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"Are you trying to tell me that Patrick the Starfish on Spongebob Square Pants is a Zygon?" I say, putting the box of Cocoa Puffs back in the cabinet.
"Yup" Colin says, popping his P and giving me his thousand watt smile that even after all these years together still makes me a little weak in the knees. He gives Jane a little wink and she tries her best in her very three year old fashion to wink back using both eyes. His laugh bubbles from deep in his chest as he leans over in his chair and blows raspberries on Jane's cheek causing her to erupt in a fit of giggles.
I have never been so in love.
To say I am blessed would be an understatement.
"Mommy, can I beya ziggy for haldowene?" Jane says, batting her beautiful blues at me. (I am going to kill her father for teaching her how to do that) "pewees."
They attempt to share another conspiratorial wink between them, Jane pushes her swim goggles she’s recently taken to wearing everywhere, into her curls and lifts her bear Jack (in his matching pair of swim goggles) pushing him in Colin’s face, offering him to her daddy for a kiss. She gives him her genetically induced version of my smile, so he does so without question.
"You want to be a Zygon for Halloween?" I ask as I place her bowl of cereal in front of her and ruffle the mess of brown curls that crown her head. "What happened to being a fairy princess?" I say giving Colin a look before sitting across from him with my cup of tea. He tucks his head, the tips of his ears pinking. “Hmm.” I say, tapping my spoon on the rim of my cup. Colin smiles wide again, stuffing a spoonful of cereal in his mouth and wiggling his brows.
Adorable bastard.
"Someone's been letting someone else at this table watch too much Doctor Who again." I say arching my brow. The man is a complete pushover where his children are concerned. Just last week I found him curled up on the floor of Agatha's room in a makeshift blanket fort; flashlight in hand reading a copy of The Land of Stories: The Wishing Well. He was clearly deep in the third of the “just one chapter tonight it's a school night Lemondrop” chapters, too soft to resist Agatha’s springy russet curls and plump freckled cheeks.
"Daddy says you act like a pewencess." Jane says, picking up her juice box, turning it over and squeezing her apple juice into her bowl of Cocoa Puffs before taking a huge bite. I wince.
Colin conveniently starts to choke on his cereal.
"Is that so? " I say, tossing a napkin at him, rising from the table, gathering up the empty breakfast dishes. I snatch Colin’s half-empty bowl from in front of him, ignoring the furrow of his brow and icy glare he shot at me, matching it with a smirk of my own. Agatha slides her toast and jam across the table in front of him, patting his arm.
“Whelp this is where I go!” Thomas says, grabbing an apple out of the bowl on the counter. “I'll see you guys later,” he gives his dad a look, “Well most of you.” He pats his father on the shoulder, pinning a kiss on the top of his head, “You paid up on your life insurance right dad?”
Colin scrunches his nose, “Too bad I'm leaving everything to Aggie and Janie.”
Thomas rolls his eyes before leaning over and kissing Jane on the cheek, “Later Tater I love you.”
Jane giggles and squirms, flipping her Superman cape over her shoulder, digging into her cereal again, “Lub you Bubba,” she says around a mouthful. Thomas smiles warmly at her, bending over to give Jane another quick kiss on the cheek, messing her curls.
“Don't forget we are recording at the studio after school, so head to Hy’s instead of here okay Little Star.” I wipe my hands on the towel on my shoulder before wrapping him in a tight hug. Thomas grunts and wiggles as I tickle his sides but he doesn’t push from my embrace. My nose might be buried in his chest now, but he will always be my little boy. “I guess Gareth has a new Fender Stratosphere or something he wants you to have a go at.”
“A Stratocaster? Please, I have class. This is a Gibson Les Paul!” he says, patting his guitar case fondly, “Don’t you listen to the mean lady, I would never cheat on you baby.” he winks and every bit of his father’s charm oozes from that devastating smile and rebellious auburn curl that flops over his brow. “I have debate club after school so I might run a little late. See ya later Mum. Good luck Dad.”
“Is that a moustache I saw?” Colin asked, turning in his chair to face me, I shrugged.
“It looks like a caterpillar climbed up on his lip and took a nap.” Agatha said, scraping her plate into the trash.“Like someone glued one of Uncle Ben’s old paintbrushes under his nose.”
I snort, “Aggie!”
Colin shakes his head, “But, why?”
“Should you even be asking that question? Or did we forget you went through the shaved head, slit brow, goatee phase.” Colin grunts grudgingly. I pluck a Clorox wipe out of container and wipe down the counter, “We should just count ourselves fortunate that he hasn’t shown up with his nipples pierced," Colin opens and closes his mouth like a goldfish out of water before turning his gaze back to the front door, “I think it makes him look distinguished.” I defend.
Agatha gives me a look, “I think he looks like the Monopoly guy.”
“That’s enough, you.” I say tugging at one of Agatha's braids, “Lizzy’s mum is on the way. Go find your other shoe, shake your dad down for a few quid, there's a book fair at school today.”
Agatha takes a corner piece of toast off her dad’s plate holding it under her nose, “Dad look, who am I?”
Colin laughs and pulls his wallet from the back of his jean pocket, “A tenner enough for you Lemondrop?” He says, holding the money hostage as he taps his cheek, Agatha’s eyes light up as she lands a jam-covered kiss on one of his sideburns.
“That’s all you.” I say as the front door slams, doing my best to ignore the fact my daughter just left the house wearing one hot pink Converse on her right foot and a lime green one on the left.
“So Daddy thinks I'm a princess huh?” I say over my shoulder, drawing out the huh longer than necessary.
"Yup," she says wiggling in her chair, "When he was on da phone wif unkie Ant"
"What?!" he says smirking. I turn to face him leaning on the island, arms crossed waiting for an explanation. This one is going to be a good one because he is tugging at that left ear so hard he may just pull it off. He stands grabbing his plate, but leans over kissing his traitor on the forehead. "Benedict Arnold" I hear him whisper.
Jane smiles through a mouthful of cereal, then takes her spoon and offers Jack the bear a bite also.
"Mommy's not a princess poppet," Colin says, sidling up to me and kissing me on the neck, "She's the Queen."
I roll my eyes but give in to electric shocks that run down my spine when he nips at my earlobe.
Oh he's good.
I push him away before Jane has a chance to turn around and catch him in the act. We already had to explain that daddy wasn't hurting mommy when she walked in on us the other night, one conversation a week like that is enough for me thank you.
"I just said you were a princess when we first met," he says as he turns to rinse his dishes in the sink. I give him a look of indignation. "You know you were." I am about to protest but he stills my words by placing a finger to my lips, shaking his head and grinning before continuing."He was questioning how I could say that about you when you are, what did he say...oh yes... Barbarella in a pair of stilettos at work."
"What's wrong with my stilettos?" I say handing him a towel. “I’m vertically challenged sir!”
"Nothing," Colin says, smiling slyly, "nothing at all. I wish you wore them more often back then."
I feel the heat rise in my cheeks, “Was that what was going on in that warped little mind of yours, Bridgerton? No wonder you wore such a smug smile behind that camera, you weren’t just building your photography portfolio were you, you horn dog."
He hums, “Pen in stilettos starred in quite a few of my adolescent fantasies. Pen in that yellow bikini, Pen with a book in her hand, Pen stuffing a folded over slice of pepperoni pizza between those plush pink lips….” His voice trailed off as he reminisced.
I wrap my arms around him. "You like them so much, maybe you should wear them." I trail my fingers over the exposed skin on his stomach under that cropped vintage Vans T-shirt he’s wearing, pinning a kiss between his shoulder blades.
"Maybe I will." he says, turning in my arms, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, winking before giving me a kiss.
"Ooohhhmmm" I hear a tiny little voice scolding from the kitchen table.
I feel Colin smile beneath my lips. "I think we have an audience" I say, squishing his cheeks between my palms. Colin darts over to Jane lifting her from the chair and spinning her around. My kitchen erupts with the sounds of squeals and giggles and it's her father who is the loudest of the two.
"You do realize she just ate an entire bowl of Cocoa Puffs don't you." I say giving him a smirk.
It takes a minute and a well placed burp from Jane before it dawns on him. "Oh quite right." he says, lowering her down to the floor like he was handling a land mine.
"So what are we going to do with those wings I finished yesterday?" I say sadly, I am still picking pink glitter out from under my fingernails. Jane comes and wraps her chubby arms around my leg and gives me a squeeze.
"I gots and ideas." She says crooking her finger, I lean down so she can whisper in my ear.
1 week later:
"I don't like it." he frowns.
"I do." I say smiling." I worked really hard on it so you better. Besides, it was your idea."
"But lavender?" he says wrinkling his nose. “I am clearly an Autumn."
We watch as Jane goes toddling down the street in her full Patrick Starfish costume grinning from ear to ear. We had to convince her it was a Zygon because we didn’t have Auntie Pip around to whip up a costume at the drop of a hat. My kangaroo costume she made is still my favorite even after all these years, so much so I'm wearing it tonight.
"You better hurry up, she's on the move again." I say pointing at the house on the left. Jane and Agatha are already ten steps ahead of us and fueled by about four Hershey bars.
"I am fairly certain there are laws against this kind of torture." he grumbles.
"Not according to Eloise." I say patting him on the back and pointing to the walkway, "Say hi to Mrs. Jacobs for me."
“You owe me.” Colin huffs.
“I’m rich. I can afford it.” I flick my fingers in the direction of the girls waiting at the edge of Mrs. Jacob’s walkway.
Colin crosses his arms, lips curling in a churlish pout,“I only take payment in the form of orgasams and eclairs.”
“You are not eating anything in bed again Colin. I am tired of finding crisp crumbs in the mattress every time I change the sheets.” My eyes graze over the satin of his dress; sprinkles of chest hair peeking over the top of the bodice, sequins catching in the moonlight. My heart starts to stutter in my chest a little; I exhale, it’s unseasonably warm for an October night, yeah that’s it. That’s why. “As for the other-”
He pulls me to him with a grunt, growling against my lips, “I never said the orgasams were supposed to be mine.”
I give him a kiss, a touch more PG for PDA considering the G rated company on the streets surrounding us, blushing when one of the other parents walk by clearing their throat.
Colin grumbled, “Two more houses, Pen, then we are going home.”
“But we just started.” I protest, watching our daughters bounce excitedly waiting for their father. Jane bending over to pluck a marigold out of Mrs Jacobs planter and toss it in her bucket, and Agatha swinging a pillowcase back and forth between her open legs, her pirate hat flopped haphazardly on her head. “Ten”
“Three.”
“Seven.”
“Five, and I'll buy out the whole bloody candy aisle at Tesco.”
"Get a move on then princess." I say giving his arse a little pinch.
Colin hikes up his lavender ball gown and adjusts his pink fairy wings as he walks our daughters up the walkway.
Jane giggles, smiling up at her father, glowing like a sunflower chasing the sun. “Daddy pretty.”
Yes he is. He’s a very pretty mess. He catches the hem of his gown on the garden gate, cursing under his breath.
But he’s my mess.