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It wasn't like he'd planned it. He forgot to ask for a star to be sewn onto the uniform he gave her. He should have ordered a uniform for the Jew. He didn't even notice it until Oskar mentioned it in the morning.
"She isn't wearing a star. Why?" he said. Amon's heart started beating faster.
When he looked into her pleading eyes, he wanted to stop beating her.
But he couldn't. She was Jewish, and you must beat Jews, not kiss them, not hug them, not tell them everything is alright. He did all three in the same night. She trembled, horrified by the kindness he exuded.
It was a lie, all of it was fake, but deep down, he wanted it to be true. He wanted to be able to feel compassion for her. He wanted to be able to love her. But Amon Goeth will love a Jew the day the war ends.
And he'll be dead by then.
Cause that was his destiny, right? There was nothing more than that. It was just death and sorrow. That was what he deserved and nothing else. But it was also her destiny, so why couldn't they be together? Couldn't he have one last good thing? Was that a good thing?
There were a lot of questions and just a few answers. And she was so scared and small. He felt like a dog. He turned dog. They all do. But she was a mouse, a rat, so maybe he was a cat. And damn right he was a cat. A sad and bad one. He deserved all that.
He was sitting on his bed, his long legs were next to her thin ones, and she was calm like she could never be. So maybe that was a good thing. And maybe he wasn't a dog, or a cat, and she for sure wasn't a rat. They were people, sad and broken people.
Like anyone in a war, they were just, perhaps, surviving.