When he finally arrived at the school, Kota was standing by himself by the entrance waiting, and Teruomi pushed his tired legs to go just a little faster to reach his side. “Kota! I’m so sorry! Shall…Shall we go home?” His heart ached when his son ‘hmph’ed quietly and started walking, and he couldn’t even blame him.
“Did you have a good day?”
“Mm.”
“Your lessons went alright?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Did you make up with that one kid?”
“No.”
“Kota…”
The walk home carried on much the same way, with Teruomi trying his best to get anything about the day out of his son, but he’d raised possibly the grumpiest six year old in the entire world. He barely even reacted when Teruomi selected a sweet cake for him, though the fact he accepted it at all meant that Kota had thankfully somewhat forgiven him. A tiny bit, at least.
As soon as Teruomi unlocked the door, Kota hurried inside towards their bedroom. “Ah! Make sure you wash up! Dinner won’t be long!” He watched the door shut and and breathed out a heavy sigh, moving towards the kitchen space to put everything away and get started on dinner. It was nothing special thanks to him getting out of work late, but he placed Kota’s cake in the fridge to stay fresh with the most care he'd shown the whole evening.
Kota thankfully opened up by the time they were at the table eating, all his previous transgressions forgiven, and Teruomi smiled as he listened to his son chatter on about school. His son was so cute like this, and he felt like the luckiest man in the world.
Teruomi frowned up at the clouds, they were heavy and dark and he could feel the incoming rain in the air. If it could just wait a little bit longer that'd be great. He held a bouquet of flowers in one hand– cosmos, vibrant and simple– and Kota’s hand in the other.
They walked steadily through the cemetery until they reached her grave, and he released his son's hand to sweep away the old flowers and replace them with the new ones. His fingers brushed over her name engraved in the stone, tender and always loving no matter how many years have passed.
“What was mom like?” Kota’s soft voice pulled Teruomi back, this was like a ritual of theirs, the question asked to give his dad a chance to actually talk about her for once.
Maybe he didn’t talk about her often enough.
“She was a wonder. Fiery and passionate about everything, yet her favourite flowers were cosmos.” Teruomi chuckled softly, eyes warm as he stared down at the headstone and he felt Kota’s hand slide back into his own. “You have her eyes, you know? Striking, like you can always see through what I'm thinking. She'd shut down my bad ideas before I could even say them.”
“That's because you show everything on your face, dad.” Kota rolled his eyes, pulling no punches as usual, but leaned his head against his dad’s arm and fell quiet.
Teruomi squeezed his son's hand and laughed through the aching pain in his heart, it must be so hard to grieve someone he never had the chance to meet. “I wish you could have seen her.”
“Me too, dad.”
Teruomi leaned down to press a gentle kiss into Kota’s hair, his son really was so sweet for allowing him to tell all sorts of stories about the woman he’d loved so much. It was so unfair that Kota couldn’t get to know her, he didn’t have a single memory of his mother and though he acted like it was no big deal, Teruomi knew it must hurt. But that's exactly why this was so important, so Kota could feel like he knew her even just a little bit. She'd be kept alive in all his stupid stories.
“Oh! I remember this one time…” For a while the two of them stood there, Kota listening to all the stories Teruomi could think of, and the pain of loss felt just that little bit lighter.
“Ugh, dad! You’re not wearing that!” Kota had the most disgusted look on his face as he stared at his dad, and Teruomi looked down at himself in confusion.
“What’s wrong with it?” It was one of his favourite shirts, with the words ‘every dog has it’s day’ written across it in bold writing. He couldn’t see any issues with it at all, it was fresh out of the wash at least.
Kota looked at his dad as though all hope was lost, before pushing him back towards the bedroom. “No! God, you’re so embarrassing…You gotta look like you’re making a bit of an effort.”
With a laugh, Teruomi let his son herd him back into their bedroom and he sat down on the bed while Kota raided the closet, tossing various clothes at him. “I don’t see how any of this is necessary, I’m only taking you to a playdate–”
“It’s not a p-playdate!” Kota shrieked into the closet, ears bright red and just for that he threw a few more clothes at his dad, harder. “W-We aren’t five…We’re just hanging out…”
Teruomi grinned cheekily, though at the very least he’d obey his son and wear whatever clothes he picked out for him. “Okay, whatever you say. You and Ren are just hanging out.” He shook his head with a fond smile as Kota stormed out, and he really didn’t see what the issue was. They were 11, surely that was still playdate age, right?
Was he getting out of touch with the kids? Probably.
Once he was all dressed up again, Teruomi left the room and did a little spin for his son, very much enjoying the disgust on Kota’s face. “Better? We’ll be late if you change my outfit again.”
Kota huffed, but he seemed to have calmed down from his embarrassment. “There’s only so much I can do for you…”
“Ouch.” Teruomi could not believe his son could be so cruel to him, the man who raised him with all the love and care in the world. As they left their apartment and began the walk to the station, Teruomi hummed in thought. “I sure hope Umemiya made some yummy snacks for us.”
“Is that why you’re in such a rush to get there? Seriously…”
“I may have mentioned last time that you really like strawberry shortcake~”
“Walk faster.”
Teruomi snickered. Kota was so easy.